July 17, 2026
Men, Faith, and Healing — The Kickback Anniversary Conversation
The Kickback celebrates its two-year anniversary with candid conversations about healing, faith, and brotherhood. Hosts and guests share personal stories of struggle, growth, and the power of vulnerability, emphasizing community, mentorship, and purpose.
00:04 - Anniversary Kickoff
04:27 - Mississippi Culture Shock
12:00 - Lessons in Testimony
28:59 - Two Years of Growth
39:26 - Bus Stop Brotherhood
42:55 - Finding Common Ground
53:19 - Strong Teams Matter
01:06:30 - Called to Lead
01:16:21 - A Safe Space
01:28:54 - Vulnerability and Growth
01:33:26 - From Survival to Future
01:40:48 - Broken Paths, Better Choices
01:46:18 - Two Years Strong
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What's going on, everybody? Welcome to another episode of The Kickback.
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I am your host, The Dude, and as we do every Friday night, we have some great
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conversation with some great men.
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So just kick back, hang out with us, and have some great conversation with us.
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The Kickback, as we do every Friday night, great conversation, great men.
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Just love the conversation that we have.
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If you're new here, welcome. If not, welcome.
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We're always ready to have some great conversation with everyone who's always with us.
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We appreciate everybody who's come to the kickback.
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And if you didn't know, today is the day I started this thing.
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Today is the day I first came on the air and did any of this.
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July the 17th, 2024. It's been two years. It's been a great journey.
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I love everybody that's in here, all the interviews, all the conversations,
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all the talk, and we will be here for even more great conversations,
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great love, great everything.
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And like I said, thank you for being with us. Thank you for being a part of this.
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Thank you for everything that you've given us along these two years.
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And I can't say it enough. Without you all, there would be no me.
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And without God, there would be no us.
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God brought me here.
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God brought you here.
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We're going to be here. We're going to continue to have these conversations,
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and we're going to continue to fellowship and brotherhood every Friday,
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every week, 365,
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24.
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53. So what was your birthday wish? I know it's kind of, you know,
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we're kind of old for birthday wishes, but what's your birthday wish?
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Do what? Okay.
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It's always beautiful to have family that you hadn't seen in a while.
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Now, where's the rest of your family at? Okay.
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That's a while. That is a while. That's a while.
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Now, where about in Mississippi are you from? Okay.
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My ex-wife is from Greensville, Mississippi. Yes, sir.
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Yes, sir. Man, when I say went down through there, and man, it looks so different.
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Life looks so different in the Delta.
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I thought I was going, I really thought I was going back in time.
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I thought I was in the heat of the night.
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Oh, yes. Oh, most definitely.
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Right. Right. I'm like, I went to Greenville, Mississippi, and I was like,
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people want to live like this? This is really?
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I thought this was just something I seen on TV.
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Them shotgun houses.
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It was a reality shock. And I think some people look at it in a despairing way,
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but the people from there, that's all they know.
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That's all they know, and that's what they're used to.
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So to them, it's normal. But to me, it was almost like a culture shock coming from a big city.
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Now, where did your wife take you to go eat at?
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Jonathan, yeah, that's a good little spot.
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Mr. Mark, how are you tonight, sir? You ready to go back yet, Juan?
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Yeah. Right. Right.
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Right. You know, and there's certain kids you worry about. And you're like,
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I hope they make you back.
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Right. Right. Because you know what kind of situation they were going into when
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you last saw them. So, yeah, you're like, man, I hope so-and-so make you back this year.
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And it's great how you get attached to these children because you hear their stories,
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Morris how you doing my brother.
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Yes, sir. Right. Yes. Yeah.
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Right. Right. And that's that's always it.
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But I can understand that that mental tiredness, because I think that's where
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I'm at is I'm more mentally tired than I am physically tired.
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But it's like you said, it's the heat that's been whooping up on everybody.
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And I think the biggest part is staying hydrated.
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We missed you last week. What happened to you?
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You had somewhere to go last week, didn't you? Weren't you going somewhere?
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Yeah. Okay. Oh, they're out of Nashville.
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Yes. Okay. Okay. I know the boys. Right.
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Right. Oh, yes.
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Right Right.
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Yes when you could have sold them all if you would have really paid attention right,
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right,
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right okay right okay yes I totally agree right right but here's the thing,
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what you said when you don't know then you can't do it when you know you do
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better but this is something brand new for you and you had never been down this
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path so therefore you didn't understand the mission at hand.
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Right right right and what was their answer okay yes yes he did right,
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no i mean that's a good that's a good learning lesson that's that's that's a
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good understanding that a lot of us don't get,
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god provides for us but there's not always a manual when it comes to this when it comes to this world
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there's certain things that you understand like you said your mission is simply to,
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to give your testimony in hopes that it would help someone your mission your
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personal mission wasn't to profit off of your testimony, but there's still a
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profit in your testimony.
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So, right.
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Right. You're right.
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Right. Right. Okay. You had to put in that word.
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Right. Uh-huh. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
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ha ha ha.
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But the thing is, that's like, that's one of the reasons I got out of food is
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because everybody wants to be a food critic, but everybody can't cook.
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Everybody wants to be a food critic, but nobody can cook.
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It don't look like the picture. It don't look like I saw it on the Internet. This,
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ain't what I seen. This ain't, okay, how do you know it ain't what you see?
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Then they want to show you the picture. I want it to look like this.
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They don't know. We're doing all right. How about you? That's so cool.
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Everybody wants to be a critic. Everybody wants to critique.
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Everybody wants to tell you how it should look.
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But they don't know how to do it themselves. else i mean anybody in a service
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industry job will understand what i'm saying yeah yes yes yes yes,
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i remember the party line i remember the party line yes right way from social
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media come on now all right.
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Right. But see, I remember, I tell my kids about the three-way call.
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You know, I call you, I call you, and then you call somebody else,
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and then they call somebody else, and then they call somebody else,
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and you got nine people on the line at one time, and we all carrying on a conversation.
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My kids are like, what is that? Is that video chat? Is that a group chat call?
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Okay. Damn. Right. But that was right.
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But those were it's like I tell my kids now.
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I tell my kids about the freedom, the pursuit of freedom we had.
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We had the pursuit of freedom before there was video calls, before there was text messages.
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We had it was it was a three-way call on a friday night to plan what we gonna do saturday morning,
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and we was right we had we had three-way and so we got up saturday morning we
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all might have lived on different sides of town we got on that city bus and we met up at the mall,
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don't roll your bike nope they don't know that right what is that what is a gay fool.
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You know you was wrong for that you was wrong for that man.
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Hurt yourself you'll put yourself in traction yes on a bike not a skateboard
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on a bike not a skateboard,
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yes yes not a skateboard but on a bike,
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but while and what with everybody in the room i want to say this tonight's topic
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and it's really not a topic it is what it is today is the two year anniversary of this show,
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today July the 17th was the first
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day I ever got on this platform to do anything was two years ago today,
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so right so the question of the night is let's all be real has the it's a simple question,
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How has this place motivated you to do something different? Yes, sir.
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Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.
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Anybody else got anything? You.
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Yes, sir. Mr. Mark. Are you tonight, Bubba?
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Yes. Yes, sir. Right.
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Right. Right. Yeah. We ain't even gonna talk about that. Just keep going.
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Right. Right.
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And I appreciate that. Right, right. And that's the whole point behind it is,
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you know, when you're out, it's hard to have real candid conversations.
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But when you have the opportunity, it's always amazing that you can have a candid
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conversation and talk about some real life issues.
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Because as perfect as we all may think our little bubble is that we live in,
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we all are still suffering from something.
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Zane, you was going to say something? You're right.
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Yes. Yes, sir. Right. It's okay. Come on with it. Yep.
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Right. That's a good one. That's a good one. But I can tell you this.
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On the bus stop, probably not that many, but I get what you're saying,
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and that's a great metaphor.
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That is a great metaphor because we're all trying to get somewhere,
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and we're all dealing with some similar things, but we all think they're different.
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And we're all riding together on this bus that we call life,
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but to have those true conversations you have to be comfortable with yourself
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and who you are and I think in society nowadays we've gotten so selfish,
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that we don't trust anybody yeah,
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right right.
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What you're saying is real. But let me say this, not the bus stop.
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But today, a young man came to my house and was trying to sell me something,
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some kind of treatment to kill insects or bugs around my house.
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And we just got to talking and i gave him my email address and he was like,
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one foster dot dude how did you come up with that email address and i said it
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came from the show that i host,
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and she was like show you host i was like yes i i run a podcast for men's mental
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health and well-being where men can have vulnerable and transparent conversations,
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which every man, listen, every man I get the opportunity to have a conversation
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with, they know about this platform.
