Let It Go: Why We're Holding On and How to Move Forward

0:00 Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Kickdeck. I am your host, the dude, and as we do every Friday, we come through like a villain in the night and start to show off right. This is a place where we have great conversation, we do some amazing things, and we just find his brother. But welcome to The Kickdeck. And it's another Friday night. It's going to be another great conversation. We'll see if I can get the road started early. And that way, everybody can go.

1:31 Hello, gentlemen. How's everybody doing tonight? What's good, Willie? What's good, Willie? Man, I can't call this. Juan, it's been a while. How you doing, my brother? I'm about to see you. I'm back finally. Oh, sure. We got Juan in building tonight, too? Man, it's been a minute. Mr. Wattliner himself. Been rolling, brother. Been rolling. How has these last few days been rolling for you? The past month. It's just, you know, had some deaths in the family. The graduation. I think you've been rolling. Yeah. My condolences on the deaths in the family.

2:16 Yeah, thank you. How you been? Huh? I said, how you been? Yeah, I've been tired. I just feel it. Understandable. You know, kind of drain you mentally, emotionally, physically. Yeah. I get it. I totally get it, bro. It is hard trying to deal with everything when it hits you like that. When it comes at you like that, yes, it's hard. It is hard to deal with when everything comes at you Like that.

2:56 That is a lie. That's a lie. We were just here and Bubba were having a conversation about death earlier today. We were? Yeah. How people respond to death. Everybody responds to death in a different way. So it's all about how you respond to it. Nice. Everybody responds to it in a different manner. Death is inevitable. We all don't one day, but I don't think we are really ready.

3:37 But Bubba made a pretty interesting observation about death, which I agreed with him. You know sometimes people just, you know people are going to die so why not make a man you know why not try to fix it why not try to make things better instead you walk around with a grudge or, weight on your shoulders and when they die you hit the funeral falling all over the gas hmm. Because you never got the opportunity to say you were sorry or my dad or look no man we we gotta fix this right yeah you walk around with that animosity that animosity and that that take mine off please that animosity and that that just that uh so i don't know if you can call you can call it jealousy.

4:41 You just always nothing they do is good enough and everything they did was wrong, and then instead of you making amends and being like you know what let's go ahead and call a space babe. Let's do better with each other you'd rather walk around and be mad at the world, But for what? Yeah. It do get to a point where, you know, it's like, it's like, what we doing? You know, time passing by. We do. So, you know, it's like, yeah, it's like, why?

5:22 It's like, what's the game from all that, you know? Yeah. And I say, I said that earlier, and I said it earlier. It's like, how are you still holding on something from five years ago? I used to hold on something from two years ago I guarantee you don't even remember half of what happened, you don't even remember why you mad you just know you still mad, even you you know it's still your side you still see that point of view oh yeah, they don't even know you mad at them oh yeah now you mad cause they dead, right and you never got a chance Do what you were going to do.

6:05 Say what you were going to say. So now you manually die. You didn't get to speak on it. You didn't get to make them feel bad about themselves. Yeah, come on now. And you love holding the bag. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a nice topic. What is something that you've held on to for way too long when it comes to disagreements and misunderstandings? What's something that you've held on to way too long? Because we've all held on to something. We've all held on to something way longer than we should have held on to it for.

6:48 Way longer than we should have held on to it for. Oh, yeah, that's for sure. I ain't going to lie. I'm guilty of it. Because it's something that I haven't loved to see in years. Really, I can see them because of things that happened and how it happened. It's like I just can't get past him because you know you can't call up and you shoulda coulda woulda, and I always think about how my life probably been different if, he had never been involved in my life it was kind of pressed on me you know it's like, we tried to move in with you and all that stuff you know like i don't get a good feel and then you know because it's a relative you know your other relatives now be like okay give it a try give it a try and then just get all screwed up, just go sideways don't let don't let the court move in with you and i'm just paraphrasing and username. I'm not going to put a boy moving with you.

8:06 That's your cousin. Yeah, Hory dirtier than my family. Hory's feet stink. He like to put his feet up on your couch. Man. Introduce you to people surrounding this, you know, not your vibe. You get caught up. I get way over here. I don't even know these people. Hmm. Yeah. We all been there. And then, like I say, you know, you get that. Just tell you, like, no, don't do it. Don't do it. Oh, yeah. We all been down that road.

8:47 We still did it anyway. What road is that? Right. What road you talking about? The topic for tonight is what is something that you've held on to way too long when it comes to... The conversation started out talking about death. Juan said he had some death in the family. Me and John had a conversation earlier today about people, after they die, somebody's mad, somebody's upset, and it's not the reason that you think they're mad or upset. They're upset because they didn't get to tell that person they was mad at them. So my question is, what is something that you held on to way too long that you really need to let go of? Hmm.

9:35 Hmm. That's a good question. That's going to make me think because I've let go of a lot of stuff, There's something you're still holding on to. I don't know. I've tried to make peace with all the things going on in my background. I got a little bit more years on you guys. So I've had more time to think about those things and to realize, you know, life is short. I got to do like the Bible saying, you know, if I got an ought against my brother, my sister, I got to go to them. I can't take my gift to the altar. I got to set that down, go get it right with my brother and my sister before I go back to the altar and give God something.

10:20 So all of the things from my past that I've had to deal with, I pretty much dealt with them. Actually, I was in purgatory today. I had to go to purgatory. See? See, you see what he said? You see what he said? I go back to the conversation we had this moment. what i tell you if you are truly a true christian you believe in what god tells you then you should have been and let that go you shouldn't be still holding on to this same thing five years later no sir that's like that's like being mad with your spouse and the scriptures say you shouldn't let your anger let the sun go down on your anger i know husbands and wives they natted themselves for two three weeks even a month over something silly and one got his east head to the west, one got her, head to the east, they back to back in the bed and no, no, no.

11:09 You're supposed to get that straight before the sun go down. You're not supposed to just let that permeate between your relationship. Yes. That's true. But a lot of people do. A lot of people will lay down like that. Now, I'm surprised none of y'all bit on that cookie I threw out there. I walked away because I had food in the oven. I don't know what you said. Oh, man. I said I went to purgatory today. Nobody said, what kind of purgatory? What you talking about? I wasn't going to touch that. I wasn't going to go in depth about it. That's right. I wasn't going to touch that. I was going to let you tell that story yourself. Right. Oh, no. You know, I threw it out there because I wanted somebody to nibble a bite.

11:54 So anyway, I'm going to let you tell that story yourself. I don't I don't know. It's worse. I don't know which is worse. Having a sitting line at the DMV, having a sitting line at the Social Security Administration or having a sitting in the office at the free clinic. Because I was down in Social Security. That's awful. Yeah, yeah. Hey, I was getting Social Security today because, you know, it's Medicare season for me. Okay. Old people problems. Old people problems. No, for real, man. I think I'm too young for this conversation. No, you're never too young because you can always glean some good pieces of information so when it's your turn, you'll know what to do.

12:43 Yeah, for sure. I need me to know the Social Security card right now, man. It's good with all these changes. It changes a lot. I'm like, that is my best play right now. I showed me another social security card. It's like... I got news for you. It's going to take you a minute. Go on in that office. We're going to be there for a while. I hope you take your lunch. Ain't it right there up on the Jefferson Street Bridge? No, that's gone. Bingo. Social Security is over at, it's off of Rosa Parks. Metro Center. It's down past the Spring Hill Suite. You pass the Spring Hill Suite, you pass the next hotel and then Social Security is in the cut.

13:28 Is it to the right or to the left? To the right. Okay. It's the express office over there somewhere. I appreciate that, man. I sure got to do that. Everybody all right tonight? Yes, sir. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll tell you how to fight, bro. Any day of Boilbrown is a great day for me. So it is, man. He's a man. I know, that's right. He's a man. I'm enjoying the weather right now. It beats the alternative any day of the week I don't care how bad the day was it's still beats the alternative facts, yeah because we were talking how we started all this and we talked about death earlier and then they were going to say you want the purgatory or anything nobody touched that because I'm not even asking what that was.

