Armor Off: Real Talk on Fear, Healing, and Keeping Love Alive

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Good afternoon, everyone. Happy Friday.

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This is your host, The Dude, and welcome to another episode of The Kickback.

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And as we do, every time I get on the mic, I say, read the screen, people.

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We don't do any kind of disrespect.

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Here at The Kickback, this is a place

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for transparent and vulnerable conversations. This is a place of love.

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This is a place of brotherhood. This is a place of having great conversations.

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Let's talk about what's on your mind and let's get to know each other. But we are The Kickback.

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The Kickback, the place of the brothers.

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Yeah.

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Music.

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Dave, what's going on, my brother? Man, it's been a Friday. How about you?

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Man, it has been a Friday. When I say, man, it's been a Friday, it's been a Friday.

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I hope everybody understands and knows that driving a school bus is not for the faint of heart.

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I'm just going to tell you. And

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especially in Nashville with all of these non-driving folks around here.

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Yes. Yes. Look, I just came down Clarksville Highway.

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You got two lanes going one way, two lanes going another, and a turning lane. You got five lanes.

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How is it two cars ran into each other and there's no other cars on the road?

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Two cars ran into each other on five lanes of a road.

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Uh listen man listen listen i try to figure out how some of the stuff happens in the first place,

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but i but being up as high as i am being up as high as i am i can look down

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in vehicles and see what's going on inside of vehicles right right right phones

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food oh yeah makeup makeup I mean,

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all types of things are going on inside cars that people are driving on these roads.

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And it's like I was explaining to my wife when I got here is like I was on Trinity

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Lane and I was letting a student off.

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Now, the process of letting a student off is 200 feet before you let that student off.

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You activate your ambers, which is the orange blinking lights.

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Okay so then when you get within 50 feet of their stop you activate your reds

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which means you've got the red lights up top flashing and you have a stop sign

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that comes out on the side of your bus and it's also flashing and there's a

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little yellow pole that comes out in front of your bus.

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All of these indicate and your headlights are flashing

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and your turn signal because if you got your wigwags on

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all of these things are flashing lady drives past me and she waves i'm blowing

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a horn and like hey slow down slow down and she's waving at me lady don't you

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have a small stop sign on the side of the bus that comes out well we only have

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one most charter buses have two,

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Okay. But don't you know you're not supposed to pass a stop school bus?

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I would hope you know that, but it seems that most people don't.

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So they think because you got... Go ahead. Jimbo, Mr. Jimbo,

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how you doing tonight, sir? I'm doing well. How about yourself?

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Doing all right. Welcome to The Kickback. I am your host, The Dude.

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David Van Cleaves is my co-host. We appreciate you being here We appreciate

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you being on our platform We've been looking for another brother to come in

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And join in with us There'll be some other guys coming in shortly,

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But thank you for being here Well thank you for having me Where are you from Jimbo?

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Born and raised in Nashville Alright Another unicorn We are We're still going

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strong We're still going strong,

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Absolutely I am a Nashville native myself, born and raised here.

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My Harry Hubbard Hospital is where I was born, raised in East Nashville,

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came out of Maplewood High School.

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And in a turn of event, as you came in, we were talking about what I do.

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I'm a bus driver and I drive out of Maplewood High School.

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So it's crazy how it all came back around full circle.

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Now, Jimbo, I see we have an intake form on you, and we're going to sit down

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and do an interview with you.

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But while you're here, just give us a little insight on who you are and what you do, Mr. Jimbo.

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Well, I just recently retired from Nashville Fire Department,

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where I spent 36 years on the front lines.

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Thank you. And my last 15 years, I volunteered with peer support and critical

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incident stress, as well as doing my firefighting duties.

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And that field has kind of been a calling for many.

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And so since I retired, I went back into work.

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And excuse me, I'm out of breath. I didn't realize I was going to be on the

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show when I was outside doing some. I mean, you can talk and then I can mute

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you and you can just listen.

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If that's what you choose to do, you can just check it out and listen.

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No, I love talking and I love meeting new people and sharing our experiences.

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Man, that's how it grows.

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So now what I'm doing is about 18 months ago, a...

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Mental Health Substance Abuse Facility opened up in West Tennessee. It's over in Waverton.

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Okay. And basically, I just go around and talk to fire departments.

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It's for first responders and also military people that are active and also retirees.

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Okay. Okay. Yeah, we got somebody we might need to hook you up with.

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But here's the thing. I don't know how much my niece actually explained to you.

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A lot of my panel is like Dave is ex-Coast Guard. He was a Coast Guard.

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And a couple other guys that comes on the show is ex-military.

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And some of them deal with whatever it is. We're here just to have conversation as men.

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There's no political. There's no religion.

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There's no color lines. even though

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some people may say some things they they're

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pure at heart you have to understand that we are

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men first and foremost absolutely and

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i'm pretty sure in the field you're in you've heard a lot of things absolutely

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and in the field you in you don't see color lines right no right so So because

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here's the reason why I'm giving you this spiel at the beginning,

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me being the host, this is like my little community.

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And some people here have had different life experiences in their own lives.

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We are not racist by any means. And I apologize for having to say this to you,

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but we've had people here that have misconstrued people's personal stories and

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was like, well, you're racist, you're racist.

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No, this this was this gentleman's perspective, because if the reason why I

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built this is so men could have a place so they could have transparent conversations

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about real life and what's going on with you. I'm pretty sure you and your wife

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don't like each other every day.

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I'm pretty sure your kids are out here doing some effed up things.

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I'm pretty sure your brother, your sister or brother or sister in law drives

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you up the wall with something they're doing.

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So life is not peaches and cream for everybody. So we talk about everything.

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We talk about our children.

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We talk about finances. We talk about our wives. We talk about our friends.

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We talk about everything.

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And like I said, today's your first day being here.

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If you don't feel comfortable talking or jumping into the conversation,

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you can always mute yourself. But you said you like talking.

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Listen, we're going to do some talking.

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Once everybody gets in here, we're going to do some talking.

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And believe you me, it's going to be a lot of talking.

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Just about men stuff. We ain't there's no there's no actual agenda.

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It's just I built this for a place for men to just come and have some real conversations

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with each other. You understand what I'm saying?

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I totally get it. I totally get it.

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And you're right. I mean, we don't know what the other person,

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we don't know the miles that they've walked in their shoes.

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And we have to be open to understand where they may be coming from.

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Right. If we're not open, then we can't have a simple dialogue with each other

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and learn from each other and coexist with each other.

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Right and that's all that i

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want is i want us to be we i want us to coexist with each other because this

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is a place this place called earth it's it's a lot of it's a lot of crazy things

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going on and if we don't unite with each other then then the powers that be is going to take us under.

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Absolutely you know but you you i love what you said if you haven't walked a

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mile in that other person's shoes, then you can't understand who they are.

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But once you get a better understanding, you'll understand that,

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hey, this one, and you deal with trauma and things, drug uses,

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you know, all that different stuff.

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So whatever that particular person may have gotten themselves into was whatever

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their particular trauma or series of events that happened to them in their lives

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that got them to the point where they needed to come and see you.

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And that's a no judgment zone. And that's what I built this to be, a no judgment zone.

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If you're feeling like, man, my job is messed up or something's going on,

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then let's talk about it.

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And I also say this, I may not be as old as you are, but I feel like this.

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There's a young man out here in this world right now that's younger than me

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that's stuck in whatever situation he's stuck in, and he feels like that situation

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that he's stuck in is his forever,

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and he doesn't understand that tomorrow's a new beginning.

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Next week is going to be different. Next month is going to be different.

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Next year is going to be different as long as you keep on pushing through and

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don't let the circumstances of whatever is going on right now keep you complacent.

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Absolutely. I agree with you.

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Totally. The saying it's called it's a life lesson, not a life sentence.

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Right. I love it. Yeah.

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But a lot of people don't understand that. They don't understand that it's a life lesson.

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They think, oh, oh, this is this is this is it. This is what's happening. This is it.

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Nothing else is going to happen for me. Hey, you don't know that.

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Listen, I have I have been through a few things in my life. I ain't saying my

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life is just hard, horrible or whatever, but I've been through a few things in my life.

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And now on the other side of those those set of circumstances,

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I'm on the other side of them.

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Life looks a whole lot better. But here's the thing.

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On the other side of that, I didn't see myself being here in this moment.

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Having this conversation with you, I didn't see myself being here,

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but on the other side of it, I love being here. Like you say, you love to talk, man.

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I can talk all night, but I also love to hear other people give their experiences

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on life and what they're going through, because maybe there's a lesson in there for me.

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I agree 100%.

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Right. So it is it is amazing. And like I said, again, thank you for being here.

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So when are we going to come out to the facility in and shoot this video and

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sit down with you and talk about what everything you do?

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Just give me some dates and I'll get with you. I'll give you my email if you need it.

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It should be in your bio, right? The bio you sent to the show.

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Okay. Yeah. And your phone number is there, right? It is.

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Okay. Well, after the show is over with, I'll text you and I'll throw out some

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dates and we'll see if we can't set up something.

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Absolutely. We'd love to have you

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come out and experience it because I can tell you how great a place is.

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But until you come out and experience it for yourself, one gentleman that came

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through our facility just went on and on.

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He said, y'all way undersold this place. Right.

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And you saved my life.

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So that gentleman was, you know, he's dealt with a lot of trauma and pain in his life.

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And now he's, you know, he's on the road to recovery.

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He's worked out a lot of his demons and is able to process and go on.

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Amen. God is good. Absolutely.

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Man, listen, listen, listen. As I was saying, you know, making it through the

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things that I'm on the other side of doesn't mean that I'm not still going through things.

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At the moment I'm going through things and it's like you.

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I'm not a newlywed but I'm I've only been married for about five years and we're

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in that we're in that awkward space if you can understand what I'm saying we're

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in that awkward space we love each other but we're in an awkward space and so

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it's like this is not what I imagined yeah.

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This is not what I imagined, but it's the epitome of the old sketch, the devil and the angel.

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And I've got the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder,

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and they're both whispering secrets in my ear. If you can understand what I'm saying.

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Yeah, I totally get it. And it's like. There's love between a man and a woman.

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It's give or take. It's not, you know, 50-50.

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It could be 90-10. It can be 70-30, you know, and some days it's going to be

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your day and some days it's going to be her day.

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But all those days added up, if you stick it out and you make it work, they are so worth it.

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Man, and that's it. Go ahead.

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It was what you were saying a minute ago, you know. Yeah, life leaves little

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things on us each and every day from the experiences, the good experiences and the bad experiences.

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And the bad experiences that we get through, they're still there,

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just as well as the good experiences.

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And it's all about how we process them and get through them.

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Right. Man, I'm working on it. I'm seriously working on it. But it's like,

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I love my wife. I love being married.

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I love what we have built together in such a small time.

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And our story on how we met is so amazing and filled with a blessing that, you know,

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you look back at the beginning and the love story and how,

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you know, it was the ball.

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And you danced and it was, and this is all metaphoric. This is all metaphoric.

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But you know, you look at the dance of dating and you look at the allure of

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courting and you look at the allure and then you, five years later,

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you looking at this person like,

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Did I make the right decision?

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Absolutely. Did I make the right decision?

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I mean, because I just honestly, I just told my mother this.

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I just told my mama that my mama said, listen, what God has for you is for you and your assignment.

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He he's your assignment has already been written. It's up to you to finish out the course.

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And I was like, wow, mama. wow she told you right bro she told you right just

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don't let that seven-year itch trip you up.

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Dave it's not about anybody else it's

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not about I don't want anybody else I really don't

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I want my wife I want

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my wife but our biggest

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thing right now is we're battling over communication we haven't found the right

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soundtrack to our movie we haven't found the right soundtrack to our movie and

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so now we're like one two three seven one two three nine one two three ten,

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and trying to find the right dance moves hey man do you understand her love

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language is that she understand yours yeah she understood we've talked about

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that hers is gift giving and mine is love words of affirmation.

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It's awesome that you know that. Yeah. I mean, we worked on,

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that's the whole point. See, I've been married before.

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You know, my ex-wife, we have two children together.

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So I was married before and it was a totally different situation.

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My previous marriage was one of me being a controlling person,

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not controlling in the relationship. I have to explain to you what I mean by

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controlling. So I dated before.

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Actually, I've been married a couple of times, okay? But this last time before

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this one, I dated a couple of women my age and I was like, shit, this ain't working.

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I'm going to go find me a young tenderoni. I'm going to train her up the way

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I want her to be and she's going to be the woman that I want her to be.

00:21:36.424 --> 00:21:40.924
And that backfired in my face. Right, right. It happened.

00:21:41.064 --> 00:21:47.604
It happened. It backfired. it was and I can honestly say there was no God in

00:21:47.604 --> 00:21:55.004
that relationship for me it was purely about me trying to make the woman that

00:21:55.004 --> 00:21:57.664
I wanted that ain't never gonna work,

00:21:58.344 --> 00:22:05.004
right I totally agree with that too it didn't work it did not work two kids

00:22:05.004 --> 00:22:08.064
came out of it two beautiful blessings came out of it but,

00:22:08.904 --> 00:22:11.404
that thing it was it was.

00:22:12.944 --> 00:22:15.404
Just it was tumultuous from the beginning.

00:22:15.704 --> 00:22:20.364
It was rocky and rolly. She had her her triggers and traumas and I had my triggers

00:22:20.364 --> 00:22:24.224
and traumas and we battle from the beginning.

00:22:25.064 --> 00:22:29.924
And you should have tried a mail order the Philippines or China.

00:22:30.584 --> 00:22:33.604
I thought about it. I thought about it, man.

00:22:33.744 --> 00:22:38.544
I was like, how do I get one of these mail order brides? But you still got to

00:22:38.544 --> 00:22:39.924
pay to ship them over here.

00:22:40.544 --> 00:22:44.004
Oh, no, the kicker, it's not just them. After they get here,

00:22:44.084 --> 00:22:45.224
then they want to bring their family.

00:22:46.624 --> 00:22:50.404
Right. I got to ask y'all a question.

00:22:50.944 --> 00:22:58.944
Do you all remember the Twilight Zone where the man was sentenced to prison on a planet by himself?

00:22:59.344 --> 00:23:06.624
And he got supplies once a year by a spaceship, and he had gotten the catalog.

00:23:06.624 --> 00:23:13.184
He had to wait a whole year to order like the Sears catalog and he ordered a

00:23:13.184 --> 00:23:17.544
mail order robot bride who was gonna be,

00:23:18.364 --> 00:23:24.104
made just for him to do whatever and it took him three years to get it right

00:23:24.104 --> 00:23:28.644
at the end of the day from the time he got sentenced to the time he got the

00:23:28.644 --> 00:23:32.604
book to the time he ordered to the time he came,

00:23:33.464 --> 00:23:37.764
and the prison was he was by himself with a robot.

00:23:38.976 --> 00:23:43.756
I'm just parking right there. Wife. Perfect wife. But she was a robot.

00:23:44.276 --> 00:23:48.796
You can't park it right there, Morris. That was the prison sentence is what

00:23:48.796 --> 00:23:51.456
I'm saying. Don't nobody want that. Yeah.

00:23:52.556 --> 00:23:55.596
Or do we? That's what I'm saying.

00:23:55.916 --> 00:24:00.596
Or do we? I mean, we are all men. Let's be honest.

00:24:01.156 --> 00:24:06.036
Would you want to be secluded on an island with the perfect woman?

00:24:06.176 --> 00:24:13.356
The perfect, perfect woman. She does not do all the things you feel like a woman shouldn't do.

00:24:13.596 --> 00:24:18.536
She does everything a woman should do for you, whether she's a robot or whatever.

00:24:19.696 --> 00:24:26.156
Would you really be okay with that? Not at all, man, because you need change in life.

00:24:26.976 --> 00:24:31.136
That sounds like a situation that's going to get stagnant.

00:24:31.176 --> 00:24:34.256
No matter how perfect she is or how perfect you may think she is,

00:24:34.316 --> 00:24:38.736
it's going to get stagnant. And then you don't have any, no deflection, no diversion.

00:24:39.096 --> 00:24:41.356
You need, you need, we need some spice.

00:24:41.776 --> 00:24:46.356
And spice, sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's savory, sometimes it's salty.

00:24:46.356 --> 00:24:50.236
But you still need all of those spices to make the gumbo taste good.

00:24:50.796 --> 00:24:55.836
So, so watch this, Dave. You know, that dude was supposed to be kind of crazy.

00:24:56.096 --> 00:25:01.716
But in his genius, watch this, he showed us that we need change.

00:25:01.716 --> 00:25:06.116
We need that one to say, no, no, I don't like that.

00:25:07.736 --> 00:25:14.556
Perfection is a myth that everybody has an expectation of somebody else,

00:25:15.426 --> 00:25:20.166
to bring to them who are themselves desperately imperfect.