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Every man, every man that I can get close enough to to have a conversation.
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I didn't know this young man from anything. He was 19 years old and he asked
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me what the show was about and I explained it to him and he said, how did you get there?
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And I said, because of the trials and tribulations that I went through as a
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man. I said, I'm 46 years old. I said, how are you? He said, I'm 19.
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I said, from 19 to 46, I went through a lot. I've been married four times. When I was.
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A young boy and a teenager, I was molested. I've dealt with so much stuff throughout
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the years that I needed an outlet and I needed a place to let somebody understand and know that
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I'm still a man, I'm still a brother, I'm still a father.
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I'm not going to let those things define me. And,
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looked at me and he was like, I could see in his face, this man is giving me
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a whole lot of information about who he is.
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And I'm just trying to sell him something. But you asked about my show,
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my passion, what I'm in love with, what God put as my purpose.
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I'm going to give you passion every time I talk about this show because I'm
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passionate about what I do here and what we do here.
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But your bus stop metaphor, man, that is amazing.
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That is so real. And you're right. Back in the day, you'd be like,
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I've been going to smoke a cigarette, but you're going to come smoke a cigarette with me?
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Hey, man. Hey, listen, right, right, right. I feel you, but yes.
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But listen, the other day, the other day I had to take my car to the shop.
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I had to take it to the shop down the street from my house.
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And my wife works from home, so I could have called my wife,
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but I was excited. But do you hear what I'm saying?
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I got two vehicles in my driveway. I dropped one off for service.
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My wife's got the other one at home.
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But I was excited, bro. I got on the bus and rode the bus home.
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That yes sir right where okay right.
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I got,
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you yes yes right but we got it we got to drive on,
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we can't keep letting we can't keep letting the past anger us but you know what that that,
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that's beautiful because you're not the first brother that i've heard i i talked
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to another brother and we had a meeting a few weeks back and he said the same thing you said.
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He said, and I kind of felt some kind of way when we were sitting down having the conversation.
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He was like, that was about seven or eight
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deacons in the church that took on all the young men that didn't have fathers
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and taught them how to tie a tie, taught them how to change oil,
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taught them how to change tires,
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taught him how to do all the things that a man is supposed to do.
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He said he was groomed from 10 years old until he was grown to be a man and
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be a husband in the church.
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And I was like, man, I don't know what that's like. I've never in my life,
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in my personal life, it made me feel some type of way because I'm like the men
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that I saw in church weren't that noble.
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They weren't the noble men like that. Right. Yes. Right.
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Right. Yes. Okay. Right.
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Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
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Yes, sir. All the time. I've heard so.
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And just on what he said, and it is, but it ain't.
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But I've heard so many people say, for a big man, you move real swiftly.
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I didn't even hear you coming.
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Yes, sir. Yes. Yes.
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Yes, sir. Man, you know it. Man, come on, man.
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Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Man, come on. Yes. Yes.
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That's it. That was it. Man, what? man what hey.
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But that's real though that's real that's all I have no lies detected in what
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Bubba just said it was freedom,
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right,
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right but the thing is everything y'all saying I get it and I understand and you're right.
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Once you get there you've got to have but here's the thing, you have to have a strong team,
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you've got to have a strong team if you don't have a strong team then you will
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not succeed because no man can do anything alone 12?
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Right but then what did he say?
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He said there's a Judah among us right Right.
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But the thing is, even with him knowing that somebody was going to turn on him,
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he still was focused on the niche in that head, and that was to spread the gospel to the people.
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Right. Right. But listen, it was...
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It was right now.
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And I feel like,
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they're either going to love you or they're going to crucify you.
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Either way it goes, it's got to be something. We've got to start somewhere.
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Somebody's got to be the, somebody's got to take the position.
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It's like right now in this world that we live in.
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We don't have any true black leaders. And in that meeting I had with that gentleman
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that told me about his church, and how the,
00:21:47.107 --> 00:21:52.761
the the the church groomed he looked at me and he says you know who you are,
00:21:53.220 --> 00:21:57.864
and I said no I said I'm Joe I said I'm the host of a kickback she says,
00:21:58.579 --> 00:22:01.048
you're a community leader,
00:22:02.149 --> 00:22:06.950
and I said what he said you are a community leader and you don't even know it yet,
00:22:08.458 --> 00:22:16.057
what you're doing to change this world that we live in he said right now it
00:22:16.057 --> 00:22:19.241
may not look like you want it to look,
00:22:20.454 --> 00:22:30.365
I feel how you want it to feel he said but you're changing the narrative in men's minds okay okay.
00:22:39.308 --> 00:22:41.144
Huh? Yes.
00:22:43.556 --> 00:22:46.757
Okay. Yeah. Right.
00:22:49.415 --> 00:22:55.598
Right. Right. But see, something you just said, something you just said at the beginning is how I felt.
00:22:55.898 --> 00:22:59.078
It was like, it's got to be perfect.
00:22:59.578 --> 00:23:04.068
I think, like you say, your narcissistic self, or let's just say our human selves,
00:23:04.068 --> 00:23:08.887
to me, I thought it had to be perfect. It had to be this way. It had to be that way.
00:23:10.518 --> 00:23:17.408
God just said started God just said started and then he had like the other rest
00:23:17.408 --> 00:23:19.805
of you fellas because I know it's a couple of you all here.
00:23:21.471 --> 00:23:24.792
He brought me to Dave he brought me to Dave,
00:23:25.656 --> 00:23:30.538
Dave is to me Dave is a national treasure Dave,
00:23:31.158 --> 00:23:38.518
Van Cleaves is a national treasure so he brought me to David Van Cleaves and
00:23:38.518 --> 00:23:41.277
And we was at church one day, and God said,
00:23:41.916 --> 00:23:45.632
that's your brother right there. That's your brother.
00:23:46.579 --> 00:23:53.175
And so I pitched this idea to Dave and I said, Dave, we're going to do this.
00:23:53.743 --> 00:23:56.535
I said, we're going to run this thing, Dave. We're going to do this.
00:23:57.174 --> 00:24:04.823
And it's history. Today is two years. Today is two years I've been doing this,
00:24:05.537 --> 00:24:08.300
by the grace of God, the will of God.
00:24:09.005 --> 00:24:16.101
And we're able to have, like y'all said, these conversations that nobody's willing to have.
00:24:16.588 --> 00:24:21.350
We could talk about current events. We could talk about politics.
00:24:22.570 --> 00:24:28.690
And homosexuality and all of these different things that the world is talking
00:24:28.690 --> 00:24:33.051
about, but how is any of that going to heal,
00:24:33.556 --> 00:24:39.350
a wound that you've been carrying for 20 years or 30 years. It's not.
00:24:40.217 --> 00:24:46.780
It's not going to heal those wounds. That's not what's going to make us better.
00:24:46.780 --> 00:24:51.770
That's not what's going to make a difference in your life right now.
00:24:51.770 --> 00:24:57.946
Whatever you're going through right now is not what current events are about.
00:24:58.778 --> 00:25:03.259
We're all dealing with something on a deeper level.
00:25:03.870 --> 00:25:13.587
We may not hit every topic. We may not hit every subject. We may not hit everybody's particular wound.
00:25:14.017 --> 00:25:19.450
But in a conversation, something is going to be said that invokes thought.
00:25:19.450 --> 00:25:24.890
Something is going to be said to make you re-evaluate what you're going through
00:25:24.890 --> 00:25:31.830
or what you got going on, or you may find somebody that's been through something similar to you that,
00:25:32.730 --> 00:25:36.632
you can relate to now that you couldn't relate to before.
00:25:39.516 --> 00:25:46.196
You and Zane, you guys are almost the same, but y'all come from two totally
00:25:46.196 --> 00:25:51.676
different backgrounds. Y'all are two different age groups, but you all have
00:25:51.676 --> 00:25:54.422
some of the same inflictions.
00:25:55.482 --> 00:26:00.466
But you would have never you all would have never met each other if this platform
00:26:00.466 --> 00:26:02.261
wouldn't it wouldn't exist.
00:26:03.503 --> 00:26:10.266
My brother mark my brother mark was so brilliant so amazing but he suffers with
00:26:10.266 --> 00:26:12.193
whatever his infliction is,
00:26:12.908 --> 00:26:20.583
but he's slowly transitioning to having a level of trust in these conversations.
00:26:20.850 --> 00:26:25.456
And I love when Mark speaks. I love when it comes out because we're Kendrick
00:26:25.456 --> 00:26:30.410
spirits because I believe the way he believes.
