Trigger Points: Conversations on Accountability, Consistency, and Healing

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What's going on, everybody? Welcome to another episode of The Kickback. I am your host, The Dude.

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Tonight's question is, what is your biggest trigger and why is it your biggest trigger?

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Let's dive deep into why people let something, someone, or someplace trigger them.

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And why is that? And how can we get to the other side of it?

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Because most of the time, it's simply just fear.

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We're all living in some sort of fear, and we're letting that fear take control of us.

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We have the kickback. We're going to dive into it. If you give me a moment,

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we're going to have a great panelist of gentlemen that's going to come in,

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and we're going to have some great conversation.

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So sit back, relax, and listen.

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And if you hear this after we record it, leave a comment. Let us know what you

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think about the show. Let us know what you think about the topic.

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Let us know what you think about the entirety of the show.

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I am not trying to throw my back out either.

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But the reason why I ask triggers and the reason why I'm saying what I'm saying,

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is because we have to, as men, we have to endure so much.

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We have to endure so much. What are we doing to relieve that stress,

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relieve that tension when you get triggered?

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Because a lot of times we don't have avenues.

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Right. A lot of us have friends and family that we can talk to,

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but how many of them are genuine when you talk to them?

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How many people are taking notes off of your trauma?

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How many people are, you know, trying to make some, you remember that time you

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talked to me and you said you was mad? Or you remember that time you said,

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why the fuck are you taking notes?

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Why is this a check? Poor people like that. Right. Why is this a checks and balances situation?

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Situation but at the end of the day who holds you accountable who's who's there

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to hold you accountable if you don't mess with anybody who's the person that holds you accountable,

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right you gotta have somebody i mean i got my wife but sometimes she's the problem.

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Seriously i mean i'm an honest person sometimes she's a problem So,

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I mean, I usually talk to her about everything, but sometimes she's a problem

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and she could probably say a lot of times I'm the problem.

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So if we're accountability partners and we're the problem, there's got to be somebody else.

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We've got to find another alternative or outlet in order to relieve ourselves.

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Right. Because I noticed in some avenues, just having just having great conversation

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or like I said earlier, being able to lay everything that you're feeling out on the shelf,

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to a bended ear of a nonjudgmental person.

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That really doesn't exist to be honest with you but dammit pretend in that moment

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I just need you to pretend in that moment that you ain't judging me.

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And just let me get it off my chest. Yeah, it is. Just, you know,

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some people, you know, like in my case, you know, a lot of people that's now

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deceased. I can just, you know, provide them.

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Yeah, deceased now. So it's like, you know, when you say when they not around, then what?

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Right. Who's the next person up, you know? Right, who's the next person in a

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Rolodex that you can call when you've been triggered and you're having a meltdown?

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Who's the next person in a Rolodex you can call?

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It's very far in between, and that's the sad part. But it all goes back to the

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social construct of life and how we're being played against each other.

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Don't trust nobody. Don't trust your neighbor. Don't get to know your neighbor.

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Don't don't don't don't give no sugar because if you give them from sugar then

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they gonna come back begging for something else,

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and so then the con in the construct your neighbor comes over and asks for some

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sugar the next day they come over and ask for some flour the next day they come

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over and they ask for some baking soda the next day they come over and ask for a pan,

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well damn it if you was baking a cake you should have got everything the first day.

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I don't mind helping of you, Jimmy, but you should have just came and got everything at one time. Huh.

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But then some people look at that as, am I helping or am I hindering?

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Because Jimmy can go to the store just like I go to the store.

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He can go pick up all those supplies just like I go to pick up those supplies.

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But on the other side of that, you don't know what Jimmy's going through and

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what demons that he has at the grocery store that may be preventing him from

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going to the grocery store. He could be dealing with some PTSD.

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It could be somebody at the grocery store that really doesn't like him or he

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doesn't like, and they set him off when he goes to the grocery store.

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Jimmy may not like big crowds.

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Yeah, but I see. He may have an anxiety or something. Right.

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But the fact that Jimmy's coming over to you because he feels comfortable asking

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you for these supplies, but now it's a problem.

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Instead of saying, hey, Jimmy, what's going on? Why do you want me to take you

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to the grocery store for Jimmy to give you that explanation,

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explain to you why he can't go to the grocery store?

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Because now we're not interested in people's stories like we used to be anymore.

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The art of conversation died a long time ago.