00:25:20.786 --> 00:25:25.006
Most definitely. You know what I'm saying? Then we live in this imperfect world,

00:25:25.026 --> 00:25:28.306
and then we don't have no compassion for one another.

00:25:28.546 --> 00:25:31.486
So, I mean, you know where I'm going?

00:25:32.146 --> 00:25:36.626
Yes. Yeah, I totally get it. I totally get it. Exactly.

00:25:37.386 --> 00:25:41.286
It's like watching Facebook or any of the social medias.

00:25:41.446 --> 00:25:45.386
You're seeing the highlight reels. You're not seeing all the struggles and everything

00:25:45.386 --> 00:25:48.246
that's going on in the background. Yes, sir.

00:25:49.106 --> 00:25:55.466
Yes, sir. And I don't I don't I don't understand why.

00:25:55.946 --> 00:26:00.526
And I'm not calling out anybody in particular, but why are you a 40 year old man?

00:26:00.686 --> 00:26:04.426
And every time you do something, you you got to pull out the camera and take a picture.

00:26:04.606 --> 00:26:06.626
You got to show the world what you're doing.

00:26:07.046 --> 00:26:13.106
Are you a 30, 40, 50 year old man? And look here, Facebook, I just went to the

00:26:13.106 --> 00:26:18.146
bathroom and I peed without it stopping. Bathroom selfie.

00:26:20.326 --> 00:26:23.486
No kidding. Hashtag no more kidney stones.

00:26:26.226 --> 00:26:31.386
We're going to stay recording events that are, you know, unique and special.

00:26:31.666 --> 00:26:35.386
But when it's like, yeah, hey, I'm walking down the street.

00:26:35.606 --> 00:26:39.746
I'm trying to get my down steps in. Okay. Right.

00:26:41.986 --> 00:26:47.846
Listen, listen. It's my beautiful idea. Everybody wants to be a star.

00:26:48.186 --> 00:26:51.786
Yeah, you took the words right out of my mouth. Everybody wants to be a star.

00:26:51.906 --> 00:26:54.806
Now, listen, I am the host of the show. I am the dude, whatever.

00:26:55.246 --> 00:27:00.026
But if you guys that are normally on here, if you think back over some of the

00:27:00.026 --> 00:27:04.546
shows, nine times out of ten, I'm playing the background, and I'm listening

00:27:04.546 --> 00:27:06.546
to you guys have great conversations.

00:27:06.546 --> 00:27:13.746
And I'll I'll buddy in and and make my make whatever the statement is I have to make.

00:27:14.026 --> 00:27:17.206
And then I bag back out and I'll let you guys finish your conversations.

00:27:17.446 --> 00:27:22.966
I don't usually just go in and just try to take over the platform because I

00:27:22.966 --> 00:27:28.326
am the host, because the thing is, it's not just for me. It's for everybody.

00:27:28.326 --> 00:27:31.086
This is a place where, yeah, I need to come and vent, too.

00:27:31.186 --> 00:27:34.326
And it's real what I'm going through right now, man. I'm really going through

00:27:34.326 --> 00:27:38.166
a transition. I'm really going through a thing in my marriage.

00:27:38.506 --> 00:27:41.446
It's not, I'm not to say that my marriage is going to be over with.

00:27:41.566 --> 00:27:45.286
No, I'm not saying that at all. But you guys are older than me.

00:27:46.206 --> 00:27:52.666
Help me. I, we're, we're at a place of communication that it's like.

00:27:53.632 --> 00:27:58.052
Either I feel attacked or she feels attacked. And I'm trying to really figure

00:27:58.052 --> 00:28:04.352
out how we got to a place where we feel like we're attacking each other to have

00:28:04.352 --> 00:28:08.412
real deep conversations about us.

00:28:08.652 --> 00:28:12.532
It ain't about finances. The finances are fine. The children are OK.

00:28:12.912 --> 00:28:17.852
The house is good. But when it comes to personal situations about the two of

00:28:17.852 --> 00:28:22.932
us and what we have going on, it's like World War three between the two of us.

00:28:23.632 --> 00:28:27.192
She's got her, she got her soldiers up. I got my soldiers up.

00:28:27.632 --> 00:28:33.132
And then we start shooting at each other. And then it's, I back off, you back off.

00:28:33.792 --> 00:28:37.892
When was the last time, when was the last time you two just got away? Just the two of you.

00:28:43.212 --> 00:28:47.752
Probably, I don't know, because you got to think the last two years,

00:28:48.192 --> 00:28:54.572
you got to think 2024 was. I know you had the accident and then I was at home.

00:28:55.012 --> 00:28:57.332
We went on a cruise with a group.

00:28:58.712 --> 00:29:03.232
Then our anniversary came up. The anniversary is in January.

00:29:03.832 --> 00:29:07.772
And I don't really know what happened this year, but I don't think we really

00:29:07.772 --> 00:29:10.892
did anything for our anniversary this year.

00:29:12.492 --> 00:29:16.912
And you mean like going away, going away? Yeah, I'm not saying,

00:29:17.052 --> 00:29:18.772
and don't tie it to your anniversary.

00:29:18.972 --> 00:29:22.532
Don't tie it to a specific holiday or personal holiday.

00:29:22.772 --> 00:29:26.052
I'm just saying an arbitrary weekend, y'all just go get away.

00:29:26.172 --> 00:29:30.752
Like you just go rent a place over in Gatlinburg and just go drive four hours

00:29:30.752 --> 00:29:33.292
east, go into your little cabin,

00:29:33.892 --> 00:29:37.372
you know, bring your supplies with you, get your Monopoly board and your Domino's,

00:29:37.452 --> 00:29:41.352
and just sit down and just, you know, just relax and just get back to being.

00:29:42.154 --> 00:29:46.194
The two of you, it sounds like that's why I mentioned that seven-year itch earlier,

00:29:46.294 --> 00:29:50.734
because at that five-year mark, now we start seeing each other's imperfections.

00:29:50.914 --> 00:29:56.054
And then the things that we make allowances, you know, for each other.

00:29:56.214 --> 00:29:58.874
And then at the five-year mark, we get tired of making allowances.

00:29:59.034 --> 00:30:01.214
And then that starts the attitude session.

00:30:01.434 --> 00:30:06.494
And then two years down the road, if we don't make corrections before the attitude

00:30:06.494 --> 00:30:09.254
session gets out of control, that's where the five-year itch comes in.

00:30:09.254 --> 00:30:13.934
Because then you start looking around or somebody notice you because she ain't

00:30:13.934 --> 00:30:17.094
noticing you or you ain't noticing her and somebody pays attention.

00:30:17.454 --> 00:30:21.954
So that's that's how the enemy jumps in and pulls the old okie dokie on marriages.

00:30:22.334 --> 00:30:25.734
Right. But that's why I say you got it. It sounds like you two just need some

00:30:25.734 --> 00:30:27.954
time, some private time to get away.

00:30:28.114 --> 00:30:30.934
We just to, you know, decompress.

00:30:31.114 --> 00:30:36.094
We're about to do that in October. We're going on a cruise, just the two of

00:30:36.094 --> 00:30:41.174
us, just the two of us. We're going on a cruise in October for a week.

00:30:41.414 --> 00:30:47.154
We're going from the 11th to the 16th. We'll be on a boat.

00:30:47.534 --> 00:30:51.334
You know, of course we're going to fly down, stay in a hotel that night before,

00:30:51.654 --> 00:30:55.614
then get up, get on the boat, sail out, and then come back.

00:30:55.894 --> 00:31:02.294
And I'll have, cause it's, that's the week of fall break. So fall break. Yeah.

00:31:02.674 --> 00:31:07.014
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. We fly back. We fly back in on Thursday.

00:31:07.694 --> 00:31:12.334
And then, you know, fall break's not over till that next, you call it the next

00:31:12.334 --> 00:31:14.074
Monday, but that Friday's over with.

00:31:14.234 --> 00:31:20.594
And so then I have a day at home in the weekend and then I go back to work after that.

00:31:21.359 --> 00:31:24.879
Right. You seriously got me thinking. Now I'm trying to remember because we

00:31:24.879 --> 00:31:27.719
went to Gatlinburg in June, but we took the children.

00:31:28.719 --> 00:31:34.879
And what I talked about at the beginning, when I said that the the ball and

00:31:34.879 --> 00:31:42.679
the allure, Dave, we used to just I have this infatuation with waterfalls and bodies of water.

00:31:43.339 --> 00:31:47.799
So when I first started dating this woman, Dave, when I said we'd get in a car

00:31:47.799 --> 00:31:54.119
and we'd drive to, I'd find a body, a big enough body of water on the map.

00:31:54.119 --> 00:31:59.259
And I just set the GPS and we just go and we just sit on the side of some water

00:31:59.259 --> 00:32:03.239
and just talk and laugh and giggle and have a good time.

00:32:03.519 --> 00:32:06.159
And that was all during the dating.

00:32:06.719 --> 00:32:11.799
That was all during the dating. And then, you know, once you get together and

00:32:11.799 --> 00:32:16.959
you start to try to blend lives, it changes. Mm-hmm.

00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:21.819
Yes, definitely. I totally agree with all of that. I agree exactly what he told

00:32:21.819 --> 00:32:25.179
you, too, though, is still continue to date her.

00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:31.159
Even though you're married and everything that's going on, you still have to pursue her.

00:32:31.859 --> 00:32:37.739
And if you'll do that and he pursues you back that keeps the.

00:32:39.019 --> 00:32:42.239
Relationship going after though like you

00:32:42.239 --> 00:32:45.199
said earlier as well the devil's always looking for

00:32:45.199 --> 00:32:49.579
a way to put slide in there hey let

00:32:49.579 --> 00:32:57.319
me jump in when you do that in pursuer you can't be a stalker what do you mean

00:32:57.319 --> 00:33:03.419
that's the crazy part right there I'm learning this man I'm learning this man

00:33:03.419 --> 00:33:08.959
You can't be hanging outside the window Talking about so when you gonna talk to me Okay,

00:33:10.512 --> 00:33:16.292
So, but what do you, break that down a little bit more. You can't be a stalker

00:33:16.292 --> 00:33:21.472
because how am I really going to be a stalker when we live in the same house, sleep in the same bed?

00:33:22.512 --> 00:33:25.452
You've seen that progressive commercial with the little girl,

00:33:25.612 --> 00:33:31.092
the woman moves in new and the little girl's just creepy, just hanging around, just staring at her.

00:33:31.252 --> 00:33:33.992
Oh, yeah. She's like, you're still being creepy.

00:33:34.672 --> 00:33:36.952
Right. I'll do anything for you.

00:33:37.932 --> 00:33:44.052
I think that's what Moe's talking about so watch this another thought came to

00:33:44.052 --> 00:33:48.872
me y'all remember when Samuel Jackson was with Yoda,

00:33:49.752 --> 00:33:54.632
Star Star Wars I've never seen that episode but I'm pretty sure some other people

00:33:54.632 --> 00:33:59.832
have seen it go ahead there was a famous scene where the little boy who was

00:33:59.832 --> 00:34:07.572
Anakin Skywalker who became Darth Vader oh yeah you talking about the very first episode 1 Yeah.

00:34:08.232 --> 00:34:13.772
So now he was like, what, five years, five years old. And Yoda said, no, I don't like him.

00:34:14.252 --> 00:34:17.212
And then Samuel Jackson's like, well, why? He's just a kid.

00:34:17.492 --> 00:34:22.452
He said, well, I sense in him what? He say fear.

00:34:22.952 --> 00:34:29.772
There's a great fear in him. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate.

00:34:30.452 --> 00:34:32.132
Hate leads to suffering.

00:34:32.952 --> 00:34:37.032
And all that leads to the dark side yes and

00:34:37.032 --> 00:34:40.352
that's what has entered in my brother you

00:34:40.352 --> 00:34:43.232
right yeah i have to agree i have to agree

00:34:43.232 --> 00:34:46.252
what you're saying i totally have to agree with that

00:34:46.252 --> 00:34:51.092
because here's the thing it just me being honest and transparent man i've been

00:34:51.092 --> 00:34:56.012
down this road a couple times and i'm not saying i'm not saying i'm i'm i'm

00:34:56.012 --> 00:35:03.232
not saying that i'm a great guy listen I've come to terms with I have emotional damage.

00:35:03.712 --> 00:35:07.692
I understand that I have some emotional triggers and traumas. I do.

00:35:07.932 --> 00:35:13.312
And a lot of them comes from being in relationships with the wrong women.

00:35:13.592 --> 00:35:16.552
My picker has been messed up for years.

00:35:17.172 --> 00:35:22.392
And I have not only let them abuse me, but I've also abused myself.

00:35:22.632 --> 00:35:29.172
So, Morris, you're right. it all comes from fear because it'd be not just being

00:35:29.172 --> 00:35:31.032
straight up just being honest being a man,

00:35:31.612 --> 00:35:34.252
i left the first wife i this is

00:35:34.252 --> 00:35:37.012
my fourth time being married if nobody knows here this is

00:35:37.012 --> 00:35:41.332
me i'm gonna lay myself out on on the on the table i've been married four times

00:35:41.332 --> 00:35:46.492
okay the first wife i left her because she was just she was she was a little

00:35:46.492 --> 00:35:50.352
more nuts to me and i was young and i still felt like i still had that high

00:35:50.352 --> 00:35:54.852
school body and i still had options and i did still have Options the second wife.

00:35:55.578 --> 00:36:00.118
I tried to turn a hoe into a housewife. Another bad decision.

00:36:00.398 --> 00:36:03.498
Another bad decision. So I've been down. Those were the first two.

00:36:03.678 --> 00:36:06.658
So the third one, like I was explaining at the beginning, I said,

00:36:06.738 --> 00:36:09.358
I'm going to go out and I'm going to find me a young, vibrant,

00:36:09.598 --> 00:36:13.518
young tenderone, and I'm going to turn into the woman that I wanted to turn her into.

00:36:14.158 --> 00:36:18.938
That exploded in my face. You understand what I'm saying? So I've had this big

00:36:18.938 --> 00:36:21.238
bout, me personally, the dude.

00:36:21.238 --> 00:36:24.618
I've had this big bout with the

00:36:24.618 --> 00:36:32.058
word fear and failure failure has been my biggest adversary throughout my life

00:36:32.058 --> 00:36:36.558
failure that word failure has been my biggest adversary because a lot of things

00:36:36.558 --> 00:36:44.478
in my life did not go right and marriage has been one of them so yeah i i operate out of fear.

00:36:45.258 --> 00:36:46.978
Hey, Joe, you know what?

00:36:47.058 --> 00:36:52.918
I just said to my wife before I got on here, and she happens to be in here.

00:36:53.038 --> 00:36:54.458
I'm in the bathroom this time.

00:36:54.798 --> 00:36:57.958
You know, most of the time it's them in the bathroom. I'm in the bathroom now.

00:36:58.478 --> 00:37:05.798
But anyway, listen, remember when we were children, if we did not have,

00:37:05.878 --> 00:37:12.898
we had to have either known somebody or been that boy who was from the family that was a broken home.

00:37:12.898 --> 00:37:15.718
The mother was assertive because she was strong because

00:37:15.718 --> 00:37:18.878
she was trying to keep it going on she worked her two jobs trying

00:37:18.878 --> 00:37:22.338
to go to school raising kids and you

00:37:22.338 --> 00:37:28.898
know we way before Latsky and all that other stuff right okay but watch this

00:37:28.898 --> 00:37:34.938
when we would come and randomly say I'm gonna be an architect and build the

00:37:34.938 --> 00:37:41.338
greatest skyscraper in the world often what we heard was you better quit dreaming,

00:37:41.858 --> 00:37:45.438
and learn how to get a job, learn how to do your homework, learn how to be on

00:37:45.438 --> 00:37:47.778
top. We got grilled with that.

00:37:48.098 --> 00:37:51.678
We got grilled with that. Then you go to school and you dreaming,

00:37:51.978 --> 00:37:54.658
you doodling, they dreaming.

00:37:54.918 --> 00:38:01.578
And we got so scorned for thinking outside of the box that we were put in. Stop.

00:38:02.318 --> 00:38:07.298
Now we got a fear of success. Why? Because if we go outside the box that we

00:38:07.298 --> 00:38:12.078
in, where we comfortable now, Even though it's a struggle, we don't want to

00:38:12.078 --> 00:38:15.818
lose everything all over again.

00:38:16.418 --> 00:38:21.878
And, dude, I'm on my third. So, and, you know, I understand.

00:38:22.798 --> 00:38:29.638
Right, right. But it's just like, man, it is. You get what I'm saying? I do.

00:38:29.938 --> 00:38:35.998
I get it. It's all relative, and I get what you're saying. I totally understand it, and I get it.

00:38:36.943 --> 00:38:43.643
But at the same hand, I'm starting to come to terms with my demons,

00:38:43.923 --> 00:38:47.963
with my fears, with my with the things that are going on with me,

00:38:48.003 --> 00:38:50.283
because I can speak them out loud and I understand.

