Personal Audit: Men, Accountability, and the Daily Check-In

0:00 And everybody, welcome to another episode of The Kickback. I am your host, The Dude. And as we do every Friday night, we have some great conversations with some great men. So I welcome you, employ you to come in and have some great conversation. And if you can't have a great conversation, listen to the conversation that we're having because it's all amazing and it's always a good time. So welcome to The Kickback. I am your host, The Dude. And as we do every Friday, we just have some great conversations. Welcome to The Kickback. The place for brothers.

1:28 What's going on my brother how you doing broski man i'm doing all right how's your day going man it's all well man i'm doing this last one before i get on in the crib with it, okay you know they got they swear to god an arctic blast coming and you know everybody's out here losing their minds going bananas I mean straight bananas man I you know we have a you know just just in case we have a fireplace just in case the the power does go out we can't be, I stopped at Home Depot to try to get some wood, some firewood.

2:09 And man, when I say all they had was the expensive stuff, but by the grace of God, I stopped by the, my brother was like, stop at the gas station. I bet you they got some wood. Driving down the street, looked over at the gas station. Man, they had plenty of wood. Gas station, keep that firewood off current. Right. So I pulled in. I said, let me get five of them bundles right there. And I picked up some firewood, but it is, man, my day or my week? Your week. My week has been up and down, man. It's been up and down. And, you know, just by the grace of God, I made it through what I do.

2:54 You know, of course, you know, we drive school buses and we've got to drive her out. And so that has made kind of hectic for us during the week. So I'm covering like two routes so it's been up and down and it's just been, topsy-turvy but at the same hand it is what it is. It's a job and it's got to be done and then you know the evil forces always try to steal your joy, I don't know if you heard a few weeks back I was talking about how this man accused me of sleeping with his wife and the shit resurfaced again and it's like man either move on whatever you need to do but you still with this woman but you keep bringing it back up and i'm nowhere near you or her yeah.

3:52 It's crazy. It is. Stuck on negativity. You know, they ain't, they don't know no other way out. All they know is stay focused on some BS. Forget trying to validate or confirm a claim or anything like that. All people know is negativity. Man, he's my lowest, but man, people love to be negative, man. And I'm zero tolerance when it comes to negativity, man. And if you don't have any positive energy about you, if you start off a conversation with someone, I'm not messing with you, man. And that's just the end of it, man. I don't want to hear it. Right.

4:33 I don't want to hear it at all either. But, you know, it still comes. It still happens. You know, people want to feel like they, I guess negativity gives them some kind of driver motivation because they want to be mad all the time. And misery love company. Right. You know, they try to bring you in on it in one way or another. They try to expand their music, man. But when you got God with you and in you, man, your spirit is unbreakable, man. Every time, every time, man. And that's I think that's what some people don't understand is what you just said. As long as you have your higher power, whoever, whoever you call them, God, whatever, you know, long as you have that higher power in you and you're about him, nobody can break you.

5:21 But people still try. Yeah, for sure. They try all the time. Yeah, the attempt won't stop. That's why you find yourself as important. Man, listen. I stay prayed up every day. Every day. I really just step away from myself out here for real to I'm focusing on self, man, and it ain't nothing wrong with it. And if somebody getting mad at me for it, hey, that's all the more reason to stay away from me. Right. But that's I was just going to say that's you're giving them more of a reason to be mad at you than if you were giving in to whatever it is that they want you to conform to.

6:06 I figured it. I learned this. Great men are usually lonely. Yeah. Great men are usually lonely because they don't need a big circle of people around them to validate whatever it is that they have going on. They don't need a conglomerate of big people around them to, because they're nothing but yes men and followers and people that are trying to steal. You realize as a great man and as an in-depth individual, you are the minority and not the majority. So it causes you to be lonely because you want to hang with folks.

6:49 But at the end of the day, like, you know that it's not a benefit with most circles that are available. So you tend to stay alone because there's not many like minded people around. And it's sad, but it's very true. It's very true. You got to guard there versus compromising because compromise can lead to complete annihilation. Right. And and also falling into whatever it is that they're they're into. And that's what a lot of people don't understand. Your core friend circle. And this is going to sound horrible, whatever.

7:31 But your core friend circles talks a lot about who you are. Even in my case, even everyone, the people that you keep around you talk. It says a lot about who you are now at the same hand we don't always see what's going on in the background like you may have a friend they may be messing up doing whatever blah blah blah but you may be i mean i'm gonna use this word but preaching to them yeah if you can understand what i'm saying you're preaching to them but how long do you preach to them before you get tired exactly man i said that i got over there last year like i can only say the same thing there's so many ways and so many times before i get frustrated i can't if i can't get you to get it and i don't have to explain it in multiple ways then it's not meant for you to get not not right now no and it's like with the with the with the you are the company you keep, mold on fruit will expand if you don't get it away from the other fruit, man.

8:38 Very true. Very true. You got to pee. You know, all faiths talk about seeing. Signs as you get sick. Right. See the signs you got to adhere to. I'm thinking we may have lost you for a minute. I don't know. You might be getting in the car or whatever. But tonight's show is, the topic of tonight is personal. Gets lonely? Yeah. I would rather be lonely and moving forward than guilty by association and stank. Amen. Amen. Amen. I'll take that any day.

9:21 Amen, my brother. But I was saying, when you kind of faded out a little bit, tonight's topic is personal audit. It goes along with what you're talking about. And it's understanding the great load that we all carry as men and how we are dealing with the people around us, our jobs, our families, all of those stuff. Exactly what we're talking about. Great top. personal audit personal audit is something that needs to be done almost every day. Every other day or some sort because you will look up and you will be far from who you know yourself to be or who you want yourself to be if you're not careful, right you know what I mean like making sure that it all goes back with your goals, yes accountability, accountability it goes back to accountability and understanding that you have to be accountable for not only the moves you make, but the people around you make.

10:25 Because like you just said, guilty by association will get you every time. What they say all the time, man, that's my dog, man. That's my brother, man. I can't justify and, a dumb decision every time. We lose the job. Right or wrong. That's my brother. Listen. No, sir. I don't want it. Right. You feel me? Nah. I don't want it. You talk about personal audit and the direction that you want to go in life. You feel me? Personal audit goes along with that.

11:07 You have to make sure that you holding yourself accountable in order to reach these goals that you set for yourself. If you're not checking yourself, you will rank yourself. And everything and everybody around you. It's like, I can't understand how people... You're right, though. You're right, but I hate people that just feels like the world owes them something. The world, their mama, their dad and their brother, their sister, their best friend, their kids. The world owes them something. And they don't owe the world nothing. It's self-entitlement.

11:48 Right. But in that, are we being accountable? Or let's go back to the other thing. Are we being a liability or asset? With a mentality like that, you're a liability. Because if you think somebody owe you something, unless you got some IRS documents to prove this, You are, you are so far gone. Man, it's like my wife was telling me today she was watching a show and a guy met a girl, moved into her house. He was he didn't want to work. He didn't want to do anything. So she decides, OK, I'm going to get rid of him. I'm going to turn all the lights.

12:28 I'm going to turn the lights off. I'm going to do all this. I'm going to do all that. And I'm going to move out of my own house. Ah! And leave him there. So he takes her to court to try to take her house away from her. He didn't pay for it. He ain't paying. She's still paying the mortgage, but he wants her to sign the house over to him. You know, I think today's men are such a, are such a, like, I ain't gonna say disgrace, but disappointment to what it means to be a man. And, you know, these guys nowadays that are going up out here, man, prefer to persuade a female to let them live with them, lay up in their house, not pay no bills, just thinking sex is going to pay for everything.

13:20 Right. I'm thinking sex is the answer to every problem that you face. And it's just, it's sad, man. But here's a real question. Here's a real question. And it's no disrespect to nobody, but it's just along the topics of what we're talking about. Here's a real question because we're all men here's a real question if and it's gonna sound real crazy and real weird but it's it's a real truth and i want and that's the question i've been asked by a woman before can you cut your penis off and take it to the light to the light company of course not can you cut your penis off and take it to the mortgage place nowhere, right so what what on god's green earth makes me and think that if they lay down and they put it down on a woman real good that is a supplemental enough of a payment to take care of everything.

14:17 Monetary where do we get that mindset because we're all men where do we get that mindset that if i lay this pipe down on them then i ain't gonna have to do nothing but play my playstation five and and and do a little bit of nothing around here what how do we get to that, I don't get it. Community versus government. Our current firm, our government overreach has modified the family structure. Very true. But even with that being said, that the family structure has been modified, how do we get to a place as men where we feel like we need to be catered to and that we don't have to have a job?

