Men, Faith, and Healing — The Kickback Anniversary Conversation

0:00 What's going on, everybody? Welcome to another episode of The Kickback. I am your host, The Dude, and as we do every Friday night, we have some great conversation with some great men. So just kick back, hang out with us, and have some great conversation with us. The Kickback, as we do every Friday night, great conversation, great men. Just love the conversation that we have. If you're new here, welcome. If not, welcome. We're always ready to have some great conversation with everyone who's always with us. We appreciate everybody who's come to the kickback.

0:44 And if you didn't know, today is the day I started this thing. Today is the day I first came on the air and did any of this. July the 17th, 2024. It's been two years. It's been a great journey. I love everybody that's in here, all the interviews, all the conversations, all the talk, and we will be here for even more great conversations, great love, great everything. And like I said, thank you for being with us. Thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for everything that you've given us along these two years.

1:29 And I can't say it enough. Without you all, there would be no me. And without God, there would be no us. God brought me here. God brought you here. We're going to be here. We're going to continue to have these conversations, and we're going to continue to fellowship and brotherhood every Friday, every week, 365, 24. 53. So what was your birthday wish? I know it's kind of, you know, we're kind of old for birthday wishes, but what's your birthday wish?

2:13 Do what? Okay. It's always beautiful to have family that you hadn't seen in a while. Now, where's the rest of your family at? Okay. That's a while. That is a while. That's a while. Now, where about in Mississippi are you from? Okay. My ex-wife is from Greensville, Mississippi. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Man, when I say went down through there, and man, it looks so different. Life looks so different in the Delta.

2:57 I thought I was going, I really thought I was going back in time. I thought I was in the heat of the night. Oh, yes. Oh, most definitely. Right. Right. I'm like, I went to Greenville, Mississippi, and I was like, people want to live like this? This is really? I thought this was just something I seen on TV. Them shotgun houses. It was a reality shock. And I think some people look at it in a despairing way, but the people from there, that's all they know.

3:42 That's all they know, and that's what they're used to. So to them, it's normal. But to me, it was almost like a culture shock coming from a big city. Now, where did your wife take you to go eat at? Jonathan, yeah, that's a good little spot. Mr. Mark, how are you tonight, sir? You ready to go back yet, Juan? Yeah. Right. Right. Right. You know, and there's certain kids you worry about. And you're like, I hope they make you back. Right. Right. Because you know what kind of situation they were going into when you last saw them. So, yeah, you're like, man, I hope so-and-so make you back this year.

4:31 And it's great how you get attached to these children because you hear their stories, Morris how you doing my brother. Yes, sir. Right. Yes. Yeah. Right. Right. And that's that's always it. But I can understand that that mental tiredness, because I think that's where I'm at is I'm more mentally tired than I am physically tired. But it's like you said, it's the heat that's been whooping up on everybody. And I think the biggest part is staying hydrated.

5:13 We missed you last week. What happened to you? You had somewhere to go last week, didn't you? Weren't you going somewhere? Yeah. Okay. Oh, they're out of Nashville. Yes. Okay. Okay. I know the boys. Right. Right. Oh, yes. Right Right. Yes when you could have sold them all if you would have really paid attention right, right, right okay right okay yes I totally agree right right but here's the thing, what you said when you don't know then you can't do it when you know you do better but this is something brand new for you and you had never been down this path so therefore you didn't understand the mission at hand.

6:33 Right right right and what was their answer okay yes yes he did right, no i mean that's a good that's a good learning lesson that's that's that's a good understanding that a lot of us don't get, god provides for us but there's not always a manual when it comes to this when it comes to this world there's certain things that you understand like you said your mission is simply to, to give your testimony in hopes that it would help someone your mission your personal mission wasn't to profit off of your testimony, but there's still a profit in your testimony.

7:22 So, right. Right. You're right. Right. Right. Okay. You had to put in that word. Right. Uh-huh. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha. But the thing is, that's like, that's one of the reasons I got out of food is because everybody wants to be a food critic, but everybody can't cook.

