Survival, Pride and the Cost of Being a Man

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Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to another episode of The Kickback. I am your host, The Dude.

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I want to start off by saying I apologize to everyone from last week.

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It was human error, charging to my heart, not my head.

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It was human error, running around, doing things, and just forgot.

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I had so much going on that I forgot that I had a show.

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So I apologize, and I hope everyone forgives me, but we're back.

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We're here. Great conversation with some great men.

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Welcome to the kickback. With that, as long as they can get online and play

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their one-man shooter game and, you know, go drive Uber or Lyft,

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DoorDash, and make a little cash,

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it's a whole different mindset with this generation.

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He hit what I've been seeing since the 4th of July.

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Y'all are not built I mean we were sponges growing up we sucked up everything

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around us we learned how to shop how to wash our clothes,

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how to we were sponges we wanted to learn everything involved going on around,

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us how to change a tire how to check my oil,

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We want to learn all of this. This is what we wanted. We wanted it because I

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did this a couple of weeks ago. Tires to us meant freedom.

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Whether it was bike tires, skateboard tires, it don't really matter.

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As long as it was a wheel, it meant freedom.

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Yep, exactly.

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And a lot of these kids, they don't even want to get a driver's license.

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It's been like years, though. Like they're years that they didn't drive.

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What he's like where his parents went wrong.

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Wrong somewhere because like a lot of these they feel sure because i'm your

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child i'm entitled I don't have to do nothing extra.

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I don't have to do nothing more than what I need to do.

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You're supposed to give it to me. How do we get to that? How do we get to a

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place where because we carry the same last name, you're supposed to give me whatever I want?

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That didn't happen in my household. I taught my son and my daughter,

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you got to get out here and work for it.

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I mean, I never had a pair of Jordans. I don't want a pair of Jordans.

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I'm not a Jordan kind of guy, but I, but if they wanted it, I said,

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okay, son, here's 60 bucks.

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I know 60 bucks is not going to buy you a pair of Jordans, but you get out there

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and hustle and make whatever you need to get your Jordans.

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That's how you get it. But I'm, my limit is 60 bucks.

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You can get you a good pair of Nikes for 60 bucks and wear them to school.

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You won't get joke because they're Nikes, but I'm not buying you Jordans.

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Right. Right. You got to work for something. If you want it,

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You're going to have to work for it, but I'm not just giving you what you want.

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I get what you need. I've been doing these social experiments and I told my

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brother that I'm going to try this social experiment with these school clothes.

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I'm just going to put the 300 on your card and just whatever store you want to go to.

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I will take you from store to store. Let's see what you come up with.

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But you got to have five pair of pants, five shirts.

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Now, how have you can't go past your budget. Right.

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Whatever else you mix in there, that's on you. This is your budget.

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Well, you're a good one because I wish I'd had you when I was coming up because

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I'd have made out like a bandit.

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I wish I'd have had you when I was coming up too because I'd have sure made out like one too.

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I think we all wish we had a version of the man that we are when we were boys.

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Exactly. Wish we had that.

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And I think that's the reason why our children are the way they are is because

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the version of us that we are, we wish we had as a parent.

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And so I'm not saying that we were wrong or they were wrong.

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Our parents were simply in a different, not talking like this,

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I said our parents was in a different version of survival mode than we are.

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Everybody's in survival mode, but it looks different to everybody.

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It looks totally different to everybody.

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Everybody's version of survival mode looks different whether it's i'm saving

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money or disciplining this way or i'm living this way everybody's version of

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survival looks different.

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But at the same hand even with all those different versions of survival we're

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still coming out with the same resorts with our children.

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Not everybody's children are like this, but the vast majority of the children have this mindset.

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It's like, I was talking to one of my co-workers today and she was saying her

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17, 18-year-old son, he's about to graduate this year.

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And I think she said, he's my neuro divergent son.

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He's... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, brother, because I missed it.

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Say that one more time for me. Yo, her what?

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Neurodivergent.

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I think it's what she said neurodivergent yeah but what she described was she said,

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he'll she will hear him in his room playing video games talking to the people

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on the video game but when she calls him out of the room she can barely get him to say anything,

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and so now he's a senior in high school and he has friends that want to hang

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out with him and one of his friends has got a car and his friend showed up to

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the house and was like hey let's go hang out blah blah blah blah blah,

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and he came out was like you gonna send me out into the world with these people,

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i don't want to go out into this world she was like listen you're getting out

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of this house today you finna go out with your friends you're not gonna send

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him here on this video your friend is here to pick you up she said i vetted

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the little boy you know asking him questions talk to him whatever,

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but she was like and he's a he's a good boy i know his mama blah blah blah blah,

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and so i know my son will be okay and i had to i had to make my son go with

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his friends and hang out hmm.

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I don't even know what to say with all that. I don't even know what to say about all of that.

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And it's not that I'm against it.

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I'm not against being at home, playing the game, this, thing,

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whatever. But at some point in time in your life, you've got to have some social,

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some face-to-face interaction.

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Not just social interaction, face-to-face interaction.

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Something outside of virtual. Right. See, I've got the opposite of that.

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Right. In my household, I've got the opposite of that. It's always going to

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do something socialistic, but then don't want to do what they're supposed to do. Okay.

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Go ahead, Dave. When we were coming up, we still have, you know,

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racism has always been a part of this nation.

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And whether it's a Klan or Jim Crow or whatever. Right.

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Even in the 70s and 80s, we still had stuff that went on, but we didn't have

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social media to blast it 24-7.

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And I know a lot of these young people that have been teenagers coming up to the George Floyd.

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And what was the first little boy with the hoodie?

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Oh, Trayvon Martin. Yeah, him. Trayvon.

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So, you know, this stuff has been pumped in front of their face 24-7 through

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the media and through social media.

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And I can understand a lot of them being in their shell. We didn't have that.

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I know it went on, but we didn't have the same access to the information.

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And a lot of them that have come up with that, and I would say my stepson is

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one of them, he's just happy being here at the house.

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He's not he ain't thinking about dating he ain't thinking about marriage he

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ain't thinking about kids he's

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just doing him and because of the housing situation in the nation you know.

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It's unless you you unless you really got your stuff together ain't too many

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25 26 year olds walking out in the world just buying a house especially here

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in nashville right uh that's.

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It ain't too many 25, 26 shows and you can afford to live by themselves just

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here in Nashville. Exactly.

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And the reason I said it, because I was 25 when I bought my first house.

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That was back in Virginia.

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But that was a long time ago, too. That house cost you what, $32,000?

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Oh, no. Come on. I'm not that old, bro.

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It was $125, dude. And now that same house is worth $425,000.

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Man, what you said. What you said.

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I didn't say the same house as 425.

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So, yeah, it's just the socioeconomics and the geopolitical atmosphere of our

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planet right now are so opposite.

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It's the bizarro world.

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And we got this orange nutcase in the Oval and all of these punk,

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spineless senators and congressmen that don't want to do right.

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They always want to cry foul, but they never want to do right.

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Rand Paul, you won't be here grilling Anthony Fauci over the COVID stuff that

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happened six years ago, but you won't address the issue with Turtle Man from

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your own state being absent from the Senate for 47 days.

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If I took off for 47 days and didn't tell my boss, I wouldn't have a job to come back to.

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Matter of fact, they done had the FBI, they put an alert out on me and had the

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FBI hunt me down for being AWOL. Oh,

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yeah. You're right. when you write your own rules I mean hey what can you say

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I mean hey if they decided tomorrow that we're going to go and recess.

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And they do but this cat's been gone without a word for 47 days 6 weeks that's,

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a vacant seat that's a vacant seat and they're giving Andy Brashear a hard time,

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they don't want him to fill it with a democrat So they pulling all these stunts

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out to prevent him from putting the Democrat in.

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Oh, you got to choose from this list of three Republicans. And now you got to

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have a special election.

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The state constitution says the governor has the right to fill that seat with whomever he choose.

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Right. But that's what they can see. It would be great. I think you will be great. That's it.

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And you know what's even funnier? What's that clown, the MyPillow guy, Andy?

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No, no. What's his name? Lindell. Mike Lindell. You know this clown's running

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for governor in the state of Minnesota, and he hasn't been a resident of the state for a year.

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He left Texas in December of 2025. You got to live in the state a year before

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you can even run for governor.

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He's running for governor. He's not qualified.

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But like you said when you got,

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and that's what kills me and here's where the problem is and I see it every day where I work it,

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is when you take their rules and use their rules that they gave you against

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them oh no that's not good

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but that's the rule that's what's in writing right here that's literally what

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is wrote out right here in the state constitution.

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This is what's rolled out here it's in black and white it's been there for years

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it's been there for decades no no stop vaccinating the kids stop vaccinating the children,

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vaccines are horrible okay.

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Let's take away the education department department of education let's take

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that away that seems more You know, and I heard that, too.

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And the one thing I heard, what was it?

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Was Monday on the news? Because, you know, I don't watch news,

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but it comes across my time on my TV and on my phone.

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That y'all good senator who's running for governor wants to privatize the educational

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system in the state of Tennessee.

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You're talking about, uh, what her name is? You're talking about her? Yeah. Marshall Black.

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Wants to privatize the educational system in the state of Tennessee.

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She said from bell to bell. No. How did a commercial go?

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No pumping from bell to bell.

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Let's take phones out of school.

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You heard what I said. I said it. I stand on it, and I stand in front of her

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and say the same thing. From there to...

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No, please. You want to traumatize the school system.

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But see, what I'm doing is what they're doing.

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Is you... You're right. When you use what they...

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What is said and written in front of them, turn left and bring up something else. Yeah.

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That's good. I mean, common sense,

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how you know common sense ain't coming no more is when you can have an orange

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turtle stand up in front of you stand up in front of the entire nation entire

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world and say y'all are the dumbest party in the world and I'm going to lead y'all to oblivion,

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and you vote for.

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Him stand up and tell you stupid,

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And you turn around and say, thank you, sir. Can I have some more?

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Right. You know how I was going there. Thank you, sir. May I have some more?

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I called you stupid. Told you you were stupid to your face. Not only to your

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face, but I told the whole world you were stupid.

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Thank you, sir. Can I have some more, Paul Rich? I told the whole world that

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you were the easiest party to take over. Uneducated.

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We called him, too.

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And not only do I take over, I took over. I want you to clown me now. Clown me.

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I seen one of the best shirts the other day. And I thought about buying it.

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As a matter of fact, when we get off this thing, I'm going to go buy it.

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It says, you're talking about an immigrant, marriage and an immigrant,

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talking about immigrants.

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Yeah. But how many people are really going to honestly stand up in front of

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a group of people and say that? I did.

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I did I would it's true yes yes it is true immigrant, bad to an immigrant talking about immigration,

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right not in the good sense and not in the good sense no talking about it's

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bad, immigration is horrible it's horrible, but you're not an immigrant you

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got kids with an immigrant you gotta keep all your exes are immigrants,

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yeah that's true,

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All your exes are immigrants. And you got kids with all of them.