00:38:50.283 --> 00:38:57.403
And I'm trying to I'm trying to self I didn't plug the OBD meter to into myself.

00:38:57.403 --> 00:39:06.783
And I'm trying to diagnose where I'm at with the situation and how can I make it better?

00:39:06.943 --> 00:39:10.923
Believe you me, it's been a lot of praying, a lot of praying,

00:39:11.223 --> 00:39:13.883
lots of praying, lots of praying.

00:39:14.143 --> 00:39:18.563
And then on the other side of this is trying to build this thing.

00:39:18.763 --> 00:39:22.883
If any of you guys don't know, right now in the background, I'm working on trying

00:39:22.883 --> 00:39:29.683
to start an in-person group where we can meet up twice a month and have conversations like this.

00:39:29.683 --> 00:39:34.343
We have some things going in the background that we're working on to try to

00:39:34.343 --> 00:39:37.363
bring this to face-to-face interaction.

00:39:37.383 --> 00:39:40.523
I know it's not going to be for everybody, and I mentioned that last week.

00:39:40.703 --> 00:39:44.543
This particular platform is not going to stop.

00:39:44.743 --> 00:39:49.243
I have committed myself, my family, and everybody understands that every Friday

00:39:49.243 --> 00:39:52.383
night, I have to have a conversation with my fellas.

00:39:52.563 --> 00:39:58.123
We have to have this time because just like y'all needed this.

00:39:58.123 --> 00:40:00.663
Morris, you've told me time and time again you need this. Mark,

00:40:00.803 --> 00:40:02.663
you've told me time and time again you needed this.

00:40:03.003 --> 00:40:05.123
Y'all don't understand how much I need y'all.

00:40:05.483 --> 00:40:11.383
Y'all don't understand how much I really, the conversations we have after this

00:40:11.383 --> 00:40:15.223
show, days after this show, me and Bubba have conversations about stuff that

00:40:15.223 --> 00:40:17.603
you've said, Morris, about stuff that Mark has said.

00:40:18.063 --> 00:40:24.023
Riley, whoever comes into the room, man, when it's something of substance, it sticks.

00:40:24.023 --> 00:40:27.203
Yes but i need y'all

00:40:27.203 --> 00:40:30.863
just like y'all need us and i'm

00:40:30.863 --> 00:40:35.823
just a man i'm telling i'm just going through it right now and it's like i feel

00:40:35.823 --> 00:40:42.583
like god is trying to transition me into something that i feel like i'm not

00:40:42.583 --> 00:40:48.343
ready for but again he's already written the assignment it's just up to me to

00:40:48.343 --> 00:40:49.823
continue on this course.

00:40:50.663 --> 00:40:53.363
Is everybody here? Is everybody gone? Hello?

00:40:54.903 --> 00:40:59.103
Knowing isn't half the battle, brother. Knowing is half the battle.

00:40:59.403 --> 00:41:04.903
So when you know that this is what it is, part of you is fighting that that you already know.

00:41:05.706 --> 00:41:10.166
And I do it all the time because you got to push past the pain.

00:41:10.386 --> 00:41:15.006
You got to deal with the fact that, you know what?

00:41:16.386 --> 00:41:19.886
You're a brother. You're a believer in the most time.

00:41:20.126 --> 00:41:26.246
And when you put on them magic glasses, you can't take off. You can't put them on nobody else.

00:41:26.606 --> 00:41:32.386
You see it clearly. And the most difficult thing is trying to translate it into

00:41:32.386 --> 00:41:34.106
somebody else's language.

00:41:34.426 --> 00:41:37.686
Man. love language man come on

00:41:37.686 --> 00:41:40.806
speak that that is morris that's the epitome of

00:41:40.806 --> 00:41:44.526
how i feel right now man bro it's

00:41:44.526 --> 00:41:48.186
it's part of being marked see you

00:41:48.186 --> 00:41:51.866
you you you've been chosen to be look at

00:41:51.866 --> 00:41:55.066
how lonely leaders are bro even

00:41:55.066 --> 00:41:58.146
though they got people all around them some of the people closest to

00:41:58.146 --> 00:42:03.086
them but betray them because the enemy is out is trying to attack you and in

00:42:03.086 --> 00:42:08.566
this day and hour when you trying to unify us and give us hope and remind us

00:42:08.566 --> 00:42:14.126
of who we are oh you're gonna get you look that's why we need to rally around

00:42:14.126 --> 00:42:17.166
you prayerfully first because that's the power,

00:42:17.986 --> 00:42:23.606
that's all I'm trying to do is get men to understand that we need to be a unified.

00:42:23.606 --> 00:42:26.426
Front and we need to be able to have,

00:42:27.146 --> 00:42:32.306
real conversations not no fluff I understand we all got sports teams I understand

00:42:32.306 --> 00:42:35.046
we all We all got our favorite race car driver.

00:42:35.186 --> 00:42:37.966
I understand we all got our favorite whatever it is.

00:42:38.672 --> 00:42:44.112
But what's really going on with you today, brother? How's life really been going?

00:42:44.352 --> 00:42:50.412
And I think that's what's missing in today's society is that we're not being

00:42:50.412 --> 00:42:55.352
honest with each other about what's really going on with us because none of

00:42:55.352 --> 00:43:00.272
us are perfect and none of us actually have a perfect life.

00:43:00.272 --> 00:43:05.072
But we've been compared to perfection that's constantly putting our face through

00:43:05.072 --> 00:43:08.392
social media, the success of all the stars.

00:43:08.672 --> 00:43:13.072
And, you know, we, you know, one of the things I stopped doing a long time ago

00:43:13.072 --> 00:43:18.272
and I will go to a concert. I will, I will spend money.

00:43:18.592 --> 00:43:22.552
And the last beautiful concert I went to, I went with my wife. She was lovely looking.

00:43:22.852 --> 00:43:25.692
She had the Betty Boop look and everything. And we had

00:43:25.692 --> 00:43:28.732
a wonderful time and we saw Will Downing and

00:43:28.732 --> 00:43:32.332
we saw Stephanie Mills in Nashville and

00:43:32.332 --> 00:43:35.572
watch this oops you can't tell everybody

00:43:35.572 --> 00:43:38.292
oh lord y'all done went to

00:43:38.292 --> 00:43:41.072
a secular you know it's like oh lord I'm going to

00:43:41.072 --> 00:43:43.872
hell for listening to when I

00:43:43.872 --> 00:43:47.512
think of home I think of a place where and so we

00:43:47.512 --> 00:43:51.292
so villainized our

00:43:51.292 --> 00:43:54.272
faith walk we can't even be real no

00:43:54.272 --> 00:43:58.292
more and we Mo you

00:43:58.292 --> 00:44:01.472
gotta remember you can't base your walk

00:44:01.472 --> 00:44:04.192
on what others think let them think what they want to

00:44:04.192 --> 00:44:09.832
think they talked about jesus because he ate with publicans and and and and

00:44:09.832 --> 00:44:14.372
he sat with samaritans and you know all the things that the pharisees said you

00:44:14.372 --> 00:44:19.292
don't do he did because he didn't come here for you know he didn't come here

00:44:19.292 --> 00:44:23.392
for people that thought they had it together he came here for people that thought it was broken.

00:44:24.206 --> 00:44:29.246
So don't worry about what other people say. If they so heavily bound that they

00:44:29.246 --> 00:44:32.946
know earthly good, let them walk that road. Say that. You walk your path.

00:44:33.446 --> 00:44:41.146
I'm not saying that for myself. I'm saying that as one who understands what dude is saying.

00:44:41.566 --> 00:44:44.506
Oh, no, no. I got you. I got you. I'm in the same context.

00:44:45.026 --> 00:44:49.926
Yeah. It's the spiritual warfare that you're dealing with.

00:44:50.366 --> 00:44:53.286
Yeah. Because you already know who you are, bro.

00:44:54.146 --> 00:44:58.606
Right. But anybody listening, that statement wasn't made to you.

00:44:58.686 --> 00:45:00.386
That statement was made to anybody listening.

00:45:00.646 --> 00:45:04.586
You have to walk your own path. You have to work out your own soul salvation.

00:45:04.846 --> 00:45:08.066
And you can't look to the left and to the right because your brother and sister

00:45:08.066 --> 00:45:10.566
to the left or the right, even though you think they're pulling with you,

00:45:10.786 --> 00:45:12.066
they got to row their own boat.

00:45:12.366 --> 00:45:16.806
So you got to follow your own path. You got to be true to yourself and you got

00:45:16.806 --> 00:45:18.706
to listen to the voice of your heavenly father.

00:45:18.906 --> 00:45:22.506
Because what my father tells me, he don't tell you or anybody else.

00:45:22.506 --> 00:45:28.146
What's for me is for me and I have to follow the designated course he has set for my life.

00:45:29.646 --> 00:45:36.546
So here's a question to a group of men how do and I know everybody's answer

00:45:36.546 --> 00:45:42.686
is going to be different but I need some honesty and I want to hear everybody's different answer,

00:45:43.246 --> 00:45:45.586
what do I how do I handle,

00:45:46.426 --> 00:45:51.446
my emotions and the way I'm feeling about this situation because like I said

00:45:51.446 --> 00:45:54.046
it's Not it's no cheating.

00:45:54.346 --> 00:46:01.446
There's no finances. There's no nothing. We just can't find the right music to communicate to.

00:46:02.706 --> 00:46:06.906
What do I need to do? Jimbo, you up first.

00:46:08.646 --> 00:46:12.146
I'll tell you, the best thing that you can learn to do is listen.

00:46:12.326 --> 00:46:17.086
And I'm not saying that you don't, but you have to change your perception of

00:46:17.086 --> 00:46:22.886
what you're hearing from her. And don't take it as a front towards you.

00:46:23.873 --> 00:46:27.693
But you have to hear what she's saying, hear the flexion in her voice and see

00:46:27.693 --> 00:46:31.673
her body language. And she has to do the exact same to you.

00:46:32.353 --> 00:46:36.613
That, you know, just as soon as you start saying something, the walls aren't

00:46:36.613 --> 00:46:41.353
going up as well as if she starts saying something back to you,

00:46:41.713 --> 00:46:43.293
those walls aren't going up either.

00:46:43.573 --> 00:46:46.673
You know, it's a double-edged sword in a way.

00:46:46.893 --> 00:46:52.933
But I just think honestly that if you take that time to really listen,

00:46:53.653 --> 00:46:58.013
And you go back to those times when it was good, you know, and think about what

00:46:58.013 --> 00:47:01.513
you, you know, how did you listen to her when you first started courting her?

00:47:02.113 --> 00:47:03.993
And how did she listen to you?

00:47:04.913 --> 00:47:10.133
And, you know, the mundane life, everyday life is always going to get us.

00:47:10.273 --> 00:47:15.033
But we have to go back to those early times and think about how did I listen

00:47:15.033 --> 00:47:16.873
to her and how did she listen to me?

00:47:16.873 --> 00:47:24.113
And the words that you choose to communicate with her as well as the words that

00:47:24.113 --> 00:47:29.773
she chooses to communicate with you is what's going to dictate how you get along.

00:47:30.693 --> 00:47:35.593
Thank you for that, Jimbo. Dave, come on with it. What am I coming with?

00:47:38.033 --> 00:47:42.413
Your answer to the question. Give me that question one more time.

00:47:42.553 --> 00:47:45.713
The wife called in. I had to take her call right quick.

00:47:46.513 --> 00:47:52.893
Understandable. The question was, how do I need to handle the fact that we can't

00:47:52.893 --> 00:47:57.573
find the perfect music to communicate with each other with right now?

00:47:58.373 --> 00:48:03.633
Oh, yeah. All right. Well, I mean, I think Jimbo was on point.

00:48:03.753 --> 00:48:04.793
He hit it on the head, man.

00:48:05.413 --> 00:48:09.073
So I don't think I can mess with that any better than he did.

00:48:09.073 --> 00:48:11.793
Again you know like like i said you know when when the

00:48:11.793 --> 00:48:15.033
wife and i when we start to get off when our conversation starts

00:48:15.033 --> 00:48:17.853
to get off or when our our rhythm starts to get off

00:48:17.853 --> 00:48:20.733
i know it's time for us to take a time out

00:48:20.733 --> 00:48:26.013
and and you know just stop the chorus all together stop the beat stop stop the

00:48:26.013 --> 00:48:31.753
music and just get a reset so that's why i said you know going going on a cruise

00:48:31.753 --> 00:48:36.833
sounds nice and if you're able to i i like i like like the reason i mentioned

00:48:36.833 --> 00:48:39.633
the mountains is because i I like getting away away.

00:48:40.013 --> 00:48:43.013
I mean, I don't want to go out. I'm not saying that a cruise isn't a good idea.

00:48:43.173 --> 00:48:47.313
If you enjoy people watching everything and all of the meals and the mid-rats

00:48:47.313 --> 00:48:53.493
and all of the games and the karaoke and all of that, that's a lot to see and do on a cruise.

00:48:53.713 --> 00:48:59.213
But sometimes when you need to reset your relationship, you need that quiet.

00:48:59.213 --> 00:49:02.253
To me, I need, I'm going to put this right, I need that quiet,

00:49:02.493 --> 00:49:09.213
intimate space where we can just sit and let our heartbeats get back in connection with one another.

00:49:10.433 --> 00:49:12.973
Couples who are very close and have very good relationships,

00:49:13.473 --> 00:49:15.673
their heartbeats are in sync with each other.

00:49:16.770 --> 00:49:21.990
And it's hard to hear somebody else's heartbeat when you got a lot of distractions and noise around.

00:49:22.230 --> 00:49:26.390
So for me, it's like, OK, we're going to jump on a plane.

00:49:26.530 --> 00:49:30.570
We're going to fly to a destination and we're going to sit in the hotel or we're

00:49:30.570 --> 00:49:31.490
going to sit in the lobby.

00:49:31.770 --> 00:49:35.290
Or, you know, we're just going to go find a park and we're just going to get

00:49:35.290 --> 00:49:38.970
back in tune. We're going to try and get back in sync to one another.

00:49:39.470 --> 00:49:42.690
And just having those conversations, you know, not being.

00:49:42.990 --> 00:49:47.370
And I love what Morris said about fear. Fear is the fear is the killer.

00:49:47.630 --> 00:49:51.350
You know, false evidence appearing real. We're all upset about something or,

00:49:51.450 --> 00:49:55.630
you know, we can be upset within ourselves about something that we think is

00:49:55.630 --> 00:50:00.470
happening and be totally off base because it's false evidence. We think it's real.

00:50:00.690 --> 00:50:03.110
We think we saw what we saw, but we didn't.

00:50:04.390 --> 00:50:07.810
So the only thing I'd say, what works for me, what has worked for me,

00:50:07.970 --> 00:50:12.230
is even if I've got to just put her in the car and we just drive around Nashville

00:50:12.230 --> 00:50:15.150
at nighttime, just look at the nightlights of Nashville,

00:50:15.370 --> 00:50:19.630
drive all the way around the loop, and we just get out there in the car by ourselves and just talk.

00:50:20.510 --> 00:50:22.570
Right. Morris, come on through.

00:50:23.510 --> 00:50:27.310
Okay. I was saying defensive listening.

00:50:28.130 --> 00:50:35.150
That's something that we, a lot of times, myself, I learned that I was more

00:50:35.150 --> 00:50:37.670
defensive listening than active listening.

00:50:38.350 --> 00:50:43.350
When I'm actively listening and I'm paying attention to who's listening to me

00:50:43.350 --> 00:50:47.550
or I'm paying attention to when sometimes, you know,

00:50:47.870 --> 00:50:50.290
their eyes gloss over, man, and

00:50:50.290 --> 00:50:54.010
you still talking and then you get upset because they done checked out.

00:50:54.370 --> 00:50:57.110
And I learned to be still.

00:50:57.530 --> 00:51:00.350
And when I was at that place where

00:51:00.350 --> 00:51:04.050
you are right now, dude, I prayed and I just said, God, what do I do?

00:51:04.210 --> 00:51:07.130
And he said, be still, know that I am God.

00:51:07.710 --> 00:51:11.810
Now, during that, I had to check myself. I had to bridle myself.

00:51:12.370 --> 00:51:16.770
I had a message called bridle your bridle. And it's two different definitions.

00:51:17.630 --> 00:51:22.970
Because you know that affront is often what we hear when we're defensively listening.

00:51:23.510 --> 00:51:28.570
So we waiting on them to attack us because we're so used to it.

00:51:28.690 --> 00:51:32.370
And that fear factor is kicking in and that's what the devil likes to use.

00:51:32.510 --> 00:51:37.450
But if you can really, really be sure with yourself and your relationship with

00:51:37.450 --> 00:51:40.790
God, number one, and knowing that you're trying to do right,

00:51:41.010 --> 00:51:43.390
you can kind of tone it down a little bit, man.