8:03 Everybody wants to be a food critic, but nobody can cook. It don't look like the picture. It don't look like I saw it on the Internet. This, ain't what I seen. This ain't, okay, how do you know it ain't what you see? Then they want to show you the picture. I want it to look like this. They don't know. We're doing all right. How about you? That's so cool. Everybody wants to be a critic. Everybody wants to critique. Everybody wants to tell you how it should look. But they don't know how to do it themselves. else i mean anybody in a service industry job will understand what i'm saying yeah yes yes yes yes, i remember the party line i remember the party line yes right way from social media come on now all right.

9:08 Right. But see, I remember, I tell my kids about the three-way call. You know, I call you, I call you, and then you call somebody else, and then they call somebody else, and then they call somebody else, and you got nine people on the line at one time, and we all carrying on a conversation. My kids are like, what is that? Is that video chat? Is that a group chat call? Okay. Damn. Right. But that was right. But those were it's like I tell my kids now.

9:48 I tell my kids about the freedom, the pursuit of freedom we had. We had the pursuit of freedom before there was video calls, before there was text messages. We had it was it was a three-way call on a friday night to plan what we gonna do saturday morning, and we was right we had we had three-way and so we got up saturday morning we all might have lived on different sides of town we got on that city bus and we met up at the mall, don't roll your bike nope they don't know that right what is that what is a gay fool.

10:34 You know you was wrong for that you was wrong for that man. Hurt yourself you'll put yourself in traction yes on a bike not a skateboard on a bike not a skateboard, yes yes not a skateboard but on a bike, but while and what with everybody in the room i want to say this tonight's topic and it's really not a topic it is what it is today is the two year anniversary of this show, today July the 17th was the first day I ever got on this platform to do anything was two years ago today, so right so the question of the night is let's all be real has the it's a simple question, How has this place motivated you to do something different? Yes, sir.

11:43 Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. Anybody else got anything? You. Yes, sir. Mr. Mark. Are you tonight, Bubba? Yes. Yes, sir. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. We ain't even gonna talk about that. Just keep going. Right. Right. And I appreciate that. Right, right. And that's the whole point behind it is, you know, when you're out, it's hard to have real candid conversations.

12:26 But when you have the opportunity, it's always amazing that you can have a candid conversation and talk about some real life issues. Because as perfect as we all may think our little bubble is that we live in, we all are still suffering from something. Zane, you was going to say something? You're right. Yes. Yes, sir. Right. It's okay. Come on with it. Yep. Right. That's a good one. That's a good one. But I can tell you this. On the bus stop, probably not that many, but I get what you're saying, and that's a great metaphor.

13:12 That is a great metaphor because we're all trying to get somewhere, and we're all dealing with some similar things, but we all think they're different. And we're all riding together on this bus that we call life, but to have those true conversations you have to be comfortable with yourself and who you are and I think in society nowadays we've gotten so selfish, that we don't trust anybody yeah, right right.

13:56 What you're saying is real. But let me say this, not the bus stop. But today, a young man came to my house and was trying to sell me something, some kind of treatment to kill insects or bugs around my house. And we just got to talking and i gave him my email address and he was like, one foster dot dude how did you come up with that email address and i said it came from the show that i host, and she was like show you host i was like yes i i run a podcast for men's mental health and well-being where men can have vulnerable and transparent conversations, which every man, listen, every man I get the opportunity to have a conversation with, they know about this platform.

14:46 Every man, every man that I can get close enough to to have a conversation. I didn't know this young man from anything. He was 19 years old and he asked me what the show was about and I explained it to him and he said, how did you get there? And I said, because of the trials and tribulations that I went through as a man. I said, I'm 46 years old. I said, how are you? He said, I'm 19. I said, from 19 to 46, I went through a lot. I've been married four times. When I was. A young boy and a teenager, I was molested. I've dealt with so much stuff throughout the years that I needed an outlet and I needed a place to let somebody understand and know that I'm still a man, I'm still a brother, I'm still a father.