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Isn't he like a first and second generation immigrant?

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Second generation.

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That's how close he is. He's so close. He can't count himself.

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He's a dreamer. Honestly, technically, he's a dreamer.

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No, I think he was one in America. Is he? That's true. His parents were.

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Are they nationalized citizens? I think that's why they came here.

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Was it his grandfather or was it his father?

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I think it was his grandfather that came here. I'm not sure.

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Don't quote me on it, but I think he's the second generation.

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Okay. I almost did something to the Greenville.

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Because his mama built his empire. Without his mama and him,

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he wouldn't have nothing. Let me see.

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Is Donald Trump.

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What? Look at us.

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Got you. And someone said it a long time ago.

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What it is is you have a small group of people influencing a mass.

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Yes. But fear is what drives this country. And I don't understand why we don't get that yet.

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So Trump's father was born in New York while his mother was born in Scotland. Yeah. Yeah, it is.

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Yeah, as far as his father's concerned, he's a second generation.

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As far as his mother's concerned, he's a first generation. Right.

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I'm sure. And what are dreamers?

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But the dreamers of their parents came here illegally, is that, am I right? Yeah.

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Okay, so did his grandparents come here illegally or illegally?

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They probably came here through Ellis Island. Yeah, they did.

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They did come through Ellis Island. his grandparents yeah.

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But even that whole process was crazy because while they all came from Europe,

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they didn't open the gates of Ellis Island for everybody.

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They only opened the gates of Ellis Island. They gave everybody coming through

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Ellis Island a free pass, but that free pass didn't extend to the rest of the world. Make your mind.

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We all got a story. We all got a story.

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Some of us know how to to get broke down.

00:19:00.741 --> 00:19:06.011
Is that my phone? Sounds like somebody's outside and they got some good old

00:19:06.011 --> 00:19:07.208
crickets in the backyard.

00:19:08.001 --> 00:19:10.238
I'm going to go inside. That's me.

00:19:12.101 --> 00:19:15.992
They're not just taking it to go. Watching the lightning bug.

00:19:17.346 --> 00:19:20.492
Brave, man. I'm surprised the mosquitoes ain't out running in.

00:19:20.772 --> 00:19:23.795
Nah. The baby was making too much noise earlier. I had to leave.

00:19:25.001 --> 00:19:28.247
I just got a baby in here. We're in the bottom. We're in the bottom.

00:19:32.561 --> 00:19:34.023
What's the topic of discussion?

00:19:36.401 --> 00:19:42.601
I started off the conversation talking about being a father and being a man

00:19:42.601 --> 00:19:49.332
and how we carry all of this burden but we're not celebrating for this.

00:19:49.332 --> 00:19:53.761
Can you repeat that? I got a bad conversation. I'll say it.

00:19:59.581 --> 00:20:05.991
Being a man and being a father comes with so much burden why are we not celebrated

00:20:05.991 --> 00:20:10.221
for it father's dead okay,

00:20:13.301 --> 00:20:13.801
I

00:20:18.201 --> 00:20:21.061
Bet your wife got more gifts than you did I bet your wife got more gifts than

00:20:21.061 --> 00:20:23.521
you did thank you You always do.

00:20:25.221 --> 00:20:30.484
You know what, man? I tell them, you know, hey, me personally,

00:20:31.841 --> 00:20:36.641
yeah, I can see we ain't celebrated. But yeah, we're the beast of burdens, you know.

00:20:38.781 --> 00:20:43.167
But that's what I'm saying. We're the beast of burdens. We're the burdened history.

00:20:43.768 --> 00:20:50.545
You know, we suffer inside of it. But we create victories that everybody can see.

00:20:52.662 --> 00:20:56.433
I was watching this drill about men have to work for who they are.

00:20:56.943 --> 00:20:59.772
Women just have to show up because of their beauty. They just think they're,

00:20:59.772 --> 00:21:01.297
I mean, I don't say they think.

00:21:01.506 --> 00:21:05.792
It was more like I can't, I'm kind of paraphrasing it here, but it was more

00:21:05.792 --> 00:21:12.798
like men have to work for who they are, whereas women just are accepted for who they are.

00:21:13.529 --> 00:21:18.694
You know what I mean? Yeah. They don't have to go through the trials and tribulations

00:21:19.129 --> 00:21:24.168
as, you know, some do, you know, But the majority of them don't.

00:21:25.263 --> 00:21:28.112
I found it really fascinating. I wish I could find that really fine exactly

00:21:28.112 --> 00:21:32.002
what it was saying, because it was really interesting how they framed it. But.

00:21:34.982 --> 00:21:42.382
I believe we brought that on ourselves. There it is. Right? We wanted to get it started.

00:21:42.702 --> 00:21:47.558
Yeah, come on with it, because I don't co-sign this, but we damn sure did this to ourselves.

00:21:49.211 --> 00:21:54.633
I'm going to tell you like this, Mark. I will not oppose the thought that you fit to play after.

00:21:57.951 --> 00:22:00.717
So you think you know where I'll hit it? You got a feeling where I've hit it?

00:22:00.938 --> 00:22:03.791
Oh, I got a feeling where you hit it with it. And I'm going to tell you,

00:22:03.791 --> 00:22:07.155
I'm going to already say, yes, we did it. We did it. Sure did.

00:22:08.231 --> 00:22:11.601
I think we did, man. You know what I'm saying? And that's why I don't subscribe

00:22:11.601 --> 00:22:12.971
to it. You know what I mean?

00:22:13.871 --> 00:22:17.881
I just can't, man, because I don't want to live my life, man,

00:22:17.881 --> 00:22:20.891
you know, at the service, you know, you know, just, you know,

00:22:21.431 --> 00:22:27.694
I don't want it all. I don't want all the weight of everything in a relationship on my shoulders.

00:22:28.506 --> 00:22:33.051
This is, you know, I'm married somebody for help, not, not, not to carry it

00:22:33.051 --> 00:22:34.161
along. You know what I mean?

00:22:34.857 --> 00:22:38.996
So, you know, just, you know, cause I've sat there and watched men,

00:22:39.443 --> 00:22:43.561
you know, along my journey, you know, watch, watch the man end up in a wheelchair.

00:22:43.561 --> 00:22:46.331
The wife is taking care of him because they didn't went out there and burnt

00:22:46.331 --> 00:22:50.217
they self out trying to be this man out of the house.

00:22:51.131 --> 00:22:52.737
I refuse to be that guy.

00:22:55.292 --> 00:22:58.270
You know, we don't both be in a wheelchair. I don't give a damn.

00:23:00.390 --> 00:23:05.880
You ain't about to burn me out because I'm trying to do something that's just, you know, it's a lot.

00:23:06.240 --> 00:23:08.430
Work yourself to death. Yeah.

00:23:09.250 --> 00:23:13.650
You know, I just, I want a companion. And I think that was Adam and Eve's thing,

00:23:13.650 --> 00:23:17.410
man. It wasn't no subservient thing.

00:23:18.181 --> 00:23:22.400
It was a companion, man, not a freaking slave or something like that or,

00:23:22.771 --> 00:23:24.270
you know, a submissive person.

00:23:25.270 --> 00:23:27.790
Some people, you know, they use his side thing, you know, he got,

00:23:27.790 --> 00:23:33.661
he made him out of the side to make him equal, not at his foot or at his head, out of the side.

00:23:34.451 --> 00:23:38.830
You know, I've heard that, you know, but I strongly believe that,

00:23:38.830 --> 00:23:43.430
you know, he created a companion. If we go on with the theological version,

00:23:43.770 --> 00:23:48.714
I think he created a companion and not a subservient person to the man.

00:23:49.022 --> 00:23:54.360
I think that came along you know, with the domination control and,

00:23:54.360 --> 00:23:56.372
you know, and all the other stuff that I really believe in.

00:23:57.151 --> 00:24:01.441
But I made a promise for myself that I'm not going to always go in that direction.

00:24:01.679 --> 00:24:03.485
So I'm just going to say how I feel.

00:24:03.897 --> 00:24:07.420
But I really do think that we kind of brought it on ourself by,

00:24:07.420 --> 00:24:13.210
you know, as from a man's standpoint, by, you know, doing that.

00:24:13.210 --> 00:24:19.220
You know, hey, we're, you know, we're this person and you're that person, you know.

00:24:19.220 --> 00:24:26.030
And now, you know, we're kind of, you know, what they say, the chickens are

00:24:26.030 --> 00:24:28.364
coming home to roost now. That's it.

00:24:30.103 --> 00:24:34.784
We did that when we told you to sit down. I got it.

00:24:35.405 --> 00:24:39.783
Don't worry. I got it. Sit down. I got it. Sit down. I got it. No.

00:24:40.943 --> 00:24:44.819
No. Don't sit down. Matter of fact, come on with me. Stand next to me.

00:24:45.457 --> 00:24:50.243
I need help from the gate. You know what I'm saying? I can't.

00:24:50.243 --> 00:24:52.679
From my perspective, I can't.

00:24:53.163 --> 00:24:59.709
In the marriage I'm in now. In the marriage I'm in now, being married to a hyper-independent woman.

00:25:00.231 --> 00:25:03.731
That doesn't exist she will not let me,

00:25:07.226 --> 00:25:12.514
let me I'm not meaning it in a bad way but she will carry all the burden.

00:25:18.623 --> 00:25:23.393
He broke up and I couldn't hear what you said he said in the hyper relation

00:25:23.393 --> 00:25:29.184
she will not let him carry all the burden and I I'll co-sign this,

00:25:30.107 --> 00:25:33.703
but how many I'm not even going to say frogs,

00:25:34.763 --> 00:25:38.623
how many toes did you kiss to get there oh man,

00:25:41.883 --> 00:25:49.813
man I drug the swamp you dragged the swamp I never said how many toes what did

00:25:49.813 --> 00:25:53.083
you ask did you say you drained the,

00:25:54.423 --> 00:25:58.503
swamp I dragged the swamp I kissed the swamp It's a world.

00:26:03.542 --> 00:26:08.782
You ready to swap the fight and you picked through them as the water level was going down?

00:26:12.002 --> 00:26:16.642
If I wouldn't have met her, I think I would have drained the swamp and just drunk all the water.

00:26:17.962 --> 00:26:20.106
You did something they couldn't do in Washington.

00:26:24.446 --> 00:26:28.900
That's it. I'm telling you. We are all, we've all gotten to relationships that,

00:26:29.562 --> 00:26:31.878
work for us and work with us.

00:26:32.429 --> 00:26:38.472
But some of us took a path to get there. Like he said, he drugged the swamp to get there.

00:26:38.919 --> 00:26:41.160
Oh, he dredged the swamp. Yeah, okay.

00:26:42.942 --> 00:26:46.482
I've been up and down the Easter Seaboard. Yeah. Up and down the Easter Seaboard.