00:51:43.910 --> 00:51:50.350
And ease back and just distance yourself a little bit from that immediate response.

00:51:51.906 --> 00:51:56.466
Because that can be deadly. That immediate, you know what I'm saying?

00:51:56.926 --> 00:51:59.106
Yeah. I got you. I got you.

00:52:00.286 --> 00:52:04.786
Morris, you are on top of it tonight, man. I'm digging the gems that you're

00:52:04.786 --> 00:52:06.986
dropping, man. You are so on top of it.

00:52:07.186 --> 00:52:14.306
And the last thing you just said, you're right. And a lot of times I am in the

00:52:14.306 --> 00:52:17.406
conversation waiting to respond.

00:52:17.646 --> 00:52:23.186
You understand what I'm saying? man, I am defensively listening. You're right.

00:52:23.306 --> 00:52:26.606
And that's the reason why I'm asking every man for something different,

00:52:26.606 --> 00:52:30.166
because what Jimbo said, listen deep.

00:52:30.466 --> 00:52:34.026
What Dave said, and I'm just going down the line and mark you up next,

00:52:34.186 --> 00:52:39.326
but I'm going down the line and I'm taking something from everybody that has said something, man.

00:52:39.526 --> 00:52:47.906
And what Dave said really makes a lot of sense. And what Jimbo said made a lot

00:52:47.906 --> 00:52:51.466
of sense. I need to date her like I did.

00:52:51.606 --> 00:52:54.266
I need that allure back from the beginning.

00:52:54.546 --> 00:53:00.486
And what Dave said, we used to do those things. And I guess with life and with,

00:53:00.486 --> 00:53:06.106
you know, the hustle and bustle of the everyday, those things kind of get pushed

00:53:06.106 --> 00:53:07.746
to the wayside, you know?

00:53:08.246 --> 00:53:12.306
It's not particularly intentional, but it happens.

00:53:13.946 --> 00:53:17.286
Mark, what's your answer to the question, my brother?

00:53:18.490 --> 00:53:25.670
You really want me? Yes. Yes. I really want every man on this panel's answer to my question.

00:53:26.230 --> 00:53:31.010
That's a good, I mean, I'm chiming in with Morrison, with Jim Bowman.

00:53:31.070 --> 00:53:34.910
I mean, I think, you know, like I've said in a lot of these podcasts,

00:53:35.130 --> 00:53:39.970
man, you know, we meet the representative, not a representative,

00:53:40.090 --> 00:53:41.270
only that person's there.

00:53:41.550 --> 00:53:46.390
You know what I mean? So you're seeing what you weren't really looking for,

00:53:46.650 --> 00:53:51.510
what you weren't really looking to see at the beginning that you're starting to see now.

00:53:52.070 --> 00:53:56.110
And it might have always been there on both ends, and you just wasn't recognized

00:53:56.110 --> 00:53:57.870
because you were in the honeymoon phase.

00:53:58.170 --> 00:54:01.710
And listening. I mean, we listen.

00:54:02.030 --> 00:54:06.970
Do we listen to respond, or do we listen to hear each other's side,

00:54:07.150 --> 00:54:08.230
each other's viewpoint?

00:54:08.230 --> 00:54:10.930
And a lot of us you know we we want to say

00:54:10.930 --> 00:54:13.830
we listen to to the viewpoint but

00:54:13.830 --> 00:54:17.350
we start picking choosing what we want to hear and

00:54:17.350 --> 00:54:20.530
then we attack that so are we actively listening or

00:54:20.530 --> 00:54:23.690
are we listening to respond you know and we

00:54:23.690 --> 00:54:28.650
do we have to come to realization that we do bring baggage to a relationship

00:54:28.650 --> 00:54:34.730
and you know and that other person does too so we have to realize that you know

00:54:34.730 --> 00:54:38.730
nobody's going to be perfect you know everybody's going to have something i

00:54:38.730 --> 00:54:39.950
don't call them false but there

00:54:39.950 --> 00:54:43.370
are things that people with personalities that just don't agree with us.

00:54:45.370 --> 00:54:50.710
So we need to figure out how to work with that you know or have that conversation

00:54:50.710 --> 00:54:54.830
about that and you know we like you said we go to work every day you guys get

00:54:54.830 --> 00:54:58.510
up and go get on the grind every day and you put when you walk out that door

00:54:58.510 --> 00:55:02.950
you you suit up you put that suit of armor on and you go out there and fight the world.

00:55:03.410 --> 00:55:05.670
But when you come home, you leave it on.

00:55:06.790 --> 00:55:11.190
You come back and you bring that armor in the house and you're using it on the

00:55:11.190 --> 00:55:13.710
person that you say that you love the most and vice versa.

00:55:14.150 --> 00:55:18.250
You have to learn how to take that armor off when you come in the door.

00:55:18.710 --> 00:55:20.870
You know, a thousand percent.

00:55:21.490 --> 00:55:24.690
You know, that's the key. You got to be vulnerable, man.

00:55:24.850 --> 00:55:29.890
You know, you got to, you know, I don't consider being weak as a man to just say, you know what,

00:55:30.470 --> 00:55:34.490
that's some bullshit what you just said not like that but you know I don't agree

00:55:34.490 --> 00:55:39.150
with that plus you gotta you have to you have to,

00:55:39.990 --> 00:55:45.590
what works for me is I've learned to not start attacking the person,

00:55:46.390 --> 00:55:52.650
but challenging the behavior you know it's not you know when you go after the

00:55:52.650 --> 00:55:56.730
person it's a personal attack they feel like it's a personal attack but when

00:55:56.730 --> 00:56:01.750
you're like hey you know let's talk about you know how I'm feeling about what was done.

00:56:02.539 --> 00:56:04.919
You know what I mean? Instead of, you know, hey, I don't really.

00:56:05.219 --> 00:56:07.299
Well, when you start attacking that person with that person,

00:56:07.779 --> 00:56:13.879
I mean, it gets a little bit personal, even though you don't feel like that, but, you know, it does.

00:56:15.719 --> 00:56:23.099
You made me think about it. Maybe in what I have going on inside my head,

00:56:23.239 --> 00:56:27.659
let's be honest, what we all have, we all have different things going on inside of our heads.

00:56:27.659 --> 00:56:33.879
And what I have going on inside of my head, it doesn't feel like I'm attacking her.

00:56:34.019 --> 00:56:36.359
But what you just said, Mark, makes sense.

00:56:36.839 --> 00:56:42.219
Maybe I need to change my approach when it comes to certain things,

00:56:42.219 --> 00:56:47.639
the way I say certain things or I do certain things when it comes to communication.

00:56:47.639 --> 00:56:54.899
Maybe I need to change my approach because she says she feels pressured to talk

00:56:54.899 --> 00:56:58.899
to me about situations between the two of us.

00:56:59.019 --> 00:57:02.259
She feels pressure, but she can go have a conversation with somebody else.

00:57:02.359 --> 00:57:08.919
But she feels like I pressure her to answer or I pressure her to have a conversation.

00:57:09.879 --> 00:57:14.039
And we were raised differently. Of course, people raised differently.

00:57:14.299 --> 00:57:19.899
Life is different for everybody. I was always taught that you talk about it right now.

00:57:20.079 --> 00:57:22.959
Let's get it out. Let's get it on table Let's get it over with let's move on

00:57:22.959 --> 00:57:25.799
The way she was taught is you say what you got to say.

00:57:25.939 --> 00:57:29.179
I say what I got to say Then we go our separate ways we process and we come

00:57:29.179 --> 00:57:35.399
back and talk about it and to me That I feel like if I go away and I think about

00:57:35.399 --> 00:57:40.339
it I'm just most nine times out of ten I get flustered because of the way my

00:57:40.339 --> 00:57:45.059
mother brought me up and the way I was raised because Because my mother was the type of person.

00:57:45.279 --> 00:57:48.919
Let's get it on the table. Let's get it out right now. Let's get all of this

00:57:48.919 --> 00:57:52.299
out on the table. Let's get it over with so we can move on.

00:57:52.599 --> 00:57:57.279
And that was the way she handled situations for years. That was the way she handled it.

00:57:57.559 --> 00:58:00.879
Listen, you got a problem. Let's talk about it right now. Let's find a solution.

00:58:01.119 --> 00:58:03.999
Let's figure out what you need to do. Let's figure out what they need to do.

00:58:04.079 --> 00:58:05.499
And then you move on from it.

00:58:06.212 --> 00:58:10.432
Yeah, but you ain't working with your mom. You know what I'm saying? I got you, but...

00:58:10.792 --> 00:58:16.032
I got you, I got you, but I'm saying, the reason why I referenced that is because...

00:58:16.032 --> 00:58:20.672
I know why you did that. I mean, because, you know, we were brought up in a

00:58:20.672 --> 00:58:23.012
certain... You know, I was brought up, you know, in certain things.

00:58:23.152 --> 00:58:26.172
But, you know, one shoe is not one shoe fits all, you know?

00:58:26.392 --> 00:58:30.972
And languages, man. You know, you might not be talking the same language that

00:58:30.972 --> 00:58:35.372
she's talking, that, you know, that love language, man. You know, and you guys are just...

00:58:36.872 --> 00:58:40.692
Uh, it is so many. I can go on this conversation forever, man.

00:58:41.372 --> 00:58:45.592
But you have to, sometimes it is good to process some things,

00:58:45.652 --> 00:58:48.992
especially if it's a, it's a, it's a contentious type of conversation.

00:58:49.432 --> 00:58:52.012
You have to give that, you know, things are going to be said.

00:58:52.172 --> 00:58:54.432
And for one, you don't want to, you don't want to get so upset,

00:58:54.592 --> 00:58:58.732
you know, so, so bad that things can't be taken back. You know, so you do need that.

00:58:59.132 --> 00:59:02.152
Okay, that's cool. Because sometimes it's going to come to an impasse that you

00:59:02.152 --> 00:59:03.532
guys are just not going to agree.

00:59:04.072 --> 00:59:07.432
So you have to take that step back and you'll process what was said,

00:59:07.652 --> 00:59:09.472
you know, because you might have missed something, you know,

00:59:09.492 --> 00:59:12.552
something that you wasn't really, or vice versa, you know, you thought about,

00:59:12.632 --> 00:59:13.952
hey, you know what, she was right.

00:59:14.092 --> 00:59:17.792
Or, yeah, he was right, you know, and you need that cooling off time,

00:59:17.912 --> 00:59:21.692
man, because once things start going left, it's best just to walk away until

00:59:21.692 --> 00:59:22.772
things simmer down, man.

00:59:23.172 --> 00:59:25.992
You know, because... You're right, you're right. And what you're saying,

00:59:26.212 --> 00:59:30.152
and that's why I'm saying, this is the reason why I want every man to give me something different.

00:59:30.152 --> 00:59:34.572
What you just said is true because I've been in those moments where we've had

00:59:34.572 --> 00:59:39.312
that conversation and I said what I said and she said what she said and she

00:59:39.312 --> 00:59:43.912
she'll she'll walk away and she'll go to her corner and I'll go to my corner.

00:59:44.432 --> 00:59:49.952
And nine times out of 10, I'm steaming because of the way I was taught to communicate.

00:59:50.192 --> 00:59:55.512
I'm steaming. I am steaming hot because of the way I was taught to communicate.

00:59:56.412 --> 00:59:57.452
So what are you doing about?

00:59:58.432 --> 01:00:04.772
What part? Because you didn't finish the conversation? Yes. Or you lost control of the conversation?

01:00:05.592 --> 01:00:08.972
Both. There it is. Both. Both.

01:00:09.352 --> 01:00:15.032
Okay. And that's exactly what you have to come to mind with in your own soul.

01:00:17.712 --> 01:00:20.612
Control comes in many freaking facets, man.

01:00:20.992 --> 01:00:26.432
You know what I mean? And, you know, it's a delicate conversation when you talk

01:00:26.432 --> 01:00:30.332
about what control is, man, because it seems like you you're trying to control the flow.

01:00:30.512 --> 01:00:34.352
And sometimes when you when you don't have that control, you know,

01:00:34.572 --> 01:00:36.132
that's that's the frustrating part.

01:00:36.672 --> 01:00:38.472
You know what I mean? Yeah. So

01:00:38.472 --> 01:00:44.252
it's really hard to be vulnerable in front of. Yeah, it is. You have to.

01:00:44.392 --> 01:00:47.692
Yeah, you're right. Well, you got, you got, it's hard to just say,

01:00:47.852 --> 01:00:52.712
you know, to, to, to actively listen and let her get her thing out and let her

01:00:52.712 --> 01:00:56.112
process the things that you're saying, because you want to process the things she said.

01:00:56.232 --> 01:00:59.052
So why, why can't it, why does it have to be one-sided?

01:01:00.856 --> 01:01:06.516
Can everybody hear me by chance? Yes. Go ahead, sir. Yes, we can hear you. Go ahead.

01:01:06.976 --> 01:01:11.236
So, yeah, I'm new to this. Just want to introduce myself. I'm Zane.

01:01:11.376 --> 01:01:12.176
I'm an Air Force veteran.

01:01:12.896 --> 01:01:18.356
I'm just kind of listening. And it was mentioned by Morris, the question,

01:01:18.536 --> 01:01:21.036
how many remember love language when you're worn out, right?

01:01:22.136 --> 01:01:25.336
When it comes to just the love language, we all got something different.

01:01:25.576 --> 01:01:28.816
You know what I mean? but what happened

01:01:28.816 --> 01:01:32.516
to just like just a little bit of empathy trying to

01:01:32.516 --> 01:01:39.016
understand a little bit maybe misunderstood right but just kind of sitting back

01:01:39.016 --> 01:01:46.596
and it's not a stab or being being stabbed at but just kind of sitting back

01:01:46.596 --> 01:01:51.836
and a little bit of empathy and understanding if that makes any sense Yes,

01:01:51.936 --> 01:01:53.716
sir. It makes total sense.

01:01:54.576 --> 01:01:59.996
Absolutely. And I'm not married, gentlemen. By all means, I've been in a couple

01:01:59.996 --> 01:02:04.436
relationships and all that good stuff, and they all seem to go a different route.

01:02:05.636 --> 01:02:09.436
This is not about being married. This is about being a man, my brother.

01:02:09.956 --> 01:02:15.316
Okay. I'm trying to get on the same page. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is welcome.

01:02:16.136 --> 01:02:20.696
Zane, welcome. I'm the dude. I'm the host. And this is a place for vulnerable

01:02:20.696 --> 01:02:24.516
and transparent conversations for men to have about this.

01:02:24.676 --> 01:02:29.916
Just it just happens tonight that I've been going through this this week.

01:02:30.116 --> 01:02:33.276
And so I'm this I'm the person with the subject.

01:02:33.456 --> 01:02:38.436
Usually I just kind of let conversations go and let them land wherever they land.

01:02:38.596 --> 01:02:46.136
But I'm really having a hard time with this. And I'm receiving what you guys are saying.

01:02:48.307 --> 01:02:53.287
Emotionally damaged, really emotionally damaged. I understand that.

01:02:53.427 --> 01:02:55.967
I kind of feel that myself. I'll be honest with you.

01:02:56.727 --> 01:03:03.227
And so being that I'm emotionally damaged, it's hard. What does that mean?

01:03:03.987 --> 01:03:07.167
What does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean?

01:03:07.247 --> 01:03:12.127
Emotional damage means that people have taken my emotions and they've stepped all over them.

01:03:12.327 --> 01:03:16.687
They've treated me less than because I'm an emotional man. What does that do with you?

01:03:18.827 --> 01:03:21.907
Because it was people that i thought cared

01:03:21.907 --> 01:03:25.367
about me at a certain level in

01:03:25.367 --> 01:03:28.027
a way is it like but back to the original question what does that

01:03:28.027 --> 01:03:30.927
have to do with you man i mean you said you're mostly

01:03:30.927 --> 01:03:34.187
damaged i mean you putting you putting a tag on you right

01:03:34.187 --> 01:03:37.047
i was 19 years old when i met my

01:03:37.047 --> 01:03:39.787
first daughter's mom 19 didn't know

01:03:39.787 --> 01:03:42.807
shit about the world love or nothing i thought

01:03:42.807 --> 01:03:46.507
that was gonna be my everything we laid down and had a kid she

01:03:46.507 --> 01:03:49.247
walked away and said she didn't want it i didn't

01:03:49.247 --> 01:03:52.087
know what i didn't know what to do with my emotions i thought that

01:03:52.087 --> 01:03:54.827
was my everything but to her it was just she

01:03:54.827 --> 01:03:57.787
walked away i didn't know how to handle them that's why i'm labeling

01:03:57.787 --> 01:04:00.587
myself because i've never had i've never and i'm

01:04:00.587 --> 01:04:04.767
going to counseling but i i didn't go to counseling or i didn't have that that

01:04:04.767 --> 01:04:10.007
role model or that male figure to help me walk me through it my mother didn't

01:04:10.007 --> 01:04:14.407
walk me through it nobody was there to walk me through it nobody was there to

01:04:14.407 --> 01:04:18.487
walk me through any of this shit but why you still can't call yourself that,

01:04:19.662 --> 01:04:23.422
Because that's the way I feel. Hey, dude, let me ask you a question.