15:38 I'm not going to let those things define me. And, looked at me and he was like, I could see in his face, this man is giving me a whole lot of information about who he is. And I'm just trying to sell him something. But you asked about my show, my passion, what I'm in love with, what God put as my purpose. I'm going to give you passion every time I talk about this show because I'm passionate about what I do here and what we do here. But your bus stop metaphor, man, that is amazing.

16:20 That is so real. And you're right. Back in the day, you'd be like, I've been going to smoke a cigarette, but you're going to come smoke a cigarette with me? Hey, man. Hey, listen, right, right, right. I feel you, but yes. But listen, the other day, the other day I had to take my car to the shop. I had to take it to the shop down the street from my house. And my wife works from home, so I could have called my wife, but I was excited. But do you hear what I'm saying?

17:04 I got two vehicles in my driveway. I dropped one off for service. My wife's got the other one at home. But I was excited, bro. I got on the bus and rode the bus home. That yes sir right where okay right. I got, you yes yes right but we got it we got to drive on, we can't keep letting we can't keep letting the past anger us but you know what that that, that's beautiful because you're not the first brother that i've heard i i talked to another brother and we had a meeting a few weeks back and he said the same thing you said.

17:50 He said, and I kind of felt some kind of way when we were sitting down having the conversation. He was like, that was about seven or eight deacons in the church that took on all the young men that didn't have fathers and taught them how to tie a tie, taught them how to change oil, taught them how to change tires, taught him how to do all the things that a man is supposed to do. He said he was groomed from 10 years old until he was grown to be a man and be a husband in the church. And I was like, man, I don't know what that's like. I've never in my life, in my personal life, it made me feel some type of way because I'm like the men that I saw in church weren't that noble.

18:40 They weren't the noble men like that. Right. Yes. Right. Right. Yes. Okay. Right. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. All the time. I've heard so. And just on what he said, and it is, but it ain't. But I've heard so many people say, for a big man, you move real swiftly. I didn't even hear you coming. Yes, sir. Yes. Yes.

19:27 Yes, sir. Man, you know it. Man, come on, man. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Man, come on. Yes. Yes. That's it. That was it. Man, what? man what hey. But that's real though that's real that's all I have no lies detected in what Bubba just said it was freedom, right, right but the thing is everything y'all saying I get it and I understand and you're right.

20:17 Once you get there you've got to have but here's the thing, you have to have a strong team, you've got to have a strong team if you don't have a strong team then you will not succeed because no man can do anything alone 12? Right but then what did he say? He said there's a Judah among us right Right. But the thing is, even with him knowing that somebody was going to turn on him, he still was focused on the niche in that head, and that was to spread the gospel to the people.

21:01 Right. Right. But listen, it was... It was right now. And I feel like, they're either going to love you or they're going to crucify you. Either way it goes, it's got to be something. We've got to start somewhere. Somebody's got to be the, somebody's got to take the position. It's like right now in this world that we live in. We don't have any true black leaders. And in that meeting I had with that gentleman that told me about his church, and how the, the the the church groomed he looked at me and he says you know who you are, and I said no I said I'm Joe I said I'm the host of a kickback she says, you're a community leader, and I said what he said you are a community leader and you don't even know it yet, what you're doing to change this world that we live in he said right now it may not look like you want it to look, I feel how you want it to feel he said but you're changing the narrative in men's minds okay okay.

22:39 Huh? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. But see, something you just said, something you just said at the beginning is how I felt. It was like, it's got to be perfect. I think, like you say, your narcissistic self, or let's just say our human selves, to me, I thought it had to be perfect. It had to be this way. It had to be that way. God just said started God just said started and then he had like the other rest of you fellas because I know it's a couple of you all here.

