Real, Raw & Relatable: Therapy, Grief and Creating Safe Spaces

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What's going on, everybody, and welcome to another episode of The Kickback.

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I am your host, The Dude, and we're here.

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Hello, ma'am. How are you? I'm very well. How are you?

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I'm fine. I apologize for the mishap. It's okay.

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Here's the thing. This is something, this Riverside is something new for me. Okay.

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Normally, I record my interviews on another platform.

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And this is, like I said, this is something new. I'm trying something different.

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But we're going to keep all this because I want my audience to know this is

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real and raw. And technical difficulties happen.

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Yeah, indeed. It does.

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How are you today, ma'am? I'm well. Can't complain. A very eventful day.

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Very eventful. Same here. You know, dealing with the public, it's always eventful.

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It's always, and I deal with the small public, the small people, children.

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I drive a school bus, so it's very eventful.

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But we're here today. This is The Kickback. I'm your host, The Dude.

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We are here today with Nisha Speaks. How are you?

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How's things? You said it's been eventful. Yes.

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All right. So we're here to talk about you and what you have going on in this

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beautiful world today because I like to tell my audience that I interview ordinary

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people doing extraordinary things in their lives.

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Okay. Yes.

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Yes, I mean, we got to make it sound good because, yes, there are a lot of people

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in your field, but not a lot of people have the passion for people like you do. That is correct.

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I would totally agree with you. Right.

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So that's what I'm saying. You got to understand that the people that I've interviewed

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along the way have been extraordinary people because they have passion for whatever

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it is that they're doing and whatever they have going on,

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whether it be counseling, whether it be advocacy,

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whether it be education.

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You know, just whatever in life that they're doing, they have a passion for.

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So let's dive right in. Where are you from?

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Originally from Chicago, Illinois. However, I've been in Nashville for a little over 20 years.

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So a lot of people tend to say that I'm a Nashvilleian, but I don't know.

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Chicago is home. That's my heart. So I always still claim to this day that I'm

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from Chicago, even 20 years later.

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Ah, no. You got to get that up. No, probably not. You don't even sound like you're from Chicago.

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Well, I never did, though. That's the thing.

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That's the thing. Me, I'm born and raised in Nashville, Tennessee.

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Been here my whole entire life. This has been home. This has been based.

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So Chicago, 20 years. 20 years. Where'd you go to college?

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Graduated from MTSU in 2018 with a bachelor's in liberal studies.

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Graduated from Trevecca University in 2023 with a master's in mental health clinical counseling.

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And hopefully we'll be accepting admissions to Trevecca, I'm sorry,

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to Tennessee Tech University for my

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doctoral in clinical counseling and supervision in the fall of this year.

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Well, you go, girl. Congratulations on all of that. Man, that is beautiful.

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It is because we have to educate ourselves.

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I'm a lifelong student. I try to learn something new every day because I feel

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like if I'm not learning, then something's wrong.

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Okay. We all can learn in some aspect or another, even if it's not in a true

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setting. I'm looking at your neck.

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Say what now? Bring the camera up a little bit. I'm looking at your neck and

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your chin. Really? Yes, ma'am. I'm putting in the camera, though. I can see my full body.

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What can you see of me in my picture? Just half of your face and your mic.

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Is that better? I can see better now. Okay. From what I see on my end is I just

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see your mouth and the... Really? From here up is missing.

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From here up? Yes, ma'am. All I see is your mouth. Yes, ma'am.

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That is so crazy. All I see is from here down.

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So in my picture frame of me looking at me, I can see from the top of my head,

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I still have space at the top. And I can see almost to my waistline.

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No, ma'am. All I see is from here down. I can see the bottom of your glasses.

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Yeah, I don't know. Because like I said, I see my full me. I do.

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On my side, I see the full frame. It's so crazy that that's all you need.

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I don't know. I don't know.

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Technology is good. It's good, but it's bad. Yeah.

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Especially if it's the first time that you're using it, too.

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We never know. It could be trial and error.

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You never know. By the time you view it, it may show my full what I see. It may.

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Once I go back and edit it, we'll work on it. and we may have to revisit this

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again. Hey, I'm here for it.

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Right. Okay, so let's talk about.

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You and Nisha Speaks. How long ago did you start that and what was the reasoning

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behind starting Nisha Speaks?

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Yeah, so surprisingly, Nisha Speaks has only been around since October this

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year, 2025, I just founded it.

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However, I did previous speaking engagements years on years and years,

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But I felt like instead of me just speaking just by my name,

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why not have a name for my public speaking, right?

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So through Nisha Speaks Co., not only am I the founder, but I do public speaking,

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mentor, and mental health advocacy.

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Yeah. So it's fairly new, the name, but what I do is not new at all.

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It's just all right so nisha speaks you

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said since october but you've been doing speaking engagements way

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past that as early as really for

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longer than this but as far as in a mental health professional setting since

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2020 i've been doing it on the topic of mental health okay yes what is the what

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is the biggest stigma you see when it comes to men and mental health so the

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biggest stigma I see with men and mental health is,

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especially Black men of mental health, it's just a matter of fact that, you know,

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men, Black men are raised to not really show emotion, not really,

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you know, express emotion.

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It's just a matter of fact of like, you have to be the man of the house. I have to be strong.

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I have to be this, you know, alpha type personality.