01:04:23.922 --> 01:04:26.482
Was your dad there when he was coming up? No.

01:04:27.682 --> 01:04:30.862
Okay, so watch this. I can identify with what you're saying.

01:04:31.122 --> 01:04:36.102
And the thing of it is, you grow up under a mother who's trying to hold it all together.

01:04:36.362 --> 01:04:41.482
The world ain't her fault. And every man in the world ain't jacked up.

01:04:41.782 --> 01:04:46.002
Now, we know all the complications today. And we're just now getting around

01:04:46.002 --> 01:04:48.322
to trying to deal with it and talk about it.

01:04:48.322 --> 01:04:51.222
But we still live to the blame and all that

01:04:51.222 --> 01:04:54.142
and we still live to pull yourself up

01:04:54.142 --> 01:04:57.322
by your bootstraps but what we was the way

01:04:57.322 --> 01:05:00.502
we was kind of brought up man was we were

01:05:00.502 --> 01:05:03.762
brought up you gotta listen it wasn't

01:05:03.762 --> 01:05:07.122
even so much about getting a degree it

01:05:07.122 --> 01:05:10.282
was about getting a job having what

01:05:10.282 --> 01:05:13.402
it takes to survive this world and be

01:05:13.402 --> 01:05:16.362
a good man now every good man

01:05:16.362 --> 01:05:19.722
that we was taught or told about didn't even

01:05:19.722 --> 01:05:23.502
exist it was what they considered was

01:05:23.502 --> 01:05:26.482
a good man then you fight to be what they

01:05:26.482 --> 01:05:29.402
was looking for as a man and then you find

01:05:29.402 --> 01:05:32.222
out that's not what none of these women looking for

01:05:32.222 --> 01:05:34.942
right now back to you

01:05:34.942 --> 01:05:37.782
mark the reason and i and

01:05:37.782 --> 01:05:40.782
i i i need a little more of what

01:05:40.782 --> 01:05:44.162
you're saying and i get and because i

01:05:44.162 --> 01:05:46.962
need an understanding you ask me what does that.

01:05:46.962 --> 01:05:49.842
Have to do with me and why am i labeling myself because

01:05:49.842 --> 01:05:52.882
i don't know what else to call it i don't know what else to put in

01:05:52.882 --> 01:05:56.062
that place why why does it i mean i mean we've all

01:05:56.062 --> 01:05:59.402
been through things i mean you're not i can guarantee you you

01:05:59.402 --> 01:06:03.022
are not only person even on this podcast tonight that

01:06:03.022 --> 01:06:05.782
has had been on emotional roller coaster you know

01:06:05.782 --> 01:06:09.382
in relationships man you know so you i

01:06:09.382 --> 01:06:13.022
don't i don't damage man i mean i like

01:06:13.022 --> 01:06:17.642
morris when he said when he said man i i got scarves you know but that doesn't

01:06:17.642 --> 01:06:24.962
define who i am you know what i'm saying i really respected that i i i really

01:06:24.962 --> 01:06:30.182
understood that the the scars that i carry you know are just that.

01:06:30.402 --> 01:06:33.182
You know what I mean? But it's not damaged, man. You know what I mean?

01:06:34.722 --> 01:06:40.042
It's you. It's you and your life experiences, man. I mean... Absolutely.

01:06:40.802 --> 01:06:44.242
I don't consider it damaged, man. To me, personally. And I mean,

01:06:44.402 --> 01:06:48.442
that's like, to me, that's killing my self-esteem.

01:06:49.469 --> 01:06:52.589
Physical damage or emotional damage any any

01:06:52.589 --> 01:06:55.749
i mean i understand the comments i understand the comment man

01:06:55.749 --> 01:06:58.749
i mean the the label but you you guys know i'm

01:06:58.749 --> 01:07:02.409
not a big fan of labels for one right you know but you

01:07:02.409 --> 01:07:05.329
know and this is this is a negative one that you're putting on yourself but

01:07:05.329 --> 01:07:08.829
you're trying to make something positive out of yourself man so how

01:07:08.829 --> 01:07:11.529
do those two things equal man how do you square those two

01:07:11.529 --> 01:07:14.389
things exactly exactly the thing and

01:07:14.389 --> 01:07:17.449
the thing about it too is you're not the same person that

01:07:17.449 --> 01:07:20.229
you were exactly you know you you you

01:07:20.229 --> 01:07:23.269
we live by the things that we've experienced

01:07:23.269 --> 01:07:26.509
in our life man i mean it's a lesson you

01:07:26.509 --> 01:07:29.709
can learn everything good and bad lessons from everything

01:07:29.709 --> 01:07:32.589
like i said earlier it's not a life sentence it's

01:07:32.589 --> 01:07:35.709
a life lesson exactly so where's the

01:07:35.709 --> 01:07:38.709
damage coming from man you gotta come from a different spot you

01:07:38.709 --> 01:07:41.989
know you're not are you a bad person no

01:07:41.989 --> 01:07:44.629
okay do you do you think you i mean do

01:07:44.629 --> 01:07:48.049
you think you're the same person you were 10 years ago no no

01:07:48.049 --> 01:07:52.969
i'm not the same person i was five years ago well why not i mean is it a better

01:07:52.969 --> 01:07:57.389
person yes i'm a better person i'm i'm a whole lot better than a person five

01:07:57.389 --> 01:08:02.829
years now than you were five years ago yes sir okay so i mean so i'm still trying

01:08:02.829 --> 01:08:06.749
to get this damage part man you know i'm I'm trying to understand.

01:08:07.149 --> 01:08:13.129
I got you. And I love it. I love that you're trying to understand it.

01:08:13.669 --> 01:08:19.349
Maybe, like you said, maybe I'm using the wrong words, but that's how I've labeled myself for years.

01:08:19.529 --> 01:08:23.789
If it's wrong, tell me it's wrong. I need that. That's why we're here.

01:08:24.469 --> 01:08:29.349
My personal name. Do you think that's the problem that you're having right now in your relationship?

01:08:30.009 --> 01:08:35.829
Do I think I'm the problem? No. Well, the experience is the problem,

01:08:36.169 --> 01:08:40.189
that you're having a hard time opening up and being intimate with your wife.

01:08:40.709 --> 01:08:44.029
And when I say intimate, I'm just meaning emotionally, you know,

01:08:44.149 --> 01:08:46.089
allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

01:08:47.119 --> 01:08:51.759
Actually, hold on, hold on, hold on. Actually, it's the other way around.

01:08:51.979 --> 01:08:55.079
If you want me to be honest, my wife, listen, let me give you let me give you

01:08:55.079 --> 01:08:57.939
her point. Let me give you her because you're only hearing me.

01:08:58.039 --> 01:08:59.699
I'm going to tell you about my wife and I'm not.

01:08:59.879 --> 01:09:04.159
This is my wife. OK, we met seven years ago.

01:09:04.519 --> 01:09:08.219
OK, we met seven years ago. We got married five years ago.

01:09:08.459 --> 01:09:13.279
OK, so when I met her, she had been living in this house, this house that we

01:09:13.279 --> 01:09:16.679
live in now for 15 years, her and her two kids.

01:09:17.179 --> 01:09:18.859
She had never been married.

01:09:20.619 --> 01:09:24.919
She'd been in a couple of relationships, but she'd been in this house by herself,

01:09:25.099 --> 01:09:29.099
running this house, doing everything, being the man, being the mother, being everything.

01:09:29.419 --> 01:09:32.459
My son, when he was younger, he had some behavior issues.

01:09:32.919 --> 01:09:41.079
She had to work, take care, do all the things that you have to do in life.

01:09:41.079 --> 01:09:45.179
And so she hardened herself. She hardened herself.

01:09:45.999 --> 01:09:51.159
She's still hard to a certain degree.

01:09:51.779 --> 01:09:59.259
And I'm trying to get through to her to make her understand that for one, she has a partner.

01:09:59.579 --> 01:10:03.879
For two, she doesn't have to be so emotionally hard.

01:10:05.619 --> 01:10:10.899
Amen. It's funny that you say that because I'm in kind of a similar situation myself.

01:10:11.319 --> 01:10:16.099
I was married for 25 years and lost my wife during the COVID outbreak.

01:10:17.079 --> 01:10:21.639
And then about three years later, I met a lady that lived in my neighborhood.

01:10:21.639 --> 01:10:23.819
And I feel like it was a God thing.

01:10:24.139 --> 01:10:28.199
But she's a similar situation to what your wife is going through.

01:10:28.399 --> 01:10:30.439
She came out of a really bad relationship.

01:10:31.079 --> 01:10:33.099
She's learned to be very independent.

01:10:33.999 --> 01:10:40.659
And it's hard. I mean, we were arguing earlier today just because she wanted,

01:10:41.219 --> 01:10:46.299
you know, she, I feel my love language is taking care of her.

01:10:46.539 --> 01:10:51.579
But then when she's strongly independent, it hurts me. It feels like I'm not

01:10:51.579 --> 01:10:53.599
doing my job. And I had to learn.

01:10:54.019 --> 01:10:56.759
It still causes tension from time to time.

01:10:57.359 --> 01:11:03.119
And it did yesterday, last night, as a matter of fact. And our grandsons came

01:11:03.119 --> 01:11:07.879
over tonight, and we were trying to get a TV up in our house.

01:11:08.039 --> 01:11:13.219
And it was going to be later today before I could get it up and running.

01:11:13.519 --> 01:11:17.799
And she kind of, I won't say she didn't do anything wrong.

01:11:17.839 --> 01:11:24.859
She just was emotionally kind of cold at the moment. And I took that as I was failing her.

01:11:25.099 --> 01:11:29.499
And that's where I had that problem. Kind of like the emotional damage that

01:11:29.499 --> 01:11:34.119
you went through, I felt like I was failing, and that's what caused the issue.

01:11:35.182 --> 01:11:41.642
Have you tried to express that in a manner that, hey, look, you've seen this

01:11:41.642 --> 01:11:45.762
way and I feel this way to make it more out in the open?

01:11:45.942 --> 01:11:49.482
I'm not saying that that makes any of us less of a man or anything like that.

01:11:50.022 --> 01:11:54.562
We all want to stand strong and we want to do all the good things and say all the right things.

01:11:54.602 --> 01:11:59.622
But when it comes down to somebody emotionally stepping away and then we get

01:11:59.622 --> 01:12:03.202
a feeling of feeling like we're failing or not doing something right,

01:12:03.202 --> 01:12:08.962
Can we not express our feelings in a manner that it doesn't have to be like

01:12:08.962 --> 01:12:12.962
a strong notion or like a I'm the man or anything like that?

01:12:13.342 --> 01:12:19.002
Some of us are still learning that. Some of us are still even at our big old ages.

01:12:20.022 --> 01:12:26.142
You're right. And I agree with what you're saying. But some of us are still learning that.

01:12:28.522 --> 01:12:34.142
Why do we always think that a woman needs us for, I guess, you know,

01:12:34.222 --> 01:12:39.082
I don't, one, I'm not, you know, I'm not the Patriarch. I don't believe in this Patriarch thing.

01:12:39.442 --> 01:12:44.362
You know, I want a partner, someone offsets, and I offset, you know,

01:12:44.462 --> 01:12:48.262
we offset each other, you know, where he does the strength and where they're

01:12:48.262 --> 01:12:50.222
weak at, you know, I don't believe,

01:12:51.450 --> 01:12:56.590
You know how I feel about it. I got you, yes. But that's what most of us really want is a partner.

01:12:57.510 --> 01:13:04.350
But it seems like it sounds like it's problematic to me because you want to be the strong.

01:13:05.050 --> 01:13:08.070
My wife is independent, and I want her to be independent.

01:13:08.470 --> 01:13:12.450
You know, sometimes I don't feel like doing what you want me to do.

01:13:12.550 --> 01:13:14.810
Do it yourself. You know what I mean?

01:13:15.770 --> 01:13:18.190
You know, I'm not here.

01:13:20.330 --> 01:13:24.990
How do I say this, man? I mean, we have this idea of a man wanting to,

01:13:25.010 --> 01:13:29.030
you know, I want to do this for her. Maybe she doesn't want that.

01:13:29.530 --> 01:13:32.110
Yes. You know what I'm saying? Maybe she doesn't need that.

01:13:32.730 --> 01:13:36.130
You know, when you start forcing on her, then she, you know,

01:13:36.250 --> 01:13:39.590
it's like, you know, women are different today than they were,

01:13:39.670 --> 01:13:41.750
you know, a few years ago. You know what I mean?

01:13:42.290 --> 01:13:46.190
Very true. I agree. And they're saying it. You know, we're not,

01:13:46.330 --> 01:13:47.970
sometimes I don't think we're hearing it.

01:13:48.190 --> 01:13:55.730
You know, because of our history with the male in the home, the man in the home and stuff, man.

01:13:55.830 --> 01:14:00.390
But, you know, women, they're out there, you know, grinding like we are. Yes, I agree with that.

01:14:00.990 --> 01:14:03.430
They grind like a bad set of plates, man, you know.

01:14:05.310 --> 01:14:08.290
So what do you do when you have this independent woman, man?

01:14:08.350 --> 01:14:09.850
I mean, you got them butting heads.

01:14:10.810 --> 01:14:14.850
But it's not about her independence where we're butting heads.

01:14:14.850 --> 01:14:20.410
That was Jimbo's situation and he he's butting heads and he has to explain that

01:14:20.410 --> 01:14:21.570
a little bit more with me.

01:14:21.790 --> 01:14:24.450
It's not butting heads about her independence.

01:14:25.230 --> 01:14:30.030
What I'm butting heads with her about is her emotional state.

01:14:30.890 --> 01:14:35.310
If you could only I'm giving you bits and pieces of my marriage,

01:14:35.310 --> 01:14:40.890
but this is not just being like this started today. This is.

01:14:42.123 --> 01:14:47.523
Sometimes women that that have to put themselves in a masculine role,

01:14:47.523 --> 01:14:51.483
it's like you said about going out and battling the world and you put on that

01:14:51.483 --> 01:14:53.103
suit of armor. You said that.

01:14:53.603 --> 01:14:58.803
OK, so there are women out here that men have left them with these children

01:14:58.803 --> 01:15:02.903
and all of these other responsibilities. So they put on this suit of armor.

01:15:03.083 --> 01:15:07.883
And when any man tries to get close to them, they're like Superman or like the

01:15:07.883 --> 01:15:09.443
Hulk and they punching at them.

01:15:09.443 --> 01:15:12.543
And and i was lucky

01:15:12.543 --> 01:15:18.463
enough to get the zipper off of that suit of armor but she won't take it off

01:15:18.463 --> 01:15:24.343
and that's all i'm saying is just take the suit off i'm not your i'm not your

01:15:24.343 --> 01:15:30.083
enemy what it looked like when the suit is off what was your to me to me what it looks like.

01:15:31.243 --> 01:15:36.763
To me what it looks like is us having some great conversations and and talking

01:15:36.763 --> 01:15:38.543
up because you'd said partner.

01:15:39.023 --> 01:15:42.303
Okay. So I'm not always where I need to be.

01:15:42.463 --> 01:15:49.723
So sometimes I need some, I need to be checked in sometimes respectfully, respectfully.

01:15:50.143 --> 01:15:53.603
Hey, Joe, you out of line. My real name is Joe. Hey, Joe, you out of line.

01:15:53.783 --> 01:15:55.843
And it should be able to same way with her.

01:15:56.083 --> 01:15:59.603
Hey, you're out of line, Becky. You're out of line, baby.

01:15:59.883 --> 01:16:06.723
I don't think what you did was cool. It was out of line, but respectfully but the thing is,

01:16:07.303 --> 01:16:10.463
we can't have that type of conversation because

01:16:10.463 --> 01:16:14.363
she feels like I'm attacking her yeah yeah

01:16:14.363 --> 01:16:18.303
go ahead have

01:16:18.303 --> 01:16:22.883
you guys ever thought about I'm listening tentatively here why don't you guys

01:16:22.883 --> 01:16:26.043
try to do that when I was married I was married with 22 years I got divorced

01:16:26.043 --> 01:16:31.303
about 10 years ago I used to have the same issue about trying to over talk yelling

01:16:31.303 --> 01:16:36.383
and screaming and punching When two people are yelling at each other,

01:16:37.023 --> 01:16:41.143
one has to listen, and one has to listen to quiet air. That's quiet. That's right.

01:16:41.883 --> 01:16:46.063
And one doesn't listen, you can never get the understanding of what you both need.