15:07 That's why I put in the comment what I did, because the government sees a way to control. Government is about control. Community is about growth, in my opinion. Government is about control. So they want to control resources. They want to control who gets what and when. Community is more of a holistic approach at living within a society. Take, for example, the Amish community. They are they have a value set that they rarely go outside of and as long as you stay within the societal norms the compounds of that right everybody pulls their share they do their part if there's a barn raising everybody's going to be involved in the barn raising while the men raise the barn for this new married couple the women are getting together having a quilting be putting quilts together.

16:02 They all jump in and they do stuff together. They teach the young ones how to do it. The young ones learn OJT on the job while the things are being done. They instill a sense of quality in everything that they put their hands on, whether you're getting greens from them or whether you're buying a gazebo from them. You know those greens are going to be good, and you know that gazebo is going to stand the test of time. But when the government gets involved and we know that the government has always been made up of bad actors and our current form of government is a perfect example of the worst embodiment of bad actors solicited and collected by one very bad leader.

16:44 And the only thing they're doing is enriching themselves and they're controlling the people through fear and hate and collecting resources for the 1%, which is going to lead to, violence at the bottom of the food chain. And as far as your question, as far as men laying in bed, you know, thinking they need to be kept, that's part of the government's overreach in dealing with certain segments of society. When you lock people out of the American dream, when a black man can't get a loan, when black families can't buy a house in certain areas because they're being redlined, when blacks and brown people can't get jobs that they're qualified for, or even jobs that they're overqualified for because of racial bigotry and ignorance, then once again, you set your country up for failure.

17:42 And in the meantime these people black and brown they have to find a way to survive, and so you know they when you bring drugs from another country into this country and set it up in the communities where black and brown people live things are going to go sideways and that's what's happening you know what I'm saying I get it all over the internet. People are selling courses get rich quick schemes. Only to pull you in today, their forum, their quick PowerPoint meeting, whatever you want to call it, and then they be trying to sell you the actual courses.

18:25 They done convinced you to pay for nothing but 10% of the process. To pay to get any more of the process, you got to pay some more money. People are gatekeeping the ways out of this systematic breakdown to where, like you said, people are higher up and really ain't trying to give you what you need. They're only giving you a spoon-feeding you to where, when the bottom. Realize what's going on is going to be anarchy and pure and pure chaos out here because people can only take bs for so long right now on the topic of the night like i said it is personal audit, with all of that being said do you think that these men are taking stock of because okay first of all let me go back i know everybody didn't have a father i get it everybody didn't have a father everybody didn't have a great male role model i get all of that but in my logical mind you still saw your neighbor's dad you saw your uncle you saw some other man that was actually doing man activities, like going to work, paying bills, doing all those things.

19:52 I'm pretty sure you saw those things. How do you not mimic that? How do you not take a personal stock when you see yourself going down this path of not feeding yourself? And that's general, but going down a path of not feeding yourself and not taking advantage of the opportunities that are being placed in front of you. Instead, you say, and I get it what you said, Dave, about the systematic breakdown, but instead you say, I'm finna live off your quito. Yeah. Like you said, though, people are not personal auditing because if they would, that would lead to self-empowerment.

20:36 If you personally audited yourself, you would come to realize that most of the things that you crave are attainable by yourself. You can go on the internet and look up some examples as to what you need to do. YouTube is there all day, every day. And then, like you said, neighbors. You can look at your neighbor's family, your homeboy's family. Well, who's actually personally auditing themselves? Who's holding... How many people out here are actually holding themselves accountable of doing their part? I think it comes down to who is your mentor. And if you don't have that uncle, if you don't have that father, who's mentoring these young men today? The Internet.

21:17 Yeah. Streaming. Yeah. Right now. And when you when you whoever you're giving your time and attention to, that's where you're going to take your keys for maturity or immaturity from. So, yeah, if I'm listening to rap music and it's telling me that, you know, life is all about getting paid and getting laid and living off of a woman or however the case may be. And if that's what I feed my spirit, then guess where my guess where my butt's going to go? You know, you made me think about one of my students today on my bus and he gets on the bus and all he talks about is drill rappers. Little dark little this little that little somebody did you hear about the beef did you hear about this did you hear about that why is why rappers dying so fast wow my favorite rappers either dead or in jail i was like because that's what they glorify i said do you listen to anything else mr joe what kind of music you listen to i said i listen to rm i listen to literally i actually really actually listen to everything if I was to put on my playlist right now and let it play this whole entire time we was on this show you guys would be like what?

22:31 Because it's going to literally play everything from country music to rap music to R&B to soul to maybe even some techno music, it's going to play a little bit of I mean rap, rock, everything it's going to play Tori Amos Yes, it's going to play some Torrey Amos too. It's going to play all of that. Elton John, Joe Diffie, ACDC. It's going to play a little bit of everything because I am a diverse person. I'm not one dimensional. I don't stay in that life. That's eclectic. You all over the place. Call it whatever you want to. Eclectic. Yes. I'm with me too. Yeah. You're going to hear all that.

23:14 It's eclectic. But the fact of the matter is he's right. These children are listening to these artists or this music and that's all they know. They don't even know what it's doing to their subconscious. Nope. Exactly. And that's the thing. And Hollywood has a lot to do with it, too. Yeah. What you see in those eye gates and what you let in your ear gates, if that's what you focus on, that's where it's going to take you. They know that music is one of the lame. Music is considered black culture. But what was you going to say, Zane? Brush Hollywood off. Like Hollywood, California, brush all that shit off.

24:00 I mean, entertainment, eh, I'll sit at home and watch this shit. But see, Zane, you're a grown man. You've grown up enough to where you can discern when something is good or bad for you and you can engage without moving with the bullshit. Are you sure about that? These people nowadays don't have the feel of the energy. They don't have the willpower to listen to a song that's talking about drilling and killing and step outside of it are you are you sure about that because of course and then i see it every day brother i'm out here in it i'm i'm i told you i'm gonna why in myself in in one aspect or dimension these little niggas turn excuse my language no but i guarantee you you hop in the I'm going to give you a prime example.

24:49 No, give me a decent example. I'm finna give you a prime example. This is prime. The word prime. I'm finna give you a prime example. What's your boy name from Memphis? Poo Sicey? Just got out. First day out. First day out. And one of his lyrics, he said, teardrops are old. Go get your favorite bullet tatted on your face. That's crazy. You know now people are getting tattoos of bullets on their face because subconsciously, this is what's been pushed into their mind, and they idolized Poo Shiesty. They disregard the fact that he just did such and such years in the feds. They couldn't wait on him to get home so they could continue praising his music and his lifestyle.

25:30 If you tell one of these young guys to go to church or go to a mentorship with you versus going to a pool shite or NBA Young Boy concert, did you see what they was doing at the NBA Young Boy concert? These little boys was crying, falling on their knees, praising this man like he God or something. And this is the music industry. The music industry is one of the main influences out here today, bro. So go back to Hollywood and it's all just fake. It's useless, has no meaning. It's all entertainment. It's to what's the purpose you about to hit on it explain what's the real purpose of Hollywood it's to put a perspective on what like what's to be controlled, when you think you don't have your own mind because, of Pooh Shiesty and Lil Durk and all these drill rappers and all these rappers from Memphis Gucci Mane, Yo Gotti like all of me it's a forced beef for absolutely no reason at all, aside an industrial.

26:44 Complex of mind control systematic breakdown that's it, we agree brother we just said the same in two different ways I mean I love a good beat I love some good lul but I'm almost 40 fucking years old man that's, all this shit is relevant all this shit is relevant exactly, a 40 year old man almost 40 year old man it's easy for him to engage a cousin that's not good for him but make sure he's not letting the bad take over his mind. Like you said, it's the understanding. It's the understanding.

27:29 And at 13, 14, 15, 16 years old, they don't have that level of understanding. Them kids on your school boys wake up in the morning and get ready to them boys. Go to school and go to class with that mentality. Right. And that's getting into your, and that's a perfect example of what you just said on life, not just the kids, but on life, check this out. So you wake up in the morning and that's the first thing that goes into your ear gates. That's the first thing you hear early in the morning. So then what does the rest of the, okay. The topic is personal audit.

28:09 So let's, let's, let's just go with this. Okay. That's what you wake up in the morning listening to you wake up in the morning and you put on first day out by push ice that's what you put that's your that yeah that's your that's your get ready song that's your song you listen to as you brushing your teeth and you pulling out your outfit or whatever, what does the rest of your day look like because you just heard you, Tattooed tears are old. Go put your favorite bullet on your face. You ain't trying to do that. And you're a 15-year-old boy, and your mama said you can't get a tattoo because you're not old enough.

28:50 But then you finna go to school and try to make it through the day at school. Where's your mindset? Man. A lot of learnings. Not with the teeth in. Not with the math. Not with the history. Not with the math. Not with nothing. The mama just told you no. So now you're thinking, what is it that I need to do in order to go get this tattoo on my face? Because my mama not going to let me get it. Drill. I don't have much of those six fours that was waiting outside like he said. So what is it that I need to do to get these fours? Because I'm 15. Forget about somebody taking life experience and years to accumulate these things.