00:26:30.672 --> 00:26:36.320
Sometimes I think the things that I say, people are going to take so offensively
00:26:36.691 --> 00:26:39.855
and they have in certain situations.
00:26:40.973 --> 00:26:46.202
Because like right now, my biggest affliction that I'm going through right now is,
00:26:46.901 --> 00:26:54.066
in my healing process I'm losing my family I'm losing my blood family because
00:26:54.066 --> 00:26:57.056
I no longer live in dysfunction,
00:26:58.112 --> 00:27:03.665
the closest family I got to me is my best friend and,
00:27:04.759 --> 00:27:07.002
right of course the.
00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:15.330
Right okay right right,
00:27:17.587 --> 00:27:22.898
right right but you know what you just said what you just said.
00:27:24.081 --> 00:27:31.711
Is a testimony to what god gave me when i built this platform exactly what you
00:27:31.711 --> 00:27:34.241
described before you told your story
00:27:34.595 --> 00:27:40.451
was about men looking at other men and feeling intimidated and you're right.
00:27:40.451 --> 00:27:45.166
In some spaces, we can be full of bravado and testosterone.
00:27:45.276 --> 00:27:47.871
But what God said is what you just said.
00:27:48.271 --> 00:27:53.014
A man can get in his comfortable place and have a real conversation.
00:27:53.298 --> 00:27:59.171
And that's what God told me. He said, make a place where men can go into their
00:27:59.171 --> 00:28:05.307
bathroom, their car, their living room, their man cave, wherever they are,
00:28:05.818 --> 00:28:09.671
and have a comfortable conversation because we don't have to worry about the
00:28:09.671 --> 00:28:13.443
judgment of the eyes right,
00:28:14.314 --> 00:28:24.560
So you literally described how God presented this platform to me. I needed it.
00:28:25.639 --> 00:28:28.581
Right, right, right.
00:28:29.670 --> 00:28:35.755
Man, what you said. Man, that's amazing. And you have to understand this.
00:28:36.324 --> 00:28:41.780
We're all, no matter how old you are, you're still in a place of learning.
00:28:42.188 --> 00:28:46.100
And if you're not, then you're decaying and you're dying.
00:28:46.309 --> 00:28:49.675
So we're still all in a place of learning. Where you at right now,
00:28:50.139 --> 00:28:54.637
as long as you keep forging forward, you won't be there tomorrow.
00:28:55.217 --> 00:28:56.998
And we all have to grow.
00:28:58.054 --> 00:29:00.778
But it's all a bit of understanding.
00:29:02.074 --> 00:29:06.601
Perception versus reality versus knowledge.
00:29:07.511 --> 00:29:12.684
And understanding all three of those things can live in the same place at the
00:29:12.684 --> 00:29:22.227
same time you have no no choice except to evolve and if you're not evolving then you're decaying,
00:29:23.314 --> 00:29:24.475
you.
00:29:32.652 --> 00:29:37.382
Even through all the adversities, I feel like everybody here has evolved in
00:29:37.382 --> 00:29:40.452
these last past two years that I've gotten to know everybody.
00:29:40.452 --> 00:29:46.642
I think everybody's evolved in some manner and they're understanding in life.
00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:54.035
And we've all educated ourselves on the understanding that it's okay to be vulnerable.
00:29:54.314 --> 00:29:57.036
It's okay to have transparent conversations.
00:29:57.338 --> 00:30:03.898
It's okay to let your guard down just a little bit and let somebody in because,
00:30:04.652 --> 00:30:07.206
again, we can't do this alone.
00:30:08.272 --> 00:30:14.588
And what I've learned in my experience in life, when I say I've done it all,
00:30:15.157 --> 00:30:20.332
God comes smack me on the butt and say, no, no, you didn't do it. I did that.
00:30:23.322 --> 00:30:27.452
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right.
00:30:28.525 --> 00:30:37.692
Yes sir no you're right you're totally right man say that yeah,
00:30:40.935 --> 00:30:41.572
man.
00:30:44.954 --> 00:30:51.898
Right there. That's a word right there. But it sounds like somebody, man.
00:30:54.552 --> 00:31:01.705
Right. But that was a word. What he just said, a lot of us take that for granted.
00:31:02.380 --> 00:31:09.161
How many of us grew up to be the man that we never thought we'd be? I'm one. I'm one.
00:31:11.509 --> 00:31:17.522
I'm I ever thought, it's like, okay, my wife has asked me numerous of times,
00:31:17.907 --> 00:31:20.785
did you ever see your life being the way it is right now?
00:31:21.563 --> 00:31:30.262
And I was like, no. I was so in survival mode growing up that I couldn't see my future.
00:31:30.919 --> 00:31:36.496
I couldn't see my life 20 years from now. I couldn't see my life 30 years from then.
00:31:38.854 --> 00:31:46.594
But it's real. But now, now with the Lord on my side, I can see my future.
00:31:46.594 --> 00:31:50.642
I can see where I want to be in 10 years. I can see where I want to be in 20 years.
00:31:50.949 --> 00:31:53.504
But I ran from it for so long.
00:31:53.974 --> 00:32:00.714
I ran from the goodness of my God for so long, I couldn't see it. And he punished me.
00:32:01.049 --> 00:32:04.661
He punished me for years. And he kept calling.
00:32:04.963 --> 00:32:10.064
And I wouldn't answer the phone. I hit that red button every time.
00:32:10.064 --> 00:32:13.334
Every time he come calling, I hit that red button. I hit the red button until
00:32:13.334 --> 00:32:18.727
one day he just, it was just so overwhelming. I couldn't hit the red button. I had to answer.
00:32:19.790 --> 00:32:25.244
And from that day forward, when I answered that call, man, it's been so amazing.
00:32:25.244 --> 00:32:28.361
And I can see now. I can see.
00:32:29.019 --> 00:32:35.684
So if you're going through something, do I? So if you feel like you're in survival
00:32:35.684 --> 00:32:40.897
in the wilderness, man, your higher power will get you out of it. Go ahead, Bubba.
00:32:41.970 --> 00:32:44.764
Right. Right. Hey.
00:32:48.225 --> 00:32:52.675
Right right and you're right you're right i have went through that because there
00:32:52.675 --> 00:32:57.138
was a time in my life where if you made it to see 18 you was doing good,
00:32:57.803 --> 00:33:01.785
and then when you made it to 18 you made it to 21 you was doing good
00:33:02.204 --> 00:33:07.015
and then it went from 21 to 25 you was doing good and then if you made it to
00:33:07.015 --> 00:33:13.343
30 you was doing great you made it to 30 you you made it if you made it to 30,
00:33:14.435 --> 00:33:19.216
man i know what you saying yeah right.
00:33:21.658 --> 00:33:25.253
Right right right,
00:33:27.046 --> 00:33:31.754
evolution. We've all evolved. We've all evolved.
00:33:31.981 --> 00:33:37.134
And in involving what Dave just said is a big thing. He said,
00:33:37.134 --> 00:33:42.754
trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not into your own understanding.
00:33:43.313 --> 00:33:49.501
In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.
00:33:50.605 --> 00:33:56.799
It's right. But the thing is, we have to understand who directs our path.
00:33:57.247 --> 00:34:00.654
We have to understand that. And we have to understand that we have to,
00:34:00.654 --> 00:34:04.454
you're right, all the things we've had to navigate in this world when you guys
00:34:04.454 --> 00:34:09.824
were making those bets as small children, you never thought that you'd get hit
00:34:09.824 --> 00:34:11.492
upside the head with a baseball bat.
00:34:12.174 --> 00:34:16.289
You never thought that you would smoke crack. You never thought those things.
00:34:17.467 --> 00:34:22.955
But all of those things happen because you strayed away from the Lord.
00:34:24.036 --> 00:34:28.390
He never strayed away from you, but you strayed away from his understanding,
00:34:28.965 --> 00:34:33.847
and you thought that you was the man and you thought that you can control your path.
00:34:34.201 --> 00:34:40.523
We all, and you said narcissistic ways, all of us have those narcissistic ways
00:34:40.830 --> 00:34:43.228
and think that we can control the path,
00:34:43.879 --> 00:34:49.818
and we, I'm the man, I did this. I'm the man, I control this.
00:34:50.131 --> 00:34:55.734
I'm the man, I control this. But no, you can't because at some point it all
00:34:55.734 --> 00:34:58.898
spirals out of control and you...
00:35:03.759 --> 00:35:09.673
Right. Right. Right. Yes, I know exactly what you're saying. But that's the point.
00:35:10.253 --> 00:35:16.926
And here's the thing. We all, every man on this panel has been down that road.