01:16:46.323 --> 01:16:53.103
What I did, I asked her, what can I do to help you feel better?

01:16:54.304 --> 01:16:57.804
See, that's the thing. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hello,

01:16:57.864 --> 01:16:58.884
gentlemen. Hello, gentlemen.

01:16:59.324 --> 01:17:03.204
Because he just touched on something that I go through on a consistent basis.

01:17:04.144 --> 01:17:09.324
When you ask that question and yet you still don't get an answer, then what do you do?

01:17:09.504 --> 01:17:12.504
Well, the answer is I don't know. That part.

01:17:13.104 --> 01:17:19.404
Okay. Well, when that comes about, okay, then you have to go back to your memory

01:17:19.404 --> 01:17:21.744
banks to when you guys first met.

01:17:21.744 --> 01:17:26.424
You have to go back to do the thing that you used to do because sometimes we

01:17:26.424 --> 01:17:33.484
as men we forget how we got them and we fail to do the same things to keep them,

01:17:34.184 --> 01:17:39.144
because sometimes you have to go back 10 12 15 years how long you've been with that individual,

01:17:39.644 --> 01:17:44.104
and it's okay well this is what i did to put a smile on your on her face and

01:17:44.104 --> 01:17:47.564
i'm not i'm not i'm no longer doing that so you sometimes we have to check ourselves

01:17:47.564 --> 01:17:51.024
as men it's okay where do i go wrong.

01:17:51.104 --> 01:17:55.804
Let me go back and look at my notes and restarted the book again to find out

01:17:55.804 --> 01:17:59.504
where I went wrong at because she won't be able to tell you.

01:17:59.604 --> 01:18:02.264
You have to go back and say, okay, well, I did this, this, and this.

01:18:02.384 --> 01:18:03.584
You're right, and I have.

01:18:03.864 --> 01:18:08.624
You stepped all on my toes right then, and I have, and I know exactly.

01:18:09.344 --> 01:18:14.624
You just made me think about it. I know exactly the reason why now.

01:18:15.944 --> 01:18:24.444
Because of my way of communicating there were a few times where I exploded because

01:18:24.444 --> 01:18:30.324
she was not communicating in the form that I wanted her to communicate in and I would explode,

01:18:31.224 --> 01:18:35.124
and now it's gotten to the point where she shuts down,

01:18:36.084 --> 01:18:38.924
you taught her how to shut down.

01:18:40.844 --> 01:18:46.244
There's an Air Force veteran and I'm a military leader as well too okay when

01:18:46.244 --> 01:18:50.784
you go into combat you have to be prepared You got to have your weapons,

01:18:50.944 --> 01:18:52.564
you got to have your ammo, you got to have everything.

01:18:53.746 --> 01:18:58.566
Once you run out of ammo, you got to run high. Same thing with Inno Maris.

01:18:59.366 --> 01:19:04.426
You know, you win the war together, but she ran out of bullets,

01:19:04.446 --> 01:19:07.226
and you left her there on a stranded island.

01:19:07.906 --> 01:19:13.206
And now, being that you left her there, she's like, okay, now I got to put this

01:19:13.206 --> 01:19:16.206
shell over me and be protected because you might do it again.

01:19:16.886 --> 01:19:20.386
That makes her complete. Yeah, it does. We teach each other.

01:19:20.506 --> 01:19:24.006
We teach each other how to treat us, man. If you're exploding,

01:19:24.246 --> 01:19:30.546
then you taught her how far to go and then just shut down. You know what I mean?

01:19:31.666 --> 01:19:36.786
That's a wall. I mean, that's a wall. Every brick that you build is a wall.

01:19:37.426 --> 01:19:41.726
It ends up being a wall. And see, this is—yeah, yeah, I get it.

01:19:41.786 --> 01:19:44.246
I hear what you're saying. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mark.

01:19:44.326 --> 01:19:47.326
I didn't mean to interrupt you. I just want to say this.

01:19:47.846 --> 01:19:53.286
Thank you all because you just made me understand. And and you guys didn't do

01:19:53.286 --> 01:19:54.826
anything except give your opinion.

01:19:55.026 --> 01:19:59.386
But you just made me understand where I went wrong with the situation.

01:19:59.406 --> 01:20:03.346
And this is the reason why we're here, fellas. This is what you have to understand.

01:20:03.506 --> 01:20:08.546
This is the reason why we're here. I thank all of you all for forgiving me the

01:20:08.546 --> 01:20:12.506
insight and the information because I'm sitting here going through my mind.

01:20:12.626 --> 01:20:15.206
I'm sitting here because somebody said you need to go back and remember the

01:20:15.206 --> 01:20:16.566
conversations y'all had at the beginning.

01:20:16.846 --> 01:20:21.626
Somebody said you need to go do this. And I'm analyzing everything that you

01:20:21.626 --> 01:20:25.426
all are saying, and I'm going through all the comments that you all are saying,

01:20:25.446 --> 01:20:29.566
and I'm doing some self-examining about myself,

01:20:29.606 --> 01:20:32.286
and the light came on and it said, ding!

01:20:33.554 --> 01:20:38.634
Have a question to ask every man with follow. Think about it for a second. What makes you a man?

01:20:41.234 --> 01:20:45.174
Really? Really? Yeah. Whoa.

01:20:48.014 --> 01:20:53.094
Go ahead. And I can guarantee you 99% of y'all gonna get it wrong.

01:20:54.334 --> 01:20:58.514
What's been wrong? I can guarantee you. Okay, hold on.

01:20:58.934 --> 01:21:03.354
Is that right? Is that right answer? Yes, it is.

01:21:03.974 --> 01:21:07.074
There's not a right I mean there's not a right answer I

01:21:07.074 --> 01:21:10.534
don't think there's a right answer either let me put it like this when I was

01:21:10.534 --> 01:21:16.634
married like I said we were all raised up to not show emotion we were all raised

01:21:16.634 --> 01:21:23.574
up to work put food in the house I was taught to show my emotions to cry I'm

01:21:23.574 --> 01:21:25.914
more emotional than my wife.

01:21:28.274 --> 01:21:30.974
And my duration I was a truck

01:21:30.974 --> 01:21:34.234
driver 22 years over the road okay and my

01:21:34.234 --> 01:21:37.094
only thought was like i saw watch my granddad go to

01:21:37.094 --> 01:21:40.274
work come home pay the bills that's my

01:21:40.274 --> 01:21:46.634
that's my visionary was of being a man i was dead wrong when you do that you're

01:21:46.634 --> 01:21:52.114
that you're a provider at that point all because you pay the bills for food

01:21:52.114 --> 01:21:56.814
on the table and you know play with the kids every now and then go to work that

01:21:56.814 --> 01:21:59.554
makes you a provider am i correct you're fine,

01:22:00.934 --> 01:22:04.034
what's going to make you a man is when you sit down,

01:22:04.854 --> 01:22:09.774
don't hear that woman you have to listen to her by the tone of her voice her

01:22:09.774 --> 01:22:14.394
tone of her voice will tell you everything you need to know about what you need

01:22:14.394 --> 01:22:16.754
to be a man because I'm going to tell you I fell short of my marriage,

01:22:17.918 --> 01:22:20.758
And I'm not afraid to admit it. I fell short because I'm thinking,

01:22:20.838 --> 01:22:24.118
okay, I'm paying the bills. I'm bringing $1,500 a week home.

01:22:24.418 --> 01:22:27.938
Oh, I don't have to go lucky. No, I was dead ass wrong.

01:22:28.598 --> 01:22:31.778
I was so short, man. I took a long walk. I was short period.

01:22:32.338 --> 01:22:34.118
And it cost me my marriage.

01:22:34.778 --> 01:22:37.618
Because why? I didn't show her attention.

01:22:38.318 --> 01:22:43.038
I wasn't loving her. I wasn't having a conversation that I did when we first met.

01:22:43.498 --> 01:22:47.618
That's why I told you, go back to when you first met. And this is where I feel

01:22:47.618 --> 01:22:49.498
short at. So I know I speak from experience.

01:22:51.458 --> 01:22:56.018
Adaption with access of emotion and life experiences.

01:22:56.638 --> 01:23:02.018
All of those could be used in each situation, whether it's with a woman,

01:23:02.178 --> 01:23:04.358
an argument or anything like that.

01:23:04.498 --> 01:23:09.918
But I'm going to always go back to the empathy of things because women are empathetic.

01:23:10.658 --> 01:23:14.858
If you're empathetic and you're empathetic. Are you sure about that?

01:23:16.638 --> 01:23:21.658
Some of them. But if you're a man and you have empathy and you can adapt to

01:23:21.658 --> 01:23:26.818
what's going on in any given situation, that means you can be quiet. You can listen.

01:23:27.238 --> 01:23:29.858
And sometimes that's all they want you to do. Exactly.

01:23:30.378 --> 01:23:33.998
If you start yelling, if you start raising your voice in a manner,

01:23:34.298 --> 01:23:36.658
it's going to come right back at you so strong.

01:23:36.798 --> 01:23:41.338
And then everything is going to pop off and it's going to be a snowball effect.

01:23:41.338 --> 01:23:46.378
So empathy with adaption, with access.

01:23:46.778 --> 01:23:49.898
You can use your emotions. You can use your life experiences.

01:23:50.158 --> 01:23:52.178
You don't have to make them everything.

01:23:52.558 --> 01:23:53.958
You don't have to put them out

01:23:53.958 --> 01:23:58.218
there as everything, but you can make them relatable and understandable.

01:23:58.558 --> 01:24:01.578
And sometimes just listen to what they're saying.

01:24:02.458 --> 01:24:08.978
You know, no facial emotions. Try not to have any expressions and listen.

01:24:10.202 --> 01:24:13.702
May I say the right things to them? That's all it does.

01:24:14.822 --> 01:24:18.322
Some women don't need to, they don't need to, they don't need you to fix their problems.

01:24:18.422 --> 01:24:20.422
A lot of these women are capable of fixing their own problems.

01:24:20.522 --> 01:24:24.462
They just need somebody to listen to what the day was about or what their situation

01:24:24.462 --> 01:24:25.962
was about and how they handle it.

01:24:26.322 --> 01:24:30.242
You know, we want to fix things all the time, you know, but some of these women

01:24:30.242 --> 01:24:33.222
are capable of fixing. They just, you know, they want to just tell you how,

01:24:33.382 --> 01:24:34.282
you know, what happened.

01:24:34.962 --> 01:24:39.582
They know you listen to how their day went. Yeah. You know, I've been married

01:24:39.582 --> 01:24:43.402
40 years to the same woman, man.

01:24:43.762 --> 01:24:47.282
Almost 40 years. You know, coming up on 40 years to the same woman,

01:24:47.442 --> 01:24:48.682
man. And we're going strong.

01:24:50.242 --> 01:24:54.922
What's the position that you got in when you asked that woman to marry you?

01:24:55.462 --> 01:24:58.442
To get down on your knee. You got on a bended knee.

01:24:59.922 --> 01:25:04.442
Nope. That's the immediate. My ears are open.

01:25:04.902 --> 01:25:10.442
So you're in theory with the emotions, right? You have to not physically bend

01:25:10.442 --> 01:25:15.002
the knee, but within yourself, you got to bend the knee and kind of listen.

01:25:15.242 --> 01:25:16.482
You're not grinning and bearing.

01:25:17.902 --> 01:25:22.682
You're taking an understanding. But listen, listen, fellas, listen.

01:25:23.042 --> 01:25:26.002
My situation is totally different from all of that.

01:25:26.162 --> 01:25:34.902
This woman is a lockbox, a lockbox on emotions because she had to endure all these things.

01:25:35.422 --> 01:25:39.522
The theory about the suit you guys are not listening you take that as a man

01:25:39.522 --> 01:25:41.222
all these things y'all are saying,

01:25:41.982 --> 01:25:48.642
and think about you as a man and that's how she is she's a lockbox you had the

01:25:48.642 --> 01:25:53.802
key for something right yeah I had the key for something I had a little I got

01:25:53.802 --> 01:25:56.742
a little bit open but it's like conversations.

01:25:58.122 --> 01:26:02.242
When I say I'm more emotional than she is I'm the conversational starter I'm

01:26:02.242 --> 01:26:03.642
not what's wrong nothing,

01:26:04.630 --> 01:26:07.790
you looking like that nothing dig in that pocket find

01:26:07.790 --> 01:26:10.530
the key ring and however many keys you got to go

01:26:10.530 --> 01:26:13.250
through find that tell your face and your

01:26:13.250 --> 01:26:16.330
attitude because your face you have to say something wrong yeah

01:26:16.330 --> 01:26:22.110
it's like you know this approach yeah i think i think a lot of this approach

01:26:22.110 --> 01:26:26.150
man you know if it's if it looks like they say the definition of insanity is

01:26:26.150 --> 01:26:29.990
doing the same thing expecting different results you know what i mean a little

01:26:29.990 --> 01:26:33.690
different yeah you got it Yeah, you just got to, you know,

01:26:34.450 --> 01:26:38.090
we have to find different ways of trying to communicate.

01:26:38.430 --> 01:26:41.490
You know what I mean? And sometimes, you know, it's just not,

01:26:41.610 --> 01:26:42.710
she's just not ready to open.

01:26:43.370 --> 01:26:46.170
You know what I'm saying? No matter how hard-hearted you force it,

01:26:46.230 --> 01:26:49.390
try to force this door open it, sometimes it's just not going to open,

01:26:49.510 --> 01:26:51.710
man. You know, she's going to open it when she's ready to open it.

01:26:52.490 --> 01:26:55.930
And you got to let her know, hey, when you're ready to talk about it, man, you know I'm here.

01:26:57.410 --> 01:27:00.590
Okay, Mark, hold on, hold on. Okay, Mark, I hear what you're saying, brother.

01:27:00.590 --> 01:27:03.930
But where i am and where i get sometimes is if

01:27:03.930 --> 01:27:07.290
you start in on the conversation you start the conversation and

01:27:07.290 --> 01:27:10.130
then in the middle of the conversation you just go left and

01:27:10.130 --> 01:27:14.850
be like okay i'm done oh it might be it might be painful it might be painful

01:27:14.850 --> 01:27:19.670
you know it might be painful man i mean you just like you got scars she she

01:27:19.670 --> 01:27:23.370
might have scars too and it might be painful she doesn't she doesn't you know

01:27:23.370 --> 01:27:25.770
what we consider a little bit

01:27:25.770 --> 01:27:29.870
she might consider a lot you know i I didn't put up what I normally do.

01:27:30.050 --> 01:27:33.070
It's a piece by piece, man. And it's called patience, man.

01:27:33.550 --> 01:27:35.730
There it is, right there. I have patience.

01:27:38.219 --> 01:27:42.479
You got to, man. I mean, I know you wanted at your feet and stuff,

01:27:42.599 --> 01:27:47.099
man, but in a relationship, sometimes you got to wait. It ain't all about what you want.

01:27:47.699 --> 01:27:51.099
And I think that's a lot of things wrong. It's what we want as men,

01:27:51.199 --> 01:27:54.999
man, but you know, that doesn't always work in a relationship.

01:27:55.339 --> 01:28:01.099
And you know what, man? You hit the nail on the head, and I think you're so

01:28:01.099 --> 01:28:04.339
right, but it's in our human self.

01:28:04.499 --> 01:28:09.099
Let's be honest, some of us, not all of us, but some of us in our human selves,

01:28:09.159 --> 01:28:18.579
we're so impatient that we've become, and Bubba's, this used to be Bubba's phrase, microwave hose.

01:28:19.019 --> 01:28:24.059
And what that means, you want everything really, really fast.

01:28:24.199 --> 01:28:27.199
Bubba used to say that all the time. We're dealing with some microwave hose out here.

01:28:27.359 --> 01:28:29.919
But anyways, you're right.

01:28:30.119 --> 01:28:36.419
And I have to humble myself. Let me say that first of all, gentlemen.

01:28:36.699 --> 01:28:39.939
And again, I want to say thank you. I want to thank everybody for what they're

01:28:39.939 --> 01:28:44.759
saying, because this is amazing. And you guys are helping me so much.

01:28:46.219 --> 01:28:53.199
I have to understand. And I think God puts us together with our spouses to teach us something.

01:28:53.479 --> 01:28:55.499
And that's what he's been talking to me.

01:28:55.859 --> 01:28:58.199
I know he's in your mind to teach me something.

01:28:59.079 --> 01:29:02.119
And I told you, I've been praying and praying and praying and all week.

01:29:02.119 --> 01:29:07.819
And that's that's what really has been coming to me is he put her in my life

01:29:07.819 --> 01:29:10.739
to teach me some lessons about myself.

01:29:11.399 --> 01:29:18.299
She's a she's a mirror that I've been staring at for so long and I couldn't see myself.