29:34 What could I do to be this type of famous tomorrow? Go ahead and hop up out that bunk bed. Right. Really. Go ahead and hop up out that bunk bed. Hop up out the bunk bed. It's bunk bed. Go ahead and hop up out that bunk bed. Hop up out the bunk bed. Thanks for listening. Go ahead and eat you a ramen noodle, that damn crushed up Cheeto pizza. Hop up out the bed. Turn my swag on. That's a totally different era, Joe. I know. They're not talking about hopping up out the bed and getting a swag on.

30:19 They're talking about hopping about the bed out of a fucking bunk bed and going right back to being real. Man. Man, going right back to jail. That's what I'm saying. It's terrible. And what we're talking about is control. That's control. Now that you're in the system, guess what it sounds good though not gonna lie no they glorify sounds good they glorify it to make it sound good but it's not good and it's it does not build a sense of community that that elevates people and and improves anybody's needs man it's a community void of substance that is true that what music about hopping up out the bunk bed sounds so good and seeing six horns man.

31:17 He said hopping out the bunk bed and seeing six horns who's doing that that's what he said in the song that's what he said in the song man. I guess I'm behind the times because I ain't heard the song yet I guess I'm gonna have to listen to it And I barely done heard the song one full time completed because it's just so goofy. This dude has been pushing murder and whatnot since he's been in the ref game. But, shit, he locked up for four years, right? And he said he ain't done shit. He ain't put a call out. Three. Man, these kids, these are they idols.

31:58 Right. But the fact of the man is... Disregard what they actually go through in life. His rap music make himself so cool that I'm about to be trying to be just like him. It's just terrible, man. So like you said, personal audit is what needs to happen. Most things that are good for us, in my opinion, are better the sooner the better. You know what I mean? We need to pull the scales off of people's eyes and make them realize that what they're seeing and what they're listening to is not the truth and it's not real. Because the last time I hopped up out of the bunk bed, I was at boot camp and I was about making myself better.

32:40 I was in an organization that was going to give me discipline and guidance and direction and skills that I can use to become a vibrant member of society. It's not Otis Redding anymore sitting on the dock of the bay. It's Pooh Shiesty. Popping out of jail with a fucking AK-47 bullet tattooed on his face ready to do a drill again. Man, he pull out a whole bunch of money at the bank, make the video, go put all the money back in the bank because it's not his. Man, three million can't fit my hand either. Motherfucker. Man, bro.

33:22 Personal and personal honor because but go sit on a dog don't go sit in a boat put in by your buckle right and and see you see the way the way society has things hemmed up now kids don't have the luxury and the freedom to be able to have that that time and space to sit and do personal reflection because they're too busy on tiktok they're too busy on instagram They're too busy trying to go internet famous. They're too busy listening to music or watching something streamed. They don't have that time and space to focus and to reflect. That tells me they have all the time in the fucking world.

34:05 And what their time on isn't worth. Their world is worth. And guess what's the five-prunk of it, Dave? When that's what's pumped into their head, by contrast, somebody who's actually trying to help them It's looked down upon somebody who's like, of course, you jumped out of the bunk bed in a place where you was bettering yourself. They don't they not going to want to hear your story because we're being pumped in their ears. It's too shy to hop in out the bunk bed to six floors. Right. And why do you think the government allows that that form to continue? Self annihilation. If they go to their self, we ain't got to do it. Exactly and if they don't annihilate themselves they'll do something that we can lock them up for and then make money on it because the penal system is publicly traded on the New York Stock Exchange you can do better doing some bad shit, man. You know me, Dave. I'm zero tolerance around here, man.

35:04 If you ain't on that, you ain't on positive prosperity and progress, I don't even want to rap with you. I beat him up. Not beat him up. Listen, man. Negativity, man, is something that I don't do. I'm going to tell you how bad it is. I had one situation with my brother and my homeboy who like my brother. Blood can make us no closer. Kim and my brother are always arguing about irrelevant, insignificant things. So I told them one night, oh, I was trying to tell them one night, listen, y'all always are. Y'all love each other. Y'all always are. Okay, cool.

35:44 At least give each other the chance to have the floor. When one person speaks, let him have the floor. And after he's done speaking, give him three to five seconds to process what he's saying to you before you be responding. because if you don't, then that means you just reacting like you already know what somebody's saying versus actually listening to them. It took me two hours to explain that to them. My homeboy got diabetes in some moment. I told him F his diabetes and everything. Get up out of my driveway, bro. Go home. Go get your medicine at your house. Stefan, you can walk home for all I can because all niggas don't even know how to list. I shot off on them, man, just because the conditions are so bad, bro. If you don't have somebody's drug, somebody's intoxicant, ready for them to do while you talk to them, it's like the results, man.

36:31 If you don't have the results or the drug that's going to entice them, it's like a slam the nun out here, bud. Sounds like you have a Republican and a Democrat trying to have a conversation because they don't do that. They just talk at each other and nothing gets done. Hey, it's like you better off just doing things yourself and providing the example. You know what I mean? Just being a good example. That way, if somebody is, at least they taking something good. Well, that's all we can do. Go through some bullshit and try and help somebody.

37:13 They're not going to understand your bullshit until they go through the same bullshit that you tried to preach to them yeah and then when you try to preach to them and then they go to it and then they're in it then they're going to come to you and you're just going to sit there kind of almost lackadaisical like hey i kind of told you so what what do you do, do you sit back and tell them hey I told you so or do you what's the word for it or do you like connect with them and not tell them that you told them so but you sit and understand, and make them understand, I think I go wrong I personally say that I got tough love when I see somebody feeling something that I try to tell them about, try to take that as an opportunity just to reiterate, so to speak.

38:10 Not really like console them because I'm not finna baby you because at the end of the day, you chose to disregard what I tried to advise you on. So now that you done went through it and seen it for yourself, I try to reiterate. But after that, I can't do nothing but back up and continue to lead by an example for myself because at the end of the day, we can't make decisions for people. We can only advise them and people only take advice when they willing so why would you reiterate. Because now that they are in a state of damage and pain from not listening hopefully they are listening now and i'll never really know but hey i would rather the best thing i could do is try to reiterate in a more soothing way.

38:59 I guess it's at a time where you're vulnerable and you're weak because you got the cartoon not on your head, so to speak. But does that not affect you having to be like having to reiterate and repeat yourself? I ain't tripping because I do it out. My advice and my attention towards people is it comes from a place of love. So I don't mind having to reiterate something towards somebody I care about. But at the end of the day, I reiterate it, then I move on. Because at the end of the day, I can't make the decision for you. So hopefully you're taking heed because... A caring heart will take in the knowledge that's coming from somebody that actually gives a fuck.

39:49 At the end of the day, I'm going to make you out to do me at the end of the day. I can't tell you what to do. But if you care so much, it can't affect you. Yeah, if you let it. If you, yeah, I mean, exactly. If you let it, but you can only be so repetitive so many times until it starts affecting you. Exactly. I think we might have said that before you even got on here. Like, you can only say things to people so many times in so many ways before it starts to frustrate you for having to say the same thing over and over. And that's the let go stage, right? Yeah, that's where I'm going to let go and let God because it's clearly you're not getting it through me.

40:29 There we go. Yeah, for sure. For sure there, bro. Because at the end of the day, you can't make people listen. That's why it's good to give advice once somebody asks for it versus you knowing something and you hearing a conversation being spoken on and you well-versed in it and just throwing your opinion in there. Because it would be received wrong if didn't nobody ask for it. If you don't hear me the first three times, you ain't listening. Yeah, but man, people continue asking for it. You give it to them and still won't receive it. They still won't. And, yeah, it's frustrating because they coming to you and asking you and you give it to them straight out, even from their own experiences.

41:13 And they still won't take it in. It's like we were saying last week or a couple weeks ago, a hard head make a soft butt. You can lead up through the knowledge, but you can't make them think like they said. Man, I love that. You can't make them think. I love that right there. You can't make them listen. I love that. All you can do at the end of the day is just try to vibrate at a high frequency and have good energy so that when somebody does notice, they taking something good from you versus you having the worst of you on display. Right. But that's why you should always take a personal audit every day.

41:54 Because you don't want to wake up with the worst of you. the wrong attitude then somebody calls it because here's the thing you can even if you wake up with a bad attitude still i think personal audit is something that not just happens every morning but it's something that it may be you may need to check yourself every hour every few hours and to make sure that you are on the right path and to make sure that you are doing what you're supposed to do because your rep your representative that you send out to this world somebody i guarantee somebody is watching so somebody's waiting for your your downfall and somebody's waiting for your come up and either way can be bad so you have to take a personal audit of what you have going on in this world because you never know where the next opportunity may present you so you can.