00:26:51.047 --> 00:26:55.836
Yeah. I think it's what we want in a woman. Because I think what we want I think...

00:26:57.170 --> 00:27:01.860
I believe that if we're really honest with ourselves, you know,

00:27:01.860 --> 00:27:05.770
what we see in a woman is not what we're looking for in a woman. You know what I mean?

00:27:06.514 --> 00:27:09.580
You know, we want this woman to be, you know, you know, I want to be independent.

00:27:09.580 --> 00:27:13.630
I want her to be, you know, step in when I'm not there and I want,

00:27:13.630 --> 00:27:15.954
you know, and I want her voice to be heard and da, da, da, da.

00:27:16.458 --> 00:27:19.970
But we don't really go looking for that woman. You're right.

00:27:20.672 --> 00:27:25.269
I totally agree. Right. But I agree with your first statement.

00:27:25.878 --> 00:27:31.091
We really don't want what we're looking for. And a lot of us can't be honest about that.

00:27:31.422 --> 00:27:36.200
A lot of us cannot be honest with ourselves. And I think at the bottom line

00:27:36.200 --> 00:27:40.913
of all of it, that statement, we can't be honest with ourselves,

00:27:41.226 --> 00:27:45.092
applies across the board when it comes to a lot of situations.

00:27:45.371 --> 00:27:48.494
And it's not just a man thing. I think that's a human thing.

00:27:48.854 --> 00:27:54.415
Because, Mark, I've told you, I see the world similar to the way you see the world.

00:27:54.769 --> 00:28:00.780
And I have been honest with myself about a lot of things now because I've gotten

00:28:00.780 --> 00:28:03.348
revelation on the other side of life.

00:28:03.975 --> 00:28:06.477
And I don't like the way the world looks sometimes.

00:28:08.828 --> 00:28:13.249
I was having a conversation with my wife tonight and I was I was it's a situation

00:28:13.249 --> 00:28:23.312
that's happening with me and my ex-wife and I would like that honest conversation with her.

00:28:23.852 --> 00:28:28.519
But I told my wife tonight, I said, if I was to have a real if I really told

00:28:28.519 --> 00:28:32.757
this woman how I felt about the situation, she'd be ready to fight me.

00:28:33.570 --> 00:28:41.628
And i was like and i'm like i cannot be honest with her because she cannot take,

00:28:42.343 --> 00:28:47.881
accountability for her role for what is happening right now,

00:28:48.734 --> 00:28:53.229
you're not missing all the best stuff man what are you saying i don't know what's going on with,

00:28:54.601 --> 00:28:57.259
you you are breaking up a little bit heard nothing you said.

00:28:57.589 --> 00:28:59.215
Yeah, you breaking up a little bit there, brother.

00:28:59.731 --> 00:29:03.329
Me? I'm breaking up? Yeah. Yep. I don't know why.

00:29:04.789 --> 00:29:07.486
Like that dotted line in the road, man.

00:29:09.962 --> 00:29:14.079
But I mean, but I agree, and you know what? I always say this.

00:29:14.079 --> 00:29:17.789
I don't know, and I have to always say this. Mark made me look at something

00:29:17.789 --> 00:29:20.286
in a different situation, in a different light.

00:29:20.663 --> 00:29:24.539
And I got to, boy, these last couple of weeks, because that conversation we

00:29:24.539 --> 00:29:28.755
had about we always be eight steps ahead of everybody. I got to think it to myself.

00:29:28.976 --> 00:29:32.262
I just sit back and look at the conversation going on in my house and like,

00:29:32.934 --> 00:29:35.262
y'all just had, you just had a doctor?

00:29:36.229 --> 00:29:38.391
I thought about that a long time ago.

00:29:39.634 --> 00:29:44.307
I thought about that so long ago. And then I caught myself.

00:29:46.314 --> 00:29:48.734
Trying to catch the motherfucking up, and I was like, you know what?

00:29:48.734 --> 00:29:52.164
I can't do that. I can't hit you up to where I'm at.

00:29:52.443 --> 00:29:54.492
I have to let you catch up on your own.

00:29:56.454 --> 00:30:00.394
I cannot do it. It's great. It's great.

00:30:01.341 --> 00:30:04.834
I think that some of us look down the road a little further than others,

00:30:04.834 --> 00:30:08.023
man. I noticed that when I was driving a car with my wife.

00:30:08.874 --> 00:30:14.310
My wife you know i i can't be behind trucks because of my military history,

00:30:15.234 --> 00:30:20.044
so i go around but i guess i look far enough down the road to where i i'm not

00:30:20.044 --> 00:30:24.778
gonna i you know 99 of the time i'm not gonna get caught behind the truck,

00:30:25.458 --> 00:30:29.674
but my wife seems to run right up on a truck before she decides to move i'm

00:30:29.674 --> 00:30:31.258
like did you see the truck she's like no,

00:30:31.911 --> 00:30:37.144
and and and it's literally she doesn't see further down the road than i do i

00:30:37.144 --> 00:30:43.134
see the whole road all right look i i i attempt to see the whole road yeah you gotta find,

00:30:44.843 --> 00:30:48.854
the gaps say again you try to find the gaps you see the holes you see where

00:30:48.854 --> 00:30:53.404
you can slide in and out it and not just like i'm drunk where i can slide in

00:30:53.404 --> 00:30:57.575
where to weave in and out you know just to maneuver and and she just,

00:30:58.734 --> 00:30:59.915
and i think that's the way,

00:31:01.394 --> 00:31:03.824
my perception is the way she looks at life, man.

00:31:03.824 --> 00:31:06.486
It's just two or three steps in front of her.

00:31:07.090 --> 00:31:09.559
And it's like, how do.

00:31:12.374 --> 00:31:15.283
You two years, three years later, when I brought something up,

00:31:15.910 --> 00:31:19.904
it's like, hey, Mark, what you think of this? I'm like, dude, are you serious, man?

00:31:20.037 --> 00:31:22.150
I talked to you about that like three years ago.

00:31:23.354 --> 00:31:27.434
I just heard from a friend. So you weren't hearing me? You know.

00:31:29.249 --> 00:31:33.379
That's right. I tell my wife that every day. I say, you do not listen to words

00:31:33.379 --> 00:31:34.506
coming out of my mouth, do you?

00:31:34.761 --> 00:31:39.336
You do not hear the words coming out of my mouth. She does. But she probably does.

00:31:40.038 --> 00:31:44.809
Maybe she just doesn't understand what she's trying to convey to her.

00:31:45.383 --> 00:31:50.889
Mm-hmm. Because she can't see that. Some people are solid when they have the

00:31:50.889 --> 00:31:52.628
foundation up under their foot.

00:31:53.092 --> 00:31:57.209
We seem to be, like some of the people in the group, seem to be okay living

00:31:57.209 --> 00:32:00.058
in uncertainty. because it's not really uncertainly to us.

00:32:00.703 --> 00:32:06.926
It's more like we have found a path, a trajectory, shall we say.

00:32:07.367 --> 00:32:09.602
We have mapped out a course to get there.

00:32:10.096 --> 00:32:14.229
So by the time that we bring it to them, they can't see that far down the road.

00:32:15.549 --> 00:32:19.479
You know what I'm saying? I'm only comfortable with what I'm standing on.

00:32:20.236 --> 00:32:26.149
And anything past that, you know, it's like, hey, we got this nice house,

00:32:26.149 --> 00:32:28.771
but you want to do things to it. Well, why?

00:32:29.410 --> 00:32:31.289
Because, you know, what's wrong

00:32:31.289 --> 00:32:35.094
with what we have now? But you can see better. Do you know what I mean?

00:32:36.609 --> 00:32:39.887
But they're comfortable standing with what they can see.

00:32:42.615 --> 00:32:48.302
I totally agree. I totally agree. And that's a challenge, man,

00:32:48.302 --> 00:32:51.932
when you try to get somebody to see something that you don't see.

00:32:53.812 --> 00:32:58.740
And that to me is, you know, you're comfortable and it's not uncertainty to us.

00:32:59.176 --> 00:33:05.192
It's more like we can see where we want to head and we have mapped out a path,

00:33:05.192 --> 00:33:07.254
you know, on how to get there.

00:33:07.951 --> 00:33:11.412
You know what I mean? And it's not fortune telling everything like that with

00:33:11.412 --> 00:33:13.942
all the resources that I have and the knowledge that I have.

00:33:14.232 --> 00:33:16.194
I think we can get here.

00:33:17.026 --> 00:33:20.416
Right. You know, and they don't you know, some people don't see that,

00:33:21.258 --> 00:33:24.442
you know, and it's hard to try to convince them when they they're like,

00:33:24.442 --> 00:33:29.472
man, we're standing on solid ground now. Why are you trying to shift the ground from under me?

00:33:30.992 --> 00:33:34.601
I see that. I see that every day, not only in my house, I see that every day at work.

00:33:35.030 --> 00:33:39.292
Like why are you trying to rock this boat this boat is sailing along smoothly

00:33:39.292 --> 00:33:42.815
right now why are you trying to rock the boat but you can see better.

00:33:44.596 --> 00:33:51.504
Comfortability people are afraid to step outside of their comfort zone there you go look there it is,

00:33:53.210 --> 00:33:56.360
sometimes it's not a comfort zone. Well, it is a comfort zone,

00:33:56.360 --> 00:33:58.234
but it's, it's only what they know.

00:33:58.373 --> 00:34:01.421
They don't, they don't know beyond what they know.

00:34:01.589 --> 00:34:04.120
They can't see beyond what they only see.

00:34:04.719 --> 00:34:08.180
Yeah. That's, that's what I, that, that's the whole point, Dave.

00:34:08.180 --> 00:34:11.610
That's, that's it in a nutshell. You can't, you know, you, you know,

00:34:11.610 --> 00:34:14.770
people like, you know, people that, that, that, that's talking like me and you,

00:34:14.770 --> 00:34:16.579
that's where that term comes from.

00:34:17.610 --> 00:34:21.413
Like some people have, some people are nearsighted. Some people are farsighted.

00:34:22.049 --> 00:34:24.680
Yeah, well, it's more than that, Dave, I think. You know what I mean?

00:34:24.680 --> 00:34:26.041
Not saying that that's not true.

00:34:26.191 --> 00:34:31.206
I'm saying it's a little bit more expansion than that. That's a,

00:34:31.427 --> 00:34:35.340
you know, a visionary is a person that just can see the truth,

00:34:35.340 --> 00:34:36.675
but he really doesn't act on it.

00:34:37.255 --> 00:34:41.060
Okay, the protagonist is kind of a guy. I can't remember if I'm saying this

00:34:41.060 --> 00:34:42.956
correctly, but, you know, work with me here.

00:34:43.275 --> 00:34:47.472
He's the person that, or she's the person that can map things out.

00:34:48.233 --> 00:34:51.600
Shepard alone, you know, they have two different things.