14:23 What he's going to ask what that was so when you're tired so do say the subject of the night is how, what is what is something in your life that you've held on to for too long, Man, y'all know how we was talking about giving people the benefit of the doctor for the week. Yeah, come on here. Here we go. That's right. Come on. Hey, man, I ain't going to say I done gave up on folks or nothing, but in today's time, I definitely like minding my own business, man. You feel me? I try to pray for people's well-being, intervene when I can, you know, when the opportunity presents itself. But other than that, I don't need nobody else's business taking up my brain space for real.

15:15 I'm trying to stay focused on what I got going on so that I can grow in these areas that I'm putting purpose into. You feel me? And you need other people's business to mess up your own business after a while if you're not careful. Yes, sir. Yeah. And that's just from me. Trying to be a good person and always having the best intentions when you're trying to connect and build a relationship, but then you end up having to back up because you gave way too much of yourself. Whereas it ain't reciprocal. Yes, totally, totally understand that. I can totally agree with that.

15:55 Yeah, it's just my own business now. I should have done that a long time ago. I probably would have never went to the pen of ice. Yeah. Right. But it was a lesson learned. And like you like you're doing right now, you're laughing at it. You're laughing at the fact of where you were and where you've been. And that is an amazing thing. But the question still stands. What is something in your life that you know you've been holding on too long that you need to let go of? That's it. I don't let go of everything else, honestly. You know, I had my last weight with my situation with my brother who just got out in blood, but he's like my big brother.

16:39 He just got out after doing 20, and I thought it would be this bright future, but we ended up falling out for the time being, and it's totally cool with me. So that's why I say it's a mind of my own business versus trying to, you know, orchestrate something for somebody else without permission. I like that without permission part. Thank you. Yeah, you got to have authorization. At least you understand the mission now, though. At least you understand the mission, and you know that everybody can't be helped. Yeah, the goal is to move forward. So sometimes all you can do is pray for somebody, man. We got to never be more powerful than the most high.

17:20 Exactly. The best thing that you can do is pray for somebody before you be trying to intervene like you him. But the thing is, everybody's not ready to move forward. Exactly. That's why I mind my own business and take my own steps. I'm chillin man I don't even like to hear no mess no drama I'm trying to get grown and older like y'all man you feel me, I'm trying to get a little private jet and some stuff like that man I ain't trying to be out here getting caught up in somebody else's stuff that ain't got nothing to do with me then I be done wasted time yeah, but Jamari even with your pal that was in the side pocket with you, you got to remember that people come in and out of our lives throughout the balance of our journey, and it's either for a reason, for a season, for a lifetime.

18:11 And although you and that brother might have been tight in the side pocket, that was for that season. Now that you see that he's out and that click is not there, you two leaned on each other during that season. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, but Dave. What up there, Big Mars? I got a question. I'm just tuning in. I love the question. I would say vices that we know are no good for us, number one, that we still gravitate to because they're self-medicated. And they make us feel good, you know, at times where we get a moment of peace. But other than that, you know, the thing that I've been wrestling with is those people that are in your life for a reason, for a season, and a lifetime, such as your children.

19:03 You know, your children come in your life in a season. And they're there for a reason. A lot of us had kids and it changed our life and helped us get on the right path because it frightened us so much that we had another human being that we was responsible. Definitely. It's a motive. Hold on more. I want to throw one question into all of that. So when we said all of that, does that also apply to your marriage, too? That's where I was going it's supposed to, Voice is an option, but you're supposed to be locking in for a lifetime, right? You're supposed to.

19:52 And part of what I've been dealing with on my journey is the length of long suffering God dealt with me. When I was, I didn't want to listen. I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to do that. I just wanted to be free to do me. And then I came into another realization that doing me was destructive. And that could do something to my well-being. Right? So I got to add something to my life and I got to take some stuff out of my life. But now when you tell it to a person who you really love and then you come to a new revelation and they still stuck, man!

20:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to that's where your grace and your humility comes from. Man but how much grace is enough you know what I mean I know every day is sufficient for the day but, if I can't get no sleep cause I'm worried about tomorrow and if there's gonna be enough grace for tomorrow cause I already know this, knucklehead gonna have to fool some kind of way and then I'm not supposed to think like that we're supposed to always think on these things so I think on these things and then the devil show up with the weakest link, man, all the time. And then I wonder, am I the weakest link? Because he keep attacking me.

21:19 Man, nobody get a burden that they can't bear, man. You know? As long as you whoever you talk to when you're alone, it'll help you see yourself through it versus going to my face. I tell you what, I always try to seek a better path. I like the scripture that says there's a sort of man who looks in the mirror and then walks away and forgets who he is. That's a very powerful scripture to me. And I try to stay grounded on that. I try to remember who I am. I know I got some faults and shortcomings. And I know I've got some maturity.

22:02 Even at 60, I've got more maturity to do. I'm not done living or growing or learning. You know, but at the end of the day, the path of, everybody's path is different, correct? But we walk this journey with certain people. And like Dave man Dave when Dave came into my life y'all just don't know Dave was a lifesaver, Dave was a lifesaver Dave might not know you know you know Dave, but you know I was in the Coast Guard for 30 years so you know we used to that, right right right right so you know it was based on y'all based on your information your knowledge of being in the military, based on all these different things man.

22:55 You just your life experience and I'm not sure if you're a little bit older than me or whatever but we brothers we right there we peers and, your experience has been different than my experience but at the same time we have had some parallel experiences that we can relate to exactly and then just because in your character nature, Dave, because you're a man that listens. And you listen. You know what I'm saying? And you give feedback that's positive. I have never heard you say a negative word to me about my situation or whatever. I've been transparent with you.

23:36 You've been transparent with me. But you always are encouraging, man. And that's rare to find nowadays, man. Thank you. I'm saying y'all didn't get my joke about being in the Coast Guard. You know, Coast Guard throws a little lightsaber ring out there. We're not falling for your jokes, Davey. Exactly what it was. Oh, my God. You don't want to fall for your bad jokes today. We're not going for your bad jokes today. I told y'all, look, I'm off my game. I was in purgatory today, so I'm trying to get back. I'm trying to get back. Purgatory?

24:17 I had to go down to the social security office today and sit in there and watch the paint dry. Now you ask which one is worse. The free cleaners, social security office, or the DMV. I think it's the DMV. I don't know, man. The DMV is like Jerry Springer, man. Yeah, it can be. It can be. I have seen something. Yeah, I agree with that. I have seen something. Man, did that really happen? You'll be there for hours and don't even get seen. Exactly.

24:58 Now you walk in the door at 4 o'clock, that's what I'm talking about. We close at 5. We ain't seeing them people. What you mean? You close at 5. You got a whole line for them. I got my number. You see all them people sitting in there? we got to get to them before 5 o'clock so we ain't taking nobody else got my ticket, got that ticket with that number on I know one thing if Ice wanted to pick up some folks they need to sit outside social security. Man that place was packed with some Hispanic brothers and sisters and some out of towners Mego Neal I'm scared I can sit outside DMV too Yeah.

25:45 They everywhere they know they here yeah it's like they just like you can't even get lit up, what you saying he cut off two real way oh they about to crash in a minute they about to crash in a minute hey man they lit out here man i got much love and respect for them, they whole tribal people work work ethic is solid oh yeah They had a whole family of being Kroger's. Walmart. You talking about the Migos? Yes.

26:26 Well, you know. They got their baby mama on the construction site. Hey, man, but look here. But see, they hungry. See, that's what's happening. We fat and obese and lazy anymore. If you really think about it we did have a legitimate argument in the 60s, 50s, 30s all that y'all still treating us like whatever, now what's happened is we got some sort of freedom but we still don't see that we're not free because everybody ain't got no passport and everybody ain't got no money to go nowhere so you can't be that free when you're stuck.

27:13 But we got this, what do you call it, this system entitlement now that we don't have to produce anymore. And I'm not saying that that's not a relative argument based on the production, but where we are now. Who can carry another? Right. So I applaud them because you know what? Thanks. Look, they be fly. They be showing off their little bodies and everything else too. But you know what? You'll see them with some spandex saying, Lord Jesus, I'm in the grocery store. I'm trying to just get some food.