42:50 Prosper or the opportunity for you to have a fall So you have to make sure you take it. Okay. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What am I doing right now? Okay. Okay. I'm good And then the next hour you may go on and you're like, okay, wait, Damn, I shouldn't have did that. And then you got to check yourself in and make sure that your representative that you are showing this world is who you want this world to see. Because you can think about it. If you're if you're out, like, let's say it's your off day and you and your spouse are out running errands and you go to this store to that store to this building to that building.

43:37 You all could have a conversation inside the car on your way somewhere and it could get a little bit elevated so now your representative is aggravated at the conversation you all just had now you're about to get out the car and go into a building so at that moment you have to take some self-reflection and audit who you are okay wait a minute we just had this hard and most people don't because I ain't going to sit here and tell you I do. But it's just giving you something to think about a personal audit. Think about where your finances are. Think about where your relationships are. Relationships, all of them, brother, family, mother, whoever, spouse, work relationship.

44:19 Think about all those things and take audit of those things to make sure that They're not a source of stress, of anguish or whatever, because if they are, maybe it's time for you to get get away from them. Well, you know, Joe, in order to do that, you have to have some sense of discipline about yourself and about, you know, what you're what you're doing. And when you don't have discipline, I find it hard to believe that that person would actually do an audit. Very true. But I feel like to some degree, all of us and I'm not just talking about the people in this room.

45:00 So humans, we all have some some sort of discipline. We all have some sort of discipline, whether we want to ignore it or we want to focus on it. There was discipline taught at some some spot in your life that discipline was taught. Now, I know a lot of people who choose to ignore what they were taught because I've realized. And and maul this ain't no knock against you but you just in that age range that 20 to 35 crowd they have this disease called i'm grown but then they want their parents to hold their hand through some shit but wait a minute you're grown but when i tell you about something, an experience, because I've experienced this from some people in that age range.

45:58 When I tell you about my life experiences, oh, the world ain't like it no more. Then six months later, the same shit happens. Hey, where I come from, grown means gone. I mean, even with that, grown means gone. You're right. But I'm even talking about kids that move out, that are on their own. Grown-ups, adults, quote-unquote, because I'm doing quotation marks, adults out here in this world, coworkers, people at stores and restaurants. You just explain what happens in my job almost every week that i go to work when you're grown enough to go out there and get the charge but you come to the to the booking with your grandmama or your mama holding your head and doing the talking for you that burns me up more than anything when i see that and that's in there you went out here and stole somebody's car yeah but now grandma in here defending you. Yeah, talking for you and everything.

46:59 You can't even talk for each other when you come in. Well, you can't stop enablers and that's a big problem when you got females who are matriarchs because there are no patriarchs. When you got matriarchs leading the family and they have that caring heart in there, you know, they always want to try and cuddle and coddle and make excuses for but there comes a time when you You just got to let Joomba do his time. He did the crime. He got to do the time. That's the only way he's going to learn. You can't keep... Sugar-coating things for grown people. That's why I say grown is gone. You in my house, and you 19, 20, and you don't want to live by my rules.

47:42 This time you go get your own place so you can live the way you want to. And once you're gone, you don't have entitlement to my refrigerator no more. You just can't walk up in my house and go in my refrigerator. But like you said, enablers, enablers, and they get an attitude with us when we don't talk to them, and we talk to the one who got the paperwork. And they keep married and walk out with attitude. And we ask them to step out in the hallway. But they married us because we won't talk to them. We forced them to talk to us. Now, in essence, we're all men. And I get it. Enablers. There's fathers. There's mothers. That's whatever.

48:27 So is it because I've noticed a lot of women do that. A lot of women try to overcompensate for the man not being there, and that's how people get into the situations of enabling and things of that nature. So do you think that young man or those young people that come into rally's job took a personal audit of themselves before they went in that building or you think they just straight went to grandma or mama and said hey i need you to fix this for me or was that their level was that their accountability and their personal audit was the fault going straight to that enabler man people are like water they take the path get his way if it worked for him once he's right back to that well until that thing run dry no personal audit needed, spags Dave.

49:34 Know a lot of people look down on learning new things yeah why because learning is a process and people want to skip the process oh oh most definitely i agree with that i totally thought of the comfort zone yeah yeah that's it right there oh we talked about but see we that's that's what we talked about last week that comfort zone but for me the comfort zone is mark you said it. Comfort zone is a trap. Oh, I definitely believe that. Comfort breeds stagnation. It's a false word. A false sense of security. Yeah.

50:16 The only way to expand your comfort zone is to step out of it. There's a lot of people that just afraid to step out of it. There you go. That's the key word right there. Thank you, man. That's it. That is it. No, pain is included in learning new things. Anything where you have to grow and expand, there's pain involved. And people like me in their comfort zone. If it hurt, I'm finna run back to my comfort zone before I'm willing to endure and reach that finish line, bro. People are different nowadays. It's sad to say, man, but they got them plugged in like the Matrix, bro.

50:57 It's hard if you take somebody out of the Matrix, man. You see how hard it was to get Neo up out of there. Not the blue pill. The blue pill. We're comfortable or other people fighting our battle. Experiences, you can tell a person your experiences, but until you actually live your own experience, I mean, it's just a story. That's why a lot of people don't really, I believe a lot of people don't take it like the old, don't put your hand on the fire, but put your hand on the fire anyway. So you can have your opinion on your experiences, but until I've experienced that, it's still your experience.

51:42 So, you know, I just can't, I don't see it like you do until I'm in the same scenario as you do. Now I understand it. And the point, the point at that point is whether it's a lesson or a regret. I regret this instead of I'm learning a lesson from this. That's when you start sharing and understanding when it comes to lessons. At that point, it's both because you it's a lesson because you might have learned something from it. But you regret that you didn't follow the person that gave you the information. I don't. You can't. Maybe you can regret that.

52:24 You may or may not regret it. Two things can be done at once. I mean, I, I believe I can, you can chew both gum and walk, you know, I, I, I look at it more, well, I guess I'm just an older person now. I don't, I don't, I try not to have regrets. You know what I mean? I, I, it's a, it's an experience. It's a lesson. You know, if I ever find myself in that scenario again or that scenario type of approaching, I know how to deal with it in a more intelligent manner. You know what I mean? Versus being stuck. Because the regret means you're kind of stuck there. You know, you can't get past. Versus your lessons. You move forward. You have a better probability of moving forward in a more positive direction.

53:10 Amen to that. It got quiet. Quit. No, no, I ain't never quiet when you're talking. I'm just listening. Me too, brother. Yeah, listening. I'm just listening. You know, I ain't never quiet when you're talking. I'm just listening. You got to close your mouth to use your ears. Thank you. You don't learn nothing by talking at the same time the other person's talking. I totally agree. Hey, that's one of my worst ones, man. Like people do never gauge healthy dialogue. I hate when people are talking over. Say that, say that, say that, say that.

53:51 That is one of those things that, like I said, the title is personal audit. Okay. So what you just said is a great segue. People talk instead of listening. Now, in a conversation setting, just like Mark was speaking and everybody was listening. Now, it could have been somebody that just shot off and was like, well, OK, Mark. In that situation, being who we are, are we auditing during that conversation? And let me explain to you what I mean by a conversation. In conversation, you have people that that respond to just respond.

54:34 You have some people that actually download some of the things that the person is saying and then make a conscious rebuttal. How do we as human beings understand that in that process, there's no auditing? Because if you're just responding just to just to have something to say, then what are you actually getting from it? Nothing because it's not being communicated communication is a sender you have your sender and you have a receiver in order for it to be communicated that person has to receive what is being said and like you said bids are downloaded to to cipher through it or whatever to be able to have a response to it to be communicated but like you said you're just talking before you can can you know, cypher to it and dialected and communicated, you just go through the promotion of it.

55:40 I like that. I like what you said at the beginning. You said a sender and a receiver, a sender and a receiver. Most people don't really look at conversations in that manner. But that what you just said is amazing because it's it's but it's simple. It's so simple there's a sender and a receiver and how can you receive if you're sending at the same time they're sending, signal jake.

56:24 Low communication that's what it is, right but the fact that goes back to what I was saying about like giving a three to five second pause to comprehend what somebody is saying to you before you respond. People don't even take the time and just sit there and let it sit there. You know what I mean? Let it marinate on you for a minute before you respond. Think about what is being said and then think about what's trying to be communicated, what's trying to be seen before you respond and try to receive. Right. But that's why I said download. Yeah, man.

57:06 A lot of people don't care to like, a lot of people are plugged in, bro, and can't plug out even if they want. Explain. Get what? Somebody might run into one of us tonight and be like, man, I ran into this dude. But I guarantee you in two, three days before they took my social media, took my neighborhood thing. In two, three days before they reach back out to me to get some more of that, they'll be back on social media, scrolling away. They'll be back around that same company they've been teaching. Not growing, not expanding. because you are something that happens once in a lifetime versus something that's happening on a daily that's why people don't know how to this topic tonight personal audit people can't even get off their phones or something do you know how short people attention span is today yes yes sir man it's yeah bro it's sad yeah, Yes, it is. You could be putting a blueprint to a million dollars, but it's just over. It's like.