23:21 He brought me to Dave he brought me to Dave, Dave is to me Dave is a national treasure Dave, Van Cleaves is a national treasure so he brought me to David Van Cleaves and And we was at church one day, and God said, that's your brother right there. That's your brother. And so I pitched this idea to Dave and I said, Dave, we're going to do this. I said, we're going to run this thing, Dave. We're going to do this. And it's history. Today is two years. Today is two years I've been doing this, by the grace of God, the will of God.

24:09 And we're able to have, like y'all said, these conversations that nobody's willing to have. We could talk about current events. We could talk about politics. And homosexuality and all of these different things that the world is talking about, but how is any of that going to heal, a wound that you've been carrying for 20 years or 30 years. It's not. It's not going to heal those wounds. That's not what's going to make us better. That's not what's going to make a difference in your life right now.

24:51 Whatever you're going through right now is not what current events are about. We're all dealing with something on a deeper level. We may not hit every topic. We may not hit every subject. We may not hit everybody's particular wound. But in a conversation, something is going to be said that invokes thought. Something is going to be said to make you re-evaluate what you're going through or what you got going on, or you may find somebody that's been through something similar to you that, you can relate to now that you couldn't relate to before.

25:39 You and Zane, you guys are almost the same, but y'all come from two totally different backgrounds. Y'all are two different age groups, but you all have some of the same inflictions. But you would have never you all would have never met each other if this platform wouldn't it wouldn't exist. My brother mark my brother mark was so brilliant so amazing but he suffers with whatever his infliction is, but he's slowly transitioning to having a level of trust in these conversations.

26:20 And I love when Mark speaks. I love when it comes out because we're Kendrick spirits because I believe the way he believes. Sometimes I think the things that I say, people are going to take so offensively and they have in certain situations. Because like right now, my biggest affliction that I'm going through right now is, in my healing process I'm losing my family I'm losing my blood family because I no longer live in dysfunction, the closest family I got to me is my best friend and, right of course the.

27:12 Right okay right right, right right but you know what you just said what you just said. Is a testimony to what god gave me when i built this platform exactly what you described before you told your story was about men looking at other men and feeling intimidated and you're right. In some spaces, we can be full of bravado and testosterone. But what God said is what you just said. A man can get in his comfortable place and have a real conversation.

27:53 And that's what God told me. He said, make a place where men can go into their bathroom, their car, their living room, their man cave, wherever they are, and have a comfortable conversation because we don't have to worry about the judgment of the eyes right, So you literally described how God presented this platform to me. I needed it. Right, right, right. Man, what you said. Man, that's amazing. And you have to understand this.

28:36 We're all, no matter how old you are, you're still in a place of learning. And if you're not, then you're decaying and you're dying. So we're still all in a place of learning. Where you at right now, as long as you keep forging forward, you won't be there tomorrow. And we all have to grow. But it's all a bit of understanding. Perception versus reality versus knowledge. And understanding all three of those things can live in the same place at the same time you have no no choice except to evolve and if you're not evolving then you're decaying, you.

29:32 Even through all the adversities, I feel like everybody here has evolved in these last past two years that I've gotten to know everybody. I think everybody's evolved in some manner and they're understanding in life. And we've all educated ourselves on the understanding that it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to have transparent conversations. It's okay to let your guard down just a little bit and let somebody in because, again, we can't do this alone. And what I've learned in my experience in life, when I say I've done it all, God comes smack me on the butt and say, no, no, you didn't do it. I did that.

30:23 Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Right. Yes sir no you're right you're totally right man say that yeah, man. Right there. That's a word right there. But it sounds like somebody, man. Right. But that was a word. What he just said, a lot of us take that for granted. How many of us grew up to be the man that we never thought we'd be? I'm one. I'm one.

31:11 I'm I ever thought, it's like, okay, my wife has asked me numerous of times, did you ever see your life being the way it is right now? And I was like, no. I was so in survival mode growing up that I couldn't see my future. I couldn't see my life 20 years from now. I couldn't see my life 30 years from then. But it's real. But now, now with the Lord on my side, I can see my future. I can see where I want to be in 10 years. I can see where I want to be in 20 years. But I ran from it for so long.