00:35:17.140 --> 00:35:20.867
All of us. It may have not been a bat. It may have not been crack.
00:35:21.251 --> 00:35:25.853
It may have been something else. But we've all been down that self-destructive path.
00:35:26.271 --> 00:35:32.363
We've all been down that path of doing things that we all know was not good
00:35:32.363 --> 00:35:34.951
for our souls. We've all done.
00:35:35.610 --> 00:35:39.238
And if you say you haven't, you're a liar. And I don't want to talk to you no more.
00:35:40.319 --> 00:35:47.037
But the part about evolution is knowing right from wrong and self-correction.
00:35:48.097 --> 00:35:52.863
I don't want to. I don't want. Excuse my French. At some point,
00:35:52.863 --> 00:35:54.842
I wanted to stop wallowing in shit.
00:35:55.295 --> 00:36:00.552
And I wanted to get up and wash myself off because it stinks,
00:36:01.224 --> 00:36:03.906
it sticks to your skin and it's horrible.
00:36:04.603 --> 00:36:11.013
So I didn't want to be there forever. So I made, so God placed me in the proper
00:36:11.013 --> 00:36:15.254
places that I needed to be when I was at my lowest to bring me up.
00:36:16.225 --> 00:36:22.715
When my life transitioned, I was in a place, I was in the desert just walking.
00:36:23.133 --> 00:36:25.130
I was just walking through the desert.
00:36:26.153 --> 00:36:29.995
I was thirsty, dehydrated, and I was almost at the end.
00:36:30.634 --> 00:36:35.395
And he came in, he said, here, this is what you need, my son.
00:36:39.554 --> 00:36:43.124
I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't press it no more.
00:36:43.124 --> 00:36:48.047
It was, it was time. Like I said, he gave me what I needed. I didn't want it.
00:36:48.919 --> 00:36:54.062
I didn't want it. The human self in me, I didn't want it. But he said it was time.
00:36:55.149 --> 00:36:59.421
Either you're going to keep living out in this desert, just walking around,
00:36:59.560 --> 00:37:02.450
wondering, or you're going to come home.
00:37:03.525 --> 00:37:06.434
It's like the prodigal son. Uh-huh.
00:37:07.516 --> 00:37:09.334
Oh. Mm.
00:37:12.861 --> 00:37:20.985
Fellas, listen He will But it's time for us to go Really, won't he?
00:37:21.449 --> 00:37:29.874
But it's time for us to go Two years Two years This has been a great conversation
00:37:29.874 --> 00:37:32.945
And we're going to keep it going on strong Two years,
00:37:35.240 --> 00:37:40.714
I want to thank all of y'all For being here Being with me and being my brothers,
00:37:41.289 --> 00:37:48.207
if you don't take nothing from this hey hey listen man y'all already gave,
00:37:50.974 --> 00:37:55.314
them to me man the conversation we had tonight just was was all the flowers
00:37:55.314 --> 00:38:00.154
i need man this is success man i tell y'all all the time success look different
00:38:00.154 --> 00:38:03.036
for everybody but just to hear you fellas talking
00:38:03.471 --> 00:38:08.364
about this platform and having these conversations is successful enough for
00:38:08.364 --> 00:38:15.032
me is flowers enough for me man y'all don't know how good this makes me feel to be here,
00:38:16.096 --> 00:38:22.095
right all right i'm gonna play the song and we out of here yes,
00:38:23.203 --> 00:38:26.216
i'm gonna play the song amen brothers and we out of here.
00:38:35.244 --> 00:38:35.805
Keep,
00:38:38.589 --> 00:38:44.684
that place for process. Just a place for process. A place for process.
00:38:44.684 --> 00:38:47.384
And complete that process.
00:38:48.258 --> 00:38:53.444
Keep that place for process. Check back place for process.
00:38:58.684 --> 00:39:07.194
I can't find it. I can't Yeah, I mean, you know.
00:00:00.469 --> 00:00:03.547
What's going on, everybody? Welcome to another episode of The Kickback.
00:00:03.547 --> 00:00:08.487
I am your host, The Dude, and as we do every Friday night, we have some great
00:00:08.487 --> 00:00:10.152
conversation with some great men.
00:00:10.494 --> 00:00:15.487
So just kick back, hang out with us, and have some great conversation with us.
00:00:15.876 --> 00:00:22.644
The Kickback, as we do every Friday night, great conversation, great men.
00:00:22.859 --> 00:00:25.210
Just love the conversation that we have.
00:00:25.930 --> 00:00:30.504
If you're new here, welcome. If not, welcome.
00:00:31.009 --> 00:00:39.101
We're always ready to have some great conversation with everyone who's always with us.
00:00:39.438 --> 00:00:43.803
We appreciate everybody who's come to the kickback.
00:00:44.279 --> 00:00:48.207
And if you didn't know, today is the day I started this thing.
00:00:48.207 --> 00:00:55.597
Today is the day I first came on the air and did any of this.
00:00:56.444 --> 00:01:02.399
July the 17th, 2024. It's been two years. It's been a great journey.
00:01:02.933 --> 00:01:08.207
I love everybody that's in here, all the interviews, all the conversations,
00:01:08.207 --> 00:01:14.607
all the talk, and we will be here for even more great conversations,
00:01:14.607 --> 00:01:17.161
great love, great everything.
00:01:17.683 --> 00:01:22.530
And like I said, thank you for being with us. Thank you for being a part of this.
00:01:22.768 --> 00:01:29.307
Thank you for everything that you've given us along these two years.
00:01:29.307 --> 00:01:34.785
And I can't say it enough. Without you all, there would be no me.
00:01:35.150 --> 00:01:37.258
And without God, there would be no us.
00:01:37.716 --> 00:01:40.096
God brought me here.
00:01:40.807 --> 00:01:42.351
God brought you here.
00:01:43.929 --> 00:01:47.981
We're going to be here. We're going to continue to have these conversations,
00:01:48.550 --> 00:01:54.911
and we're going to continue to fellowship and brotherhood every Friday,
00:01:55.591 --> 00:01:58.958
every week, 365,
00:01:59.733 --> 00:02:00.447
24.
00:02:01.399 --> 00:02:08.909
53. So what was your birthday wish? I know it's kind of, you know,
00:02:08.909 --> 00:02:12.566
we're kind of old for birthday wishes, but what's your birthday wish?
00:02:13.616 --> 00:02:15.680
Do what? Okay.
00:02:16.770 --> 00:02:22.547
It's always beautiful to have family that you hadn't seen in a while.
00:02:23.648 --> 00:02:27.145
Now, where's the rest of your family at? Okay.
00:02:29.552 --> 00:02:33.834
That's a while. That is a while. That's a while.
00:02:34.478 --> 00:02:38.354
Now, where about in Mississippi are you from? Okay.
00:02:40.059 --> 00:02:44.759
My ex-wife is from Greensville, Mississippi. Yes, sir.
00:02:46.172 --> 00:02:53.359
Yes, sir. Man, when I say went down through there, and man, it looks so different.
00:02:53.359 --> 00:02:56.106
Life looks so different in the Delta.
00:02:57.067 --> 00:03:00.499
I thought I was going, I really thought I was going back in time.
00:03:00.499 --> 00:03:02.843
I thought I was in the heat of the night.
00:03:07.847 --> 00:03:10.105
Oh, yes. Oh, most definitely.
00:03:13.819 --> 00:03:19.165
Right. Right. I'm like, I went to Greenville, Mississippi, and I was like,
00:03:19.992 --> 00:03:23.510
people want to live like this? This is really?
00:03:24.015 --> 00:03:26.357
I thought this was just something I seen on TV.
00:03:27.757 --> 00:03:29.617
Them shotgun houses.
00:03:32.557 --> 00:03:38.814
It was a reality shock. And I think some people look at it in a despairing way,
00:03:39.308 --> 00:03:42.408
but the people from there, that's all they know.
00:03:42.623 --> 00:03:45.537
That's all they know, and that's what they're used to.
00:03:46.447 --> 00:03:53.030
So to them, it's normal. But to me, it was almost like a culture shock coming from a big city.
00:03:54.497 --> 00:03:58.326
Now, where did your wife take you to go eat at?
00:03:59.417 --> 00:04:02.626
Jonathan, yeah, that's a good little spot.
00:04:03.727 --> 00:04:08.424
Mr. Mark, how are you tonight, sir? You ready to go back yet, Juan?
00:04:09.512 --> 00:04:12.643
Yeah. Right. Right.
00:04:12.829 --> 00:04:17.066
Right. You know, and there's certain kids you worry about. And you're like,
00:04:17.403 --> 00:04:18.564
I hope they make you back.