00:34:51.600 --> 00:34:57.830
They, you know, one is just, you know, what my man say, Denzel Washington,

00:34:57.830 --> 00:35:02.010
he's like, dreams without, what do you say, dreams without action are just that,

00:35:02.010 --> 00:35:04.723
dreams, and they're bound to lead to nowhere.

00:35:06.490 --> 00:35:10.160
You know, and that's the vision there. You know, I could see things,

00:35:10.160 --> 00:35:12.027
but, you know, if I'm not acting, I don't mean anything.

00:35:13.600 --> 00:35:18.010
Combine those two you know you can see where you want to go and map a path to

00:35:18.010 --> 00:35:23.300
get there not everybody can do that man true but here again talking about your

00:35:23.300 --> 00:35:28.480
military career isn't there something in your military training that almost,

00:35:29.020 --> 00:35:35.232
becomes second nature of of assessing and looking down the road to envision,

00:35:35.835 --> 00:35:42.240
what possibilities may lie ahead and how you can be prepared for them well yeah they do that.

00:35:42.760 --> 00:35:47.880
Yeah. I mean, they do that. But, you know, some people have that ability and

00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:49.849
never been in the military. True.

00:35:50.319 --> 00:35:59.278
True. You know, to be honest with you, Dave, before I joined the military, you know, I...

00:36:01.782 --> 00:36:02.574
I knew where I,

00:36:05.118 --> 00:36:09.889
wanted to go. Right. Go ahead. What did he say I was? He was a hustler.

00:36:13.082 --> 00:36:19.012
But listen, though, on that point, if you read some of the financial,

00:36:19.012 --> 00:36:21.652
all financial literacy, they

00:36:21.652 --> 00:36:27.342
talk about the life of a drug dealer versus the life of a corporate man.

00:36:28.636 --> 00:36:35.654
And what they say is A drug dealer has more foresight than most businessmen.

00:36:36.428 --> 00:36:39.498
But he is a businessman. Right. That's the whole point.

00:36:39.673 --> 00:36:44.262
That's the whole point. He is a businessman, but he has more foresight than

00:36:44.262 --> 00:36:47.283
a college educated businessman. Because here's the thing.

00:36:47.695 --> 00:36:50.644
You have to illegally acquire product.

00:36:51.132 --> 00:36:57.360
You have to sort out your clientele. And then you have to keep said product

00:36:57.685 --> 00:37:01.360
hidden so you don't get caught with it and convicted.

00:37:01.726 --> 00:37:06.242
So you have to mastermind all of these things. You have to acquire it.

00:37:06.486 --> 00:37:10.944
You have to keep it stocked up.

00:37:11.662 --> 00:37:15.983
It's all these things. And he sees the foreseeable future. Okay,

00:37:16.267 --> 00:37:21.502
if a customer comes in and it's not a customer that normally comes in,

00:37:21.723 --> 00:37:24.167
I'm not going to sell to you because I don't know yet.

00:37:24.584 --> 00:37:30.314
Exactly. You have to maintain a supply chain in a distribution center.

00:37:30.877 --> 00:37:32.842
Right. Wow.

00:37:37.362 --> 00:37:45.632
In the same breath of that, you got to maintain inequality, evading the law

00:37:45.632 --> 00:37:49.453
at the same time of maintaining the supply chain in a distribution center.

00:37:51.288 --> 00:37:54.074
You got to maintain invading the law in the same breath.

00:37:55.924 --> 00:37:55.984
So

00:37:59.084 --> 00:38:04.848
that makes you a more capable businessman than a college-educated businessman.

00:38:05.145 --> 00:38:08.696
Because in college, you play by the rules. You follow the rule book.

00:38:08.865 --> 00:38:11.308
You find your gray area. You play in that gray area.

00:38:12.264 --> 00:38:16.114
But when you out here on these streets, it is supply and demand.

00:38:16.977 --> 00:38:20.557
Who has the best supply? Who can meet my demand?

00:38:21.684 --> 00:38:25.637
And in the process of all of that, who can help keep me out of jail?

00:38:26.281 --> 00:38:31.434
True but you know what true you know i i think i think a few things can be true

00:38:31.434 --> 00:38:35.256
at once and that's definitely true uh from lived experience.

00:38:36.857 --> 00:38:42.594
But i think and and on that same note i mean i mean the legal system still has

00:38:42.594 --> 00:38:47.474
this checks and balances and it's watchdogs to keep people honest but you know

00:38:47.474 --> 00:38:50.804
and you know you got some you know some legally you know,

00:38:51.804 --> 00:38:54.695
sweat sweat sweat I don't want to say sorry.

00:38:56.199 --> 00:39:00.699
You know, some savvy, you know, people that skirt, you know,

00:39:01.139 --> 00:39:04.569
the legal law, you know what I mean, or do illegal things, you know,

00:39:04.569 --> 00:39:08.229
I mean, you know, they get caught too, you know, not against it,

00:39:08.229 --> 00:39:10.039
but sometimes they get caught, sometimes they don't.

00:39:10.039 --> 00:39:14.971
I mean, I mean, it can play on both sides of the legal spectrum or the illegal spectrum.

00:39:15.331 --> 00:39:20.269
But we were talking about both sides. And I think what you were saying,

00:39:20.269 --> 00:39:26.809
some people just stand, dreamers only get good sleep, but the protagonist the

00:39:26.809 --> 00:39:28.450
person who follows through.

00:39:28.799 --> 00:39:34.499
But I think a lot of protagonists come from their environment,

00:39:34.499 --> 00:39:40.194
the way they grew up, how they had to strategically do things and maneuver through life.

00:39:40.600 --> 00:39:44.819
You know, you had to think five, six, seven steps ahead because you might have

00:39:44.819 --> 00:39:47.329
not ate. And not everybody might have not ate.

00:39:47.659 --> 00:39:51.799
Or you knew that your grades weren't good, so you knew you had to figure out

00:39:51.799 --> 00:39:55.679
how to get in the house, slide your report card on the table so your daddy could sign it.

00:39:55.939 --> 00:40:00.726
You go in the room, you go take your shower, get in the bed and try to sleep

00:40:00.848 --> 00:40:03.193
before they get to their report card.

00:40:03.654 --> 00:40:09.259
See, see, see, that's the wrong strategy. You just take the report card and get the beat down there.

00:40:09.299 --> 00:40:13.559
Because if you sleep and they wake you up and you sleep with a beat down, come on, man.

00:40:14.099 --> 00:40:16.894
Yeah, buddy. You know what I'm saying?

00:40:18.079 --> 00:40:23.189
Pre-empt the strike, man. You don't get it over with, man. You know what I'm saying?

00:40:23.189 --> 00:40:27.439
I don't want to be I don't want to be wet when I'm wet and I don't want to be

00:40:27.439 --> 00:40:29.899
wet when I'm asleep right I,

00:40:30.799 --> 00:40:37.779
do not want to get woke up from your dead sleep no you do not you have no defensive

00:40:37.779 --> 00:40:39.259
shields at all at that point,

00:40:39.919 --> 00:40:44.679
you are lost your body is trying to figure out what is going on am I dreaming

00:40:44.679 --> 00:40:46.579
or am I literally getting hit,

00:40:48.233 --> 00:40:55.873
It's not fun. I mean, I've lived it. It is not fun. That may have been the wrong one.

00:40:56.393 --> 00:41:00.351
That may have been the wrong example. That's the wrong example, man. I got up there.

00:41:01.553 --> 00:41:06.653
That's the wrong example. Okay. You're talking about a flashback. Who's not?

00:41:09.051 --> 00:41:09.593
That was a good.

00:41:12.343 --> 00:41:16.313
One. Okay, so you figure out, okay, today's Friday.

00:41:16.313 --> 00:41:20.623
Tomorrow Saturday so today while you were at school you figured out you wanted

00:41:20.623 --> 00:41:24.023
to go see your friend on the other side of town tomorrow so you're thinking

00:41:24.023 --> 00:41:28.223
five steps ahead on how you're going to be able to convince your mom or dad

00:41:28.223 --> 00:41:31.058
whoever give you some money and how you're going to get

00:41:31.436 --> 00:41:34.889
to accept friends on the other side of town you understand I'm saying I'm,

00:41:35.493 --> 00:41:38.737
feeling what you're I'm picking up what you're putting down man you know,

00:41:40.585 --> 00:41:46.893
it's crazy man you know that you know I think people you know people of a lesser

00:41:46.893 --> 00:41:52.433
means growing up inherently grow you know inherently,

00:41:53.453 --> 00:41:57.145
I don't want to say grow learn these tactics.

00:41:59.397 --> 00:42:07.233
Exactly exactly you have to you know what I'm saying that's what we call we're

00:42:07.233 --> 00:42:09.421
starting to put a label survival mode,

00:42:11.293 --> 00:42:17.633
we're in survival mode at a young age we just don't know it But we're being

00:42:17.953 --> 00:42:20.763
introduced to survival mode.

00:42:22.144 --> 00:42:24.694
I think that's the biggest thing that a lot of people don't understand,

00:42:24.694 --> 00:42:27.771
you know, when it comes to this, you know,

00:42:28.421 --> 00:42:33.674
these tribe, this tribal mentality, you know, you know, one tribe is,

00:42:33.831 --> 00:42:37.104
is, is, is we're, we're totally aware that, you know, what we,

00:42:37.524 --> 00:42:40.720
you know, what we're, what we're up against.

00:42:41.341 --> 00:42:44.834
And there's some people just feel that, you know, Hey, we don't have that problem,

00:42:44.834 --> 00:42:51.001
but they don't recognize that that's, that is a living problem for a set group of people.

00:42:51.494 --> 00:42:59.384
Well, I don't know if you and you I talked about everybody lives in their own

00:42:59.384 --> 00:43:04.353
version of survival mode that's a good that's pretty good,

00:43:06.424 --> 00:43:11.154
that's good are we talking across the entire spectrum now? I'm talking about

00:43:11.154 --> 00:43:14.349
the entire spectrum on spectrum.

00:43:17.684 --> 00:43:21.777
That's for water man but you know what with that being said Do you think that,

00:43:22.422 --> 00:43:25.383
we recognize what the other sides are going through?

00:43:26.029 --> 00:43:30.260
Yes, you have to have a level of honesty within yourself.

00:43:32.414 --> 00:43:35.288
You have to have a level of honesty within yourself. And like you said,

00:43:35.694 --> 00:43:38.765
everybody's not ready to be that honest with themselves.

00:43:38.956 --> 00:43:43.415
And as I say it time and time again, the first lie is told inside of your brain.

00:43:44.007 --> 00:43:48.616
The first lie, before it even comes out your mouth, the first lie is told inside your brain.