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And that's something that I pride myself in and removing that stigma,

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not only in a male personality,

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side of things, but in the Black community in general, right?

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Because in the Black community, you're raised in a church, nine times out of

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10, and you're raised, pray about it. Jesus is going to fix it, pray about it.

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But even the word says, prayer without work is dead. So we're going to pray

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about it, but we're also going to do some work with it too.

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So I try to always reduce that stigma as much as possible.

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Like I say, not only in the Black

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community, but especially for Black men because that's just not a space.

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Black women are a little bit more vulnerable than black men are,

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but black men, it's almost like stigmatized that you cannot show emotion,

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or it's almost like traumatizing because a lot of black women get into the state of,

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especially in relationships, hey, you can talk to me, talk to me,

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talk to me, and then once that man opens up and talks to his significant other,

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then she throws it in his face.

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Well, that's the reason why you a crybaby, You this, you that.

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And it's like, you can't ask him to be vulnerable and then throw it in his face

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and use it as a weapon against him.

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That's not going to do anything but shut him down. And a therapeutic setting

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in my thought process is that it all stems from a therapeutic safe space.

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Do you feel safe enough to share your deepest thoughts with me?

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Do you feel safe enough to be vulnerable?

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Because vulnerability is not an easy place to be. is no fun.

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But definitely Black men mental health is definitely stigmatizing itself.

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Right. You talked about being vulnerable. Vulnerability means opening yourself up for an attack.

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So pretty much. Yeah. Being vulnerable, you open yourself up to attack.

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And I think that is a lot of what has happened.

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Society is.

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Jim Crow, you know, we can throw out all these systemic things that have happened in the world.

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And I understand that as men, we saw Pawpaw go to work, pay the bills,

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come home, and never talk about how he felt.

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Or you didn't see Pawpaw crying unless his mama died, his daddy died.

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And he might have cried when the dog died.

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And that was about it. But we've come to a place where now it is become it's starting.

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It's starting to be a little more regular where we're having more male oriented

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group sessions to where we are sitting down and we're having those conversations

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and we're creating those safe spaces for those brothers to have those conversations.

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What is now do you counsel any children?

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I do. Now, children are not my forte for several reasons.

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I will counsel children, but if I counsel children, it's usually children 12 and older.

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Mental health is a little sensitive, a sensitive topic area for me, right?

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So for me to be as passionate as I am in mental health, I'll also put myself

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in a position to be an advocate for mental health, right?

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So when I'm dealing with kids and children, a lot of times, not even a lot,

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99.9% of the time, children are in therapy because of their systemic dynamics,

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right? The challenges within their family.

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Let's call a spade a spade. Nine times out of ten is the parent's reason that

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that child needs to be in therapy, right?

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So with that being said, I'm the type of person that because I advocate so hard

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for my client, regardless of age, regardless of gender, regardless of race,

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regardless of national orientation, sexual orientation, sexual identity, gender, all of that.

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Because I advocate so hard for my client, when I'm dealing with children,

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I know that children don't have the legal authority to make decisions or do things in their lives.

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So I'm always having to still work back with the parents.

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So I'm sure a lot of teachers can't attest to this as far as like,

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you're fighting so hard for that child, but then you have that parent that's just like.

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Yeah right so it's just like I can't it puts me in a very hard place because

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I want to go so hard for the kid but then respectfully if my child is a minor I have to,

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pull the parent in. Legally, I have to pull the parent in. I have to engage with the parent.

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And sometimes it's hard to talk to a parent and say, you know what,

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Johnny is having issues because you're a helicopter mom.

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You're not listening to Johnny. You're not listening to what little Sarah is saying.

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And then some parents, especially a lot of times in our culture.

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We get so defensive when people are trying to help educate us about our kids.

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I know what I'm doing. You don't tell me how to raise my kids,

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this, that, another. A lot of times, right? Not all the time, but very most so often.

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So because the stigma behind having those parents that become so combative instead

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of helping the child, it's too much additional work for us as clinicians to show up for that kid.

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It takes a special person to work in mental health. It

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takes an extremely special person to work in mental

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health for children because at a

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hundred percent of the times that child is not only your

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client even though the parent never signed up for therapy that

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systemic dynamic is your client as well because you have to talk to the parent

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you have to talk to the father you have to talk to this well you don't have

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to talk to the siblings but the siblings are going to be a factor in that right

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right but the thing is and i agree with everything you said,

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because like I said, I deal with these little people every day.

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And a lot of the times when I see the behaviors and the activities of the children,

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and then they're called to the office or there's some administrator that has

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to become involved in the situation.

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And then a parent has to be involved in the situation.

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Nine times out of 10, you see the parents, you see the child.

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What I mean by that is you see the idea, the ideals of what that child has to

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come off of the actions of the parents, because a lot of the parents,

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and like you said, in our community.

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Is, I know how to raise my kids. You can't tell me how to raise my kids.

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He ain't did nothing wrong. Don't say nothing to him. Absolutely.

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Don't say, don't discipline. Don't say nothing to him. These is my kids.

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Well, at the same hand, yes, these are your, this is your child.

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These are your children, but you need discipline just as well as that child,

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because you're still trying to live out

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whatever wild fantasy or

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dream or whatever you want to call it that you missed out on

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as a as a child and now you're befriending your child i i can't really speak

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on that more so than i would pretty much come from the aspect of you know it's

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so many young people having kids right so So my generation,

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my generation, we're raising our kids.