27:55 And the next day you'll see them with mud all over. Right? With some boots on. Still looking cute. But we look at ours today, and they so, watch this. They like Vashti almost, man. They all queens. They kings, they... Okay. You gonna make some people mad. We on the air. But y'all remember what Vashti did? You know what the kings did to Vashti? He was like, oh, you too good to come.

28:38 They been partying, I understand, for a whole long time. But, Queen, hey, hey, go get that Queen and take her out on the couch she laying on and bring me another one. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I like the way you handled that. That was good. You know what I'm saying? Because that's the King's position, Queen. You can't be no Queen without a King. What? unless your king died and half of them trying to kill us. So now what? Got the two's wives alright you gonna make some more than that, I'm gonna mute myself right now before I get in any more trouble somebody might be well if we got any women you gonna make some more than that I know they it's been plenty nice where they going and jumping.

29:34 Like uh uh girl oh yeah I know it's been plenty and I said, we don't want to jump here for real. You know what? 20 years ago, almost 30 years ago, my first wife, I remember I got off work early and she worked days, I worked nights. I got off early, but then didn't have to work that night. I knew she was working and she had the kids. I got the kids to the grandmama, ran her a bath, fought her some flowers, cook like a three or four course meal with a dessert because I can cook, you know, dude. You know what I'm saying?

30:16 And did that. Did that. As she came home, her bath was run with bubbles and stuff. Water was just right. Everything was beautiful. You know what happened the next day? One of her girlfriends said, uh-uh, see, he's guilty of some chance. He's there. What? So when she came home from work, she came home with an attitude. And I was standing there like, hey, we had a great night, let's do it again. Ah, nigga, tell me what you been doing. Been there, been there, been in them shoes. You know, that still exists. Oh, yeah.

31:00 Oh, yeah. That still exists. Willie Lynch. Willie Lynch. Yeah, Willie Lynch, man. That's a serious note right there, bro. It's still real. The systematic breakdown. We're driving away from the question. Or are we on the same path as the question? What is something that you've held on for years that you know you need to let go of? That's what I tell. People. That's a good one. That's a good one. Because we're all holding on to somebody that we should have let go of a long time ago.

31:44 We're all holding on. We're all holding hope that that person is going to get better. They're going to do better. Oh, I love that. I love the word hope. We're holding on to a hope. And they ain't even in the picture. Right. They ain't even playing the same game. No, they ain't playing the same game. They outside doing double ducks. You in here holding on to hope. Well, let me say this, too, on the topic here. You know, I expressed that I had this situation with a cousin. And I attended some funerals, you know, this past month. And, you know, while driving or whatever, you know, going to the funeral, whatever, you know, I began thinking to myself, how would I respond or react to this, you know, to my cousin if I happened to run across, you know, or whatever.

32:40 Or if he tried to, you know, strike up conversation, how would I approach that? Of course, I thought, you know, different scenarios in my head. It's like, would I just snap or would I, you know, be like a genuine embrace, you know, of forgiveness or whatever the case may be, you know. So I'm just processing all that. I just want to throw that out there that sometimes, you know, go through phases when you process things, how you might approach those situations when faced with it. But sometimes it can be tough, you know. You might stand out or something, you know. You never know. Oh, no composure. Well, brothers, I just came across something that I need your help.

33:21 So I need y'all to tell me where I'm at in this situation. So my family is not particularly close. My mother and her sisters, they all had different fathers. And they grew up in the 30s and 40s and 50s. And they're all gone now. they all passed away but the cousins I'm one of the older cousins now I'm at the top of the pyramid but my counterpart from one of my aunties, he's older than me but we weren't particularly close so when my mother passed away back in 14.

34:04 They heard about it. They knew about it. They didn't tell me they were coming, but they showed up to the service as we were walking out. And so they follow us back to the house. And the first thing out of my cousin's mouth is, yo, cuz, what you doing with your mama's car? So at that point, like I said, we weren't particularly close. I was feeling a certain way. you know being in the military taught me a certain level of responsibility and and you know they all had their whatever their preconceived thoughts about me were but I've always been independent I've always taken care of my family I've always had whatever I needed and so he shows up with this hand you know got his hand out looking to get stuff and that kind of pushed me the wrong way And I told him, I said, look here.

34:58 Partner, you can take that line and roll with it. You know, wherever you've been in Florida doing you, you go on back down there and you do you. I don't need to hear from you ever again. And I was OK with that. And I ain't heard from him. I don't call him. He don't call me. But am I holding on to something or have I let that go? No, you let it go. No you did something that most people can't do and that's come from as is confront the problem heads up right most people can't confront the problem heads they'll beat around the bush they'll yeah cuz we good yeah blah blah blah excuse my french but don't shoot the shit give it to them straight go straight look listen hey man look here you can't i ain't seen you in years you pop up at my mama's fair you come afterwards and then you ask about a guy please get on up out of here yeah you try you don't even had a decent decent show up all the time that's right how you here here how you get here that's right how'd you get here, You know.

36:13 Look, I'm going to tell you something. I walked to a cousin of mine's funeral in a blizzard six miles. I'm telling the truth. Six miles in a blizzard. You sure it wasn't, Mars? You sure it wasn't eight miles? Detroit? No, man. I walked six miles in a blizzard, bro, to get to this cousin's funeral for real. because she was so attractive. You know what I'm saying? And at the end of the day, I got there, and guess who came late? My daddy, who was supposed to pick me up, and he wasn't trapped. My goodness.

36:56 And he come in talking about it's cold out there. I'm like, man, my feet, I'm in a soup, man. I'm an old soldier, and I was so mad. I said, you know what? I'm going to make it to this thing. this nigga that came late to pick me up I'm gonna make it to the funeral and I walked cause he was supposed to be there when I knew when he didn't show up when he saved I figured he wasn't gonna show up man, I was holding on to Hope, too. But I was like, you know, I mean, God bless his soul. I'm just saying, I just, I knew when he said, I'm going to be there at 7 o'clock. And then, you know.

37:38 What did he say, boys? Yeah, I'm going to be there at 7 o'clock. You know, we're going to go get some breakfast and chat, but then, yeah, we're going to go to the funeral. At 8.30, I'm like, man, the funeral starts at noon. At 8.30, I start walking, man. Boy, it's got to be good. He said, I'm going to get some breakfast. Top next, man. Like, okay. I'm up drunk. I'm like a little kid, man. It hurt when you believe in it, don't it?

38:20 You believe it, baby, man. I believe it, baby, that day, man. I said, my daddy gonna come pick me up. We gonna let you up. Sure. Or we gonna eat. I'm too late at night. Yeah. Yeah, that part, man. You know, but I ain't on to him till he died, man. Oh, man. I did. You remind me of my pops, man. It's funny, man. They was just cold. They was all in cold pieces, man. They didn't care. They was raw. You know, a couple weeks ago, Papa, what's wrong with it?

39:03 Man, look. Some of the things my dad told me were really phenomenal wisdom. But it was not legendary stuff. He just dropped a couple of dimes on me, but at the end of the day, he didn't learn none of that as far as I knew. Because I didn't see it. I didn't see it, but he dropped his dimes on me, and then I tried to apply it, but it was just... I don't know, man. I don't know. We did have a relationship at the year, but it was so much time, man, that we could have had where he was just being the Rolling Stone.

39:43 He was being Slick Rick. You know? You know? But, like you said, the question was, what are we holding on to? I think we're supposed to hold on to a certain hope. I think we're supposed to hold on to a certain same. But, what you said, Dave, a while back, you said there's a difference between a good idea and a God idea. And I think some of our good ideas we need to let go of because they ain't doing nothing for us you said something already Mark, you said something already that we hold on to that everybody holds on to a lot of and that's hope we hope that the world gonna change and it ain't changed yet.

40:34 All night long man but the real thing what what he said at the beginning that we thought was funny was the best thing hold on to people way too long and before he came in i don't know if he was here when we talked about people coming to you like yeah he was here when we said seasons people coming to our lives for seasons and sometimes we try to hold on to people just like ma was talking about his friend that they was on the inside we try to hold on to people because we can see the potential in them but if they can't see the potential in themselves at what at some point you have to let them go gotta let them go you gotta because you're and i don't have i asked the question area does that also apply to your marriage hey dave, as a Coast Guard do you get trained drown yourself trying to save somebody.