00:43:49.074 --> 00:43:52.540
And then once it hits your lips you're trying to convince the rest of the world

00:43:52.703 --> 00:43:54.531
of the lie that you've convinced yourself of,

00:43:55.870 --> 00:44:00.574
but do you think it's a lie or it's your lived reality no I mean your lived

00:44:00.574 --> 00:44:06.406
reality is your reality but nine times out of ten okay if I walked up to you

00:44:06.644 --> 00:44:09.292
and said Mark how are you today,

00:44:09.855 --> 00:44:13.704
how are you feeling today are you going to tell me the truth or in your mind

00:44:13.704 --> 00:44:14.884
you're going to come up with an answer see,

00:44:16.144 --> 00:44:17.988
see I've I've...

00:44:20.547 --> 00:44:23.907
My answer would be do you want the truth or do you want the,

00:44:24.267 --> 00:44:26.507
you know, just something? You know what I'm saying? Because I know.

00:44:26.907 --> 00:44:28.320
So I understand what you're asking.

00:44:28.848 --> 00:44:30.797
You know what I'm saying? Because some people really don't care.

00:44:30.797 --> 00:44:36.396
They just ask it out of what they call, what's the word? Out of courtesy. Courtesy.

00:44:36.895 --> 00:44:40.687
They just out of courtesy. Yeah, you know, hey, but they don't really,

00:44:40.687 --> 00:44:43.687
you know, some people really do care, you know.

00:44:44.245 --> 00:44:48.567
But, you know, but I do understand, you know, because i would i would ask you

00:44:48.567 --> 00:44:51.987
you know hey you know because i i've been asked that question how are you doing

00:44:51.987 --> 00:44:55.087
today i'm like do you really want to know or you just ask not a courtesy,

00:44:55.731 --> 00:44:59.992
you know and they kept the people off guard right you know what i'm saying because,

00:45:00.660 --> 00:45:04.741
you know and it's like well you know that's a good question you know because you know,

00:45:06.887 --> 00:45:11.617
oh my other reply is more like i'm okay because if i if i told you what was

00:45:11.617 --> 00:45:14.611
wrong would you really care you know what i'm,

00:45:15.500 --> 00:45:19.067
saying you know because they you know they and i've had honest answers that

00:45:19.067 --> 00:45:23.920
no i i probably wouldn't you know because i i don't relate you know i you know why,

00:45:26.046 --> 00:45:31.547
why in your mind why why is it the first thought in your mind that people really

00:45:31.547 --> 00:45:33.325
don't care about how you feel,

00:45:35.175 --> 00:45:37.375
because I'm a grown ass man dog you know.

00:45:41.215 --> 00:45:47.335
Hard wine in his DNA then people would not give a fuck about how you feel because

00:45:47.335 --> 00:45:52.845
he was in the military wine and wine and him I say that because I didn't mean

00:45:52.845 --> 00:45:54.394
it I mean I did mean it like that,

00:45:57.355 --> 00:46:01.285
because I've been around the block long enough to know that people are just

00:46:01.285 --> 00:46:05.075
being courteous when they ask certain things You know what I'm saying?

00:46:06.395 --> 00:46:11.147
And when people ask me, when I ask them, they're like, do you really want to know? I'm like, yeah.

00:46:11.565 --> 00:46:15.665
I said, I really want to know. I'm not saying I could change what you're going

00:46:15.665 --> 00:46:17.045
through if you're going through some things.

00:46:17.045 --> 00:46:20.655
But, you know, I wouldn't ask if I didn't. I'd just say, hey,

00:46:20.655 --> 00:46:24.565
you know, I don't know what I would say if, you know, how you doing?

00:46:24.565 --> 00:46:28.575
So I pick my words carefully when I try to, you know, what's up?

00:46:29.655 --> 00:46:33.624
You know, do you really want to know? because I respond like that to people at times.

00:46:33.914 --> 00:46:37.827
You know, hey, how you doing today? Do you really want to know? Am I having a shitty day?

00:46:38.373 --> 00:46:41.049
And have you ever thought about that's a trauma response?

00:46:41.716 --> 00:46:44.264
What do you mean? No, I haven't. So what do you mean?

00:46:45.379 --> 00:46:47.508
Do you really care about how I feel?

00:46:50.795 --> 00:46:55.345
Here's what I'm saying. When you respond with, are you just being courteous

00:46:55.345 --> 00:46:56.986
or do you really care how I feel?

00:46:57.247 --> 00:47:01.675
Do you not feel like that's a trauma response? Does someone make you making

00:47:01.675 --> 00:47:04.608
you feel like the way you feel did not matter.

00:47:07.241 --> 00:47:11.471
I never, I haven't, I don't think I have went there, you know, mentally.

00:47:11.471 --> 00:47:15.821
It's like, I don't think I went there, you know, because when I asked,

00:47:16.461 --> 00:47:18.565
when I make that statement, you know,

00:47:19.261 --> 00:47:27.201
it's just as sincere, well, it's probably more sincere than the question that proceeded.

00:47:27.677 --> 00:47:30.801
You know what I'm saying? Because I don't know how sincere they really were

00:47:30.801 --> 00:47:35.067
when they were asking me that. Right. But that's the point. That's the point I'm trying to make.

00:47:35.328 --> 00:47:38.155
You don't know how sincere that person really is.

00:47:38.375 --> 00:47:44.161
But your trauma response makes you feel like, hell, don't look at trauma response, man.

00:47:45.481 --> 00:47:50.529
Because at the time, at the time, I don't feel like it's a trauma response because

00:47:50.779 --> 00:47:53.961
sometimes I'm not in a traumatic situation. You know what I mean?

00:47:53.961 --> 00:47:56.571
Or something's going on in my life. Everything can be fine.

00:47:57.409 --> 00:48:02.378
I just want to know if they're asking this out of sincerity or they're just trying to be polite.

00:48:02.802 --> 00:48:08.101
It does not mean that you... I'm not saying that you're in a trauma... This is what we miss.

00:48:09.112 --> 00:48:13.483
Saying that you're in a traumatic situation right now.

00:48:13.884 --> 00:48:18.684
I'm just saying it could have been somebody you really cared about in your life.

00:48:18.911 --> 00:48:24.292
Your dad... I'm not saying this is truth. I'm just giving some examples. I got you.

00:48:25.281 --> 00:48:28.071
It could have been your dad. It could have been a teacher.

00:48:29.184 --> 00:48:33.574
Real sorry. It could have been anybody that told you, man, I don't give a damn

00:48:33.574 --> 00:48:38.444
about your feelings or they made you feel like they didn't care about your love. OK, OK.

00:48:39.344 --> 00:48:43.824
I've seen the path we headed down now. Oh, it's the world. The world is that the world.

00:48:44.883 --> 00:48:50.532
No, no, the world. I didn't know because I didn't I wasn't really I was raised here from a child.

00:48:51.018 --> 00:48:54.864
But my adult years weren't here. You know what I'm saying?

00:48:56.267 --> 00:49:01.944
So i don't i don't you know i i my parents when they when they asked me what

00:49:01.944 --> 00:49:05.404
was wrong they were sincere the people that asked me what was wrong i felt at

00:49:05.404 --> 00:49:06.957
the grown-up they were sincere,

00:49:07.521 --> 00:49:11.564
you know even even my hood friends you know man you know look mark you okay

00:49:11.564 --> 00:49:14.554
and shit i'm like nah man just you know and i tell them they're like really

00:49:14.554 --> 00:49:18.463
man you know we can go do something or whatever the case may be but you know it was like,

00:49:18.980 --> 00:49:21.664
they were really sincere because i was really sincere with them,

00:49:21.664 --> 00:49:23.544
you know, hey, dude, what's up with you, man?

00:49:23.544 --> 00:49:27.809
You okay, man? That Timber's going on, man. You know, we talked about it, man. It was...

00:49:30.752 --> 00:49:34.534
I get what you're saying. So this is where I'm leading down this path is this,

00:49:34.534 --> 00:49:37.844
and this is what I've been explaining to my wife, because my wife is always

00:49:37.844 --> 00:49:41.153
talking about, that's a childhood trauma, that's a childhood trauma.

00:49:41.403 --> 00:49:45.879
You know where most of the traumas I have at 46 come from? Being an adult.

00:49:48.084 --> 00:49:49.449
Being an adult.

00:49:51.476 --> 00:49:58.331
Because I've gotten more wounds being an adult male in the world than I ever got being a child.

00:49:59.158 --> 00:50:02.857
Why do you think it's so hard, being an adult male?

00:50:03.750 --> 00:50:07.680
That's the reason why I'm asking these questions is because for me,

00:50:07.680 --> 00:50:14.550
I'm trying to get an understanding of why men have such responses to questions

00:50:14.550 --> 00:50:16.876
like, hey, brother, how are you feeling today?

00:50:17.317 --> 00:50:25.360
And nothing wrong with your response because I've gotten that a lot of times but we don't think as men,

00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:31.010
that someone is being truly sincere and they ask that question because I ask

00:50:31.010 --> 00:50:35.960
that question to men and they look at me and they process the question and a

00:50:35.960 --> 00:50:38.127
lot of times I get bro I'm okay I'm good,

00:50:38.650 --> 00:50:44.954
but then later on you come to find out that that brother wasn't actually good in that moment but,

00:50:45.621 --> 00:50:47.960
his pride or bravado or,

00:50:48.800 --> 00:50:55.120
whatever the case may be in that moment would not let him open up and be honest

00:50:55.120 --> 00:50:56.552
that something was going on.

00:50:56.767 --> 00:51:00.157
It could be that on top of,

00:51:01.097 --> 00:51:04.927
You know, probably it's a big thing. But it could be trust. You know,

00:51:04.927 --> 00:51:09.570
can I trust letting down my walls to another man?

00:51:10.537 --> 00:51:14.257
You know what I'm saying? That makes me feel less masculine.

00:51:14.257 --> 00:51:15.852
That's this masculine thing.

00:51:16.316 --> 00:51:21.517
You know what I'm saying? Can I trust being vulnerable in front of him and he sees weakness in me?

00:51:21.537 --> 00:51:24.157
And, man, you know, next thing I know, we, you know, hey, man,

00:51:24.157 --> 00:51:26.987
you know, old dude, man, he didn't get in his feelings and stuff like that.

00:51:26.987 --> 00:51:31.837
Me you know you know it could be that as well you know.

00:51:33.339 --> 00:51:38.657
We this masculinity thing man it's a real thing man in my opinion and it's like,

00:51:39.347 --> 00:51:46.237
when you when you show vulnerability as a man man other men see you as something

00:51:46.237 --> 00:51:48.017
else right but i mean well,

00:51:49.517 --> 00:51:53.432
let me ask you real quick hold your question your question.

00:51:53.432 --> 00:51:57.809
Now that goes back to the original topic talking about fathers.

00:51:58.047 --> 00:52:02.650
And remember how we were talking about how we got ourselves into this.

00:52:02.807 --> 00:52:09.087
We got ourselves into this situation because at some point in our lives as quote

00:52:09.087 --> 00:52:14.497
unquote men, we felt like we couldn't be less masculine.

00:52:14.497 --> 00:52:19.746
So we had to tell our wives, go sit down and we going to take on all of this stuff.