00:04:19.630 --> 00:04:24.847
Right. Right. Because you know what kind of situation they were going into when
00:04:24.847 --> 00:04:30.844
you last saw them. So, yeah, you're like, man, I hope so-and-so make you back this year.
00:04:31.932 --> 00:04:38.040
And it's great how you get attached to these children because you hear their stories,
00:04:40.055 --> 00:04:41.668
Morris how you doing my brother.
00:04:44.411 --> 00:04:50.082
Yes, sir. Right. Yes. Yeah.
00:04:51.186 --> 00:04:54.181
Right. Right. And that's that's always it.
00:04:54.937 --> 00:04:59.611
But I can understand that that mental tiredness, because I think that's where
00:04:59.611 --> 00:05:03.621
I'm at is I'm more mentally tired than I am physically tired.
00:05:03.621 --> 00:05:08.299
But it's like you said, it's the heat that's been whooping up on everybody.
00:05:08.966 --> 00:05:12.484
And I think the biggest part is staying hydrated.
00:05:13.559 --> 00:05:16.166
We missed you last week. What happened to you?
00:05:18.291 --> 00:05:23.014
You had somewhere to go last week, didn't you? Weren't you going somewhere?
00:05:24.221 --> 00:05:27.809
Yeah. Okay. Oh, they're out of Nashville.
00:05:28.924 --> 00:05:34.602
Yes. Okay. Okay. I know the boys. Right.
00:05:36.848 --> 00:05:37.492
Right. Oh, yes.
00:05:40.092 --> 00:05:42.190
Right Right.
00:05:51.453 --> 00:05:58.539
Yes when you could have sold them all if you would have really paid attention right,
00:06:01.227 --> 00:06:01.587
right,
00:06:04.251 --> 00:06:14.394
right okay right okay yes I totally agree right right but here's the thing,
00:06:16.893 --> 00:06:21.574
what you said when you don't know then you can't do it when you know you do
00:06:21.574 --> 00:06:25.984
better but this is something brand new for you and you had never been down this
00:06:25.984 --> 00:06:30.645
path so therefore you didn't understand the mission at hand.
00:06:33.348 --> 00:06:42.653
Right right right and what was their answer okay yes yes he did right,
00:06:43.928 --> 00:06:49.194
no i mean that's a good that's a good learning lesson that's that's that's a
00:06:49.194 --> 00:06:52.230
good understanding that a lot of us don't get,
00:06:52.922 --> 00:07:01.714
god provides for us but there's not always a manual when it comes to this when it comes to this world
00:07:02.137 --> 00:07:07.937
there's certain things that you understand like you said your mission is simply to,
00:07:08.430 --> 00:07:14.464
to give your testimony in hopes that it would help someone your mission your
00:07:14.464 --> 00:07:19.159
personal mission wasn't to profit off of your testimony, but there's still a
00:07:19.159 --> 00:07:19.714
profit in your testimony.
00:07:22.274 --> 00:07:22.274
So, right.
00:07:25.854 --> 00:07:29.473
Right. You're right.
00:07:32.095 --> 00:07:37.014
Right. Right. Okay. You had to put in that word.
00:07:39.094 --> 00:07:43.534
Right. Uh-huh. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:07:43.534 --> 00:07:43.534
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:07:43.534 --> 00:07:45.014
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,
00:07:47.414 --> 00:07:47.554
ha ha ha.
00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:55.790
But the thing is, that's like, that's one of the reasons I got out of food is
00:07:55.790 --> 00:08:02.435
because everybody wants to be a food critic, but everybody can't cook.
00:08:03.648 --> 00:08:07.270
Everybody wants to be a food critic, but nobody can cook.
00:08:08.352 --> 00:08:12.827
It don't look like the picture. It don't look like I saw it on the Internet. This,
00:08:14.920 --> 00:08:19.800
ain't what I seen. This ain't, okay, how do you know it ain't what you see?
00:08:19.992 --> 00:08:23.167
Then they want to show you the picture. I want it to look like this.
00:08:24.187 --> 00:08:28.948
They don't know. We're doing all right. How about you? That's so cool.
00:08:31.420 --> 00:08:35.710
Everybody wants to be a critic. Everybody wants to critique.
00:08:35.710 --> 00:08:39.703
Everybody wants to tell you how it should look.
00:08:40.278 --> 00:08:45.530
But they don't know how to do it themselves. else i mean anybody in a service
00:08:45.530 --> 00:08:54.668
industry job will understand what i'm saying yeah yes yes yes yes,
00:08:55.761 --> 00:09:02.860
i remember the party line i remember the party line yes right way from social
00:09:02.860 --> 00:09:05.572
media come on now all right.
00:09:08.131 --> 00:09:13.549
Right. But see, I remember, I tell my kids about the three-way call.
00:09:14.124 --> 00:09:19.507
You know, I call you, I call you, and then you call somebody else,
00:09:19.507 --> 00:09:22.895
and then they call somebody else, and then they call somebody else,
00:09:23.904 --> 00:09:30.937
and you got nine people on the line at one time, and we all carrying on a conversation.
00:09:30.937 --> 00:09:35.505
My kids are like, what is that? Is that video chat? Is that a group chat call?
00:09:36.595 --> 00:09:43.763
Okay. Damn. Right. But that was right.
00:09:44.852 --> 00:09:48.602
But those were it's like I tell my kids now.
00:09:48.974 --> 00:09:53.955
I tell my kids about the freedom, the pursuit of freedom we had.
00:09:55.049 --> 00:10:00.320
We had the pursuit of freedom before there was video calls, before there was text messages.
00:10:00.965 --> 00:10:08.804
We had it was it was a three-way call on a friday night to plan what we gonna do saturday morning,
00:10:09.977 --> 00:10:17.077
and we was right we had we had three-way and so we got up saturday morning we
00:10:17.077 --> 00:10:22.321
all might have lived on different sides of town we got on that city bus and we met up at the mall,
00:10:23.402 --> 00:10:30.808
don't roll your bike nope they don't know that right what is that what is a gay fool.
00:10:34.108 --> 00:10:38.807
You know you was wrong for that you was wrong for that man.
00:10:41.468 --> 00:10:48.388
Hurt yourself you'll put yourself in traction yes on a bike not a skateboard
00:10:48.388 --> 00:10:49.975
on a bike not a skateboard,
00:10:51.081 --> 00:10:54.819
yes yes not a skateboard but on a bike,
00:10:55.732 --> 00:11:01.148
but while and what with everybody in the room i want to say this tonight's topic
00:11:01.148 --> 00:11:08.573
and it's really not a topic it is what it is today is the two year anniversary of this show,
00:11:09.659 --> 00:11:14.178
today July the 17th was the first
00:11:14.608 --> 00:11:22.004
day I ever got on this platform to do anything was two years ago today,
00:11:24.136 --> 00:11:34.735
so right so the question of the night is let's all be real has the it's a simple question,
00:11:35.605 --> 00:11:42.647
How has this place motivated you to do something different? Yes, sir.
00:11:43.728 --> 00:11:45.377
Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.
00:11:46.936 --> 00:11:49.976
Anybody else got anything? You.
00:11:51.047 --> 00:11:55.325
Yes, sir. Mr. Mark. Are you tonight, Bubba?
00:11:56.429 --> 00:11:59.976
Yes. Yes, sir. Right.
00:12:01.077 --> 00:12:06.224
Right. Right. Yeah. We ain't even gonna talk about that. Just keep going.
00:12:09.022 --> 00:12:10.896
Right. Right.
00:12:14.185 --> 00:12:20.511
And I appreciate that. Right, right. And that's the whole point behind it is,
00:12:20.982 --> 00:12:25.601
you know, when you're out, it's hard to have real candid conversations.
00:12:26.234 --> 00:12:32.852
But when you have the opportunity, it's always amazing that you can have a candid
00:12:32.852 --> 00:12:38.212
conversation and talk about some real life issues.
00:12:38.212 --> 00:12:43.684
Because as perfect as we all may think our little bubble is that we live in,
00:12:44.241 --> 00:12:46.354
we all are still suffering from something.
00:12:47.547 --> 00:12:50.701
Zane, you was going to say something? You're right.
00:12:51.790 --> 00:12:58.354
Yes. Yes, sir. Right. It's okay. Come on with it. Yep.
00:12:59.454 --> 00:13:04.762
Right. That's a good one. That's a good one. But I can tell you this.
00:13:05.662 --> 00:13:10.252
On the bus stop, probably not that many, but I get what you're saying,
00:13:10.252 --> 00:13:12.003
and that's a great metaphor.