41:38 I'm sorry man you was breaking up say that again I said as a Coast Guard do they train y'all to risk your life trying to save someone, like did that team really die trying to save somebody only in a swimming situation we're uh, yeah i mean if you're a rescue swimmer yeah you if rescue swimmers train specifically on that thing they jump out of helicopters into the ocean to try and rescue people but you know even even like general boot camps when you when you learn in your swim test i don't know if they still teach it today but when i went in the main thing is if somebody's having a hard time swimming you can't let them grab you.

42:18 You got to come up behind them and secure them because, you know, they're freaking out. They'll drown you trying to stay up on top of you. Yeah, we definitely trained in that. Now, Dave, I went to J-O-C-C and Sports Church, Jungle Octopus training course, right? And in that, our waterborne training was knock them out, man. If they thought I had to knock them out, you had to knock them out. And we had the right to knock out a secret officer or anybody because they will try to stand on you like you're the ground.

42:58 And worry when they start pending you. so now how do we knock the people out that's trying to stand on us okay i'll get it man you know you need to quit but hey thanks bubba j i'm gonna answer that question you just threw out there because i'm gonna tell you my first marriage i got i was married in 19 and although i can see the vision. I could see the vision of where I wanted my family to go. 10 years from 19 to 29 and from 17 to 27 we turned into the adults we were going to become.

43:41 We were kids when we got married. We turned into adults and we turned into two adults who could not see eye to eye. And then she was an unfaithful adult so I had to let her walk. Since you want to be in the street with other people you stay on out there in the street with other people. My second marriage lasted 15 years. It was beautiful. We both love the Lord. But what I thought was going to be lifetime, I found out it was a scene. And she was unable to make any kind of adjustment for me as I was about to retire from the military. She was unable to make the adjustments that I was trying to make and, because of her lack of vision she just packed up and just left she left the state so, I'm not I'm not gonna fight you to make you stay with me if you don't want to be with me then you know let the let the door hit you where the good lord split you yeah okay, another state and I got people in the mail they say what?

44:49 Let me ask you this, what if she had retroactive emotional? I mean we I didn't get married right away after her, I mean years went by we had conversations I talked to her about let's get back together but she she held fast to what she thought she had to do so I mean if I can't make you, I can't fight you, I can't put my hands on you to pull you in my direction, so I gotta let you do you. That's the hard part, Dave. I mean, like, talk about the... I mean, that hurt, didn't it?

45:32 Because you wanted to make it worse. And you was trying, you was dedicated, committed to it. Yes. Of course. So what did it take from you? The issues of my heart have been my lifetime... That has been my lifetime battle. I've never been drunk. I've never been high. I mean, I had no problem with any of the other things that a lot of people get hung up with. My issues in my journey have always been affairs of the heart, trying to find somebody that would accept me for me and believe in me the same way I believe in them.

46:14 It took me almost until I was 50 years old to find somebody that fit that bill. Yeah yeah yeah just love me like like uh what was that song stevie wonder said started saying to love and be loved in return to love and be loved in return i don't know if y'all jimmy have ever heard that song but but but check it out this is song of the heart and and i'm i feel you jay Because, you know, I mean, I want my fair marriage, too. And it don't seem like it's going to be successful. And I'm feeling that because I'm trying.

46:57 I don't understand. But like you said, sometimes you just ain't the same thing. And hey, Morris, and another thing, you know, we alluded to it earlier when you talked about Sleem Vashti. No, there's nothing new under the sun, but there is a spirit that's in the land, and it's not the spirit of God. Is the spirit of error and it's the spirit of witchcraft which is disobedient and if I recall, if Christ is the head of man and man is the head of woman there's a chain of command there's an order there that's supposed to be maintained and even though you might not agree with my decision.

47:52 As one of the as one of the lesser troops you supposed to roll with what the superior troop is saying or the superior officer is saying listen i'll advance the places i ain't saying that i know exactly where this is gonna lead but based on my experience young soldier i think we need to go ahead so yeah but now you're gonna stand out there in the middle of the jungle we're supposed to be out of noise and light discipline, but she turned the light on and looked at me and stood up and said, I ain't going nowhere. What? We about to all die. Right. We about to all die. Hopefully it's just a sniper and not a whole platoon.

48:41 And hopefully since you got the night, he just hit you. Right. Exactly. You the one going to draw the fire. I'm staying quiet and I'm staying dark. See, why do you hate me? I had to ask this question. Why is it that if Jesus already died for us, why we got to die for these women? And if after we die, what are they going to do? Find another man who's willing to do the same thing that we did? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

49:22 Sometimes I speak for myself. I made a bad choice I made an unwise decision I saw the red flag but I said I hope beyond hope that, would turn around. But I saw the red flag, but I didn't heed the warning of the red flag. So that one was on me. Speak on the truth. That's what a lot of us do. I wanted it. I saw it. I saw it, and I wanted it. I was fascinated by the eyes and the thighs and the hips and the lips. I was on it. Was that just a day? It was for me. And I paid the price. It was the food and not the beauty.

50:09 That's real talk that's real talk and that's what a lot of us in trouble the truth you can't make me whole focus on, I got kids now that I don't see how to talk. And you know what And that's another issue right there. I don't know who said that, but why do women use children as a pawn in the game of, I gotta make you hurt? Why? It's, as they can because the system allows them to. And that's messed up. That's messed up.

50:50 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Because you're not hurting me. You're hurting your child. But because of your small, your pettiness, you're hurting your own child by eroding their relationship with their natural father. Yeah. Though man I don't even want to begin and tell you but dang no, my first wife went to detention okay like three months after we got divorced she was already. Impending when we got divorced we were supposed to go to court and we got a court order to go to court the court.

51:37 Well, she did say, well, I'm not going to try to fight you. You know what? She's trying to fight me, so let's not go. I said, no, we got a court order. We got to go. I went. She didn't come. I got custody of the kid. And I told the man, I said, I'm a veteran. I got PTSD. I'm dealing with alcoholism, and I got a cocaine problem. But I'm in treatment. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. I joined a church and trying to get my faith back and all of that and you know what they told me they said, because you showed up from your kid and your wife didn't it speaks volumes against her as a mother and for you to be this transparent with us they gave me we had joint custody but I had outright custody right there, there was more violence of me I had to keep on doing what I was doing but you still don't say it, Now, this is the crazy part. My oldest daughter was about to have her period.

52:47 I ain't know nothing about that. And I lost my house because of 9-11. For real. Yeah, my attorney was supposed to be in the court stopping the foreclosure. He was in there on September 11th and they closed all the courts. They sold my house to the VA on September 12th in the county court after the Detroit court didn't open until the 13th. All that being said, I had to give guardianship to my mother. And then came the five stones. I was irresponsible because I didn't. I'm homeless with two daughters. What you want me to do?

53:31 Mama. Right. Thank you, Jesus. I had my mama this. You know what I'm saying? But I got courage. And they left then because I was considered incapable. No, I just wasn't going to have my two girls on the street. Yes. Yeah. That part. Yep. Sometimes we make those hard choices, man. And, you know, it hurts us to our heart. but we know we're doing what's the best. Yeah, but I tell you what, man, it's not too many movies that break me down but when I sat in that movie theater and watched The Pursuit of Happiness man, it busted more. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was ugly crying in the movie theater.

54:17 Oh, yeah, what you said. Man, that is a real father movie right there, man. If you're. 10 you up right there man 10 you up, yeah yeah did you all ever see the uh first wife left me I was in that same I was in that same kind of position as in the movie Pursuit of Pursuit of Happiness with my oldest son and man that thing it just it I was crying so bad the people was watching me they started watching the movie I was back there boohooing like the world was coming to an end and I was fighting hard not to make too much noise but, Man, they was coming up, handing me handkerchiefs and patting me and stuff.

55:03 I was like, how are you going, man? Right. Exactly. I actually had to get up and walk out. I made too much noise. I had to leave them so they could have peace. Wow. That's real, dude. That's real, bro. Now, did you all see the forge? Yes. Y'all had me cry. Hey, what's the guy's name that play radio? Cuba Gooding Jr. Have y'all seen that movie where he's a deep sea devil? Yeah. That's a true story. My pops right there. That's a true story.