00:52:19.967 --> 00:52:23.597
And that's how a lot of us wind up, like you said, Mark, in the wheelchairs,

00:52:24.317 --> 00:52:27.856
or bedridden or something like that. So doubt.

00:52:31.340 --> 00:52:33.457
What's your question? Well, you answered part of it. I was going to say, is.

00:52:37.853 --> 00:52:42.451
That empowering? Is that a strength or a weakness? What's that?

00:52:43.489 --> 00:52:48.869
Holding on to your masculinity. Is that always trying to be masculine?

00:52:48.869 --> 00:52:50.738
Is that our strength or a weakness?

00:52:51.173 --> 00:52:58.179
Honestly, I look at it as it could be a strength, but it's also a big weakness

00:52:58.179 --> 00:53:01.549
because that's what we said.

00:53:01.549 --> 00:53:06.669
We got ourselves in this situation with that pride and that masculinity trying

00:53:06.669 --> 00:53:09.649
to say, look, I got it all. I can do it all. I'm going to hold it all.

00:53:09.771 --> 00:53:13.309
I'm going to put this arm on, and I'm going to strap everything to my back,

00:53:13.309 --> 00:53:19.237
and I'm going to tote it. I think there's a word we're missing, toxic. It is.

00:53:22.089 --> 00:53:27.489
Masculinity is neither good or bad. It's what we are. We're men.

00:53:28.069 --> 00:53:32.496
We're testosterone pro. We're estrogen negative.

00:53:32.914 --> 00:53:40.349
But when we allow our masculinity to become toxic then pride ego all of that

00:53:40.349 --> 00:53:44.789
has gotten in the way of common sense but they but they i,

00:53:45.449 --> 00:53:50.769
agree i i agree with with that you know i don't want to say a but because i

00:53:50.769 --> 00:53:50.989
don't want to i don't want,

00:53:51.889 --> 00:53:54.779
to i don't want to minimize what you just said because i believe two things

00:53:54.779 --> 00:53:59.649
can be two at once two or more things you know but with that being have said

00:53:59.649 --> 00:54:00.849
you know that that's that's,

00:54:02.484 --> 00:54:07.969
it's it's a good thing but i used word but didn't i'm trying yeah but okay get

00:54:07.969 --> 00:54:10.389
your thoughts together real quick let me give you all an example of something

00:54:10.389 --> 00:54:13.879
okay yeah let me give you all an example of something real quick so,

00:54:14.573 --> 00:54:19.246
me and the wife went on vacation right and she was taping me doing something another

00:54:19.646 --> 00:54:24.799
and i was just being me and just having a good time and and having fun and just

00:54:24.799 --> 00:54:28.949
being joe just being joe i'm gonna say Joe, not the dude, because the dude is

00:54:28.949 --> 00:54:31.818
the host of the show, but Joe is the man that I am. I'm Joe.

00:54:32.114 --> 00:54:36.665
So I was just being me or whatever. She ran into a male friend of hers,

00:54:37.341 --> 00:54:39.995
and he said, what's up with your husband?

00:54:40.384 --> 00:54:44.889
The way he was moving is kind of questionable. He a little soft or something. Yeah.

00:54:48.285 --> 00:54:52.662
You a suspect man yeah he he called me suspect and my wife being my wife defending

00:54:52.662 --> 00:54:57.742
she said that's just my husband being my husband he's a man he takes care of

00:54:57.742 --> 00:55:01.292
he takes care of his household he does what he's supposed to do that's just

00:55:01.292 --> 00:55:02.835
him having fun you see what i mean,

00:55:04.162 --> 00:55:07.651
about that another man called me suspect,

00:55:09.052 --> 00:55:15.412
yeah you you see what i'm saying because we have we have created this masculine identity and stuff.

00:55:15.412 --> 00:55:21.006
Anything that strays off of that, man, you know, it comes into question.

00:55:22.112 --> 00:55:25.912
You know what I mean? There's all of the pronouns flying around today.

00:55:28.032 --> 00:55:33.532
You know what I'm saying? I'm going to skip over that one. But, uh.

00:55:36.556 --> 00:55:40.232
If you are the group of people, man, I was trying to go deep in it like,

00:55:42.332 --> 00:55:51.562
he was sad but he scared him the fact that Joe was uncomfortable being him right,

00:55:52.218 --> 00:55:55.243
that's what's true it is that Joe was comfortable being him,

00:55:55.893 --> 00:56:00.229
a lot of people ain't comfortable being on him my father said this something on,

00:56:00.726 --> 00:56:04.452
4th of July weekend we spent 4th of July weekend in my bed's house and he said

00:56:04.452 --> 00:56:07.512
something about because we were out in the store and the woman accidentally

00:56:07.512 --> 00:56:11.592
said I'm sorry I said ma'am And he said, baby, don't worry about that.

00:56:11.592 --> 00:56:12.292
I'm comfortable with me.

00:56:12.732 --> 00:56:17.192
I've been a man for 72 years. I know who I am. Don't worry about that.

00:56:18.190 --> 00:56:24.162
See, see, see, that right there says it all. You can be who you want to be.

00:56:24.162 --> 00:56:31.396
Fuck the rest of the rest of these motherfuckers. You know what I'm saying?

00:56:32.712 --> 00:56:35.572
You are who you are. And you ain't trying to figure out.

00:56:36.396 --> 00:56:40.530
I'm not trying to legitimize myself to another person. I don't get who I am,

00:56:41.041 --> 00:56:45.236
who, what you think I am, who you think I am. Cause I know who I am. That's right.

00:56:47.036 --> 00:56:51.706
That comes, cause that's the position I'm like standing in front of today.

00:56:51.706 --> 00:56:53.823
You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to over explain myself.

00:56:53.957 --> 00:56:57.266
I'm not here to try to change your mind. I'm going to say what I want to say.

00:56:57.719 --> 00:57:00.306
Whether you agree with it or not, I'm not trying to change your mind.

00:57:00.306 --> 00:57:01.986
I'm just telling you where I am.

00:57:02.630 --> 00:57:06.798
You know, whether you're there or not, that has no, I was talking to my partner,

00:57:08.336 --> 00:57:12.986
in the land, and it kind of caught me off guard and under my skin a little bit,

00:57:12.986 --> 00:57:16.686
because we go back like my hairline, you know what I'm saying?

00:57:16.686 --> 00:57:20.884
And that's way back, dude, because I'm bald, you know what I'm saying? So, we...

00:57:22.648 --> 00:57:24.998
He was saying something. I'm like, man, you know, I agree with that.

00:57:24.998 --> 00:57:28.288
He's like, you know, to be honest, Luke, I can give less than a damn whether

00:57:28.288 --> 00:57:30.167
you agree with it or not. This is where I'm at.

00:57:30.759 --> 00:57:33.288
And it caught me off guard because it made me think, you know,

00:57:33.288 --> 00:57:37.848
it's like he's not asking for my approval whether I agree with him or not.

00:57:37.848 --> 00:57:43.368
Man, he's just saying his position, you know, whether I agree with it or not.

00:57:44.068 --> 00:57:47.428
It's irrelevant. Right. You know what I'm saying?

00:57:48.288 --> 00:57:51.548
And when he said that, it kind of caught me off guard.

00:57:51.548 --> 00:57:55.808
I kind of got a little defensive, you know, it's like, you know, what's up with that?

00:57:55.808 --> 00:58:00.528
He's like, I'm just, he said, I know, you know, you know, I just have to tell

00:58:00.528 --> 00:58:04.328
people now because, you know, people feel like they have to agree or disagree

00:58:04.328 --> 00:58:07.382
with me. And I'm like, I'm not looking for agreement and disagreement.

00:58:07.854 --> 00:58:15.028
I'm just telling you what's on my mind, you know, and it's hard for a lot of

00:58:15.028 --> 00:58:18.358
people, you know, to, to come to that understanding, because if you don't agree

00:58:18.358 --> 00:58:20.245
with them, they think you say they're wrong.

00:58:20.854 --> 00:58:25.788
You know no i'm just saying i i hear what you're saying i understand what you're

00:58:25.788 --> 00:58:28.368
saying i just disagree you know,

00:58:29.188 --> 00:58:33.948
but a lot of people it's an interpretation that they hear themselves in their

00:58:33.948 --> 00:58:38.568
own mental capacity it's like when you say you disagree i just went through

00:58:38.568 --> 00:58:40.123
this with my brother man i mean it's.

00:58:41.430 --> 00:58:45.968
I i love my brother to death and we just spent last week and the reason i wasn't

00:58:45.968 --> 00:58:51.028
on last weekend because we had a family reunion in louisiana my parents owned,

00:58:51.808 --> 00:58:55.328
my great my my grandparents bought some land and i've never been i the last

00:58:55.328 --> 00:58:59.518
time i was on it in 68 you know they want to go down there and walk on the land

00:58:59.518 --> 00:59:00.668
i didn't like walking around are you,

00:59:01.388 --> 00:59:04.398
why would i want to do that but anyway a little story short we went down there

00:59:04.398 --> 00:59:09.268
but me and my wife we decided to get a airbnb that would house my brothers and

00:59:09.268 --> 00:59:13.568
my sister you know and i thought that was going to be a time that we can get

00:59:13.568 --> 00:59:16.019
together and talk amongst each other, you know what I mean?

00:59:16.420 --> 00:59:19.508
So I get down and I manage to piss all three of them off.

00:59:21.885 --> 00:59:26.356
But my brother, you know, he, you know, he, if I wouldn't agree with him,

00:59:26.646 --> 00:59:30.158
then he's trying to convince me. You know, I'm like, dude, I hear what you're saying.

00:59:30.750 --> 00:59:37.535
I just don't agree. But, you know, most people go into a conversation ready

00:59:37.535 --> 00:59:40.688
to defend a response and a answer. Right. True.

00:59:41.333 --> 00:59:45.345
But, you know, I'm looking for meaning. I think I'm at a stage in my life.

00:59:45.345 --> 00:59:49.415
I think I've always been. But see, you know, see, you didn't go in that conversation

00:59:49.415 --> 00:59:51.325
ready to defend your conversation.

00:59:51.925 --> 00:59:56.065
You didn't go in with a rebuttal to whatever happened to say you just went in

00:59:56.065 --> 01:00:01.025
with straight what you felt, how you felt and this is it, I mean you feel how

01:00:01.025 --> 01:00:04.205
you feel, I feel how I feel I'm glad we can,

01:00:04.917 --> 01:00:09.355
come to a situation where we both agree or disagree, we agree with each other

01:00:09.355 --> 01:00:11.785
that's it, but see that's the way you walk into the conversation,

01:00:12.205 --> 01:00:18.343
but you you've said this many times on this show, you are an oddity sir,

01:00:18.968 --> 01:00:23.765
most folks don't walk into conversations like that people go into a room already

01:00:23.765 --> 01:00:26.126
ready to defend what's going to come out of their mouths,

01:00:26.865 --> 01:00:31.775
they're ready to defend their positions as soon as they walk in a room because

01:00:31.775 --> 01:00:36.059
they like the foundation that because when you start asking the tough questions

01:00:36.343 --> 01:00:40.471
it's not what i'm asked it's not what i'm saying it is what i'm saying.