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I'm going to stay in my corner. You stay in your corner. Don't ask me about

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my business. I won't ask you about your business.

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But the guy homeless guy on the corner may have an interesting story because

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he may look dirty and stink. You don't want to go talk to him.

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He could give you some insight that nobody else probably could give you some

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insight. But because you say he stinks and he's dirty, you don't want to talk

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to him. So now you've dehumanized him.

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And I think we do a lot of that in today's society is we dehumanize each other,

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based off of what we see. And it's horrible.

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I try not to.

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Like I talked about, my trigger is just ignorance, and when ignorance becomes

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a bliss, and when someone blatantly is spewing some information,

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some missed information.

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Lady, spewing some misinformation, and they're confident in their conversation.

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They're confident that this is, this is it. This is, this is,

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this is the, I know it. I know it all. I'm going to tell you all the business.

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Well, then you go back and you fact checked and it's all wrong.

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And you're like, man, I thought this dude was really on to something.

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I thought he was, I thought he was giving me the best advice in the world.

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He done led me down this back alley and got me beat up.

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And so then, like, your profession, in your profession, whatever you do as a profession,

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and you've been in this particular profession for years, and now all of a sudden,

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this person with this Instagram, Facebook, TikTok page,

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want to tell you how to do your job because they don't watch a thousand TikTok,

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Facebook, Instagram videos on how it should go and how it should look.

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But they ain't never went in the kitchen and cooked a damn thing.

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They ain't never popped a hood and changed a spark plug.

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They ain't never sat down and had a real intimate conversation with a student

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that was having an attack and couldn't figure out which direction they were going in.

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But see, we've all been doing this for years. and we understand the dichotomy

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of the positions that we carry.

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Zane's a mechanic. He knows cars.

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He knows how, if you pull your car in there, he can listen to it and about damn

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near tell you what's wrong with it. I cook for years.

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I can tell you about temperatures. I can tell you about the chemistry of cooking.

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I can tell you about all those things.

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Juan, you teenage whisperer.

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You can watch body language. facial movements and listen to some stories and

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tell me what's wrong with this child.

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Not to say that we're experts, but we're good at the gift that we steward.

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Right. We're good at the gift that we steward.

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Zane might call himself an expert because working on a car ain't easy.

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No, but to call oneself an expert on working on a car? No, man.

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I don't know about all that.

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Man but to have someone as you said Juan diminish your character you're right

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Juan that is that is that's a heavy trigger and I think all of us can agree that,

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someone diminishing your character is one it will set you off it will set you off,

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because I've worked and I think that's one of my things too, along with ignorance.

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I've worked so hard to refine myself to the person that I am today.

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I am not, I repeat, I'm not perfect.

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I'm okay. Yeah, that's the thing. You know, as you say, I came a long way.

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You know? Yes. Hey, man, I can't let you try to tear me down.

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You know? Right.

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I'm in a good spot. You know? It's like, you know, you can almost like you're

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trying to just take away everything I work hard for. You know,

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just trying to strip me of everything. You know? My dignity and all that.

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Right. Right. You know, assassinate my character,

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assassinate my character, the character that I've built, the charismatic person

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that I have turned myself into. Now you're trying to assassinate them.

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That is a big one. That's a big one, because a lot of people and like I talked

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about my work ethic, my abilities in certain areas to solve problems.

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Problems people don't like that because they don't want it that's that's the

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part that's crazy to me is that people are complacent in where they are,

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and they don't want the people around them to do any better because then it

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says a mirror in front of them and they're like looking at themselves like,

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you're doing too much why are

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you not over here with us why are you not drinking the kool-aid with us.

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Why he not watching zeus tv and the baddest show with us,

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why he not watching women twerk all the time why he ain't talking about cheating

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on his wife why he ain't talking about blowing his money in the streets why

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he ain't talking about getting high and going out to party all the time.

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My mission is different from yours. My ambition is different from yours.

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My mentality is different from yours. Again, does it make me better than you? No.

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I don't want to be the same as you want. I don't want to be the same as you saying.

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I don't want to be the same as any other person because to me,

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then that's dull and boring. If we all did the same thing, we all dressed the

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same way, we all had the same problems, that shit would be boring to me.

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Now, we have a lot of similarities in our lives because we all were born male. So.

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That's a given. We were all born male. So we all have been through or about

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to go through some of the same struggles.