55:45 He's the first black deep sea devil's name. Middle of Honor. Yeah, that old one. Cookie! Get up, Cookie! I was mad at Robert DeVall for the end. I was trying on that one too. That you mad at Robert DeVall and he didn't do nothing but play the part. I know. I ain't like you calling him cooking. I'm speaking to y'all. Like who you calling cooking? I had a chance to hear that. I had a chance to actually hear that man speak. in Norfolk, Virginia. Oh, wow.

56:30 Oh, wow. What was that like? The actual diver, man. That was a bad boy right there. He was a serious... That was a man's man right there. That was a bad boy right there. Yeah. Yeah. Has he ever met David Goggins? Oh, man. That boy's book is amazing. His story is amazing. Yeah. That's another man's man for you right there. Yeah, David Goggins. I'm like, I haven't even finished the book, Dave. I started reading like that. he started challenging me I ain't even getting the book good I was getting it myself, you know what I'm saying I know what you're saying because that makes you look in the mirror his book makes you look in the mirror and review some of the choices you made in your life and then you said man I should have went left I should have went right what book is this, Jennifer Coggins, he's the only black man who's gone through every special force and every military brand. Okay.

57:41 So, no, man, this junkie is dangerous, man. I'm just saying. He's beyond dangerous. But how he started was he was low, man. He was real low. And the name of the book is You Can't Hurt Me. Yeah, that white fist. Carl, you can't hurt me? Yeah. Can't hurt me. Can't hurt me. Because he went through so much trauma then. He went through so many different levels. Right. Went in way over way too.

58:22 Yeah, he was over 300 towns. Right. Yeah, he was over 300 towns. Yeah. That's a bad boy right there. I ain't nothing with him. No, no, no. He got some other training. He on some new stuff right there. Hey, man. I want him on my team. You fucking get it. But I'll be on this team, whatever, because he's going to lead the West. For real. This is a joke, man. Let's dive into what y'all said. The book made you look at yourself and think about some of the decisions you've made.

59:06 That's the reason why I asked the question, what is something that you've been holding on for way too long that you need to let go? Because that question should make you look at your jobs, your relationships, your whatever, and say, okay, what have I been holding on to that I really need to let go? Because we're all holding on to something whether it be a personal place or a thing we're all holding on to something that we need to rid ourselves of everybody is it's some habit that you might need and you might not want to tell nobody that's fine because everybody's got a closet I believe this wholeheartedly everybody has a closet, all the secrets are healed all the secrets are healed Dude, are you saying everybody got a closet with a bunch of skeletons? Yes.

1:00:02 Yeah. Yeah. That's the truth. That's the truth. And we're all holding on to something that we need to rid ourselves of. We all of them. Does it hurt us to recognize that? But that's the question you have to ask yourself is does it hurt you, about letting it go because then that's when the real healing begins because if it hurts in order for you to let it go then that may feel something that has bothered you in some form or fashion or made you feel some type of way or was not.

1:00:50 What's the word I'm looking for conducive to your well-being there you go, It kind of depends, too, because some situations might have, yeah, I was going to say, it kind of depends on the scenario, though, because some situations might have power over you, or there's a difference between addiction or shame. Know what I'm saying? I don't want to shame nobody. No, no, I know you, no, but I'm saying we shame ourselves because of that thing in our closet. Right and if we haven't built if we're still trying to hide it you know it's got power over you because you don't want to confront the shame but that's the trick of the enemy that's a good one that's good Dave that's good that's real good here's another, what just came to my mind is sometimes because we are big we feel like we're capable of handling anything to kill us We can't fix it.

1:01:58 You know, you got the birthday thing up. They say, you know you ain't no garbage, can't it? But it seems simple. It seems doable. I don't want to feel incapable. I don't want to feel less than. You remember the old song, I always feel like somebody watching me. Now, you know, depending on who's talking, how they, you know, where you're advising, all those different variables, you know, there's a tendency to get overwhelmed in your not selfishness, but your self-conscious to the point where you start prouting, you start looking at how they're valuing you.

1:02:49 Then you start second-guessing it. That's another thing we all know our teams do. Our teams are the biggest of us. You get what I'm saying? Because we value what they say. They always say something. But then because we love them, I hope that they're going to say something positive. Hey, look, my little straight edge. You're just like your daddy. You're dumb ass. Hey, my little, I'm just, you know, come on. Come on. Come on. That stuff. Yeah. But at the same hand, mama's gone.

1:03:35 Mama's gone, right. So why are you still holding on to that? It's not you holding on to that. It's somebody else saying the same thing, mama said. No, but I'm saying right now in this... Yeah, why are you still holding on to it? Right, because... Mama and dad is gone. Mama and dad is gone. So the only thing I can hold on to is what I believe based on what I've learned through Mom and Daddy and without Mom and Daddy. Right. That's the thing I always wanted Mom and Daddy to be proud of me. So now I shift. I got kids. I'm trying to teach them the right kids.

1:04:19 I'm trying to teach them the Bible and hard words. I'm trying to celebrate their victories. And then you're still being painted by all those who, guess what? You ain't got your creativity. Remember when you were talking about that a couple weeks ago, dude? Yeah. You know, who's a success? What's the basis for success? What's the definition of success? We hold on to people who define us in the wrong way. Success looks different to everybody. Remember when we talked about that? Success looks different to everybody. So you got to have your own value.

1:05:01 And so we all want other people's opinions to us. So we didn't have to go. You're right. But success looks different from everybody. Yeah. You remember the five-hour beats? When he said, Daddy, I made it. He said, too. That was a cold piece, man. I was mad. You ain't because I run it. Right? I was like, I was mad. I wanted to see name. I wanted to be rebellious as a child against my father.

1:05:41 My daddy never said that to me. But I felt like that was my daddy. Reason being because Philly never really supported me on anything. He was always there when I graduated something. Which I guess was a celebratory. But I'm just saying, you know, I mean, how do y'all feel about that? Y'all have that experience? Yes. Definitely. My father wasn't there for nothing for me. He never saw nothing. He was never at nothing. Yeah. So, no, I had to, I didn't have an actual, I had to find that mentor, that person to mentor me from somebody else because the father role was absent for me. I get that.

1:06:36 Like, wow. And that's that due to appeal. Because even as men today, and we have acquired some level of success based on how we define success, because we know we could have been, and we're not. So that's the success. Yeah. I looked at it like this. If the guy that was supposed to be there to show me the way didn't show up then I've got to figure out my way and then I said I'm going to show my son the way. I'm going to start it up because I didn't inherit nothing so now I got to start it up so I can hand something down. Right.

1:07:23 That's a good one. I like that. I like that. Now what about what you said? You didn't inherit nothing but you tried to leave something. How does that play out in the scheme of things? Because a lot of us are struggling to try to have something to leave. It's about choices. It's about choices and how you choose to live your life. And that's another thing. This all goes into the question. What is something that you've been holding on to for way too long? You've been holding on to pity. You've been holding on to self-doubt. You've been holding on to self-worthlessness.

1:08:03 You've been holding on to all these things that's the reason why a lot of us aren't successful is because we're number one we're afraid of success because we didn't we've never seen success in our lives a lot of us are afraid of it, Right. So fear is what's keeping you in the place you're in. Fear is what has you in a relationship. Fear is what has you at a job for so long. Fear is what has you, you know, whatever. It keeps you in a place to where you're submissive to whatever it is you're afraid of. It keeps you bound and gay.

1:08:44 I better not quit this job. If I quit this job, I don't know where to live. I had a girlfriend who was in an abusive relationship I thought that was the best thing that ever happened to her because I really loved her and her husband had gotten out of the penitentiary after doing 12 years, for a man's father she went back to him I said to my mother why would she do that, and my mother said because he's familiar year, and you're not, say this morning what i say this morning dude what i say this morning you look for the same thing she looking for the same thing and wondering why things ain't change.

1:09:35 Who that's a major call you end up in the same impassive situation that you started out in and wonder why something why wonder why things ain't different, people can't see that a lot of people cannot see that a lot of people cannot see that I just couldn't understand it because my mom said, he's scared of you. I said, why? She said, she knows what he'll do. She don't know what you'll do. Right. You really understand what your mother was saying? I was so mad.