01:00:41.605 --> 01:00:46.025
It's the foundation that they're standing on becomes questionable and people

01:00:46.025 --> 01:00:50.865
be people go into a room ready to die on that hill yeah,

01:00:51.929 --> 01:00:55.925
you know tc you know i think the problem with that is that you know the problem

01:00:55.925 --> 01:01:02.005
that that that because i i i live in ambiguity is that that is that the word you know i'm not.

01:01:03.451 --> 01:01:08.255
I leave room to grow yeah you know what i'm saying you we don't and i think

01:01:08.255 --> 01:01:12.048
that that is That is a problem with some people.

01:01:12.298 --> 01:01:19.130
They box themselves into this one sphere, shall we say, and when that sphere,

01:01:19.925 --> 01:01:25.156
is interjected with something else that's outside of what's going together,

01:01:26.431 --> 01:01:27.204
problematic.

01:01:29.311 --> 01:01:34.751
You go in, you listen, you heard, then you'll research, you'll go back and look

01:01:34.751 --> 01:01:40.057
and research, you'll try to make common sense of what they were saying.

01:01:40.359 --> 01:01:43.801
They are automatically not even listening to what you're saying.

01:01:44.051 --> 01:01:48.765
The second you said it, and they have made a stance, they have shut you off.

01:01:49.479 --> 01:01:52.834
Yeah, they're not, you know, and that's my brother.

01:01:53.322 --> 01:01:59.141
I'm like, you know, and you know, And I have a brother like that That's why

01:01:59.141 --> 01:02:03.241
I know Because the same that you said it They have shut you off Because they

01:02:03.241 --> 01:02:05.279
are ready to die on this hill Yes.

01:02:07.571 --> 01:02:11.583
Sir And the sad part about it is In the whole conversation They know it's wrong,

01:02:12.088 --> 01:02:16.431
They know it's wrong But I have to defend my Well,

01:02:18.611 --> 01:02:24.721
I have to defend my position I have to maintain My position on it I cannot wait

01:02:24.721 --> 01:02:30.691
there I think because if I waiver it's a sign of weakness that is that is right.

01:02:33.511 --> 01:02:36.531
There but that's toxic masculinity if being,

01:02:39.231 --> 01:02:42.691
I'm not just I'm not just talking about men in this in this room I'm talking

01:02:42.691 --> 01:02:44.751
about people in general I'm,

01:02:45.331 --> 01:02:51.459
agreeing with you if they back down from a position that is a sign of weakness

01:02:51.633 --> 01:02:57.491
well I bet I came back down now I'm already here I got to keep going. And I say that.

01:03:00.311 --> 01:03:02.361
And that's toxic. Yes. And why I say that is, I'm going to say,

01:03:02.361 --> 01:03:05.682
I'm going to tell you a story. So we were, I was in Fort Lauderdale Mall.

01:03:06.991 --> 01:03:11.076
Me and my boys were out. It was early morning. I think we were headed to the mall or something.

01:03:11.668 --> 01:03:16.311
And something happened in the neighborhood that we just so happened to be driving

01:03:16.311 --> 01:03:18.555
through. We were leaving. That's it. We were leaving the house.

01:03:19.199 --> 01:03:21.004
My other old boy lived in this neighborhood.

01:03:22.310 --> 01:03:26.153
So we and we got pulled over we got pulled over right in front of the police station,

01:03:27.034 --> 01:03:34.521
And when I say the scene became erratic so fast, because they bounced on the situation so fast.

01:03:34.939 --> 01:03:38.753
It was so many people there. Even when they figured out that they were wrong,

01:03:39.008 --> 01:03:42.248
they had to make themselves right because they had already made a big scene.

01:03:42.555 --> 01:03:47.818
Yeah, I understand that. They couldn't back down.

01:03:49.108 --> 01:03:53.038
And that's the same way when it comes to a lot of people, not everybody,

01:03:53.038 --> 01:03:56.689
but a lot of people, when you walk into a conversation, walk into a room,

01:03:57.681 --> 01:04:00.306
and just say you're walking into a conference.

01:04:00.775 --> 01:04:06.988
If you disagree with what's being said, but the speaker up there is speaking

01:04:06.988 --> 01:04:10.108
on it, and you may disagree with it, and you bring up a question that.

01:04:15.488 --> 01:04:19.027
Rebutts what they're saying. Oh, they're going to double down now.

01:04:19.340 --> 01:04:22.486
Because now you can't, I can't show weakness. I can't back down.

01:04:22.660 --> 01:04:26.585
And you're not going to bash me in front of all these people. See, see.

01:04:28.088 --> 01:04:31.159
And hold on. And that's your brother. There wasn't nobody but y'all in the house.

01:04:31.426 --> 01:04:33.754
But you're not going better for me in front of my brothers and sisters.

01:04:34.108 --> 01:04:37.258
And see, that's what he said, too. That's exactly what he said,

01:04:37.258 --> 01:04:41.308
man. You made me feel, I think, you have a problem with, you know,

01:04:41.308 --> 01:04:43.628
being wrong? Or not even wrong.

01:04:44.288 --> 01:04:47.668
You have a problem with a difference of opinion. Yes.

01:04:48.388 --> 01:04:51.149
You know, it's like. You know, he's like, you're all in your feelings.

01:04:51.445 --> 01:04:55.967
Okay, who's the oldest you and him? Who's the oldest you and him? Huh?

01:04:56.610 --> 01:04:58.988
Who's the oldest you and him? Me? Me?

01:04:59.688 --> 01:05:02.456
That show no, yeah, he show no got a problem with that.

01:05:03.268 --> 01:05:06.078
My brother ain't going to tell me what to do. You know, he's one of those,

01:05:06.078 --> 01:05:10.608
the white man has lied to us. And I'm like, I got you, man. You know what I'm

01:05:10.608 --> 01:05:11.673
saying? I'm rolling with you.

01:05:12.022 --> 01:05:14.908
You know what I'm saying? But I can't apply.

01:05:15.688 --> 01:05:22.889
Me personally, things have to work out for me across my entire spectrum of what I believe.

01:05:23.367 --> 01:05:31.798
You know what I mean? That's just me. It has to apply everywhere to me for it

01:05:31.798 --> 01:05:34.153
to actually even sit with me.

01:05:34.693 --> 01:05:38.968
You know what I'm saying? You know, that's why, because I can defend this or

01:05:38.968 --> 01:05:43.298
I can defend that in my mind. You know, I could fit, but when you give me,

01:05:43.594 --> 01:05:47.052
but it has to go across the entire spectrum with me.

01:05:47.650 --> 01:05:52.405
I mean, black, white, women, you know, men, women, it's got to fit everywhere.

01:05:53.285 --> 01:05:56.665
You know, and if it doesn't fit everywhere, then I, you know,

01:05:56.665 --> 01:06:01.070
then I, hey, you know, let's, what do you think about this in this situation?

01:06:01.593 --> 01:06:07.201
You know, you can't just apply who you are to certain situations. Well, let me back up.

01:06:07.769 --> 01:06:12.698
I'm not just going to apply what I believe under certain situations.

01:06:13.305 --> 01:06:14.973
I want to be able to apply.

01:06:15.745 --> 01:06:19.176
We had an open conversation in our camp on, what, Tuesday?

01:06:19.623 --> 01:06:24.755
About this, about something like that situation. About how white people will

01:06:24.755 --> 01:06:27.635
have done this or this, that, and the other. Other people have other reasons

01:06:27.635 --> 01:06:29.840
that are putting other people in certain situations.

01:06:30.275 --> 01:06:35.128
And what was said in that conversation was, well, who do you think will put us there?

01:06:36.306 --> 01:06:42.305
Now everybody calls. Because I can't come to your house and you cut out the

01:06:42.305 --> 01:06:44.433
lights and I walk around your house and I kill them.

01:06:45.336 --> 01:06:46.885
But you can come, you can go to,

01:06:47.225 --> 01:06:50.902
you can cut off all the lights and still maneuver your house, but I can't.

01:06:52.185 --> 01:06:59.845
Not my house. Okay. So somebody, so somebody, so we had to put ourselves in that situation.

01:07:00.565 --> 01:07:03.895
We had to help them alone, right? Somebody, and they just decided,

01:07:03.895 --> 01:07:06.596
hey, I'm going to just go cut out the middleman. I'm just going to take anybody.

01:07:07.519 --> 01:07:12.570
I'm kind of lost here. He's talking about slave trade. He's talking about the slave trade.

01:07:13.273 --> 01:07:19.385
Okay. So other tribes sold other tribes to the trade. Well...

01:07:21.201 --> 01:07:24.291
The Europeans just said, forget it. You know what? We just going to cut out

01:07:24.291 --> 01:07:25.915
the middle, man. We just going to take everybody.

01:07:28.061 --> 01:07:31.570
Check this out, Bubba. Let me ask you this, man. And this is just hypothetical.

01:07:33.071 --> 01:07:38.683
You know, down the road, say, say, say Americans.

01:07:38.833 --> 01:07:41.173
We're all Americans here in the United States, right?

01:07:41.818 --> 01:07:49.183
You know, say, say, say, say the black Americans start enslaving the white Americans.

01:07:49.601 --> 01:07:53.561
Uh-huh. This is a really hypothetical situation, okay? I want to know it.

01:07:54.061 --> 01:07:58.301
Come on, man. I know that's what I'm using. Okay, 100 years down the road,

01:07:58.301 --> 01:08:02.128
they're going to say, Americans sold out each other. Yep.

01:08:02.766 --> 01:08:07.352
You know what I'm saying? You know, because they're grouping us all together.

01:08:07.612 --> 01:08:12.061
So, in Africa, now, I'm going to just throw something out there.

01:08:12.061 --> 01:08:13.681
And I'm not saying I'm wrong or right.

01:08:14.521 --> 01:08:17.421
This is just a theory or what they call it.

01:08:19.901 --> 01:08:25.061
Theory or whatever the word starts with H, man. Hypothesis. I was trying to

01:08:25.061 --> 01:08:29.930
get that witch. I'm like, I know the one. I was struggling for a minute. Okay, so here you go.

01:08:30.520 --> 01:08:38.201
Okay, you got people that they consider themselves of a nationality that moved

01:08:38.201 --> 01:08:40.606
to the continent of Africa. Okay?

01:08:42.168 --> 01:08:47.581
Now, the indigenous people, the people that have resided there for decades,

01:08:47.581 --> 01:08:51.641
for generations, they've seen these group of people as African,

01:08:51.641 --> 01:08:55.785
that in Africa, in the continent of Africa, as outsiders.

01:08:56.432 --> 01:09:00.551
So they just migrated there. So we're going to get rid of these people.