58:12 I truly know how short people's attention is. I travel a book. I look in their cars every day and see them holding their phone. I knew what's coming. I knew what's coming. I truly know how short their attention is. They be sitting at the red light on the phone and like time green. You hear me? I knew what's coming. They paying attention to their phone and the road at the same time. I just I was just saying this earlier okay I was driving down a road I'm on the one side of the road I see the traffic on the other side of the road there's a man so engulfed in his phone the light turns green I start going we're going in opposite directions I start going the car besides him start going he still said man he's so in engaged in his phone he doesn't even look up to see that the light is green.

59:03 Because most people believe that their mind is multitasking versus priority-based. You know, I can do this and I can do that at the same time, but studies have proven that the mind is not multitasking. It's priority based. You know, if your priority is if you have complications, you have it on the phone, then that green light, really mean anything. Yeah, it's irrelevant at the moment. Yeah, because your priority right at that moment, and, you know, we're not talking spans of, like, seconds. We're talking nanoseconds, you know, microseconds, you know, and, you know, we need to get a better understanding of time, you know, because we think, you know, time is an elaborate thing where, you know, a nanosecond, your life can be over, you know what I mean?

59:47 You could be running your mouth on the phone and run through a red light and kill someone or get yourself killed. You drive. Because you're not multitasking. You're prioritizing. And the majority of the time when you're on the phone, your mind at that moment is prioritizing the phone call versus safety in your vehicle. It's that instant gratification versus that delayed gratification, man. No. You know, Instagram and all these social media platforms, they providing dopamine an instant lamp for dopamine, and if that feels good you want to get that to a now if I'm not getting this with that signal with somebody for 5 to 10 minutes I'm gone, That's it. That is it. Five seconds. Scroll down to another video. I'm high again.

1:00:42 I'm telling you, bro. It's like, and I'm a, I've been a victim of it myself. Well, I sit there and I'm my subconscious is saying, bro, you've been sitting right here. You starting to sweat. You've been sitting right here for so long. But you still won't let the phone go. You still said it was three in the morning. Man, that's what don't want to do to you. That's what don't want to do to you make you not want to let go. To where when you do let go and you start to experience other dynamics and dimensions and other groups of people and whatnot, if you're not getting that instant... Man, people can go to a funeral and be on their phone instead of commemorating and talking about and remembering the dead, bro.

1:01:26 Every day? Your cousin just died. He used to change your diaper. He's right here in the grave. He ain't got nothing you want to say to him. You don't understand. What about the people that be trying to take the pictures at the fair put it on social media. We living in some bad times y'all that's why I'm glad I found the kickback for real because I get to talk to you guys I get to enjoy seeing like-minded gentlemen who just want to release a little bit and collectively, reach areas of common ground you know what I mean like it's that feels good man, feels great. Man, I appreciate this place, man, because every time I group that link, I'll be like, okay, whether it's five minutes or the whole kickback, I gotta let it be known that I'm here. Right.

1:02:13 And that's why I say every week, just invite somebody, because just like you got that bit of understanding, and you like being here, I'm pretty sure there's some other men out here, but they just hadn't discovered us yet. Man, my little guys that I already told about this place goes right back to that dopamine we just talked about. Yeah, that hit feel good, but it took too long for you to get. So now you ain't even encouraged to keep getting it because it's taking too long for you to get high. But you talk to me about stuff we talk about in this group. But when I see you in the group, you too busy, man. You're too busy. You're on the game playing 2K. This is the world we live in now, man.

1:02:55 Of course. Guys get on the game and create their 2K players and be living through their 2K players and be broke, jobless. No clothes, no food, nothing in real life, but be co-superstar NBA players on the game. It's crazy, man. It's wild, man. Like, for real. Yeah, serious. Your 2K player, you're more invested in your 2K player than your own self. Wow. Wow. So you're more invested in, I mean, but that's the world we're moving towards is virtual. Everybody wants to be everybody wants to escape their reality why why is it we all want to escape and that's a valid question why do we want to escape our reality so bad because reality sucks, it's hard for a lot of people to deal with knowing that my reality don't suck player most of those can have the high I agree with you.

1:04:00 Said something. Go ahead, Zane. Did you grow up during the 90s? Yes, sir. Yeah, I mean, that's a big reality there. All right. Depending on where you grew up at, that's kind of. Cleveland ass. Lishy ass. I'll wait until everybody else go before I respond. Come on, Mark. Talk to me. Shelby and South A. She'll be in South 7. I don't know. You know, reality, you know, it's, for some people, it's hard to face constant, you know, constant setbacks, constant, you know, letdowns, constant, you know, and they have a, and today's world, they have a remedy for it.

1:04:57 It's called the avatar on, you know, on your phone or on your laptop or on your desktop or something like that. It's an escape from the normality. You know, that's the dopamine. You know, I'm able to do things on my phone or on my computer on my mobile device that I can't do when I step out the door. Amen. A little character that you locked in. A little character that you make up to put online for somebody else to view. Yeah. I can't get jiggy with that shit. You know what? I'm going to say it blatantly.

1:05:40 Bitch, I'm no character that I put online. I'm a character in real life you know Joe I don't I don't get that I don't get this parenthourism I don't get this AI bullshit where people are, here it's like my face profile on everything that you see is some AI driven thing derived out of something that I feel but I can't express, I can make my film right there. Yes, sir. That I can express. I'm an invasion. It's my best.

1:06:21 If I have to make myself a character online that I can express in person, then what the fuck is everybody else going to believe? Fuck is everybody else going to see me as? I don't do that AI bullshit. I don't make characteristics or characters out of myself online. I agree. I don't either. Come on with it. So you asked why do people not want to face reality? Am I correct? Yes, sir. Alright, so check this out. Reality, basic reality, comes with a whole lot of realizations.

1:07:10 Once you realize that there are powers that are controlling things that you wish you had control of, when you realize that somebody has provided this curriculum for you versus you being able to choose what you want to study, that encourages you to go to a dystopian type of place to where you can create your own reality. And live in it. Okay. Versus taking those realizations and then personally auditing yourself so that you can fortify yourself to become strong enough to face and even conquer reality. Going to survive if people study history and go even further back to what was going on before all of this stuff it was literally survival of the fittest you're going to be subject and it's still today it's contemporary you're going to be subject or you're going to be sovereign man and a lot of people don't want to face the fact that they are subject so whether it's a video game whether it's a social media page whether it's a tiktok avatar it's an escape because reality of t paying for the face for a lot of people okay i mean and from that perspective i get it i understand and and here's the thing if you and i know everybody's not strong and i know everybody's got issues, and I know everybody's got problems, but at some point, now other than being

1:08:43 a child, other than being a child, because I get it, some parents are horrible, some situations are horrible, things are happening to them that they cannot control, but once you get to a certain age in life, how are you not controlling your destiny? As cliche as that shit sounds, how are you not controlling your own destiny? And that's when it goes back to the earlier topic. It's painful to grow. It's painful to grow yourself in all of the aspects of growth, whether it's learning new knowledge, whether it's working out in the gym, whether it's learning how to drive a car. It hurts to learn something new. And a lot of people can't deal with pain, bro.

1:09:27 Only the strong going to survive. I just don't understand that I got to go through some pain in order to reach where I want to go. And if I'm not strong enough, then I would rather settle for a video game where I can dump and earn. I can do everything I want to like this. That's why you said it gets lonely. You remember when we was talking about that at the beginning? It gets lonely because the majority out here are plugged in and don't want to hear the way out because it's too long to comprehend, let alone achieve. For them, anyways. And that's most people's head out here. Nah, man. I'd rather go do this. Why go get me a job and work my way up when I can go take something that don't belong to me?

1:10:13 But we've seen the outcomes of that yeah but they get ignored people think what's insanity bruh think you're going to get some different think you're going to get some different results by doing the same thing, People be having uncles, daddies, cousins, brothers, and everything go to prison, but still glorify and engage in the same things that let all his family members do. Instead of taking heed and changing chords. Like, and I don't really know why it's so hard. Maybe because the examples are fewer and far in between. You know what I'm saying?

1:10:54 Because nine times out of ten, it's the results thing, man. And it's the dopamine, the instant gratification versus delayed gratification. People don't even be trying to listen to their teachers if their teachers ain't got no porn out there in the driveway, in the parking lot. But the real understanding is it's the journey. It's the journey. And I think that's what we're missing. It's the journey. Because along the way of the journey, you're going to meet some people and you're going to go some places and you're going to do some things. From my personal experience in life, like I said, I don't want to escape my reality. I love my reality, but it was a journey to get here.