1:10:15 I was so mad because I thought, listen, we've all heard term, and I wasn't trying to be Captain Save Nothing, but she was beautiful. We vibed. We had a lot of the same scars and pains and stuff, and I just thought, man, wow. I'd have found the one that I can relate to. What? Yeah. She left me and went back to this monster. She had 19 stab wounds on her body from here. I could not understand for my life. Why would this woman go back to this BD on her birthday?

1:11:03 Tomorrow she is not probably would never do. Except for my wife. You know what I'm saying? But I mean, he called me out. all some real crazy stuff. I ain't gonna go into it. But he said some real foul stuff because he didn't come out of the penitentiary. Basically, he got, he must have beat her up or something, got my phone done, and he was gonna call me, talking about he had a dress for me. I said, oh, when I see you, sir, it's a second, you gonna dance. I'm like that. And I admit that. And that's what happened to happen. And, uh, yeah, we danced. And he went to the hospital. Good evening, Mr. Riley. How you doing, sir? Mr. Mark? Good.

1:11:51 Fellas. Doing fine. How y'all doing? Y'all came in on the back end of a wild conversation, didn't they? Yeah! Riley, where you been, bro? Man, yeah, there's been a lot of stuff going on, man. Celebrating birthdays and all that good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, sir. Y'all do it all right. Doing good. Good, good, good. Hey, fellas, I got to tap out. I got to touch base with some family members. They texting about something. I don't know what's going on. Hey, man, it was good to hear from you. I'm glad you were here. Have a great night. Yes, sir. Y'all are welcome, brother. Just keep me in your prayer. I don't know what this conversation about to be about, but we're glad to see.

1:12:36 What are you playing for? Yes, sir. All right y'all I think the reason back to what I was saying the reason why a lot of us aren't successful is because of the fear of success and the fear of success has ruined so many great ideas for so many great people because you could be sitting on a gold mine a million dollar opportunity but you're afraid to put it out in the world because you're afraid somebody gonna steal it somebody gonna do this, somebody gonna do that, so that fear you're holding yourself back. You're absolutely right too you know what else you know part of the fear of success I guess I've learned recently is the fear of leaving somebody behind that you want to come along with you because they just are stuck you remember JoJo Dance in the movie yes, you remember when his daddy said boy I'll do this he said I got to go, right now he was married he got slapped by his daddy in front of his wife he said I'm looking out of here the next day he was getting ready to get on the bus to go somewhere, And his wife was at the bus station and she said, I can't go with you, John-John.

1:14:00 She said, what's she talking about? She said, well, I ain't never been nowhere before. She said, I ain't been nowhere before in India. We can go together. She said, no, my mom and my daddy here. And I can't go with you. And in that moment, he had to make a decision about going somewhere or staying with his wife. Right. She didn't want to leave their safety net. That's the biggest thing about the fear. The fear of most people is not want to leave their safety net. In comfort zone. That comfort zone, man. Uncomfortability is a hard thing. But it also brings some joy and some success by now to get uncomfortable.

1:14:49 Well, you got to put the stairs in the road. Do you think it can be fear of the unknown? Yes. It can be fear of the unknown also. It can be all of that. But at what point do we say, we throw caution in the wind and say, I'm going to get out here and I'm going to try something different because I don't know what's on the other side. Because a lot of us are choosing to stay in our comfort zones, like I said, and we never make it anywhere. You never make it anywhere nothing ever happens you just setting it but you know what don't do if you don't make it remember the old cliche have an A plan B plan C plan D plan and the oh shit plan and, what we do is we get an A plan and we wake up in the middle of the night and say it's going to work.

1:15:53 We invest everything into that and then it doesn't work. We got to go back to the ground board. And you get so tired to start over, man, to the point where you don't want to drink no more. Really? So, it's like, it ain't going to never. That's got bad luck, slept rock mentality, man. I don't know why. That's how people try to push that on TV. That's not where you are. But he can quickly become there. You're not grown, listen to the wrong people in your ear belt. So you really think you outgrow the seasoned dreamers.

1:16:37 I don't, I think you can give up on the seasonal dream. I think as long as you live, you have the capacity and ability to dream, but holding on to the dream, believing in the dream, trying to. See the dream come, you know, If the dream is just entertainment or a fantasy, what's you holding on to it for? See what I'm saying? Why you gonna hold on to something that's not gonna come to pass? And if you're constantly sheeted down, this is part of the problem. You know, a lot of these young men just gave up. Why?

1:17:19 I didn't want to be women. I'm not trying to step on nobody's toes. Is it saying, well, no, I understand where you're at with the whole situation. No, we're not stepping on anyone's toes. We're simply having a logical debate about life and trying to understand how we got to this point. Right. Because you asked a question a couple of weeks ago, what happened from the 40s to now, from the 30s to now? I asked that question about three days ago I asked a woman I said what happened to the definition of man what a man need why we got all these different you know what I'm saying and why do the women a lot of the women try to identify or say that a man ain't a man and they get out man to man you know what I'm saying That was really, real ignorant.

1:18:17 I said, okay, so, okay, y'all want to go to war? Y'all want to lead soldiers in the battle? It's not that we can. Okay, you're looking at a drama and all these other crazy movies because if it ever comes to you putting on the battlefield vest, being dropped out of helicopters, and leads 100 million into a short death situation, I don't know what women do you think would do it. Hillary Clinton. Boom but as much as they talk who's going to volunteer to be the first one see it's cool to fly blame, operate the job the ground the ground is up there.

1:19:04 I'm just saying like Dave said it's the spirit it's the spirit it's the rebellious spirit that we don't need you and... Could do better without you and you ain't doing this for me. But then we're straying away from the topic. We're straying away from the topic. My bad. It's about you. You gotta let go of that, too. Yeah, right. You gotta let go of that, too. You gotta let go of experience. Pain. Pain. You gotta let go of some of the pain and the hurt that people have put you through because you can never, you'll never move forward if you keep living in it. That's true.

1:19:54 That's true. I get when you start. And I just got to add in there, dude, what you just said is so true because even though I tell my story about what I've been through, I don't have a problem with either one of my ex-wives. I can talk to them. We can have good conversation. We can sit in the same room. But, you know, what we had, that's in the past. And we have to deal with each other for who we are right now. And I'm blessed that one of my exes lives in Texas, so I don't never get to see her. Right. You know, Dave, when I said something, when I said to somebody a couple weeks ago that, yeah, I'm still friends with a lot of my exes. I'm still cool with a lot of my exes.

1:20:43 My wife doesn't even notice them. y'all weird man I have an African mailman that's not weird, he said I was living right there's blood on my ex-wife and he kept giving my mail to her and I said yo man that's me I'm Lawrence that's Marisa I ain't even put a name like that but anyway I said I'm Lawrence he said well I don't know it's just your name's all. He said, you live next door to your ex-wife? I said, yeah, man.

1:21:23 He said, if that's me, I would kill her. I'm not seeing that y'all. See, I don't know nothing. All the way he was from, what country he was from in Africa. But, yeah, he was on something else. But yeah, you know, it gets your ex-wife for four or five years, man. I was better than my ex-wife. It's definitely a sign of maturity. I mean, so, you know, as we get older, we definitely got to learn how to do better. Yeah. Let go of whatever y'all had that broke y'all apart, it's gone. It's over. Oh, yeah.

1:22:07 I ain't got no regrets because I'm blessed now beyond compare. But a lot of us are still holding on to that we done me wrong blah blah blah blah, they done me wrong my mama done me wrong, my daddy done me wrong my cousin done me wrong, okay they done you wrong are you still drinking the poison hoping they gonna die. No but you know what dude one of the real things I think that we deal with, are we doing enough to make a deal and so a lot of times we can suck on, bro, maybe I need to do more. Maybe I need to do more. It's not realizing that you've done all you can do.