01:29:18.479 --> 01:29:23.639
But then when I married this woman, it was like all my imperfections just kind

01:29:23.639 --> 01:29:28.919
of fell out in front of me. and I'm facing all of these things and it's like

01:29:28.919 --> 01:29:32.599
I'm still trying to figure out how to handle them.

01:29:33.834 --> 01:29:37.314
You got to look inside yourself first. I mean, you kind of said it.

01:29:37.454 --> 01:29:41.014
You said that looking in the mirror at her when, you know.

01:29:42.174 --> 01:29:46.074
Look inside yourself, man. Like I said, go back to the beginning,

01:29:46.094 --> 01:29:48.874
to where you first started, when you first met her.

01:29:49.194 --> 01:29:53.194
When you first met her, she had a smile on her face. She was giddy. She was happy.

01:29:53.574 --> 01:29:56.234
Am I correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was giddy, man.

01:29:56.334 --> 01:30:00.014
We used to just get in the car and just ride. We ride to Kentucky.

01:30:00.014 --> 01:30:04.814
We ride to Alabama. when we go we just go sit at a lake and just watch water

01:30:04.814 --> 01:30:06.654
man let me ask you this you know,

01:30:07.494 --> 01:30:15.094
and all you guys have women girlfriends wives whatever okay a lot of men that

01:30:15.094 --> 01:30:19.594
why buy women expensive deals or i got her a car or i bought her a nice fur

01:30:19.594 --> 01:30:23.274
coat or i bought some red bobbing shoes or a night down the ring or a tennis

01:30:23.274 --> 01:30:26.294
bracelet let me tell you something old saying golds,

01:30:26.814 --> 01:30:29.534
a diamond loses the sparkle and gold loses the shine.

01:30:29.714 --> 01:30:32.094
Am I correct? Very true. Okay.

01:30:32.694 --> 01:30:37.334
You know where I started going? No, I guess you are. I will go make my wife at the time.

01:30:37.434 --> 01:30:42.714
I will go make her a card and go cut her some roses instead of buying them out

01:30:42.714 --> 01:30:46.634
of the store because when you do something with your own two hands and you write

01:30:46.634 --> 01:30:50.474
it in your own handwriting and you sign that card or that letter,

01:30:51.014 --> 01:30:55.054
that changes the whole world of everything in that woman's heart.

01:30:56.514 --> 01:31:00.714
Yeah, and I get what you said And I guess My wife,

01:31:00.914 --> 01:31:05.394
she's a beautiful, beautiful woman And she's so different from Every woman I've

01:31:05.394 --> 01:31:08.754
ever been with Man, when I say she's so different from Every woman,

01:31:08.834 --> 01:31:11.654
and I'm not talking about in a bad way I'm talking about in a good way,

01:31:11.694 --> 01:31:13.194
I'm just trying To find this rhythm,

01:31:14.534 --> 01:31:19.454
But she doesn't even Like me to go out and buy her things She don't like that

01:31:19.454 --> 01:31:25.354
She doesn't even like it And that's my point, don't buy it Make her a card,

01:31:26.754 --> 01:31:32.554
if I go here's my wife this is what makes her happy if I went to the store,

01:31:32.694 --> 01:31:39.274
bought a bunch of fruit and made her a fruit salad she's overjoyed with that,

01:31:40.494 --> 01:31:45.054
tell her what it's worth I think he's a thousand percent right,

01:31:45.114 --> 01:31:51.494
it's because you took the time and that's when I was getting that, you did it with your own,

01:31:52.574 --> 01:32:00.154
hands That's the most valuable gift we can give the other partner in our lives is that time.

01:32:00.154 --> 01:32:02.554
It's not the gold. It's not the diamonds.

01:32:03.634 --> 01:32:09.094
The range of a nut is for us. It's exactly, it's our personal touch.

01:32:11.108 --> 01:32:18.368
I can't see that. I can see that because as hard as I work and I I'm pulling 14,

01:32:18.488 --> 01:32:22.568
12 out of days or something like that and sometimes when I hit the house I'm

01:32:22.568 --> 01:32:28.768
done and they won't have a conversation and I'm like, I'm just better drained.

01:32:29.368 --> 01:32:32.648
So yeah, I see what you say, where you get that at.

01:32:33.168 --> 01:32:38.448
I can see that. You know, on the average, a man is putting about $10,000 a day

01:32:38.448 --> 01:32:42.008
and a woman speaks about 14,000 words a day.

01:32:42.288 --> 01:32:45.848
So when the man gets home from a hard day, he's out of words.

01:32:47.228 --> 01:32:49.988
Bank account sits there full waiting to talk.

01:32:51.408 --> 01:32:54.788
That's a lot of times where the domestic situation comes in.

01:32:54.988 --> 01:32:58.348
It's like she's wanting to vent something like that.

01:32:59.248 --> 01:33:02.768
Just for telling me about her family, she doesn't want to vent.

01:33:04.208 --> 01:33:07.608
She just wants to feel valuable and,

01:33:08.448 --> 01:33:13.508
you're giving her that time and that base and everything and not trying to fix it,

01:33:14.048 --> 01:33:19.208
it's that's the most precious gift you can give them just different

01:33:19.208 --> 01:33:25.388
things my god five different things you know start off like i said we now one

01:33:25.388 --> 01:33:30.928
last time you make a fruit bag a fruit bowl a food salad one last week it was

01:33:30.928 --> 01:33:35.148
probably sunday it was sunday this sunday but this,

01:33:35.808 --> 01:33:42.268
kind of came up this whole thing kind of came up probably three to four days

01:33:42.268 --> 01:33:52.248
ago it kind of came up three to four days ago and it's just been like I just feel like I'm trying to,

01:33:53.388 --> 01:33:59.848
I've you guys made some valid comments and some valid points I just and I realize

01:33:59.848 --> 01:34:04.668
now where I because you You're going wrong.

01:34:05.088 --> 01:34:07.028
Right. Well, I went wrong. Mm-hmm.

01:34:07.788 --> 01:34:10.128
And sometimes look within yourself.

01:34:11.698 --> 01:34:15.618
Because in order to find a solution to a problem, we have to look at that man

01:34:15.618 --> 01:34:19.598
in the mirror as, OK, where did I go wrong? What did I say wrong?

01:34:19.818 --> 01:34:24.718
What am I not doing what I used to do? I can't I can't say there's enough.

01:34:24.838 --> 01:34:26.398
You have to go back to the beginning.

01:34:26.838 --> 01:34:30.718
But see, in that case of what you're saying, it's what I did.

01:34:30.918 --> 01:34:35.418
And I get what you I get the premise of what you're saying.

01:34:35.418 --> 01:34:41.058
But now it's at the point where I have to figure out how to fix what I did.

01:34:41.058 --> 01:34:46.278
I went back and figured out why we're having this problem with communication

01:34:46.278 --> 01:34:49.958
is because I at certain points,

01:34:49.958 --> 01:34:54.858
I wanted to take control of the conversation and I felt like it wasn't going

01:34:54.858 --> 01:34:58.098
in the manner or the speed I felt like it was going.

01:34:58.098 --> 01:35:05.358
So I would blow up and she and somebody said, and that's when the bricks started coming up.

01:35:05.558 --> 01:35:11.798
That's when the bricks started going up. So now I have to figure out how to

01:35:11.798 --> 01:35:15.358
bring it because I have changed.

01:35:15.558 --> 01:35:21.858
It does not happen anymore. And I try to pride myself on staying evenly killed

01:35:21.858 --> 01:35:24.738
when we're having a discussion or a disagreement.

01:35:24.738 --> 01:35:28.638
Treatment i try to i try to be evenly

01:35:28.638 --> 01:35:31.598
killed and i try to put my listening ears on and

01:35:31.598 --> 01:35:37.798
i try to be at that point but there was a time before when it would just i when

01:35:37.798 --> 01:35:43.318
the conversation wasn't going in the in the speed or the manner yes mark control

01:35:43.318 --> 01:35:49.558
it if it wasn't if it wasn't going in in the manner that I thought it was going in,

01:35:49.758 --> 01:35:52.098
then I take off running.

01:35:53.818 --> 01:36:00.558
And now I'm in this place I'm in right now and I'm frustrated,

01:36:00.558 --> 01:36:02.578
but I don't feel like exploding.

01:36:02.798 --> 01:36:05.298
I don't yell. I don't,

01:36:06.144 --> 01:36:09.244
elevate my voice I just try to have a conversation with

01:36:09.244 --> 01:36:12.084
her because I did listen to her and when

01:36:12.084 --> 01:36:15.604
she said she didn't like it and and

01:36:15.604 --> 01:36:18.664
I but in this these last few

01:36:18.664 --> 01:36:24.424
days I didn't think about that I didn't think about that particular conversation

01:36:24.424 --> 01:36:31.564
I didn't go back and go through all the clips and all the reels and think about

01:36:31.564 --> 01:36:36.744
that particular conversation because the point at hand is what I was thinking about,

01:36:36.924 --> 01:36:41.064
and I've only been reeling over the pointed hand and going through,

01:36:42.084 --> 01:36:44.624
why is she not? Why is this not?

01:36:44.804 --> 01:36:46.804
Why does she feel this way?

01:36:48.444 --> 01:36:53.284
And I didn't do my due diligence, what I try to always tell people,

01:36:53.384 --> 01:36:56.304
do your due diligence, and I didn't do my due diligence.

01:36:56.584 --> 01:37:01.484
And having this conversation with you all just made me do my due diligence.

01:37:01.704 --> 01:37:05.184
And this is what I want you guys to understand. If you're new here,

01:37:05.364 --> 01:37:09.324
if you're old here, if you're whatever, there's another me out here somewhere

01:37:09.324 --> 01:37:10.544
that's going through this.

01:37:10.724 --> 01:37:13.984
And I didn't think this was going to be my forever because I got faith that

01:37:13.984 --> 01:37:15.364
God's going to work out my marriage.

01:37:15.524 --> 01:37:20.364
But there's a young man out there somewhere or a man that may think that whatever

01:37:20.364 --> 01:37:24.244
they're going through is there forever when tomorrow can be different.

01:37:24.404 --> 01:37:27.864
Listen, five years ago, I didn't think I'd be where I'm at right now.

01:37:28.044 --> 01:37:30.404
Ten years ago, I didn't think I'd be where I'm at right now.

01:37:30.404 --> 01:37:35.344
But through the power of God and my own belief in myself and my beautiful wife,

01:37:35.344 --> 01:37:38.444
we're here having this conversation.

01:37:39.424 --> 01:37:46.364
Men, we don't know how powerful we are in helping each other be better.

01:37:46.524 --> 01:37:48.264
I mean, y'all just y'all just walked.

01:37:48.524 --> 01:37:54.324
Y'all just dog walked me through my own situation in a in a nice way. And I respect that.

01:37:54.404 --> 01:37:58.084
And that's what I always respect. Let's have a real honest man conversation

01:37:58.084 --> 01:38:02.744
and figure out where we're wrong because we're not always right in this point.

01:38:03.064 --> 01:38:06.424
Now y'all got me over here trying to figure out how am I going to go upstairs

01:38:06.424 --> 01:38:10.224
and apologize to this woman? Well, just the same way that you were saying it is.

01:38:10.764 --> 01:38:14.844
You know what? Now, just sit down and say, honey, I'm sorry.

01:38:15.624 --> 01:38:19.044
I apologize. Don't you even got to explain nothing? Just say,

01:38:19.164 --> 01:38:22.744
honey, I'm sorry. Kiss on the cheek and take your ass back downstairs. careers.

01:38:26.024 --> 01:38:31.144
And that juncture right then now her mind will start to wander and she may come downstairs,

01:38:32.464 --> 01:38:35.604
I've tried and it worked for me many times in my marriage you know what I used

01:38:35.604 --> 01:38:38.964
to do when the kids were going to grandma house or they going to their friend

01:38:38.964 --> 01:38:40.804
house spending the night or whatever you know what I used to do,

01:38:41.724 --> 01:38:49.424
I would turn on me some jab music get a bottle of wine sit her down and not say one,

01:38:50.184 --> 01:38:56.544
damn word there you go right now sip that wine because silence is golden you

01:38:56.544 --> 01:38:59.844
can hear so much when nothing's being said amen,

01:39:01.031 --> 01:39:03.911
So you ain't got to learn how to do that. Go up there and get a file,

01:39:04.051 --> 01:39:05.831
get a chance. And that's it.

01:39:07.111 --> 01:39:09.911
That's all you got to do. That's all you got to do.

01:39:10.311 --> 01:39:13.751
And then, guess what happens after that? Them bricks going to start coming down.

01:39:14.011 --> 01:39:20.071
It may take a minute, but brick by brick by brick, that wall will start to come down.

01:39:20.171 --> 01:39:23.431
I'm going to try to bust it down at one time, but then you have a pile of rubber

01:39:23.431 --> 01:39:25.151
on your hand, you still got to clean up.

01:39:25.871 --> 01:39:29.571
Man, look, I'm trying to be Hercules. I need this wall down tomorrow.

01:39:29.571 --> 01:39:33.611
See, that's a problem right there. You try to rush and do it. You want that?

01:39:34.351 --> 01:39:38.251
Let me get your own thing. My father told me when I started my business.

01:39:38.391 --> 01:39:41.611
He said, a thousand mile journey begins with a single step.

01:39:42.611 --> 01:39:46.891
If you rush that journey, running through that journey a thousand miles,

01:39:46.911 --> 01:39:48.751
you're going to be tired before you even get to starting.

01:39:53.731 --> 01:39:56.751
That's good though. He dropped a GM right there.

01:39:56.931 --> 01:40:03.291
I mean, I respect that. and yeah sometime I see me around Nashville man at the

01:40:03.291 --> 01:40:08.791
Cigar Lines whatever I'd be out and about but yeah you know you can man you

01:40:08.791 --> 01:40:12.271
can you'll catch more bees with honey than with vinegar,

01:40:13.271 --> 01:40:18.271
y'all heard all that saying man I mean bro I would take just it don't take a

01:40:18.271 --> 01:40:24.831
lot just a little bit honey I'm sorry kiss on the cheek do a bout place do left

01:40:24.831 --> 01:40:27.511
right left going down the stairs oh hell.

01:40:31.271 --> 01:40:35.531
Oh, for real? I don't know that. You even got to say that you can just go up

01:40:35.531 --> 01:40:39.571
there, cut your hand, give her a kiss on the forehead, turn around,

01:40:39.691 --> 01:40:42.731
walk downstairs, and sit at the table. Yep.

01:40:43.471 --> 01:40:46.631
Get you a stiff drink, just smoke a cigar, go on the back porch,

01:40:47.271 --> 01:40:53.671
put some goddamn Kenny G on, and just stare into the light, and just smoke your cigar, have your drink.

01:40:54.371 --> 01:40:56.111
She'll come and join you up there, too. Yep.

01:40:57.493 --> 01:41:02.273
You ask me, what was that for? Because I love you. That's all you can say. Oh.

01:41:03.493 --> 01:41:07.373
Try it. You might like it. That's some good stuff, gentlemen. Yes.

01:41:08.733 --> 01:41:11.473
I speak from experience. Now, I'm not saying to be saying it.

01:41:11.733 --> 01:41:13.193
I speak from experience.

01:41:15.413 --> 01:41:18.893
That's some good stuff, Arthur. I appreciate it.

01:41:20.253 --> 01:41:25.153
Now, here's the million dollar question. Will you be able to do it?

01:41:26.133 --> 01:41:32.453
That's the million dollar question with honey not vinegar exactly,

01:41:34.113 --> 01:41:39.053
they say you catch more flies with honey than you do vinegar yeah well put some

01:41:39.053 --> 01:41:46.373
money so a vinegar is gonna get sour but honey would never lose its taste there

01:41:46.373 --> 01:41:48.493
you go can y'all hear me yep,

01:41:50.093 --> 01:41:53.393
hey Joe I guess he's in the background.

01:41:55.893 --> 01:41:59.673
I was just going to tell him you know because of your breakdown in communication,

01:42:00.453 --> 01:42:07.093
hello well we lost you Dave some of those bricks build up between the physical

01:42:07.093 --> 01:42:11.673
between the couple so I was just going to remind him to take that page 7 out

01:42:11.673 --> 01:42:16.273
of the Diddy handbook and when all else fails go slap some baby oil on them hands and get to work.

01:42:20.073 --> 01:42:25.853
Lord sweet teenage baby hey you gotta work out some of them knots some of them

01:42:25.853 --> 01:42:30.613
tension knots you work them out communication starts to flow better be like

01:42:30.613 --> 01:42:33.153
Teddy P rubbing down some hot burning oil,

01:42:36.813 --> 01:42:38.173
and turn out the lights,

01:42:41.479 --> 01:42:46.259
But just simple gestures, man, simple gestures. It will get you a long way.

01:42:46.899 --> 01:42:51.519
Just simple gestures. Well, I thank everybody that's been on the show tonight.