1:11:35 And I'd argue that the journey is the best part. It was, because it makes me appreciate where I'm at right now. But people don't realize that while they're going through these things until they're on the other side. Do you think it could be just fear, People just don't want to accept the responsibility. Some people just don't want to fail, so they just quit. Yes. Or never start. Or the fear of success. Exactly. Or fear of failure. Yes. Yes. Yes. You have success or failure, make it inaction. I don't have to responsibility. I've heard, even my children, that, you know, I don't know if I want to, you know, I want to have kids or I don't want to do this because, you know, because I see what you went through.

1:12:23 And it's a lot of responsibility, you know. And I'm like, you know, in the end, it's really worth, you know. But it's a fear of, you know, they see others and how they struggle with it. So they don't want that responsibility or that level of responsibility or that fear of, you know, failure or letdown. You know, I believe this is a multi-level issue when it comes to, you know, I don't want to. I don't want the responsibility. It's too much. And I'm not ready to, you know. Hey, it's too scary to know. It's the unknown. The unknown. Yeah. The fear of the unknown.

1:13:03 I would tell you one of the best things that ever happened to me when I was playing football at Tennessee State. I was a senior, and my coach, we was doing warm-ups, getting ready for a game, and his coach was walking by just talking. He was just talking, and he said, you can't always take the easy way out, Riley Walton. He mentioned my name, and I'm like, why you know my name? You know what I'm saying? I never said it behind that. I'm like, where you calling my name from? From that case for, man, I'm always like, if you're going to be easy, I don't want it. I mean, that call was the best thing he ever said to me. You can't always take the easy way out. But he was talking to all of us, but I chose him personal.

1:13:47 I'm like, where you calling my name from? I don't take the easy way out, but I always appreciate the moment I had to go. Apparently, Coach knew how to motivate you. He lit that fire under your keister. But as we think about a lot of people want to ease the way out you know how to ease the way out yeah. When we talk about Joe signing that deal yeah. Either give me a hundred million dollars right now give up everything you know, right now give up everything you know the life you know right now that you can get a hundred million dollars or, you get $500,000 it was the opposite way around give up everything you know and everything you got rights to but it's $100,000 or take the loan route and believe in it, take the loan route and you're going to guarantee the million dollars at the end of the day but you keep the aspects of who you are and all your relationships but being used not necessarily used but being noticed as something of work as Mark said with a coat being called out for good use or being called out for you know good sportsmanship.

1:15:17 That just means somebody else that just means somebody else sees something greater in you that you may not see in yourself, One of the great aspects of sports is the end of the game when you got to line up and say, good game. Yeah, but somebody sees something greater within you and they see a good respect from you that you can do for other people. And they try to pass it on to you. So, how do we fix this? This holding yourself accountable doing personal audits and on top of that acknowledging someone else and letting them know that you, Maybe something you're saying or doing is valuable because like we talked about the youth and we've talked about this before.

1:16:19 The youth don't see any value in you if you're not a content creator or if you're not an athlete, if you're not any of those things. But I think when we grew up different time, different era, even if they were the neighborhood dope boy, the neighborhood pimp, the neighborhood numbers man. The neighborhood man that ran the store. We idolize those people. And we saw these people in real life, real time. And they took care of them. Now, we look at the screens and we see these people and we're idolizing. How do we navigate this new world and help these young people understand that, hey, what I do and who I am is just as valuable as that person on the screen?

1:17:10 Pass on the knowledge, pass on the experiences. Don't explain them too much because you don't want this younger generation to go through what he had to go through. You just have to be relative with the experiences, but with also the knowledge that you have to not go through those experiences. To get through those experiences and be a betterment of yourself for not only yourself, but also those around you. It's not necessarily about you.

1:17:50 Those experiences that you've been through, you don't want anybody else to go through. But you also want them to understand that they don't have to go through those. So it's not the information that you're telling them. It's the information that you're passing on to them to be a better person at the end of the day for the next person that gets to experience, or lack that experience to be a better person. But do you think that some people need to go through certain things in order to understand what's, you know, that, Versus how you put it, some people, yes, they do need to go through that, but those people are also not, I'm going to say this just as me as a person, those people are not cultured.

1:18:50 Those people are not diversified those people don't understand other people other cultures those people are just bland as fuck let's just put it blank like as it is if you go through some shit why do I say that. We're a diversified country are we not I look at a little bottle but yes, I would say I'm a person you're a person, that should be blatantly clear but this could be blatantly clear to you but not blatantly clear to me because the light doesn't come on at the same time different lights come on at different times during the day, during the night so when your light comes on faster than modern or vice versa or it comes on slower.

1:19:49 That makes it just different. Is that... It makes us human beings. But we're different. I mean, we all, I know we're hooked. It makes us different human beings. I mean, I can't blame somebody for me for not being where I'm at or me not being where they're at. And I can't blame anybody in the same sense that you're talking about. I've had to go through what I had to go through to get to where I'm at. You had to go through what you had to go through to get where you're at. Joe helped him go through where he had to go through to get where he's at. And what we all did is we'd come together as people to share our stories, to go through the same shit as human beings, just to get to where we want to fucking be.

1:20:38 It's like the comment I put in a minute ago, the person that is able to learn from someone else's experience is a borderline genius. Because when you can learn the lesson without having to go through the experience and you can adjust properly, you are 10 steps ahead of society already because most people need experience in order to learn lessons. I'm struggling here. Yeah. I'm struggling here. I do believe that it's like, hey, you watch this movie. You're like, oh, this movie's great, man. I mean, or it sucks. It sucks. We'll do that.

1:21:21 This movie sucks. So I won't watch this movie because I'm going by your experience. You know, you know, it is just really a very, very simple, you know, example. So when I do finally, you know, I got nothing else to do. I sit down and watch the movie. I actually like it. Watch that movie. You know, so my question is, it's like... Are we living through other people's experience or experience as the better teacher? It's more of being open-minded on your experience but being, I guess the word for it is nowadays woke on Hey!

1:22:08 I'm with you. being can it be that if I have to go through this experience I think this is kind of where I'm at I think I want to be if I have if someone's giving me their experience in this scenario and if I ever find myself in that, scenario I probably still have to go through it but I have I have a little I have some wisdom, on my path through it, you know, versus, you know, because I still, I still don't really understand what you went through until I went through it myself.

1:22:49 Understandable, but the consciousness and understanding of just being a person, I mean, I think a lot of us think that that's not enough. What's not enough? Trying to understand different people's perspectives, trying not to understand different people's environments, trying not to understand different people's updraignments. I mean, it's be a person, be a human being. It speaks on what people believe, too, because a lot of people done said in this group that a lot of people don't believe the fire is hot until they put their hand in themselves. Yeah, touch it there.

1:23:33 Touch it until you get burned. But you ought to be able to get it when somebody whose hand is burnt and there's a scar there is telling you don't put your hand in there. But a lot of people need to burn in order to get it. If you put your hand there and you got burned. There's an understanding, is there not? That's why I said it's not hearing yet. Experience is a better decision because some people need to feel the burn. But the people who can get it without getting burnt are 10 steps ahead because they never have to get burnt in order to understand it. Are they really ahead? Are they really ahead?

1:24:16 Listen, listen, it's nobody being ahead of anybody else. I don't know about that. I beg the difference. I beg the difference. I beg the difference. The man who got burnt has to take time to heal versus the man who never got burnt and stayed away from the fire because somebody told him that he would get hurt. Have you ever met anybody that never got burnt? Yeah. I know a lot of people. I know a lot of people that I've grown up with that have succeeded in life because not only did they learn from other people's experience, but they already knew and had a base level understanding of the difference between right and wrong and what they should be doing what they like, I'm not getting the right or wrong right here.

1:25:02 I'm not doubting the right or wrong or the impact of understanding, you know, that, hey, you gave me some advice. And if I find myself in that scenario, you know, I can't avoid it and I actually have to go through it, that I have the wisdom from someone that has had that experience to go through it. I have that luxury of having to go through it. Maybe I can't avoid it. You're not going to be able to avoid every negative experience that someone has told you that they had, and you find yourself in it. You have to go through it. But to me, to be well-armed, what they say, to be well-armed, to be well-armed, I can't remember how it goes, but it's something like to be forewarned and be well-armed or something like that.

1:25:47 Is this not why we have collaborated as brothers and people during this podcast just to correlate and share things on different aspects with each other to ensure that not only you're good, but I'm good, Dave's good, Joe's good, Jamari's good, Mark's good, Riley's good. I mean, is this not a place where we can. We're all grown we're all grown men that have come to crossroads in our life that have led us here and we're willing to be open and understand and hear each other.