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A lot of times my generation who has kids, maybe their mothers are raising the

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kids. So the grandparents are raising the kids, right?

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So not so much to say that the parent is like living through the fantasies or

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the eyes of the child, but more so that,

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Sometimes the parent is in a position where they're not at home, right?

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Think about it, especially in our

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culture. When we talk about Black mental health, a lot of us are working.

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A lot of us, when I had my daughter, who is now almost 23, I had her a long

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time ago. I don't remember how old I was at the time, but.

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Yeah, we ain't going to do that math. We ain't going to do that math.

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I don't have enough time to do the math.

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But you say she's almost 23. She's almost 23.

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So with that being said so she's uh she's

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almost 23 correct listen listen hold on okay

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you don't look like you got a 23 i thought you were gonna say like five or seven

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or something like you just said 23 and i had my child well in my 20s so i wasn't

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like i wasn't an underage mom you see what I'm saying? I was in my 20s when I had her.

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So even in my 20s, being a veteran out of the military,

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coming back into the civilian world, trying to pursue my education and raise her as a single mom,

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being a non-traditional student, sometimes we as in a Black culture,

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in a Black community, a lot of times parents are put in positions that they

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don't have a choice but to not being home a lot or having their kids be with

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this person or their aunts or their grannies or whoever the case may be,

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primarily because of the fact that we're struggling trying to live to see tomorrow.

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We're trying to keep a roof over our head, right? So I understand your viewpoints

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on it, but I don't view it that way more so than like I had a 12-year-old Caucasian.

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Patient, client. And a lot of times when you're dealing with like 12 to 16 year

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olds, the kids is already battling a lot of life transitions anyway.

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They're in school, they're dealing with peer pressures, they're dealing with

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becoming of themselves, they're dealing with trying to find their identity, things of that nature.

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And then you get home and now your mom is on your neck like,

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clean up your room, do this.

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And why you didn't do this? and then it becomes a nagging. It's like,

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I've heard so many parents say, well, I don't understand why he doesn't have friends.

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Why does he have to have friends? Why can't he just be who he is?

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Why can't, what's wrong with him being by himself?

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It's not always a bad thing because kids are by themselves or because they don't

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want to socialize or engage.

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Maybe that's too overwhelming for them. You never know, right?

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You never know what psychological or what social issues that kids are being faced with.

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It's like by the time they deal with all this stuff at school,

00:17:22.322 --> 00:17:24.462
they may get home and be like, listen, I don't want to talk to nobody.

00:17:24.622 --> 00:17:28.102
Just leave me alone. I come home from work and I'll be like that.

00:17:28.262 --> 00:17:29.702
Nah, I don't talk to nobody.

00:17:30.062 --> 00:17:34.062
I totally agree. I totally agree. Do not disturb.

00:17:34.802 --> 00:17:38.802
I don't talk to nobody. I'll see y'all on Monday. But you know what I'm saying?

00:17:39.442 --> 00:17:42.962
That's what I say as far as like the parent being the problem because a lot

00:17:42.962 --> 00:17:49.222
of times they don't realize what they're contributing to what that child is already facing.

00:17:49.502 --> 00:17:53.282
And a lot of times I hear parents be like, like I had another parent not recently.

00:17:53.282 --> 00:17:57.962
And they were like, well, I don't know why Sarah, and these aren't their names, obviously.

00:17:58.142 --> 00:18:00.542
No, we're not going to talk about the real cherry.

00:18:00.802 --> 00:18:05.182
No, no, no. But it's like, I don't know why Sarah, she's having this whole big

00:18:05.182 --> 00:18:08.462
old blow up that these people don't want to be her friends.

00:18:08.622 --> 00:18:12.942
And I'm like, because that's what's important to them, right?

00:18:13.202 --> 00:18:18.342
So we as parents don't realize, because we can't fathom, why you care?

00:18:18.602 --> 00:18:21.542
Because Lil Ray Ray don't want to be your friend. And that person probably ain't

00:18:21.542 --> 00:18:26.322
going to be your friend five years from now anyway. Like, we know that because we've lived that.

00:18:26.682 --> 00:18:30.942
But that's their world. So it's a lot of times when dealing with parents,

00:18:31.102 --> 00:18:36.462
it's having to educate the parent more so than it is therapizing the child.

00:18:37.463 --> 00:18:42.663
And that can be a lot sometimes because, like I say, if the parent isn't receptive

00:18:42.663 --> 00:18:45.003
to that, isn't receptive to hearing like,

00:18:45.363 --> 00:18:48.243
you know, I know that you say you don't want your child to be clingy,

00:18:48.323 --> 00:18:52.023
but I notice every time I ask your child a question, you're quick to jump to

00:18:52.023 --> 00:18:56.443
the front of the line to answer the question. Right, right. You got to help me help you.

00:18:56.863 --> 00:18:59.543
Right. And I get it. And I totally understand what you're saying.

00:18:59.663 --> 00:19:02.803
You're right. A lot of parents aren't like that. But here's the other part of it.

00:19:03.263 --> 00:19:07.763
A lot of parents are dumping their emotional baggage. their emotional baggage

00:19:07.763 --> 00:19:09.303
and traumas on their children.