1:22:54 You understand what I'm saying? But if you keep going back to the jawboard saying I can be a little bit sweeter, I can be a little bit more jealous, I can be a little wrong question, I can be a little wrong, so how are you all on that? But when is enough enough and you move on that's the question, that's the question and that's the original question what are we all known to that's keeping us from moving on and man that's going to be a question that's going to be through the night for me, you know because when you've exhausted everything that you have you've given your all You've given everything you've got.

1:23:39 When do you move on well yeah yeah and. Okay so how do you deal with the sorrow like it's like this like we're going back to talking about the military swim test and all of that when you realize okay fighting is not winning arguing is not winning, you got to get some peace, man. It's going to drive you crazy trying to defeat, you know what I'm saying? I mean, I guess we're in war now, and they're going back and forth with dialogue, and everybody's getting frustrated, and, you know, it's going to be a point where it's going to be like, you know, that's it.

1:24:29 I'm done, and, you know, hopefully, you know, here we go. Hold on that false hope again, though, because it don't look like what we hope is for us. And then we got to be mature enough to say, it ain't going to happen. Right. Right. It ain't going to matter. It takes a level of maturity to get to that point to say it ain't going to happen. Some people... Is the maturity pain from the experience of time? It comes from there, but it also comes from a logic mind and thinking, okay, I've exhausted everything I can exhaust.

1:25:10 Yes, you can say I could be a better person, but if you sit down, and I think this is what a lot of us don't do. Put your device down Turn the TV off And just sit there and have a moment And really reflect in silence And think about life And take some stock in your life And take stock in the relationships in your life And take stock in the In what you got going on, live at what what your finances look like take stock of that and once you sit down and really take stock of that and see where you you here's a here's an economic denominator in all the situations you have to think about you what did i do to get myself in this relationship what did i do to get myself in this house what did i do to get myself in this friendship what did i do to get myself in this employment and at some point you don't want to fix it and if you don't want to, you want to be stuck that's it you want to be stuck and you can't blame nobody you can't blame your ex-wife you can't blame your children you can't blame your job you can't blame nobody nobody.

1:26:28 You can't it's all you at this point and Marianne at that point where you got to make that real kill so decision okay it's going to hurt me but it's just long shot season. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yes, the lessons always come when you in those moments where it hurts. Nine times out of ten, there's a lesson there that you miss. In the hurt, there's a lesson that you miss, whether it was to protect yourself, whether it was to step up and learn your job plus your supervisor's job.

1:27:08 You missed out you missed the lesson that was put in front of you, you know what I'm going to share something with y'all right now it just dawned on me when you was talking about this one of the things that really hurt me bad. Was walking away after I got sober. Walking away from people who I thought were genuine friends. They were on the street when I was on the street. They were sharing maloney sandwiches. I come home, I get clean, man, and come back to the family, and it's like, ah. You know?

1:27:50 It's up to the day. Like, I still got please. You know, hey, it's 30 years ago. Yeah, but you know what? You did that 30 years ago. Okay, so what did you do in your closet 30 years ago? You nobody see you. I need to be clear in mind because I need your help. I still don't be. Then I did the protocol. So at the end of the day, I'm not holding on to that. I don't care. Okay. I got a cousin, like I said, he had a life sentence, but he got out after doing 17 years. And he ain't never been back. And he started three businesses.

1:28:32 And he's got a family number. And he ain't thinking about going back. All his old ways are gone. That's the success. Yes. That's success. They let other folks tell us that ain't got a traffic ticket. You know, you ain't got a traffic ticket. You're a success too but you can't take mine from me I don't have a success you know what I'm saying, to me that's a success on one hand but I got several friends that do and then he got another one success, you know what I'm saying I ain't gonna say.

1:29:21 I'm better. No, like you said, everybody's got a closet. Hey, everybody's got a closet and there's secrets in it. Yeah, secrets box or something. Something. Under the floorboard, something. Under the floorboard. Under the floorboard, man. Come on now. You know, in that coming hole in the game, something blocked in the base. Behind the shelf. I'm just saying, you know, and the crazy part is when it gets exposed, how do you act? You know what I mean? How do you not really get exposed? Because you said it didn't happen in the beginning.

1:30:08 Now it comes in and everybody sees it. Oh, you know, one of the greatest fears of success I know a lot of people have stopped this from. What's that? In this era of uncertainty. You see that man and woman they had 11,000 acres, raising cattle and then wildfires came to Nebraska and one day they lost it all you remember the Enron people one day, they lost one couple of things what are we going to do now we only have $750,000 in the bank and everybody around me was like what I said no, no, y'all missing it They got $730,000 in the bank when they had $11 million in the bank for 10, 15 years. Right.

1:31:04 That's a drastic change. Because they got to leave their house, they leveraged to the yield, man. Everything's from credit and, you know, investments is wrapped up and you can't take your money out. Everything you have is gone. Of us have been through that before we had a whole life. Right. So we're better equipped to deal with it if it happens again than those who, have a whole life now but ain't never lost nothing and ain't proud. Feel what I'm saying? I understand what you're saying.

1:31:48 So when you walk away from those people because you got an experience and you say, you know what? I'm done. I can't I can't cause dragging dead weight is gonna make you dead, right and see that's what I'm saying about letting people go that's what I'm saying about letting people go you dragging dead weight like Ma was talking about his friend when he got out you dragging dead weight yeah, your friend talking about hey man come on we can set up a new crew and everything man we go back to what we was doing, I just did 20 years man right, do that for five years. You're going to go back to it? Is this going to be a successful moment now?

1:32:42 Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want to be a part of that. It don't make no sense to be a part of it. It don't even make no sense to be a part of it. You know? Toxic relationships toxic relationships are... But they exist every day. And they're so subtle. some of them are so subtle because you want to hold on to the hope that they really love you. Dude, if you said something and a man said something, you know, you really, you want that feeling of love. You want that feeling of acceptance. Here's something. Here goes something for you. You remember the song?

1:33:25 The song about Ty 777-9311? Yes. Okay he said something in that song that's so powerful it's not even funny and it is ain't nothing worse than reject I feel a little better if you slap my face. You alright you feel what I'm going with that yeah I totally get it you know Jeremy spoke in class today yes, he was getting rejected all the time when he's fine he's time to say something.

1:34:08 That happens all the time too you know I'm still concerned about that 7-year-old Q. He's still on your bus, too. I'm not driving that route anymore, but yeah, he's still on the bus. See, that's the tragedy waiting to happen, man. If they don't get to the throne of that, most definitely. You know, if he makes it to 20 and 13 years, you know who it's going to be ours? What do you say, brother? It's going to be our fault. It'll be the system's fault. Yeah. Yeah.

1:34:51 But how is it the system's fault when there's nobody at home taking responsibility? The system tells us. The system gets them down. The system set it up that way. The system is still redlining us. The system is still gerrymandering us. The system is still taking away our basic liberties. they're trying to go gen crow the system is for real yes i agree i totally agree with that i mean what time do you want to leave. Yeah yeah yeah yeah, right now. It's really rough. It's rough out here.

1:35:37 It's not going to get any better anytime soon. We got, you know, we have what we have as a commander in chief. I'm not going to speak one way or another. We're just going to say that the proof is in the pudding. How about that? Does that work? You get what you're paying for. You get what you're paying for. You get what you're paying for. See, oh my God. If I could have one wish. Oh, man. You know, if I could have one wish, the only thing I would wish is for people to actually, exercise the right that people fall to the United States with no people of color. Okay.

1:36:26 How is that going to work? That would show them since if there were no people of color in the United States if the United States was completely 100% Caucasian European whatever I would love to see where they would be, who gonna walk with this baloney tip, listen ain't nobody gonna work the bougie gonna be listen they don't be stinking they don't be it's gonna be like what was the black the dark ages of Europe where they was all funky and stuff I mean, they lost themselves man it would implode because they would turn on themselves because they wouldn't have anybody else to put the it on so that they could unify against them they would have to go against themselves, we're never on the dog we're doing it, But bologna sandwiches?

1:37:35 Man, I haven't had a bologna sandwich in probably 35, 40 years. They're going to bust a bologna sandwiches for chefs. Ain't no more fried chicken. Ain't no more tourniquet. No, they're going to eat each other. No more cornbread. Listen, they're going to eat each other. It's like bologna sandwich. They're going to be killed. That's how I like it. Have y'all noticed all the cannibal commercials that they put out there now? No. Just look at your food commercial. You got the chicken, the dude. They dipped in some gravy, and he turned into a chicken nugget.