1:26:31 We're past, at least I am I can't speak for your advice, let me speak for myself I'm past a lot of that you know, so I'm here you know, because of my life experiences, you know and my failures, my listeners, I hurt this person, I didn't hit this person. I took this advice. I didn't take that advice. And I, you know, in my experiences to each one, you know, I have learned who I, you know, who I am. And so I'm older. I'm more receptive to these conversations versus when I was 18, 19 years old. I would try to hear it. To be honest with you. We're not 18, 19 no more. And that's what I'm saying. We're in a more receptive state.

1:27:17 We may feel like that. And trust me, it's a good feeling. But that's not us. We're grown. We have retros. We have past. We have history. We have knowledge. And what we're doing is sharing. And let me ask you something. Is it a conscious choice to take heed? What are you saying I'm going to give you two examples. Military does recon before they go before they start a mission yeah you gotta understand i was in the military okay right so you you ought to know what i'm about to say understand what i'm about to say the military does recon before they execute and another example say you was running a race a five course race and a and a group of guys went before you and one guy comes back and say hey hey, course three, you got to jump because the flow going to give way.

1:28:21 The only people who are going to make it pass without falling are the people who had their ears open and took heed to what he was saying. The other people are going to fall and are going to be behind because they didn't hear do when he said, hey, course three, the flow is going to give way. And that's crazy because I've seen it in so many different aspects of being in a military life and then being in a real world life. So you get what I'm saying when it's taking heed and knowing how to adjust properly before you have to take that fall or before you have to get burned. I can't.

1:29:02 Of us, how many times have we have said at the age that we are now, younger or old, have we ever said, man, if I had known to take this different route, I would have done it a different way. How many of us ever have said that? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I agree with both. I agree with both points because sometimes our own experience is just for us. That God made place in our lives just for us and we have nobody to mirror or file a suit with it because it's our own experience but at times if you got somebody that, is telling you hey this we're out to go you shouldn't do this or come to somebody give you advice or it just so happens that way when you get hit with that situation you don't know how to handle it so how many times we're saying Man, if I hadn't known what I know now, I would have done things a little differently.

1:30:06 So is it not a great feeling to not think like that and be with a group of gentlemen that are understanding that don't think like that to move forward? Yes. No. Drake don't agree with that. But let me say this though. How many of us have had to go through experiences because we didn't take heat? Think about that. Think about the things that if we would have known now, we would have done back in the day, but things that we could have avoided, it could have used to be. Because I guarantee you half of my experiences in my life that I kind of wish I didn't have to go through, all I would have had to do is take heat and I would have never went through it.

1:30:51 Most of us are hard-headed and got a hell of experience. Jamar, I can agree 110, 130% with me. I agree with that. I don't. What are your fucking people's sake? And just going about my daily life, but with the right priorities and the right mindset. It's like Dave said. But look what are the mentors. because the mentors are supposed to be the ones who's kicking out this stuff that you're supposed to take heed to. But look at this. I'm pretty sure everybody can relate to this. Growing up, your parents tell you stuff.

1:31:32 It go in one ear, out the other. And then somewhere, somehow, as you get older, you have some experiences, and you wind up saying the same thing they told you. Exactly. In your mind you ain't pay no attention to it but you thought you wasn't anyway but it stuck listen to your elders right listen to your elders right. And the reason why it's going out of one end as the other is probably because you're too pliable and you can't do already know right okay but here's my question real quick real quick in the middle great conversation i love it you guys are on top of it mark we're gonna get to you after my question how many times does that happen where your parents tell you about something, and you don't listen and you ignore it, but then you go back because I'm guilty of it. I did it.

1:32:27 My mother told me some stuff years ago. She's like, this is going to happen. You should stay away from this. You stay away from that. And then it happened. And I had to go back to my mother and say, Mama, you know what? You was right. I should have listened to you. How many of you all have had that moment? Yes, sir. Definitely. I don't listen to it. Thank you, Mama. Yes i have matter of fact matter of fact i had to uh call my mom and just tell her thank you for all the butt whoopings and all the you know for knowledge that she imparted on me you know because it's so back to that day i wish i would have listened.

1:33:10 You know listen because you know what's crazy, Hold on. Mark, you didn't agree with all of this. Come on with it. I think who I am, you're the baddest, Francis, is who I am today. You know, and I'm happy with who I am. I wouldn't, you know. But that's a different... Do you think that sometimes that our children don't really look at us as ever being children, like we don't know? Because... Yes. That is a true statement. And I was having this conversation with somebody else.

1:33:52 We look at our parents as parents and forget that they were children or they were young adults just like us. So you're right about that. That is a great guess, Mark. I agree with that 100%. I think that's a big issue. Where did your elders even come from, for real? Culture. Culture. Come on, Mark. I'm going to invest in mold. I'm going to receive a mold. OK, OK, OK. You receive a mold. OK. So, Maul, you asked the question, where did it come from? It came from it came from fictitious characters. It came from it came from what you see in Hollywood.

1:34:36 If that's what we're going to call it, it came from Hollywood. It came from it came from seeing somebody on the TV or hearing something that says they're not going to do what their mom does. And so it just like now we had viral things back in the in the 90s and 80s and all of that. There were things that went viral just like they're going viral now, but they're not as visual. And they're not able to they weren't able to be passed around like they are now. But there were still things that went viral and there were still things, sayings and slangs and all those different things. So it started the rebellious trend started, from my opinion, when they changed the laws.

1:35:25 Now, whipping your child is child abuse. When the laws changed, that's when things started. That's when not doing what your parents say and, you know, what you say, I'm going to call Taff. What was it called back in the day? Because I never tried to call this shit. But what was it called? The number you called? 1-800-CHIL-ABUSE or something like that? It's called Steam. It's called Steam. The number wasn't. Because trust me, I got slapped in the mouth for trying that. Don't do that. Yep. Oh, don't do anything. No. So when they took the power away from the parents, that's when it changed.

1:36:06 That's what I was just going to say because you shouldn't tell the D.A.R.E. Program. But you know what? Can I say something real quick? Go ahead. And then we're going to let the new gentleman say something. You know, it started, it all starts in the home. What first was to taking the father out of the home. Probably after that or even before that, a TV came about. A lot of people that I know that are older than me call a TV a stupid box. These are influences that are entering the home. After the TV, you had the cell phone, the radio, the iPod.

1:36:51 Once you got access to all of this stuff, these things slowly but for surely influence you more than what's supposed to be influencing you. Disregard the fact of whether your parents' influence is even good or not. Their influence became less than what the TV was saying, what the music that you was listening to was saying. I was told I was stupid by somebody. One of the most important motherfuckers in my life, my dad, was doing some shit that I wanted to do. And it hurt you more than anything else, right? Yeah, while he was in jail. Right. Mr. B. Great, you opened up your mic and wanted to say something.

1:37:31 Come on in, my brother. Welcome to the kickback. What's your input on tonight's conversation? Hello there. Hello there. I'm going to comment about the spankings right now. I used to be for spankings, right? But now I shift it. And I'm not saying I'm for or I'm against, but I will say spankings don't teach anyone. Okay. What I mean by this is spanking should be used as a tool, but. But a child doesn't really learn anything from it. It's a consequence, right? But if a child is able to actually be able to learn, you know, why, you know, why is this happening, then you get something from it.

1:38:17 It's like training a horse. You know, I'm not comparing a child to a horse, but I'm saying like, you know, like training a horse, you can easily break a horse down by spanking. You know what I'm saying? but like you're able to talk to the horse as slow you know it's harder to do that but the bond is stronger right and i get exactly what you're saying it's a learning process but here's the thing here's the thing in that moment and and you have again it goes back to discipline it goes back to discipline and self-ordered in that moment where that child has violated whatever it is rule, consequence, whatever it is, and you're upset.

1:38:59 Do you stop and take a personal audit of where your emotions are in the moment before you react? As a mature person, you should never hit your child at an angle. I didn't say hit your, I'm just, I'm asking a question, do you stop? I'm just saying, I'm saying out of experience, you know, so, so I'm saying if you do explain to your child, you should always explain to your child why and then to me it should be the last resort. Right, and it is in my household, it's the last resort. But, and I understand what you're saying but my children i have spanked my children i ain't gonna sit here and tell you no lie that i haven't spanked my children i have but so last last result because i rather understand why my child's doing this right yeah and it's it takes a long oh my god it takes a lot because it's called behavior modification because god whether right i rather understand where my child's coming from because sometimes it's an easy fix. Sometimes it's not.

1:40:11 But we're trying to teach our child how to live without this. Right. Yeah. So tonight's topic was personal audits. That's the topic tonight. So you came in off of spankings. How do you evaluate yourself from a day-to-day basis and do you audit the representative that you're putting out into this world? I'm a foster parent So Yeah I do that a lot, So what I do is My wife So what I do is, I think about whatever I do And how it's helping my family And if it's helping me Because usually if it's helping me It's helping my family And sometimes that means I have to just Take a rest day sometimes, Because sometimes I push myself so much That I'm burnt out If I burnt out, I'm no good for knowing, So now I'm like I'll just take a rest Okay So, yeah, Spankings were spankings But beatings Were beatings.