00:13:12.421 --> 00:13:17.686
That is a great metaphor because we're all trying to get somewhere,
00:13:18.561 --> 00:13:25.498
and we're all dealing with some similar things, but we all think they're different.
00:13:26.492 --> 00:13:32.698
And we're all riding together on this bus that we call life,
00:13:33.554 --> 00:13:39.332
but to have those true conversations you have to be comfortable with yourself
00:13:39.332 --> 00:13:46.870
and who you are and I think in society nowadays we've gotten so selfish,
00:13:47.474 --> 00:13:51.422
that we don't trust anybody yeah,
00:13:52.481 --> 00:13:54.390
right right.
00:13:56.295 --> 00:14:00.655
What you're saying is real. But let me say this, not the bus stop.
00:14:00.655 --> 00:14:06.626
But today, a young man came to my house and was trying to sell me something,
00:14:06.916 --> 00:14:11.926
some kind of treatment to kill insects or bugs around my house.
00:14:12.547 --> 00:14:18.464
And we just got to talking and i gave him my email address and he was like,
00:14:19.243 --> 00:14:23.615
one foster dot dude how did you come up with that email address and i said it
00:14:23.615 --> 00:14:26.209
came from the show that i host,
00:14:26.836 --> 00:14:32.195
and she was like show you host i was like yes i i run a podcast for men's mental
00:14:32.195 --> 00:14:37.110
health and well-being where men can have vulnerable and transparent conversations,
00:14:37.830 --> 00:14:44.415
which every man, listen, every man I get the opportunity to have a conversation
00:14:44.415 --> 00:14:46.851
with, they know about this platform.
00:14:46.989 --> 00:14:51.686
Every man, every man that I can get close enough to to have a conversation.
00:14:52.424 --> 00:14:58.225
I didn't know this young man from anything. He was 19 years old and he asked
00:14:58.225 --> 00:15:02.670
me what the show was about and I explained it to him and he said, how did you get there?
00:15:03.256 --> 00:15:08.385
And I said, because of the trials and tribulations that I went through as a
00:15:08.385 --> 00:15:11.894
man. I said, I'm 46 years old. I said, how are you? He said, I'm 19.
00:15:12.242 --> 00:15:18.875
I said, from 19 to 46, I went through a lot. I've been married four times. When I was.
00:15:21.731 --> 00:15:28.395
A young boy and a teenager, I was molested. I've dealt with so much stuff throughout
00:15:28.395 --> 00:15:34.876
the years that I needed an outlet and I needed a place to let somebody understand and know that
00:15:35.201 --> 00:15:38.457
I'm still a man, I'm still a brother, I'm still a father.
00:15:38.968 --> 00:15:41.789
I'm not going to let those things define me. And,
00:15:43.620 --> 00:15:48.840
looked at me and he was like, I could see in his face, this man is giving me
00:15:48.840 --> 00:15:52.176
a whole lot of information about who he is.
00:15:52.798 --> 00:15:57.429
And I'm just trying to sell him something. But you asked about my show,
00:15:57.690 --> 00:16:05.184
my passion, what I'm in love with, what God put as my purpose.
00:16:05.405 --> 00:16:10.470
I'm going to give you passion every time I talk about this show because I'm
00:16:10.470 --> 00:16:15.069
passionate about what I do here and what we do here.
00:16:16.134 --> 00:16:20.360
But your bus stop metaphor, man, that is amazing.
00:16:20.860 --> 00:16:25.120
That is so real. And you're right. Back in the day, you'd be like,
00:16:25.180 --> 00:16:28.911
I've been going to smoke a cigarette, but you're going to come smoke a cigarette with me?
00:16:35.683 --> 00:16:44.159
Hey, man. Hey, listen, right, right, right. I feel you, but yes.
00:16:48.204 --> 00:16:52.760
But listen, the other day, the other day I had to take my car to the shop.
00:16:52.760 --> 00:16:55.048
I had to take it to the shop down the street from my house.
00:16:55.757 --> 00:17:00.778
And my wife works from home, so I could have called my wife,
00:17:01.074 --> 00:17:03.720
but I was excited. But do you hear what I'm saying?
00:17:04.406 --> 00:17:08.238
I got two vehicles in my driveway. I dropped one off for service.
00:17:08.458 --> 00:17:10.048
My wife's got the other one at home.
00:17:10.333 --> 00:17:14.379
But I was excited, bro. I got on the bus and rode the bus home.
00:17:17.658 --> 00:17:21.795
That yes sir right where okay right.
00:17:25.578 --> 00:17:26.938
I got,
00:17:29.418 --> 00:17:33.178
you yes yes right but we got it we got to drive on,
00:17:34.438 --> 00:17:39.360
we can't keep letting we can't keep letting the past anger us but you know what that that,
00:17:40.154 --> 00:17:43.988
that's beautiful because you're not the first brother that i've heard i i talked
00:17:43.988 --> 00:17:50.220
to another brother and we had a meeting a few weeks back and he said the same thing you said.
00:17:50.470 --> 00:17:55.868
He said, and I kind of felt some kind of way when we were sitting down having the conversation.
00:17:56.165 --> 00:17:59.119
He was like, that was about seven or eight
00:17:59.514 --> 00:18:05.273
deacons in the church that took on all the young men that didn't have fathers
00:18:05.598 --> 00:18:10.044
and taught them how to tie a tie, taught them how to change oil,
00:18:10.369 --> 00:18:12.395
taught them how to change tires,
00:18:12.813 --> 00:18:17.295
taught him how to do all the things that a man is supposed to do.
00:18:17.486 --> 00:18:23.828
He said he was groomed from 10 years old until he was grown to be a man and
00:18:23.828 --> 00:18:25.845
be a husband in the church.
00:18:26.626 --> 00:18:30.908
And I was like, man, I don't know what that's like. I've never in my life,
00:18:30.908 --> 00:18:36.078
in my personal life, it made me feel some type of way because I'm like the men
00:18:36.078 --> 00:18:39.326
that I saw in church weren't that noble.
00:18:40.838 --> 00:18:48.321
They weren't the noble men like that. Right. Yes. Right.
00:18:49.453 --> 00:18:54.801
Right. Yes. Okay. Right.
00:18:55.906 --> 00:18:58.160
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
00:18:59.274 --> 00:19:03.738
Yes, sir. All the time. I've heard so.
00:19:03.953 --> 00:19:08.742
And just on what he said, and it is, but it ain't.
00:19:09.055 --> 00:19:14.007
But I've heard so many people say, for a big man, you move real swiftly.
00:19:14.152 --> 00:19:15.650
I didn't even hear you coming.
00:19:19.930 --> 00:19:23.795
Yes, sir. Yes. Yes.
00:19:27.010 --> 00:19:32.410
Yes, sir. Man, you know it. Man, come on, man.
00:19:34.020 --> 00:19:40.831
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Man, come on. Yes. Yes.
00:19:42.350 --> 00:19:49.514
That's it. That was it. Man, what? man what hey.
00:19:54.306 --> 00:20:00.680
But that's real though that's real that's all I have no lies detected in what
00:20:00.680 --> 00:20:03.185
Bubba just said it was freedom,
00:20:06.624 --> 00:20:07.071
right,
00:20:09.845 --> 00:20:17.630
right but the thing is everything y'all saying I get it and I understand and you're right.
00:20:17.630 --> 00:20:23.375
Once you get there you've got to have but here's the thing, you have to have a strong team,
00:20:24.267 --> 00:20:29.160
you've got to have a strong team if you don't have a strong team then you will
00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:35.192
not succeed because no man can do anything alone 12?
00:20:36.257 --> 00:20:39.341
Right but then what did he say?
00:20:39.752 --> 00:20:45.490
He said there's a Judah among us right Right.
00:20:46.631 --> 00:20:54.067
But the thing is, even with him knowing that somebody was going to turn on him,
00:20:54.642 --> 00:20:59.965
he still was focused on the niche in that head, and that was to spread the gospel to the people.
00:21:01.067 --> 00:21:05.735
Right. Right. But listen, it was...
00:21:10.310 --> 00:21:10.914
It was right now.
00:21:18.167 --> 00:21:18.856
And I feel like,
00:21:21.147 --> 00:21:24.207
they're either going to love you or they're going to crucify you.
00:21:24.207 --> 00:21:29.847
Either way it goes, it's got to be something. We've got to start somewhere.
00:21:29.847 --> 00:21:34.577
Somebody's got to be the, somebody's got to take the position.
00:21:34.577 --> 00:21:37.489
It's like right now in this world that we live in.