00:19:09.603 --> 00:19:14.043
So like you said, all the things that they're having to deal with in their lives,

00:19:14.163 --> 00:19:17.823
because, okay, just a scenario from my perspective,

00:19:18.203 --> 00:19:23.343
a mother and a father don't, they lay down half-children, and sometimes mother

00:19:23.343 --> 00:19:24.623
or father, male or female,

00:19:25.243 --> 00:19:31.883
they down the other person who left, and they put all that emotional baggage

00:19:31.883 --> 00:19:33.823
on their child. Your mama wasn't no good.

00:19:33.923 --> 00:19:37.923
Your daddy wasn't no good. And, you know, these are adult situations like,

00:19:38.003 --> 00:19:41.983
OK, in my life, I have two small children by my ex-wife.

00:19:42.323 --> 00:19:47.523
And when we split up, we decided that, hey, we would at least I did.

00:19:47.623 --> 00:19:51.223
I don't know what she really does in her house, but my children have never come

00:19:51.223 --> 00:19:52.303
back and really said anything.

00:19:53.223 --> 00:20:00.343
But I made a vow that the day we separated that I would never talk down about

00:20:00.343 --> 00:20:02.623
their mom in front of them. Mm hmm.

00:20:03.143 --> 00:20:10.263
Because then that that makes me look bad in front of my girls to down their

00:20:10.263 --> 00:20:13.823
mother and say nasty things about their mom.

00:20:13.963 --> 00:20:18.123
But then you have some mothers out here that are you just like your daddy?

00:20:18.363 --> 00:20:23.043
You look just like it. And then they take it out. Like I read a story about

00:20:23.043 --> 00:20:29.303
a young lady in Memphis who killed a toddler because she was mad that the dad had moved on.

00:20:30.581 --> 00:20:36.261
And she took it out on the child. So I get what you're saying with the parents,

00:20:36.401 --> 00:20:40.861
like you said, the helicopter moms and little Johnny is supposed to be speaking.

00:20:41.741 --> 00:20:45.021
But you asked Johnny a question, but then the mom was like, well,

00:20:45.141 --> 00:20:49.441
Johnny needs to do this or Sarah needs to do this. And it's like, wait,

00:20:50.093 --> 00:20:53.213
What does Sarah want? What do you want, little Sarah?

00:20:53.833 --> 00:21:00.353
Not what Taquita want, not what Lakeisha want, but little Sarah, little Johnny.

00:21:01.033 --> 00:21:07.393
And so we grow up with some of those traumas and triggers from our parents.

00:21:07.393 --> 00:21:08.613
And that's why I say the parents.

00:21:08.773 --> 00:21:14.253
But I'm speaking from a perspective of working with children on a day to day basis.

00:21:14.253 --> 00:21:21.753
And these children having behavioral issues and the parents are justifying it

00:21:21.753 --> 00:21:30.253
or they're advocating for those children to be these miscreants or be disruptive in class.

00:21:30.473 --> 00:21:33.653
My son didn't do that. He would do, come on boy, let's go.

00:21:33.993 --> 00:21:38.673
They want to call administrators and teachers out of their names because they're

00:21:38.673 --> 00:21:47.493
not giving their child a pass to be Whatever it is that they were, I ain't doing no work.

00:21:47.673 --> 00:21:52.593
Like today, for example, I took some kids on a field trip today.

00:21:53.233 --> 00:21:57.453
And one little boy decided that he didn't want to listen to the teachers.

00:21:57.973 --> 00:22:02.073
And there were some older teachers. The lady was probably in her 60s.

00:22:02.253 --> 00:22:06.613
He said, you ain't going to live long. No ways. That's why you old.

00:22:06.873 --> 00:22:08.633
And he called a B-I-T-C-H.

00:22:09.273 --> 00:22:14.893
This is an older black lady. And this is an elementary age black child.

00:22:15.633 --> 00:22:20.693
He said, you're O-B-I-T-C-H. That's why you ain't going to live long. She says, sit down.

00:22:21.053 --> 00:22:24.573
He's like, I ain't sitting down. So then he storms off the bus.

00:22:24.893 --> 00:22:27.993
And then a Caucasian lady stops at the front of the bus. It's like,

00:22:28.073 --> 00:22:29.473
hey, just calm down. Sit down.

00:22:29.833 --> 00:22:32.933
He pushes her out of the way. He was like, get out of my way.

00:22:33.253 --> 00:22:35.953
You ain't going to stop me. I'm going to call my mama.

00:22:36.815 --> 00:22:41.315
Is his mama advocating for that activity? And she going to come up there and

00:22:41.315 --> 00:22:42.835
she going to clown on his behalf?

00:22:43.035 --> 00:22:46.195
Or is she going to listen to the administrators?

00:22:47.695 --> 00:22:52.855
Because apparently he's done this before. So with kids, like I say,

00:22:52.935 --> 00:22:54.455
it's a very unique situation.

00:22:54.675 --> 00:22:57.815
And because that's not my area of expertise, I can't speak on that.

00:22:58.095 --> 00:23:02.975
My population is always going to be 12 years old or higher. So those behavioral

00:23:02.975 --> 00:23:08.855
issues, I don't really get to experience because my child is almost like a preteen.

00:23:09.135 --> 00:23:13.015
So they're beyond those behavioral type issues.

00:23:13.255 --> 00:23:17.955
So I'm not an expert on child therapy or anything children related.