1:41:28 True. There is a difference. But what I've noticed with the younger generation, they don't know the distinguish between it because I hear so many people under under 35 say that they were abused as a child. And I know some of these children and I know some of these people and they were not abused, but they call spankings abuse. If they got hit one time, oh, they were abused. If somebody used a house shoe on, they were abused. If they got put in the corner they were abused that's not my abuse well i was hung upside down a beat that was a beat, i was definitely abused but i didn't realize i was abused until i became an adult, same here because to me i was being i was being this a part of us i'm realizing discipline the first thing the first thing my mom grabbed put her hands on that's what i'm getting it with I don't care if it's a pan or a lamp. I don't know.

1:42:26 She always kept an axe handle or a pipe. Yay, yay. I'm right there with you. I don't feel stripped naked out in the middle of the field. But the birds and dogs. So I'm right there with you. She had choices. Let's go. What did we learn? What did we gain from how we were raised? Is that something we want to pass on? Beating the switches and remotes and Gatorade bottles? Wow. This just keeps going even further and further to the left.

1:43:09 Is that what we're trying to pass on? That's what it's doing. Is that what we're trying to Are we trying to pass on discipline in a meaningful manner, or are we trying to pass on discipline in an abusive manner? And what works better? Okay. Is it something that we've been through, or is it something that we can get past, but still cause, make an understanding of how this could be us? Well, that's part of taking that audit that we were talking about, you know? Right. you don't want to be saying you don't want to be saying it's being this monster you know where you run into everybody and that's what I was going to say to the men in the room that have adult children what did you pass on to your children because they're adults now what did you pass on to your children by the way you disciplined them and how do they view you now as adults, are they trying to fight me.

1:44:14 My oldest This is what I told her. She told me I kicked her out, right? But I didn't, okay? And it's because it's supposed to be disciplined. I have to make it short. This is what I told her. I asked her. I said, listen, you can go to college. And I felt paid for it. No. I said, well, you can go get a job, save some money. And she said, no. I said, what are you talking about? You got to do something. This is where this point comes in. I mean, you call us, do it on your own. This is what I told her. I said, listen, I am not going to keep on paying your bills. You got to do something. And he said, what? You kicking me out?

1:44:54 I said, no, but if you don't do none of these things, you're kicking yourself out. Right. Yeah. I feel you on that. I feel you on that. I said, this is what I told her. I said, I love you with everything. I said, I might have did some things that you didn't like. I might have said something that might hurt your feelings. I said, but you know, I love you. I don't do you nothing to hurt you deliberately. I love you. If you don't understand that, then I don't know what to tell you. And I love you with that. I agree with you 100%. I've been there, done that. My oldest is 44. And I use nature as an example. I say, you tell me, young man, young woman, because I've got both, what mama bird continues to feed the baby bird when the baby bird is big as her, can fly and can search for his own self?

1:45:48 When you see the mother bird pluck up a worm out the ground and look at him and fly off and eat that lets him know right there I have brought you to this point in life I have trained you I have given you all that you need to have to be successful now you have to learn how to fly why do some birds push the bigger birds to the edge of the nest and know they can fly and push them out the nest because they need to have that experience if we don't motivate our children to move forward We're handicapping them. We're making them, we're not making them as strong as they should be. We're making them weak. So I think as parents, we have to motivate our children sometimes to take that step off the edge of the nest.

1:46:30 Put a phone number of iPads in their hands. Babysitter. And like I said before, grown means gone. If you want to be grown, you got to go. Right. That's right. You want to be grown, you got to go, Dave. Amen to that. You hear me? She called the cops on my kids and stuff because she didn't like how I was talking to my children. And this is what I told her. I said, listen, we love you and everything, but you're not going to keep up in conflict in this house. Right. And that was it. So as our children get older, this is what I told her you know, I said listen, we love them and everything but you're not going to tell me how to live my life I'm going to say how you live your life but I'm doing the best I can for you but if you don't like it, well, and my brother I'm sorry you had these days you're not grown as a parent you're a friend no no no no sir you got to step step when you dig it That's just how it is, man.

1:47:35 And when you lay the law down as a parent and not a friend, that's when shit goes haywire. In today's society, yeah, because they set it up. They set it up that way. Yeah. Welcome to the world Welcome to the world Nobody enjoys nowadays Welcome to the world That's now happening That none of us Were raised in That welcome to the world Where What a child says Means more Than what the fucking parent says That made the child Because of an influencer because of the internet, because of whatever the fuck is out there that they're allowed to watch means more than what the parent is teaching them or trying to instill in them as a person of blood and birth.

1:48:34 It's a pass on. Oh, I don't have time for you. Here's a fucking iPad. As opposed to, I don't have time for you. You're a badass. I'm going to whoop your ass. That's very frowned upon. But I guarantee you, everybody in this chat right now got their ass beat because of some stupid shit they were doing. But here's the objective of this conversation. The objective of this conversation was exactly what it was. And that's the reason why, and here's where it goes.

1:49:15 The reason why I asked the question is this. There are some of us in here that still have small children. There are some of us in here that have grown children. Me, on the other hand, I got a mixture of everything. My children range from 30. But at the same hand, these conversations are had to have a better understanding as men. Reach one, teach one. Some man in here may be about to have their first child. Some man in here may be having problems with their child. So getting a diverse group of men sharing how they've dealt with discipline within themselves, within their households, within their communities is always a great time because then you understand that maybe you're not alone in whatever you're feeling or how you see this world.

1:50:11 Mark, you're not by yourself just because you think you are. Some of us see the world the way you do. We all have similarities in the way we do things. We all have similarities in things that we don't like about this world. I don't like the fact that my children think I'm their friend. I ain't your fucking friend. But like Zane said, in this world right now that we live in, your word means nothing. What they're saying on the Internet means everything. And if you're engaging with your child in that nonsense, then yes, you are a friend. But if your interest is somewhere else and different, then you're not.

1:50:54 Those lines. And I think too many people out here are blurring the lines when it comes to relationships, whether it's your children, your parents, your sister, your brother, your cousin, or whoever, you're blurring the lines. Take an audit of yourself and make sure your representative that you're putting out in this world, first of all, is showing grace to everybody. And your presence is gracing the world. You're a man. Make sure you show everything that you think you, not me, not the brother next to you, but you think the man, a man should be and take audit of the things that you're putting out into this world.

1:51:37 Because as I said before, at the beginning of this, somebody is watching. They're watching for your downfall. They're watching for your glow up. Either way, somebody's watching. It could be a child. It could be your co-worker. It could be your mother. It could be your father. But somebody's watching. So make sure you take a personal audit of how you represent yourself every day, every day, because you never know what opportunities will be placed in front of you. You never know who you're talking to. You can be talking to an angel. You can be talking to a business person.

1:52:18 You can be talking to anybody. Make sure you're auditing. If it's stressing you out, if it's causing you health problems, get rid of it. Hell, I don't care who it is or what it is. Get rid of it because it means you no good. Fellas We got three minutes left Always, always great conversations And as I say every week Just invite somebody, one person You ain't got to invite the world Invite one person Let them know how these conversations go down This is real, raw, uncut No judgment zone Men, come have conversations Like men, everything. Anybody got anything to say before we get up out of here?

1:53:03 It's always a blessing to be here, brothers. It's always a good Friday when we have this podcast. I chose anybody to take a personal audit on a day. When your water don't go, if you don't, y'all have a great evening, gentlemen. Y'all have a great weekend. Stay warm. Stay off the road as you can, because people can't grab Nashville anyway, so I'm just saying. They said it ain't good. They done changed it now. They said it ain't coming until the afternoons. Okay. You stay off the road. I enjoy all y'all's knowledge, experience, life experience. That's all good.

1:53:43 I take it in. God bless you, God. I'm the youngest, older. I listen. I'm always going to have something to say. But I hope you guys say y'all be Keep your family safe. Say a good prayer tomorrow. Say a good prayer. Yes. Make sure everything is okay and everybody is at a time. I think about you guys. I think about you gentlemen. Just make sure everything is okay. Live life easy. Don't think too hard. Just be easy. Try it. Be easy. I like it. Just be easy. Be easy. Try it. Be pleasing, be restricable.

1:54:30 If somebody has something to say to me, take it in. Don't be so judgmental. If you have to be judgmental, make it meaningful. Stay safe. Stay safe, always. Each and every one of you guys are loved. Whether it's buying Individuals, children Alright my brothers Just Taste pain. Everybody I love y'all I'll hear y'all next Friday I will hear everybody come back again next Friday We have a great conversation I got a great topic for next week Make sure you hear next week Thank y'all, I love y'all I'll hear y'all next week, Alright my brother let's get snowed in snowed in stay safe stay warm make sure everybody around you is okay.