00:21:38.121 --> 00:21:43.867
We don't have any true black leaders. And in that meeting I had with that gentleman
00:21:43.867 --> 00:21:46.637
that told me about his church, and how the,
00:21:47.107 --> 00:21:52.761
the the the church groomed he looked at me and he says you know who you are,
00:21:53.220 --> 00:21:57.864
and I said no I said I'm Joe I said I'm the host of a kickback she says,
00:21:58.579 --> 00:22:01.048
you're a community leader,
00:22:02.149 --> 00:22:06.950
and I said what he said you are a community leader and you don't even know it yet,
00:22:08.458 --> 00:22:16.057
what you're doing to change this world that we live in he said right now it
00:22:16.057 --> 00:22:19.241
may not look like you want it to look,
00:22:20.454 --> 00:22:30.365
I feel how you want it to feel he said but you're changing the narrative in men's minds okay okay.
00:22:39.308 --> 00:22:41.144
Huh? Yes.
00:22:43.556 --> 00:22:46.757
Okay. Yeah. Right.
00:22:49.415 --> 00:22:55.598
Right. Right. But see, something you just said, something you just said at the beginning is how I felt.
00:22:55.898 --> 00:22:59.078
It was like, it's got to be perfect.
00:22:59.578 --> 00:23:04.068
I think, like you say, your narcissistic self, or let's just say our human selves,
00:23:04.068 --> 00:23:08.887
to me, I thought it had to be perfect. It had to be this way. It had to be that way.
00:23:10.518 --> 00:23:17.408
God just said started God just said started and then he had like the other rest
00:23:17.408 --> 00:23:19.805
of you fellas because I know it's a couple of you all here.
00:23:21.471 --> 00:23:24.792
He brought me to Dave he brought me to Dave,
00:23:25.656 --> 00:23:30.538
Dave is to me Dave is a national treasure Dave,
00:23:31.158 --> 00:23:38.518
Van Cleaves is a national treasure so he brought me to David Van Cleaves and
00:23:38.518 --> 00:23:41.277
And we was at church one day, and God said,
00:23:41.916 --> 00:23:45.632
that's your brother right there. That's your brother.
00:23:46.579 --> 00:23:53.175
And so I pitched this idea to Dave and I said, Dave, we're going to do this.
00:23:53.743 --> 00:23:56.535
I said, we're going to run this thing, Dave. We're going to do this.
00:23:57.174 --> 00:24:04.823
And it's history. Today is two years. Today is two years I've been doing this,
00:24:05.537 --> 00:24:08.300
by the grace of God, the will of God.
00:24:09.005 --> 00:24:16.101
And we're able to have, like y'all said, these conversations that nobody's willing to have.
00:24:16.588 --> 00:24:21.350
We could talk about current events. We could talk about politics.
00:24:22.570 --> 00:24:28.690
And homosexuality and all of these different things that the world is talking
00:24:28.690 --> 00:24:33.051
about, but how is any of that going to heal,
00:24:33.556 --> 00:24:39.350
a wound that you've been carrying for 20 years or 30 years. It's not.
00:24:40.217 --> 00:24:46.780
It's not going to heal those wounds. That's not what's going to make us better.
00:24:46.780 --> 00:24:51.770
That's not what's going to make a difference in your life right now.
00:24:51.770 --> 00:24:57.946
Whatever you're going through right now is not what current events are about.
00:24:58.778 --> 00:25:03.259
We're all dealing with something on a deeper level.
00:25:03.870 --> 00:25:13.587
We may not hit every topic. We may not hit every subject. We may not hit everybody's particular wound.
00:25:14.017 --> 00:25:19.450
But in a conversation, something is going to be said that invokes thought.
00:25:19.450 --> 00:25:24.890
Something is going to be said to make you re-evaluate what you're going through
00:25:24.890 --> 00:25:31.830
or what you got going on, or you may find somebody that's been through something similar to you that,
00:25:32.730 --> 00:25:36.632
you can relate to now that you couldn't relate to before.
00:25:39.516 --> 00:25:46.196
You and Zane, you guys are almost the same, but y'all come from two totally
00:25:46.196 --> 00:25:51.676
different backgrounds. Y'all are two different age groups, but you all have
00:25:51.676 --> 00:25:54.422
some of the same inflictions.
00:25:55.482 --> 00:26:00.466
But you would have never you all would have never met each other if this platform
00:26:00.466 --> 00:26:02.261
wouldn't it wouldn't exist.
00:26:03.503 --> 00:26:10.266
My brother mark my brother mark was so brilliant so amazing but he suffers with
00:26:10.266 --> 00:26:12.193
whatever his infliction is,
00:26:12.908 --> 00:26:20.583
but he's slowly transitioning to having a level of trust in these conversations.
00:26:20.850 --> 00:26:25.456
And I love when Mark speaks. I love when it comes out because we're Kendrick
00:26:25.456 --> 00:26:30.410
spirits because I believe the way he believes.
00:26:30.672 --> 00:26:36.320
Sometimes I think the things that I say, people are going to take so offensively
00:26:36.691 --> 00:26:39.855
and they have in certain situations.
00:26:40.973 --> 00:26:46.202
Because like right now, my biggest affliction that I'm going through right now is,
00:26:46.901 --> 00:26:54.066
in my healing process I'm losing my family I'm losing my blood family because
00:26:54.066 --> 00:26:57.056
I no longer live in dysfunction,
00:26:58.112 --> 00:27:03.665
the closest family I got to me is my best friend and,
00:27:04.759 --> 00:27:07.002
right of course the.
00:27:12.040 --> 00:27:15.330
Right okay right right,
00:27:17.587 --> 00:27:22.898
right right but you know what you just said what you just said.
00:27:24.081 --> 00:27:31.711
Is a testimony to what god gave me when i built this platform exactly what you
00:27:31.711 --> 00:27:34.241
described before you told your story
00:27:34.595 --> 00:27:40.451
was about men looking at other men and feeling intimidated and you're right.
00:27:40.451 --> 00:27:45.166
In some spaces, we can be full of bravado and testosterone.
00:27:45.276 --> 00:27:47.871
But what God said is what you just said.
00:27:48.271 --> 00:27:53.014
A man can get in his comfortable place and have a real conversation.
00:27:53.298 --> 00:27:59.171
And that's what God told me. He said, make a place where men can go into their
00:27:59.171 --> 00:28:05.307
bathroom, their car, their living room, their man cave, wherever they are,
00:28:05.818 --> 00:28:09.671
and have a comfortable conversation because we don't have to worry about the
00:28:09.671 --> 00:28:13.443
judgment of the eyes right,
00:28:14.314 --> 00:28:24.560
So you literally described how God presented this platform to me. I needed it.
00:28:25.639 --> 00:28:28.581
Right, right, right.
00:28:29.670 --> 00:28:35.755
Man, what you said. Man, that's amazing. And you have to understand this.
00:28:36.324 --> 00:28:41.780
We're all, no matter how old you are, you're still in a place of learning.
00:28:42.188 --> 00:28:46.100
And if you're not, then you're decaying and you're dying.
00:28:46.309 --> 00:28:49.675
So we're still all in a place of learning. Where you at right now,
00:28:50.139 --> 00:28:54.637
as long as you keep forging forward, you won't be there tomorrow.
00:28:55.217 --> 00:28:56.998
And we all have to grow.
00:28:58.054 --> 00:29:00.778
But it's all a bit of understanding.
00:29:02.074 --> 00:29:06.601
Perception versus reality versus knowledge.
00:29:07.511 --> 00:29:12.684
And understanding all three of those things can live in the same place at the
00:29:12.684 --> 00:29:22.227
same time you have no no choice except to evolve and if you're not evolving then you're decaying,
00:29:23.314 --> 00:29:24.475
you.
00:29:32.652 --> 00:29:37.382
Even through all the adversities, I feel like everybody here has evolved in
00:29:37.382 --> 00:29:40.452
these last past two years that I've gotten to know everybody.
00:29:40.452 --> 00:29:46.642
I think everybody's evolved in some manner and they're understanding in life.
00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:54.035
And we've all educated ourselves on the understanding that it's okay to be vulnerable.
00:29:54.314 --> 00:29:57.036
It's okay to have transparent conversations.
00:29:57.338 --> 00:30:03.898
It's okay to let your guard down just a little bit and let somebody in because,
00:30:04.652 --> 00:30:07.206
again, we can't do this alone.
00:30:08.272 --> 00:30:14.588
And what I've learned in my experience in life, when I say I've done it all,
00:30:15.157 --> 00:30:20.332
God comes smack me on the butt and say, no, no, you didn't do it. I did that.
00:30:23.322 --> 00:30:27.452
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right.