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And we're all at different stages in life. And that's also okay.

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But I'm not going to assassinate your character because you chose a different

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route than I did or God elevated you before he did me.

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I'm not going to assassinate your

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character. I'm not going to diminish the gifts that you have received.

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But there are so many people out here that want to demolish your character and

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diminish the gifts that were given to you,

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simply because they're okay with where they are and not where they should be.

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And where you should be is your own personal path. It has nothing to do with

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my path. Your path ain't got nothing to do with mine. Zane's path ain't got nothing to do with mine.

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We all got to go through something.

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It may have a different title. It may have a different look.

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It may have a different element.

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But we all go through something. You feel me? Yes, sir.

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Zane had a little stint about a month ago or something he went through.

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Shit. Shit happens. Uh-huh. You still here? You on the other side of it, right? Hell, yeah.

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Hell, yeah. Miracle.

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It's American. We don't know the side of it, baby. Nah, I wouldn't say all that. I mean, it's just...

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Not just a... It should don't happen in just a day. Oh, no. Rome wasn't built

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in a day. I ain't never been there.

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The person I am today wasn't built in a day. The person you was wasn't built in a day.

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No, I wasn't. Your career wasn't built in a day.

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Your mentality wasn't built in a day. So, yes, it wasn't built in a day.

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It takes time. It takes time and consistency.

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That's the biggest thing that messes us up as humans. The biggest thing.

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You'll start a project and don't finish. The consistency. The consistency.

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What is it, 28 days and something becomes a habit after you do it for 28 days? Something like that.

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So you consistently do something for 20 some odd days. My wife says 21.

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I said 28, something like that.

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But then it becomes a habit. But you stay consistent even after that.

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For me, the biggest thing that taught me consistency is what we're doing right now.

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Having this conversation. It started out with me and Zane.

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I said, hey, if this is going to be the conversation tonight,

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it was meant to be me and Zane. Why are you popped in?

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Beautiful. But if you didn't pop in, I'd still have a conversation with Zane.

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Zane still, we still had a great conversation. Uh-huh.

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But I've been consistently doing this for two years. Two years I've been consistently

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having these conversations on Friday nights. For two years.

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Is it Joe Rogan's show? Hell no, it ain't Joe Rogan's show.

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But I constantly am here every Friday,

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two weeks from now I'll be on vacation and I was just thinking no more I ain't

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saying nothing to my wife but when I came in the house I was like shit in two

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weeks I'm gonna be on vacation I gotta pack the microphone and everything because

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I'll be on vacation on a Friday and.

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The show still has to go on. I'm not going to be out of the country.

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I'm just going to be in a different city, but the show still has to go on.

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So regardless what I do in life, I stay consistent to this show because I love

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doing this. If you never heard me say it before, I'll say it again.

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If I could do this for the rest of my life and never get paid for it, I'm okay with it.

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Because for me, it's an avenue. I get to come on here and talk about the shit

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that I do and don't do and who I am.

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And there have been so many nights and times that every one of you guys that

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are here has dropped a gem and has helped me in my life. Zane,

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you too. You just said some profound stuff here.

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Juan, you said some profound stuff. The other guys that come in and out,

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everybody has said something profound. And that's why I said we all don't need

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to be the same because we all look at life totally different with a different set of glasses.

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And I love the different perspectives. I love the different visions of the world.

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I love how we all have been through or going through something,

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but are still able to uplift the next person.

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That's the beautiful part about all of this.

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Triggers come and they go, if you be consistent, we can fix them.

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But what I've learned about triggers is sometimes, not sometimes,

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majority of the time, it's a fear.

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A lot of triggers stem from fear. Different form, different fashions, but they stem from fear.

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So if we fill our minds and our time with something else to where we don't feel that fear, we're okay.

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We gotta find some accountability partners we gotta find us a smash room probably

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in the next few weeks Zane we gonna plan a bro date,

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okay I got funeral tomorrow next weekend I've got the children the next weekend I'm out of town so,

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we will fit in a bro date one of them days okay.

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Fellas It's been good I love you all Love you too bro,

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Yes It's been good But I'm gonna get out of here And we'll do this again next week 745 745,

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Not 730 745,

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Alright looking forward to it alrighty man Zane alright yes sir stay good my

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brother you too man holler at me yes sir Juan keep it up love y'all yes man

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love you too see you bud alright man yeah.