00:23:17.955 --> 00:23:23.435
I can just only speak to say that working with children are not my forte.

00:23:23.695 --> 00:23:29.495
That's not what I specialize in because it hits me different because my level of...

00:23:29.615 --> 00:23:32.655
Of, probably because I used to be a foster parent too.

00:23:33.155 --> 00:23:36.135
So I'm always looking to advocate for kids on a different level.

00:23:36.315 --> 00:23:40.295
I'm advocating for my adults anyway, or for my adolescents and my teens anyway.

00:23:40.455 --> 00:23:45.415
But I guess as a previous foster parent, my heart sits different for children

00:23:45.415 --> 00:23:48.235
because a lot of times children don't have that voice.

00:23:48.335 --> 00:23:54.955
So because I know how, I know how enmeshed I am when it comes to being that

00:23:54.955 --> 00:23:59.275
voice for kids, that's something that I stay away from.

00:23:59.615 --> 00:24:04.955
Because that's just not, I'm not specialized with like keeping my emotions out of it.

00:24:05.395 --> 00:24:09.655
Right. Well, let's drive on past the kids. Now, what is your specialty?

00:24:09.915 --> 00:24:15.515
Since kids are not, let's talk about what your specialty is and let's drive down that road.

00:24:15.835 --> 00:24:19.235
Absolutely. So my areas of expertise is definitely going to be veterans.

00:24:19.395 --> 00:24:22.875
I am a United States Air Force veteran. So I'm always looking to work with veterans,

00:24:23.035 --> 00:24:25.235
veteran families and service members.

00:24:25.555 --> 00:24:34.555
Thank you. I intentionally specialize in Black mental health in the BIPOC community, multicultural.

00:24:36.401 --> 00:24:42.321
Real quick, what is BIPOC? Black, indigenous people of color. Okay.

00:24:42.701 --> 00:24:47.881
I just want to get that out there because everybody may not know what that meant.

00:24:48.121 --> 00:24:53.141
I was getting ready to circle back to it. But yes, that's the multicultural background.

00:24:53.481 --> 00:24:55.121
And then single mothers.

00:24:55.601 --> 00:24:59.501
I'm all about women, women's therapy. So my population of women,

00:25:00.261 --> 00:25:04.421
motherhood, single parenthood, domestic violence survivors.

00:25:05.181 --> 00:25:11.821
Yeah. OK, I'll do teams, but that's that's just not the area that I will prefer to work with.

00:25:12.381 --> 00:25:17.381
I will work with them. But my area of expertise is definitely veterans,

00:25:18.121 --> 00:25:23.461
BIPOC community, women, college students, life transition, things of that nature.

00:25:23.781 --> 00:25:27.801
What is the biggest what is the biggest hurdle you're seeing right now in the

00:25:27.801 --> 00:25:30.141
veteran community when it comes to mental health?

00:25:30.141 --> 00:25:35.441
That the need for mental health clinicians is so high because there's so many

00:25:35.441 --> 00:25:42.661
veterans that need mental health and not having the capacity or the bandwidth to sustain the need.

00:25:42.881 --> 00:25:47.781
So many veterans come out of the military and come back into the civilian world

00:25:47.781 --> 00:25:50.481
needing this mental health, but

00:25:50.481 --> 00:25:55.781
then not having the capacity within the hospitals to actually maintain.

00:25:56.241 --> 00:25:59.921
So a lot of times, excuse me, a lot of times we as veterans.

00:26:00.762 --> 00:26:05.482
Are only seen for a short period of time, right? It's almost like an in-and-out type cycle.

00:26:05.842 --> 00:26:09.322
We're going to get you enough to get you stabilized, and then we got to move

00:26:09.322 --> 00:26:13.802
you out the way because there's a whole slew of additional veterans that needs help also.

00:26:14.002 --> 00:26:17.722
So that's one reason why I do specialize in veteran mental health,

00:26:17.762 --> 00:26:20.902
because as a veteran, I know how it feels, especially being in the community.

00:26:21.402 --> 00:26:28.162
If you're not being seen in the VA, being in the community, having someone who

00:26:28.162 --> 00:26:33.522
understands you, who's been through the walk of the military, is very far and few.

00:26:33.782 --> 00:26:40.262
You can't really find a lot of clinicians outside of the VA Medical Center that does that.

00:26:40.682 --> 00:26:45.822
Okay, what is the ratio of men versus women that are having mental health issues

00:26:45.822 --> 00:26:49.682
coming out of the military? Is that something that you would know?

00:26:49.982 --> 00:26:53.342
That's an excellent question. Unfortunately, I would not have those numbers.

00:26:53.582 --> 00:26:57.282
Definitely something that I plan on working on with my dissertation.

00:26:57.282 --> 00:27:00.482
When I start my PhD, that's part of my dissertation.

00:27:00.902 --> 00:27:06.422
And it's just also African-American experiences working with the veteran population

00:27:06.422 --> 00:27:08.182
is part of my dissertation as well.

00:27:08.222 --> 00:27:11.682
So I hope to in the future have acquired those numbers.

00:27:12.042 --> 00:27:14.402
But as of right now, no, I do not have those.

00:27:15.122 --> 00:27:20.642
Is it true? And I'm not going to cross any line, but I've heard because Of course,

00:27:20.802 --> 00:27:27.422
you know, my my my partner in crime is a veteran and he was saying that there

00:27:27.422 --> 00:27:36.402
is a stigma that's their Caucasian veterans get better treatment than the African-American veterans.