00:30:28.525 --> 00:30:37.692
Yes sir no you're right you're totally right man say that yeah,
00:30:40.935 --> 00:30:41.572
man.
00:30:44.954 --> 00:30:51.898
Right there. That's a word right there. But it sounds like somebody, man.
00:30:54.552 --> 00:31:01.705
Right. But that was a word. What he just said, a lot of us take that for granted.
00:31:02.380 --> 00:31:09.161
How many of us grew up to be the man that we never thought we'd be? I'm one. I'm one.
00:31:11.509 --> 00:31:17.522
I'm I ever thought, it's like, okay, my wife has asked me numerous of times,
00:31:17.907 --> 00:31:20.785
did you ever see your life being the way it is right now?
00:31:21.563 --> 00:31:30.262
And I was like, no. I was so in survival mode growing up that I couldn't see my future.
00:31:30.919 --> 00:31:36.496
I couldn't see my life 20 years from now. I couldn't see my life 30 years from then.
00:31:38.854 --> 00:31:46.594
But it's real. But now, now with the Lord on my side, I can see my future.
00:31:46.594 --> 00:31:50.642
I can see where I want to be in 10 years. I can see where I want to be in 20 years.
00:31:50.949 --> 00:31:53.504
But I ran from it for so long.
00:31:53.974 --> 00:32:00.714
I ran from the goodness of my God for so long, I couldn't see it. And he punished me.
00:32:01.049 --> 00:32:04.661
He punished me for years. And he kept calling.
00:32:04.963 --> 00:32:10.064
And I wouldn't answer the phone. I hit that red button every time.
00:32:10.064 --> 00:32:13.334
Every time he come calling, I hit that red button. I hit the red button until
00:32:13.334 --> 00:32:18.727
one day he just, it was just so overwhelming. I couldn't hit the red button. I had to answer.
00:32:19.790 --> 00:32:25.244
And from that day forward, when I answered that call, man, it's been so amazing.
00:32:25.244 --> 00:32:28.361
And I can see now. I can see.
00:32:29.019 --> 00:32:35.684
So if you're going through something, do I? So if you feel like you're in survival
00:32:35.684 --> 00:32:40.897
in the wilderness, man, your higher power will get you out of it. Go ahead, Bubba.
00:32:41.970 --> 00:32:44.764
Right. Right. Hey.
00:32:48.225 --> 00:32:52.675
Right right and you're right you're right i have went through that because there
00:32:52.675 --> 00:32:57.138
was a time in my life where if you made it to see 18 you was doing good,
00:32:57.803 --> 00:33:01.785
and then when you made it to 18 you made it to 21 you was doing good
00:33:02.204 --> 00:33:07.015
and then it went from 21 to 25 you was doing good and then if you made it to
00:33:07.015 --> 00:33:13.343
30 you was doing great you made it to 30 you you made it if you made it to 30,
00:33:14.435 --> 00:33:19.216
man i know what you saying yeah right.
00:33:21.658 --> 00:33:25.253
Right right right,
00:33:27.046 --> 00:33:31.754
evolution. We've all evolved. We've all evolved.
00:33:31.981 --> 00:33:37.134
And in involving what Dave just said is a big thing. He said,
00:33:37.134 --> 00:33:42.754
trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not into your own understanding.
00:33:43.313 --> 00:33:49.501
In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.
00:33:50.605 --> 00:33:56.799
It's right. But the thing is, we have to understand who directs our path.
00:33:57.247 --> 00:34:00.654
We have to understand that. And we have to understand that we have to,
00:34:00.654 --> 00:34:04.454
you're right, all the things we've had to navigate in this world when you guys
00:34:04.454 --> 00:34:09.824
were making those bets as small children, you never thought that you'd get hit
00:34:09.824 --> 00:34:11.492
upside the head with a baseball bat.
00:34:12.174 --> 00:34:16.289
You never thought that you would smoke crack. You never thought those things.
00:34:17.467 --> 00:34:22.955
But all of those things happen because you strayed away from the Lord.
00:34:24.036 --> 00:34:28.390
He never strayed away from you, but you strayed away from his understanding,
00:34:28.965 --> 00:34:33.847
and you thought that you was the man and you thought that you can control your path.
00:34:34.201 --> 00:34:40.523
We all, and you said narcissistic ways, all of us have those narcissistic ways
00:34:40.830 --> 00:34:43.228
and think that we can control the path,
00:34:43.879 --> 00:34:49.818
and we, I'm the man, I did this. I'm the man, I control this.
00:34:50.131 --> 00:34:55.734
I'm the man, I control this. But no, you can't because at some point it all
00:34:55.734 --> 00:34:58.898
spirals out of control and you...
00:35:03.759 --> 00:35:09.673
Right. Right. Right. Yes, I know exactly what you're saying. But that's the point.
00:35:10.253 --> 00:35:16.926
And here's the thing. We all, every man on this panel has been down that road.
00:35:17.140 --> 00:35:20.867
All of us. It may have not been a bat. It may have not been crack.
00:35:21.251 --> 00:35:25.853
It may have been something else. But we've all been down that self-destructive path.
00:35:26.271 --> 00:35:32.363
We've all been down that path of doing things that we all know was not good
00:35:32.363 --> 00:35:34.951
for our souls. We've all done.
00:35:35.610 --> 00:35:39.238
And if you say you haven't, you're a liar. And I don't want to talk to you no more.
00:35:40.319 --> 00:35:47.037
But the part about evolution is knowing right from wrong and self-correction.
00:35:48.097 --> 00:35:52.863
I don't want to. I don't want. Excuse my French. At some point,
00:35:52.863 --> 00:35:54.842
I wanted to stop wallowing in shit.
00:35:55.295 --> 00:36:00.552
And I wanted to get up and wash myself off because it stinks,
00:36:01.224 --> 00:36:03.906
it sticks to your skin and it's horrible.
00:36:04.603 --> 00:36:11.013
So I didn't want to be there forever. So I made, so God placed me in the proper
00:36:11.013 --> 00:36:15.254
places that I needed to be when I was at my lowest to bring me up.
00:36:16.225 --> 00:36:22.715
When my life transitioned, I was in a place, I was in the desert just walking.
00:36:23.133 --> 00:36:25.130
I was just walking through the desert.
00:36:26.153 --> 00:36:29.995
I was thirsty, dehydrated, and I was almost at the end.
00:36:30.634 --> 00:36:35.395
And he came in, he said, here, this is what you need, my son.
00:36:39.554 --> 00:36:43.124
I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't press it no more.
00:36:43.124 --> 00:36:48.047
It was, it was time. Like I said, he gave me what I needed. I didn't want it.
00:36:48.919 --> 00:36:54.062
I didn't want it. The human self in me, I didn't want it. But he said it was time.
00:36:55.149 --> 00:36:59.421
Either you're going to keep living out in this desert, just walking around,
00:36:59.560 --> 00:37:02.450
wondering, or you're going to come home.
00:37:03.525 --> 00:37:06.434
It's like the prodigal son. Uh-huh.
00:37:07.516 --> 00:37:09.334
Oh. Mm.
00:37:12.861 --> 00:37:20.985
Fellas, listen He will But it's time for us to go Really, won't he?
00:37:21.449 --> 00:37:29.874
But it's time for us to go Two years Two years This has been a great conversation
00:37:29.874 --> 00:37:32.945
And we're going to keep it going on strong Two years,
00:37:35.240 --> 00:37:40.714
I want to thank all of y'all For being here Being with me and being my brothers,
00:37:41.289 --> 00:37:48.207
if you don't take nothing from this hey hey listen man y'all already gave,
00:37:50.974 --> 00:37:55.314
them to me man the conversation we had tonight just was was all the flowers
00:37:55.314 --> 00:38:00.154
i need man this is success man i tell y'all all the time success look different
00:38:00.154 --> 00:38:03.036
for everybody but just to hear you fellas talking
00:38:03.471 --> 00:38:08.364
about this platform and having these conversations is successful enough for
00:38:08.364 --> 00:38:15.032
me is flowers enough for me man y'all don't know how good this makes me feel to be here,
00:38:16.096 --> 00:38:22.095
right all right i'm gonna play the song and we out of here yes,
00:38:23.203 --> 00:38:26.216
i'm gonna play the song amen brothers and we out of here.
00:38:35.244 --> 00:38:35.805
Keep,
00:38:38.589 --> 00:38:44.684
that place for process. Just a place for process. A place for process.
00:38:44.684 --> 00:38:47.384
And complete that process.
00:38:48.258 --> 00:38:53.444
Keep that place for process. Check back place for process.
00:38:58.684 --> 00:39:07.194
I can't find it. I can't Yeah, I mean, you know.