01:09:00.551 --> 01:09:04.479
These are the people that we're going to turn over to the slave traders.

01:09:05.315 --> 01:09:09.315
So 10 years, 100 years down the road, Africans have been trading Africans.

01:09:09.619 --> 01:09:13.061
But from the African standpoint, these weren't true Africans.

01:09:15.001 --> 01:09:18.210
Like that's You know what I'm saying? Because...

01:09:20.400 --> 01:09:23.590
There were people that, I'm not saying this is necessarily true.

01:09:23.590 --> 01:09:27.210
I'm just something that I used to think about, man.

01:09:27.210 --> 01:09:31.740
It's like, Africa's a continent, and people migrate to continent.

01:09:31.740 --> 01:09:34.400
People that look like me and you, you know, because it's funny,

01:09:34.400 --> 01:09:37.813
because I've been in a lot of places that people that look like me,

01:09:38.167 --> 01:09:40.042
I'm sitting there literally,

01:09:40.600 --> 01:09:47.280
in Hungary, in a tent, with a guy that looks just like me, Sartre Morgan. Man, I know this dude.

01:09:47.611 --> 01:09:51.583
Dude we were talking he's dark-skinned the whole night y'all be playing dominoes

01:09:51.860 --> 01:09:56.591
and i he's playing dominoes when i walk in the tent and he's talking to stuff,

01:09:57.108 --> 01:09:59.605
but he speak his Spanish fluently,

01:10:00.318 --> 01:10:05.629
fluently so i'm like you know what's up you know i'm panamanian,

01:10:06.481 --> 01:10:10.446
never knew it never knew it i've been talking to this guy,

01:10:11.294 --> 01:10:15.600
two or three years before we got deployed never knew that you know it didn't

01:10:15.600 --> 01:10:19.880
even come i just thought he was i i assumed he was like me from the states you

01:10:19.880 --> 01:10:22.332
know until i actually heard him you know what i'm saying,

01:10:23.093 --> 01:10:30.830
so when we when we say that africa is was was trading other after africa is

01:10:30.830 --> 01:10:33.557
a continent and not a country,

01:10:34.345 --> 01:10:39.050
you know what i'm saying so with a continent of different people in that even

01:10:39.050 --> 01:10:42.049
though they might look like you don't mean they are like to you.

01:10:43.045 --> 01:10:44.073
You got a good point there.

01:10:45.401 --> 01:10:46.672
You got a good point there.

01:10:48.127 --> 01:10:51.745
You know, it's weird, man, because if we claim that we're Jews,

01:10:52.687 --> 01:10:55.176
like a lot of people claim that, you know, we were Jews.

01:10:55.304 --> 01:10:58.816
Well, Jews got ran out of places, and then they come back to Africa,

01:10:59.367 --> 01:11:03.309
you know, and maybe the indigenous Africans was like, you know what?

01:11:03.698 --> 01:11:05.352
You ain't the people like me.

01:11:11.327 --> 01:11:17.409
True. It's true. That's why I land. That's the way he said it. It's like.

01:11:17.589 --> 01:11:20.358
Hold on, man. And you ain't me, though, but you're not me.

01:11:21.047 --> 01:11:25.967
You know what I'm saying? It's crazy. It's my lineage back here.

01:11:25.967 --> 01:11:27.027
You just showed up. Yeah.

01:11:28.443 --> 01:11:33.749
Yeah. We've been here on this ground for generations. You know, you just showed up.

01:11:34.399 --> 01:11:36.447
And now, no, you ain't one of

01:11:36.447 --> 01:11:39.547
us. Hey, Slade Trader, come get this dude right here. He ain't one of us.

01:11:41.801 --> 01:11:51.621
I got you. Very true. It's very true. How does all of this play into masculinity and fatherhood?

01:11:53.163 --> 01:11:57.564
Bringing us back to, you know you're going to do it anyway.

01:12:00.145 --> 01:12:04.829
What's the question about masculinity and fatherhood? How do you combine those two?

01:12:05.432 --> 01:12:14.330
Because we talked about how we have created our own downward spiral as men.

01:12:14.922 --> 01:12:23.611
We've become so prideful that we've set our partners down and put on,

01:12:23.611 --> 01:12:28.281
as Bubba said, I'm going to put on this armor and I'm going to carry everything on my back.

01:12:29.061 --> 01:12:32.043
I like that shit, don't you? of, yeah.

01:12:36.891 --> 01:12:37.461
Because,

01:12:39.538 --> 01:12:48.501
we have let, we took some books from the Bible and really twisted them to fit

01:12:48.501 --> 01:12:49.770
what we wanted them to fit.

01:12:50.082 --> 01:12:52.725
There it is, in my opinion.

01:12:53.332 --> 01:12:57.401
There it is. It's not we like today currently, man.

01:12:58.021 --> 01:13:05.231
This is a construct of we made some books read the way we wanted them to read

01:13:05.231 --> 01:13:10.700
and we read them because my father told me this a long time I mean a long,

01:13:12.201 --> 01:13:20.791
no people read the Bible so so somebody decided well hey I read it like this

01:13:20.791 --> 01:13:27.182
right here and this is the way it's supposed to be and convinced some other person that hey,

01:13:28.081 --> 01:13:30.525
you know what that's right So this is the way we're going to make it.

01:13:31.339 --> 01:13:36.470
This is how we're going to make it. We're going to put women up on a pedestal.

01:13:38.211 --> 01:13:45.361
Put a glass house around and put on there fragile do not break glass,

01:13:45.361 --> 01:13:47.523
fragile what about the masculine side?

01:13:48.839 --> 01:13:53.999
And then when somebody breaks that glass, when somebody breaks that glass,

01:13:54.209 --> 01:14:00.293
then I'm going to stand in front of them and I'm going to protect them. Right. That is. That is.

01:14:01.959 --> 01:14:07.340
That's how we, what Bubba said is how we loop all of this back together.

01:14:07.845 --> 01:14:11.573
And I don't think, Mark, we talk about this all the time.

01:14:11.955 --> 01:14:16.149
You guys have hit on it tonight. You think five or six steps ahead.

01:14:16.149 --> 01:14:17.802
A lot of people don't think that way.

01:14:18.075 --> 01:14:21.719
And a lot of people cannot be honest. I'm just roping everything together because

01:14:21.719 --> 01:14:25.475
we're going to get out of here in about five minutes, but I'm just roping everything together.

01:14:26.027 --> 01:14:34.973
We as people have not been, in my opinion, completely honest with ourselves. Some of us have.

01:14:35.606 --> 01:14:38.543
Mark, like Bubba said, you're an entity, sir.

01:14:39.175 --> 01:14:44.737
You are entity. I am headed towards the space of being an entity because I can

01:14:44.893 --> 01:14:46.569
totally understand and feel what you said.

01:14:46.569 --> 01:14:50.079
Like Bubba said earlier, I'm going to co-sign on everything you said and everything

01:14:50.079 --> 01:14:54.699
you said tonight, I co-sign with. I didn't disagree with one thing you said

01:14:54.699 --> 01:14:56.927
tonight. Everything you said was on point.

01:14:57.316 --> 01:14:59.997
But here's the baseline about all of this.

01:15:00.742 --> 01:15:05.210
We have been misled as a race of people.

01:15:05.406 --> 01:15:13.244
And I ain't say no color, a race of people that masculinity defines who we are. It's a part of us.

01:15:13.899 --> 01:15:19.844
But like I said, in the example that I gave you, I'm Joe and I'm comfortable being Joe.

01:15:20.082 --> 01:15:22.148
Just like Bubba said about his daddy.

01:15:22.828 --> 01:15:25.699
Hey, you can call me. I get called, ma'am. I've been called,

01:15:25.699 --> 01:15:28.859
ma'am, a couple of times. I'll be talking to some of my female co-workers.

01:15:28.859 --> 01:15:32.255
They say, girl, you know what I mean? And I'd be like, yep, I know what you mean.

01:15:32.621 --> 01:15:37.206
But that doesn't mean that I'm gay or anything, but I'm comfortable with who I am.

01:15:37.497 --> 01:15:40.951
I've been Joe with a penis for 46 years.

01:15:41.369 --> 01:15:44.666
I know what it's used for and I know what it represents.

01:15:45.671 --> 01:15:52.084
But toxic, like Dave said, we have gotten to a point of toxic masculinity

01:15:52.508 --> 01:16:01.211
and the toxic masculinity has been what has been defining us as a people, a gender for years.

01:16:01.211 --> 01:16:09.108
Toxic masculinity is what has defined us as a people for years and we need to get away from that.

01:16:10.300 --> 01:16:17.122
Well, say less, because I got that, you know. And he played.

01:16:17.494 --> 01:16:21.060
Well, he didn't wrap all that up at one time. I mean, they put a little bow

01:16:21.060 --> 01:16:23.120
on it. Okay, drop the mic and walk away.

01:16:23.520 --> 01:16:27.160
Play the music. Ain't nothing else to be saying. Hey, man.

01:16:29.440 --> 01:16:35.460
Choose a music. Ain't nothing else to be saying. Let him do it. Let him do it.

01:16:36.600 --> 01:16:40.400
Get down here. Who said? Ain't nothing else to be saying. that was wrapped up

01:16:40.400 --> 01:16:45.920
in a tight little boat listen listen listen listen,

01:16:47.401 --> 01:16:50.850
the way i describe this place and i tell people all the time and i don't want

01:16:50.850 --> 01:16:54.420
y'all to take it the wrong way but i describe this place all the time as it's

01:16:54.420 --> 01:16:57.800
it's anti-church but what i mean by that it is not,

01:16:58.331 --> 01:17:06.835
church-led but god is always in it god is always first and foremost in this god gave me this idea,

01:17:07.375 --> 01:17:10.600
and like y'all talk about a dream and all of those things.

01:17:10.920 --> 01:17:16.588
I had dreams. I had visions. I had all of that. But I had the foresight to make it work.

01:17:17.452 --> 01:17:20.720
And we're here. And I thank all of you all.

01:17:24.840 --> 01:17:30.080
Ain't nothing enough to say tonight. And y'all have a great wish God bless everybody.

01:17:30.080 --> 01:17:32.220
Love y'all all. We'll do it again.

01:17:34.080 --> 01:17:38.150
We'll do it again. I mean, someone get out of there. Man, I get doing it.

01:17:38.150 --> 01:17:41.518
I get doing it, mama. I'm just doing it. I enjoyed that one.

01:17:44.256 --> 01:17:48.260
Dude. What's up, brother? You can't extend this because this is good.

01:17:48.945 --> 01:17:52.960
You want me to extend this? Run it out. Run it. Run it. Run it.

01:17:53.600 --> 01:17:57.860
Run it out. All right. Y'all give me a minute. Y'all give me a minute.

01:17:57.860 --> 01:17:59.712
I'm going to go out and come back in.

01:18:01.380 --> 01:18:02.238
All right. All right.