00:27:37.230 --> 00:27:41.150
Good question. I can't speak on that either. I don't know that I can only speak

00:27:41.150 --> 00:27:43.670
at this particular point, my level of experience.

00:27:43.930 --> 00:27:48.670
And I can say that as a veteran myself, I give phenomenal services for me,

00:27:48.810 --> 00:27:51.310
especially when it comes to my own mental health.

00:27:51.430 --> 00:27:58.030
But I can't speak on the demographics, male versus female or black versus white.

00:27:58.130 --> 00:28:02.270
Like, I cannot state that without doing some additional research.

00:28:02.870 --> 00:28:08.150
Wonderful, wonderful. So you, if I looked at your social media and I saw you

00:28:08.150 --> 00:28:10.870
do a couple of speaking engagements. Yes.

00:28:11.310 --> 00:28:16.010
Yes, yes, yes. And you are a member of what sorority?

00:28:16.750 --> 00:28:21.890
Zeta Phi Beta Sorority Incorporated. Zeta Phi Beta.

00:28:22.370 --> 00:28:28.990
Yes. All right now. Okay. And I see that you are the mental health advocate for them?

00:28:29.670 --> 00:28:34.090
No. No, as of right now, I'm just a mentor for them. Okay, mentor.

00:28:35.330 --> 00:28:38.890
Oh, no. Excuse me. I'm crossing. Sorry.

00:28:39.070 --> 00:28:43.290
So for Zeta Phi Beta, no, I'm not an advocate, but what I am is the chair.

00:28:43.450 --> 00:28:46.790
So I initiated a mental health initiative within my chapter.

00:28:47.210 --> 00:28:52.810
Okay. So I'll serve as the chair of that committee, the Mental Health and Wellness Committee.

00:28:53.030 --> 00:28:57.210
And it's to bring, we do so much in a community that sometimes I feel like people

00:28:57.210 --> 00:28:59.210
who have those helping hands, we forget ourselves.

00:28:59.210 --> 00:29:05.090
So I like to just have that space where I can give resources to my sisters so

00:29:05.090 --> 00:29:09.050
then that way, as we continue to do work in the community, we're taking care

00:29:09.050 --> 00:29:10.850
of ourselves and our own mental as well.

00:29:11.466 --> 00:29:14.666
Right. And that's one of those big things, because that's one of the things

00:29:14.666 --> 00:29:15.926
I'm struggling with right now.

00:29:16.006 --> 00:29:19.826
And I'm not really struggling with it, is you do so much for everybody else,

00:29:19.906 --> 00:29:21.206
but you tend to forget about yourself.

00:29:21.466 --> 00:29:24.746
And that's one of the things that I'm going through right now is the fact that

00:29:24.746 --> 00:29:31.666
I've done so much for everybody else around me. I mean, from parents to siblings,

00:29:31.906 --> 00:29:34.486
to relatives, to coworkers, to everything.

00:29:35.666 --> 00:29:39.126
And I had one of those reflection moments where it was like,

00:29:39.286 --> 00:29:42.466
what have you actually done for yourself?

00:29:42.926 --> 00:29:53.146
And I really couldn't name anything that I had actually done for myself just because it was me.

00:29:54.166 --> 00:30:00.046
And I think a lot of us tend to put ourselves in that particular space.

00:30:00.486 --> 00:30:06.766
What advice would you give someone who's in a position where they're like.

00:30:07.811 --> 00:30:11.611
We're adults. Fuck everybody. I'm just going to do what I want to do for me.

00:30:12.251 --> 00:30:17.311
I done done enough for everybody. Fuck all y'all. All y'all can kiss my butt.

00:30:18.011 --> 00:30:22.671
I'm at a place where I just want to do something for me, whether it be a small

00:30:22.671 --> 00:30:25.871
jester or a big jester. Yeah, absolutely.

00:30:26.171 --> 00:30:32.451
So it's funny that you ask that because I do specialize in self-care for helping

00:30:32.451 --> 00:30:37.531
for professions and helping professionals and individuals and other people who

00:30:37.531 --> 00:30:40.811
are in those helping roles, right? Whether it's volunteer or professional. them.

00:30:41.491 --> 00:30:46.371
And one thing that I do, I try to lead by is like, you don't even have to say

00:30:46.371 --> 00:30:48.371
F everybody else. You really don't.

00:30:48.671 --> 00:30:53.011
But that does not mean that you negate you in the process. Be intentional about

00:30:53.011 --> 00:30:55.071
you while you continue to serve others, right?

00:30:55.271 --> 00:31:01.011
So I do a lot of my presentations, a lot of my speaking engagements on self-care

00:31:01.011 --> 00:31:03.971
while serving others, like protecting your own mental health.

00:31:04.091 --> 00:31:06.071
How are you taking care of yourself while you're serving others?

00:31:06.271 --> 00:31:10.711
So I have the privileges of also a speaking engagement coming up in April of

00:31:10.711 --> 00:31:14.631
2026 at the National Association of Black Counselors in Dallas,

00:31:14.791 --> 00:31:17.471
Texas, which I will be speaking on just that,

00:31:17.671 --> 00:31:22.131
how to be intentional about, you know, taking care of yourself, doing self-care.