01:42:51.719 --> 01:42:56.159
Thank everybody that's been in the comments tonight if you didn't get a chance to express yourself.

01:42:56.199 --> 01:43:00.659
But just know that this Kickback Conversation starts every Friday night at 730.

01:43:00.659 --> 01:43:05.759
So if you came in late, try to be with us at the beginning at 730 so you can catch the full effect.

01:43:06.359 --> 01:43:09.239
Gentlemen, I appreciate all y'all coming in the house tonight.

01:43:09.839 --> 01:43:12.959
Zane Dang, man, I appreciate you, man. I know I got to you late,

01:43:12.979 --> 01:43:17.519
but thank you for coming in. We'll try and get you right in the beginning next time.

01:43:17.839 --> 01:43:20.559
Thank you. Appreciate all your input as well.

01:43:21.139 --> 01:43:24.999
I really do appreciate it. Gentlemen, I thank you. I thank everybody for allowing

01:43:24.999 --> 01:43:27.899
me into the group. Very appreciative.

01:43:29.179 --> 01:43:32.719
Oh, and it ain't going to stop here, Zane. You know I got you in mind for some

01:43:32.719 --> 01:43:35.479
other things too. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

01:43:36.419 --> 01:43:40.619
I'd like to thank Queena. She sent me an invite to come join this group, man.

01:43:41.399 --> 01:43:45.139
Very informative. It's always good to see a bunch of brothers get together and

01:43:45.139 --> 01:43:47.979
help each other out, man. You know, good, bad, or indifferent.

01:43:48.279 --> 01:43:52.479
You know, you never know what might change somebody. That may be a single word.

01:43:52.779 --> 01:43:55.839
You can be feeling down in dumps. You know, whatever the case may be.

01:43:55.999 --> 01:44:00.099
Smile, man. Say something like that spark back into you, and you feel a whole

01:44:00.099 --> 01:44:01.159
hell of a lot better, man.

01:44:01.319 --> 01:44:06.339
So this is always well needed, and God, you know, continue doing what you're doing, gentlemen.

01:44:06.979 --> 01:44:12.579
Most definitely like Joe said we're working on some things and hopefully we

01:44:12.579 --> 01:44:17.339
can take this very same group from our audio podcast to a sit down version where

01:44:17.339 --> 01:44:18.739
we can kick it face to face,

01:44:19.619 --> 01:44:22.119
absolutely we all get about it don't we.

01:44:23.357 --> 01:44:28.277
Everybody lives somewhat close to Nashville. I'm in Nashville. I'm in Nashville.

01:44:29.217 --> 01:44:32.497
I had to step off for a minute, fellas. I'm sorry about that.

01:44:32.657 --> 01:44:37.517
But the woman of the hour, she's been gone since we've been doing this the whole time.

01:44:37.657 --> 01:44:40.697
She wanted to go do groceries and things like that. And she texted me.

01:44:40.777 --> 01:44:42.097
She was like, can you come help me?

01:44:42.197 --> 01:44:45.697
And I was like, where are you? And the next thing you know, I had a knock at the door.

01:44:46.217 --> 01:44:50.617
So I had to go grab the groceries. but I'm going to have that conversation with

01:44:50.617 --> 01:44:53.697
her later on about the whole situation.

01:44:54.497 --> 01:44:59.057
Not a conversation. Just piss on the cheek. I love you.

01:44:59.957 --> 01:45:03.797
And leave it at that, at that, at that juncture, help her with the grocery.

01:45:04.117 --> 01:45:07.557
I brought the grocery, kiss on the cheek. I love you.

01:45:08.137 --> 01:45:12.197
And leave it at Johnson. Go get you a nice step bourbon. Sit on the back porch.

01:45:13.377 --> 01:45:16.937
Yeah, you know, I'm going to sit on my back porch. Hey man, listen,

01:45:17.077 --> 01:45:19.337
I ain't just, I ain't knew there's no truth to this.

01:45:20.797 --> 01:45:24.637
That's where all the best thinking goes. Right, right.

01:45:25.817 --> 01:45:31.137
She's out in the backyard. I put her tent up for her. She got her tablet. She got her cigar.

01:45:31.877 --> 01:45:35.017
She got her coffee. She's sitting on the back porch right now in her tent.

01:45:35.397 --> 01:45:38.617
Mind her own damn business. Right, right, right.

01:45:39.337 --> 01:45:41.577
Jimmo, you're right. That's where the best thing happens, man.

01:45:41.777 --> 01:45:45.177
It's where a lot of prayers have been sent up and a lot of conversations have

01:45:45.177 --> 01:45:46.837
been had, man. Absolutely.

01:45:47.457 --> 01:45:53.977
My back patio is where my grill is, my chair, and my personal time.

01:45:54.820 --> 01:45:59.380
Exactly. And they invite her to that problem. You ain't got a thing,

01:45:59.480 --> 01:46:02.720
baby. You sit back down. You sink your bourbon.

01:46:03.440 --> 01:46:06.460
Kiss on a chick again. I love you. That's it.

01:46:07.100 --> 01:46:11.460
Right, man. Listen, I don't know how much Dave told you guys,

01:46:11.600 --> 01:46:14.380
but we do this every Friday night at 730, man.

01:46:14.680 --> 01:46:18.520
Every night at 730. And I want all you guys to come back.

01:46:18.980 --> 01:46:22.280
I don't want you to promise because I know things happen in life,

01:46:22.280 --> 01:46:26.380
But I want you guys to come back next Friday and Friday.

01:46:26.920 --> 01:46:30.700
Every Friday, you can come back and we can have this amazing conversation.

01:46:30.960 --> 01:46:36.100
Man, it's always needed because everybody brings a different perspective to the table.

01:46:36.340 --> 01:46:41.120
And just like I asked the question tonight and everybody gave me their different

01:46:41.120 --> 01:46:44.520
answer to the question. It was amazing.

01:46:44.740 --> 01:46:50.040
And you guys have helped me so much because to be honest and transparent,

01:46:50.040 --> 01:46:53.620
it's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders right now, man.

01:46:54.240 --> 01:47:01.280
Use the community. That's it. That's it. Yeah. You know, the old word was it takes a village.

01:47:02.740 --> 01:47:07.520
We're not children. You got to use the community. Use it. OK, OK, OK.

01:47:07.820 --> 01:47:10.820
Use the community. I got you. I got your concept.

01:47:11.100 --> 01:47:14.160
Use the community. We're not children. Use the community.

01:47:14.440 --> 01:47:19.280
I got it. Man, listen, that is amazing. Use the community.

01:47:20.480 --> 01:47:24.280
This is what it was tonight, but,

01:47:25.068 --> 01:47:29.768
most nights, man, we just talk about whatever. Somebody threw out a topic and

01:47:29.768 --> 01:47:31.548
we just talk about whatever, man.

01:47:31.728 --> 01:47:39.088
But I feel like men needed a place where we could just come and have these type of conversations.

01:47:39.408 --> 01:47:46.228
Did you see there was no real world issues? And what I mean by that is what

01:47:46.228 --> 01:47:48.788
you see on the news and what you see on social media.

01:47:49.568 --> 01:47:53.868
We could talk about that all day long, but is that really going to help the

01:47:53.868 --> 01:47:56.588
next brother get to where he needs to be at?

01:47:56.808 --> 01:48:00.228
Not on the inside. No, that's the outside. Absolutely.

01:48:02.708 --> 01:48:10.068
Exactly. So that's, so having real, man, I've, I've cried about three times over here.

01:48:10.128 --> 01:48:12.988
Y'all probably didn't know it, but I've probably cried about three times over

01:48:12.988 --> 01:48:21.928
here because I have had to dig so deep inside myself to understand where,

01:48:22.248 --> 01:48:29.388
and I've been to that point in the road, but through what was going on right now, I'd forgotten.

01:48:30.088 --> 01:48:37.808
And I really didn't think about the fact that it was me in my haste that has

01:48:37.808 --> 01:48:42.608
created this dilemma that I'm facing.

01:48:42.608 --> 01:48:52.608
I have created my own infliction and realizing that I've created my own infliction.

01:48:53.528 --> 01:49:03.028
Now I'm to a point where I, now I feel, I don't know if the word is sorry for her or anything,

01:49:03.634 --> 01:49:07.974
don't know really the words to express how I feel for my wife right now.

01:49:08.414 --> 01:49:13.694
I really would just, in honesty, to me, I just want to go hug her and just kiss

01:49:13.694 --> 01:49:16.674
her and just say I'm sorry a thousand times.

01:49:16.834 --> 01:49:19.254
That's it right there. It's not no haste.

01:49:19.494 --> 01:49:21.534
Don't feel sorry for yourself.

01:49:21.834 --> 01:49:25.874
Don't feel as if you have to feel sorry for her. Just go ahead and do what you

01:49:25.874 --> 01:49:27.854
have to do. Tell her you love her.

01:49:28.114 --> 01:49:31.274
Grab that cigar, grab the bourbon, sit on the porch.

01:49:31.674 --> 01:49:35.154
If she comes down, she comes down, but she's got that thought in her mind that.

01:49:37.294 --> 01:49:40.474
He said the right words and that's what I needed to hear.

01:49:42.854 --> 01:49:45.854
Something so small can go a long way.

01:49:47.434 --> 01:49:51.694
That's what Jesus said about planting the mustard seed. Right.

01:49:51.914 --> 01:49:53.354
They told the mustard seed, man.

01:49:54.594 --> 01:50:02.254
Man, yeah, it is amazing. But fellas, this show runs for two hours and we've got five minutes left.

01:50:02.254 --> 01:50:12.014
Again five minutes I'm back oh everybody's still here yeah we got we got five

01:50:12.014 --> 01:50:16.214
and a half minutes left I don't know where you went to Mark,

01:50:16.994 --> 01:50:23.994
I go on vacation tomorrow I'm going to Sedona with my cousin she got this timeshare

01:50:23.994 --> 01:50:28.214
and she invited us out there man so we're she called to make sure I was packed

01:50:28.214 --> 01:50:35.634
up and everything man so I fly out about 5 o'clock tomorrow morning so I had to go.

01:50:38.194 --> 01:50:43.094
Going to Cali I'm from Cali oh I was facing that though,

01:50:43.991 --> 01:50:46.771
Oh, you're my home. You're my stupid ground, man.

01:50:47.071 --> 01:50:50.271
We're going to Palm Springs and she lives in Banning and then we're going to

01:50:50.271 --> 01:50:54.031
drive out to Arizona and spend the week out there in her timeshare.

01:50:54.631 --> 01:50:57.311
Out there in that desert. Yeah, man.

01:50:58.291 --> 01:51:02.171
I was fishing down there in Fort Ord, Seaside, Monterey. I was trying to get there.

01:51:03.031 --> 01:51:06.671
I was trying to get to Fort Ord. I got family in Fort Ord. No,

01:51:07.011 --> 01:51:09.991
I got family in Travis Air Force Base. She's in Travis, I think.

01:51:10.551 --> 01:51:14.131
Yeah, Fort Ord is subdivision now. Yeah. Yeah.

01:51:15.091 --> 01:51:18.171
OK, I didn't want to take up the five minutes. I'm I'm I'm I'm listening.

01:51:18.571 --> 01:51:22.231
No, I know. I know. I got you. But listen, I was just saying before you when

01:51:22.231 --> 01:51:26.951
you came back in, I was just I was just thanking everybody for the advice and all they did.

01:51:27.271 --> 01:51:31.311
And and just helping me understand where I'm at with the situation and that

01:51:31.311 --> 01:51:37.231
I created this monster that I'm trying now have to combat and just saying that,

01:51:37.351 --> 01:51:39.771
you know, these conversations are needed.

01:51:39.771 --> 01:51:45.931
People, we need to, as I say, everybody needs to check in every now and then.

01:51:46.171 --> 01:51:51.631
And if we can do that in a respectful manner, then it's all worth it.

01:51:51.791 --> 01:51:53.751
And I was saying it takes a village.

01:51:53.951 --> 01:51:57.851
And then Zane said, no, you got to use the community because we're not children.

01:51:58.331 --> 01:52:02.191
And that's what this is. It's a community. You got to use the community.

01:52:02.191 --> 01:52:06.611
And you guys were the community that I use tonight to understand where I'm at

01:52:06.611 --> 01:52:13.011
and how I need to fix the thing that I've created.

01:52:13.991 --> 01:52:17.971
Like a monster. That's just emotion. That's why I said that.

01:52:18.051 --> 01:52:21.211
You didn't hear me say monster. I said the thing that I created.

01:52:21.731 --> 01:52:26.891
We use the proper terminology, man. You know, we got to work on our terminology. Yes, yes.

01:52:27.531 --> 01:52:30.431
That's the key. That's the go-getter, man. You know, I mean,

01:52:30.511 --> 01:52:33.411
because we you know, our words are who we are, man. You know what I'm saying?

01:52:33.731 --> 01:52:37.891
And we start using these negative words, man. We become a negative person, man.

01:52:38.571 --> 01:52:44.211
Right. And I got I got what you said earlier about labeling myself when I'm

01:52:44.211 --> 01:52:47.691
trying to do this over here. And I've been very bad at that.

01:52:47.871 --> 01:52:53.671
I've I've I've been bad at that because I think it was just it was something

01:52:53.671 --> 01:52:58.511
I adapted a long time ago in my in one of my seasons.

01:52:58.511 --> 01:53:01.291
Because you know we go through up seasons and down

01:53:01.291 --> 01:53:04.311
seasons and in one of my seasons i

01:53:04.311 --> 01:53:07.551
adapted that self-mutilation and i

01:53:07.551 --> 01:53:11.891
ain't talk and i'm not talking about anything physical i'm talking about self-mutilation

01:53:11.891 --> 01:53:19.031
coming from my tongue towards myself deprecation self-deprecation okay if that's

01:53:19.031 --> 01:53:24.811
what you want to call it but i am and i am in an up season and my life is changed

01:53:24.811 --> 01:53:26.851
and i am a totally different person.

01:53:27.091 --> 01:53:29.051
And this journey that I'm on right

01:53:29.051 --> 01:53:38.291
now is one of empowerment and just betterment for me and my community.

01:53:39.346 --> 01:53:43.166
So I've had other friends that be like, man, you've got to change the words

01:53:43.166 --> 01:53:45.206
that you say about yourself because it's power.

01:53:45.366 --> 01:53:49.486
And I'm like, you know, you're right. Yeah. Yeah.

01:53:50.326 --> 01:53:54.966
Yeah. You know, you got to be who you want to be and who you know you are. Yeah.

01:53:55.306 --> 01:53:59.086
And if it's a positive thing, man, you got to use positive adjectives,

01:53:59.126 --> 01:54:00.166
man, about yourself, man.

01:54:00.226 --> 01:54:03.966
I mean, you can't, you know, you got to start there.

01:54:04.126 --> 01:54:07.126
You know, you're not trying to fix her. You're trying to fix you.

01:54:07.626 --> 01:54:11.486
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? You know, and you have to start fixing

01:54:11.486 --> 01:54:15.946
you and, you know, you find a thing that you think is wrong with you and you fix those.

01:54:16.286 --> 01:54:20.266
And we got to start with, you know, we put a positive foot forward.

01:54:21.046 --> 01:54:24.906
Right, right. You know what I mean? And we got to. Yeah.

01:54:25.686 --> 01:54:29.926
As you run the road. I mean, I got baby. You're going to figure this out,

01:54:30.026 --> 01:54:32.726
man. You know, we here. As you run the road. As you run the road.

01:54:33.746 --> 01:54:38.126
That your partner, she's going to pick up her paddle and start helping out as well.

01:54:38.426 --> 01:54:42.286
Yeah, man. You know, when people start seeing people, you know,

01:54:42.386 --> 01:54:45.306
do better, they usually get on board, man.

01:54:46.026 --> 01:54:50.766
You know what I'm saying? It gives them a reason to understand and to be more open as well.

01:54:51.066 --> 01:54:54.686
You know, hey, I'm trying to be real with myself, you know, and that makes people

01:54:54.686 --> 01:54:55.786
want to be real with themselves.

01:54:56.226 --> 01:54:58.046
You know what I'm saying? Yes, sir.

01:54:59.466 --> 01:55:04.146
Fellas, I love everybody. 7.30 next Friday. Be here. Be square.

01:55:04.326 --> 01:55:06.886
We need each other. We need this community.

01:55:07.806 --> 01:55:14.186
We are the kickback. I'll see you guys next week. Have a great weekend, fellas, man.

01:55:14.826 --> 01:55:16.326
Y'all was good with hearing that,

01:55:16.546 --> 01:55:21.146
fellas. My gentlemen, thank y'all for my voice, man. It's always great.

01:55:21.566 --> 01:55:24.386
Y'all have a great good time. You say fuck this.

01:55:24.866 --> 01:55:26.746
It's real on the battlefield. Yeah.

01:55:29.520 --> 01:56:06.297
Music.