1:38:16 Then you got the... Oh, my. I didn't see you. I had somebody ask me this question. They said, with all of the speculation about McDonald's have a hamburger that's with humans in it how come they never said listen we want to put a stop to the room we only treat no humans, I didn't know who said nothing. Back up. Back up. Mark, what did you say, Mark? Let me back up. What did you say? Come on, Mark. You don't play. Don't try to slide in there like I didn't hear you, Mark. What did you say?

1:38:58 Oh, I heard what you said. You said what? Where are all the cows at, Mark? And Moniz said where are all the cows at? Yeah, where are all the cows at? Mark, did Mark say where are all the cows at? I haven't said anything. I'm just listening. No, that was Morris. That was Morris. I'm asking where are all the cows at? He said where are all the cows at. We, and McDonald's, it used to be 100,000 people served, right? But then you start working.

1:39:39 Yeah. You ain't said 100,000 cattle, sir. See, because served is different. Remember how to serve man? It's a cookbook. Well, you know they got this thing now called cell-cultured food. Cell-cultured food. What is that, Dave? Cell-cultured. Lab. Grown in a lab. Cell-cultured. So they just take one cell out of a cow and grow a whole cow in a lab. I mean, like four days. I don't know how they do it, but I know that daggone KFC, that KFC chicken ain't real chicken. It ain't real chicken. They've been sued, too.

1:40:25 They didn't, they didn't court. They didn't court. KFC chicken ain't real chicken. They said, that's why it's KFC is no longer Kentucky Fried Chicken. It's got to go to KFC not selling real chicken. Right. Hold on. What you don't need it, y'all? So what y'all think they said? That culture, that genetically modified organisms. That's the secret recipe. So hold on a minute. Hold on a minute. Them trunks that they get out of their way. They have known all these trunks every week. I know you are.

1:41:09 Man, they feed us what they want to feed us, man. Listen, how much land of the United States is owned by China? Hmm. New York? I don't know. We got to wait for Trump to get back to find out how much he even gave up. Right. But China, if you remember over the last 20 years, all your governors have been going to China on these good secret meetings. Remember the whole, what, 30 governors went over there? What are they doing? China can't grow no food, man. China can't grow no food. China has been cloning their food. They've been cloning tilapia.

1:41:51 They've been cloning all kinds of fish. Right, and they're sending it to us. They've been, China has been calling since 1963. We talked to them, Dad. They don't understand, man. They've been treating us fake phones since the 60s. Your canned goods. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, back up. They've been feeding y'all fain fools since I ain't been around. All right. All right, John. Hey, young buck. I ain't been around. To young buck, yes, folks. He ain't been around since I ain't been feeding these fain fools since then.

1:42:41 Did y'all see the movie Food for the Gods did you see the movie Food for the Gods, watch the giant rats the giant rats the giant chickens the giant cows and at the end of the movie, a jar was fell in the river and fell down the river to where the cows were feeding and then they showed you they milking the cows and And then the kids drinking the cow's milk, and that's how the movie went off. From the 70s. So now you got these 12-year-olds that look like they're 25.

1:43:21 Huh? Huh? Same thing. Let it go. Let it go, Marge. Just let it go. Yeah. It's the truth, though. and then look what with all the S wallet man I got a couple of things around here, hey I'm out here we ain't got that much y'all have a blessed weekend we ain't got that much I'll have a weekend can I even stop talking I'm in the. I'm in Indiana and I'm doing the job and I'm retired so laughing, pray for me. God bless you. Love you. All right, brothers.

1:44:11 As always, you know, man. We blessed. Thank you. Thank you. God bless you, Lord. Always. It's going to get better. I hope. After it get worse. You got it, too, man. Oh, don't say that. Don't say that. I said that this morning. I said that this morning. It's probably too soon. You say hey straight minds think alike I said I said, y'all this morning me and the dude was having a conversation we show work like we do every Friday and I said it can't get no worse as soon as I stuff foot on my bus it got real worse what, yeah that part, alright He's got his feet and all.

1:45:03 He's got something new to come up. Yes. All right, gentlemen. Love you guys. Y'all have a sweet heart. You need to go down. Be blessed. Be blessed. Always. We have to figure out what's holding us back. The question was, what have you been holding on to that you know you need to let go of? It's something holding all of us back in some form or fashion, whether it's a relationship, whether it's work, whether it's whatever. We have to come to some point to where we let we walk away.

1:45:47 I mean, Jamal, you said something a long time ago. How long do we let something hold us down before we step over it and walk away? I said that. Yeah that's what we've been doing, yeah I mean people do that that's what people do every day they hold on to stuff till death and then the people that they've been holding on and doing all the animosity and everything else, it eventually just erodes everything, I mean do you, how do I put this.

1:46:29 How how how far am i willing to go for what i really want how long do you hold on to the animosity or the hurt quote-unquote hurt that somebody impeded on you before you say enough is enough. It's like the old saying, you drinking poison hoping they're going to die. You drinking the poison. They didn't give me that promotion at the job. They don't like me. But what are you doing to get that promotion? Are you working hard enough to be my wife been fighting all day long? She don't really whatever, whatever.

1:47:10 But what did you do to try to fix the situation between you and your wife? Are you just going to let it linger and blame her? That relative you got that just you know ain't nothing you know they ain't they ain't worth a quote you know they ain't worth a quote how long do you i mean it's like uh dave said he's like i had this cousin he wasn't he wasn't about nothing wasn't worth nothing i told him hey man go on about your business you come around here after my mama died asking about her car but i ain't seen you in years but now all of a sudden here you are asking about my mama's car, where did you even come from I haven't seen you in years but all of a sudden now you pop up out the blue asking about my mama's car, man are you serious are you stupid or are you dumb, so you gotta wonder what is it in you that's making people think that that's okay.

1:48:16 To start looking at ourselves. We got to start saying, okay, look, I done messed up. Let me see how I can fix this. Because you got to fix it. You can't keep holding on to, my mama wasn't, my daddy wasn't, they didn't give me this, so they didn't give me that. If them people dead and gone, then ain't nothing you can do about it. But if they still alive, a conversation can be Hey, conversation can be had. It may not come to resolve, but there's a conversation to be. That's a way of fixing it. And if you can't fix it, then you do the best you can with what you got.

1:49:04 We can't keep torturing ourselves and holding on to they didn't do this or they didn't do that okay they didn't do it what are we going to do now, where are we going with this because we can't keep just killing ourselves because these people are gone, they ain't here they're not here, even if they even if they're not gone we do it with the people that are still living and while we're worried about it and stuck on it, they're sleeping like babies at home every day. They gave them a second thought and you're still holding on to it.

1:49:49 So I don't mean, hey, I don't know. I've been thinking all night long since the conversation was about what do I need to let go that I've been holding on to for a while. I've been trying to figure out really what I've been holding on to that I really need to just let go. That's what I've been thinking it's a real question and it's something that we all need to ponder on, maybe maybe it's unanswered questions that keep us there yeah that's a good one Riley that's a good one it's a good one unanswered questions, I guess I just need to let go of, hope in mankind because I always think the world can be I always think the world is going to be better and it's going to fix itself I always think and you hit me with this all the time I always think that, people cannot continue being this stupid, there's no way people can still walk around being this stupid and that's the only way you can think of it you can't keep walking around with being blindfolded, wondering why you keep walking into a wall. But your hands ain't tied nothing.

1:51:09 You just refuse to take the blindfold off because somebody told you not to. And just wondering why you just keep walking into that wall. You eventually get to the end of it and go around the corner, but then you hit another wall. But you just refuse to take the blindfold off. I have got to give up on and I know it's hard to say is just giving up on people being smarter than what they are. What you always tell me, I can't look stupid. No. But I always try to. Whether that be in my personal life, whether it be in my professional life. Fellas, we got to go. You see me try it in our professional life.

1:51:53 You see that thing. You know I've tried it in our personal life. We got a brother that I just can't. Yeah. That's what I need to lay the world. Fellas, we out. It's about to go off.