00:31:23.651 --> 00:31:28.571
Majority of the people that are in helping roles, it's not that we forget about ourselves.

00:31:28.871 --> 00:31:33.851
It's just that we become so passionate about helping others that we fall to the wayside.

00:31:34.131 --> 00:31:38.671
We're the last resort. It's like, I'll help me, but not right now.

00:31:38.731 --> 00:31:41.151
I got to help this person, help this person, help that person, right?

00:31:41.411 --> 00:31:45.071
So not so much of F everybody. Like, we don't want to say F everybody.

00:31:45.371 --> 00:31:50.571
I'm going to do this for me. But also saying, like, in addition to helping them,

00:31:50.711 --> 00:31:52.111
I'm going to do this for me.

00:31:52.885 --> 00:31:59.465
Okay. And that's wonderful. Now that's, like you said, that's one of the things that you focus on.

00:31:59.605 --> 00:32:03.485
What are some of the other topics that you focus on and speak about?

00:32:03.485 --> 00:32:07.165
I also speak on grief and loss.

00:32:07.425 --> 00:32:10.985
That's another area of interest that I enjoy.

00:32:11.625 --> 00:32:15.665
Just talking about grief on different levels. Grief looks different for everybody.

00:32:16.225 --> 00:32:21.165
I do a lot of psycho-ed type presentations where I'm educating my audience,

00:32:21.365 --> 00:32:26.905
like I say, whether it's self-care, whether it's how to identify your own needs

00:32:26.905 --> 00:32:32.705
or identify what grief looks like or identify what level of grief you are at

00:32:32.705 --> 00:32:34.385
and how do you navigate. navigate that. Right.

00:32:35.025 --> 00:32:38.785
But I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

00:32:39.245 --> 00:32:43.845
Go ahead. Okay. In grief, because you're hitting things and certain things.

00:32:44.105 --> 00:32:50.945
Okay. So in grief, what if a person is in the, has, okay.

00:32:51.365 --> 00:33:00.605
A parent dies and the parent wasn't really in that child's life and they grieve

00:33:00.605 --> 00:33:03.265
the fact that that person died,

00:33:03.585 --> 00:33:07.845
but they don't grieve them, is that bad or is that good?

00:33:08.145 --> 00:33:12.525
Because, like, okay, for example, one of my homies, his dad died,

00:33:12.585 --> 00:33:14.145
but his dad wasn't really in his life.

00:33:14.405 --> 00:33:17.505
So he really didn't care for his dad.

00:33:17.725 --> 00:33:21.245
He cried because his dad died, but once his dad died, he was like,

00:33:21.305 --> 00:33:24.665
oh, well, whatever, he's gone. But he's still carrying.

00:33:25.654 --> 00:33:31.394
Emotional baggage and scar, is he still in the healing process because he's

00:33:31.394 --> 00:33:35.514
never forgiven his dad for not being in his life?

00:33:35.914 --> 00:33:41.614
So that's a very good question. And it's kind of hard to just say yay or nay,

00:33:41.814 --> 00:33:43.294
right? Because each individual is separate.

00:33:43.654 --> 00:33:47.634
As a clinical counselor, my biggest thing with this said individual,

00:33:48.034 --> 00:33:51.594
I will help him identify what it is exactly he's grieving.

00:33:51.594 --> 00:33:56.674
Maybe he's not grieving the actual death, but maybe he's grieving the loss of

00:33:56.674 --> 00:34:00.474
not being able to have that relationship with his father or not having an opportunity

00:34:00.474 --> 00:34:05.394
to have that conversation with, well, this is how I felt about our time being brought up.

00:34:05.794 --> 00:34:11.114
Grief does not always equate to death. You can grieve the loss of a job.

00:34:11.254 --> 00:34:14.814
You can grieve finances.

00:34:15.134 --> 00:34:18.714
There's so much grief that you can deal with. It's not just solely based on

00:34:18.714 --> 00:34:21.314
death. And I try to educate people on that.

00:34:21.594 --> 00:34:25.194
But when it comes to that scenario, it's kind of hard without speaking to him

00:34:25.194 --> 00:34:29.294
because I will help him identify what exactly are we grieving?

00:34:29.554 --> 00:34:34.294
Are we grieving the loss of him as an individual or are we grieving something

00:34:34.294 --> 00:34:37.254
else? People grieve relationships. You see what I'm saying?

00:34:37.514 --> 00:34:42.694
So it's kind of hard to say. Just it's not really a blanket answer that I can give.

00:34:42.974 --> 00:34:48.494
No, and I agree with you on grief because my brother, my brother worked for

00:34:48.494 --> 00:34:53.174
a company for 20 years. and COVID took his job away.

00:34:53.831 --> 00:35:01.631
And I watched this man grieve that job like he had lost a part of his life.

00:35:01.771 --> 00:35:06.871
I mean, my brother, he had started working for this company when he was 20 years old.

00:35:07.331 --> 00:35:11.871
But in reality, he did lose a part of his life. He's been there for so long

00:35:11.871 --> 00:35:13.291
that that has become him.

00:35:13.491 --> 00:35:17.951
Right. So let's take you, for instance, you have your radio podcast.

00:35:18.251 --> 00:35:22.351
If you lost your podcast, you're going to lose. You're going to grieve a part of that.