31:53 I ran from the goodness of my God for so long, I couldn't see it. And he punished me. He punished me for years. And he kept calling. And I wouldn't answer the phone. I hit that red button every time. Every time he come calling, I hit that red button. I hit the red button until one day he just, it was just so overwhelming. I couldn't hit the red button. I had to answer. And from that day forward, when I answered that call, man, it's been so amazing. And I can see now. I can see. So if you're going through something, do I? So if you feel like you're in survival in the wilderness, man, your higher power will get you out of it. Go ahead, Bubba.

32:41 Right. Right. Hey. Right right and you're right you're right i have went through that because there was a time in my life where if you made it to see 18 you was doing good, and then when you made it to 18 you made it to 21 you was doing good and then it went from 21 to 25 you was doing good and then if you made it to 30 you was doing great you made it to 30 you you made it if you made it to 30, man i know what you saying yeah right. Right right right, evolution. We've all evolved. We've all evolved.

33:31 And in involving what Dave just said is a big thing. He said, trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths. It's right. But the thing is, we have to understand who directs our path. We have to understand that. And we have to understand that we have to, you're right, all the things we've had to navigate in this world when you guys were making those bets as small children, you never thought that you'd get hit upside the head with a baseball bat.

34:12 You never thought that you would smoke crack. You never thought those things. But all of those things happen because you strayed away from the Lord. He never strayed away from you, but you strayed away from his understanding, and you thought that you was the man and you thought that you can control your path. We all, and you said narcissistic ways, all of us have those narcissistic ways and think that we can control the path, and we, I'm the man, I did this. I'm the man, I control this. I'm the man, I control this. But no, you can't because at some point it all spirals out of control and you...

35:03 Right. Right. Right. Yes, I know exactly what you're saying. But that's the point. And here's the thing. We all, every man on this panel has been down that road. All of us. It may have not been a bat. It may have not been crack. It may have been something else. But we've all been down that self-destructive path. We've all been down that path of doing things that we all know was not good for our souls. We've all done. And if you say you haven't, you're a liar. And I don't want to talk to you no more. But the part about evolution is knowing right from wrong and self-correction.

35:48 I don't want to. I don't want. Excuse my French. At some point, I wanted to stop wallowing in shit. And I wanted to get up and wash myself off because it stinks, it sticks to your skin and it's horrible. So I didn't want to be there forever. So I made, so God placed me in the proper places that I needed to be when I was at my lowest to bring me up. When my life transitioned, I was in a place, I was in the desert just walking. I was just walking through the desert. I was thirsty, dehydrated, and I was almost at the end.

36:30 And he came in, he said, here, this is what you need, my son. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't press it no more. It was, it was time. Like I said, he gave me what I needed. I didn't want it. I didn't want it. The human self in me, I didn't want it. But he said it was time. Either you're going to keep living out in this desert, just walking around, wondering, or you're going to come home. It's like the prodigal son. Uh-huh. Oh. Mm.

37:12 Fellas, listen He will But it's time for us to go Really, won't he? But it's time for us to go Two years Two years This has been a great conversation And we're going to keep it going on strong Two years, I want to thank all of y'all For being here Being with me and being my brothers, if you don't take nothing from this hey hey listen man y'all already gave, them to me man the conversation we had tonight just was was all the flowers i need man this is success man i tell y'all all the time success look different for everybody but just to hear you fellas talking about this platform and having these conversations is successful enough for me is flowers enough for me man y'all don't know how good this makes me feel to be here, right all right i'm gonna play the song and we out of here yes, i'm gonna play the song amen brothers and we out of here.

38:35 Keep, that place for process. Just a place for process. A place for process. And complete that process. Keep that place for process. Check back place for process. I can't find it. I can't Yeah, I mean, you know.