00:35:22.671 --> 00:35:26.651
Yeah. Whether it's your choice to let it go, whether it's something happened

00:35:26.651 --> 00:35:29.511
and it's been taken away from you, it has become a part of you.

00:35:29.591 --> 00:35:34.011
So because that part of you is a part of him that is grieving it.

00:35:34.551 --> 00:35:39.351
So, and that's why I always go back to like with children, the example that I gave with kids.

00:35:40.031 --> 00:35:44.231
We look at a lot of situations from our standpoint and be like,

00:35:44.391 --> 00:35:47.631
he over here crying about this job like that was his life.

00:35:48.191 --> 00:35:50.991
But to him, it was his life, right?

00:35:51.291 --> 00:35:54.691
Yeah, yeah. I didn't look at it from that perspective.

00:35:54.891 --> 00:36:00.091
I looked at it from, some people do, and I'm not, I would never disrespect my

00:36:00.091 --> 00:36:07.151
brother because I watched him go through the pitfalls of, you're right, of losing.

00:36:07.311 --> 00:36:09.771
Because that's why I'm saying, that's why I gave you that example of my brother,

00:36:09.951 --> 00:36:14.051
because I watched him lose who he was.

00:36:14.211 --> 00:36:16.571
That job was his identity. It was his lifestyle.

00:36:16.751 --> 00:36:20.231
He traveled for 20 years. He saw places that we'd never see.

00:36:20.231 --> 00:36:23.671
He done things that we'd never do and

00:36:23.671 --> 00:36:27.451
all of a sudden COVID comes along and he loses it all

00:36:27.451 --> 00:36:34.131
and I watched my brother just shrink into himself over the loss of this job

00:36:34.131 --> 00:36:41.971
and that was the first time I realized that grief was not just only death absolutely

00:36:41.971 --> 00:36:44.571
it's a part of who you are and like you.

00:36:45.963 --> 00:36:50.443
Being married, me and my ex-wife was married for 10 years. We had two children.

00:36:51.183 --> 00:36:55.423
I grieved that. I had to grieve that relationship because me and that woman

00:36:55.423 --> 00:36:58.003
was together for so long, and we had these two babies.

00:36:58.023 --> 00:37:03.283
You know, in my mind, that was our forever until I found myself in a one-bedroom

00:37:03.283 --> 00:37:09.263
apartment crying for a week, you know, and just slowly building myself back up.

00:37:09.423 --> 00:37:12.883
So, yeah, grief, you're right. Grief is not just death.

00:37:15.063 --> 00:37:20.843
It's multifaceted. Very much so. And it's not a linear healing.

00:37:21.823 --> 00:37:27.243
Grief can look so different for everybody. Some people, it takes a day or two and they over it.

00:37:27.343 --> 00:37:31.523
Some people, especially depending on the situation, some people don't overcome

00:37:31.523 --> 00:37:35.723
grief for years and years and years. That's why you have some people who have

00:37:35.723 --> 00:37:37.883
lost family members like moms and dads.

00:37:38.043 --> 00:37:41.983
And 20 years later, they're still grieving the loss of their mom and dad.

00:37:42.823 --> 00:37:44.383
Yeah. I live with one.

00:37:45.383 --> 00:37:47.023
Not being funny, not just because

00:37:47.023 --> 00:37:50.603
I laugh, but you made me think about my wife, the woman I'm into now.

00:37:50.903 --> 00:37:56.643
Her mom died four years, five years, six years ago, five, six years ago.

00:37:57.023 --> 00:37:58.743
And my wife still grieves her mom.

00:37:59.743 --> 00:38:03.723
And I don't make fun. I don't do anything. That's I just comfort her.

00:38:03.863 --> 00:38:06.563
I'm just there for her. So that's why I said grief.

00:38:06.823 --> 00:38:09.703
You're right. Grief looks totally different for everyone.

00:38:10.403 --> 00:38:15.223
And even five, six years later, she still grieves her mom.

00:38:15.503 --> 00:38:20.243
Now, you talk about grief. What are the other topics you talk about?

00:38:21.711 --> 00:38:25.871
Well, so the way that it all works is like chronic and complex traumas.

00:38:25.971 --> 00:38:28.251
So that's going to be like the childhood traumas, lifestyle,

00:38:28.571 --> 00:38:34.351
stuff like that on a complex or a chronic level. Grief and loss.

00:38:35.111 --> 00:38:38.411
Life transitions. So life transition can look like, you know,

00:38:38.551 --> 00:38:44.191
oh, I'm about to have a baby or oh, about to get married or me and my significant other just broke up.

00:38:44.511 --> 00:38:48.571
Whatever life changes that look like. I started a new job. I'm going off to college.

00:38:48.731 --> 00:38:53.071
I specialize in that. And then also dibbling and dabbling in couples therapy,

00:38:53.311 --> 00:38:58.451
which I do enjoy, but not a pro at that right now, but I do enjoy couples therapy.

00:38:58.671 --> 00:39:01.031
I bet you that's rough for couples therapy. It's not.

00:39:01.431 --> 00:39:04.471
It's not for me. It's a lot of fun for me because, like I say,

00:39:04.571 --> 00:39:08.691
I like to help people, have a serving heart, and I want people's marriages to

00:39:08.691 --> 00:39:10.871
survive and last if that's what they want.

00:39:11.091 --> 00:39:15.351
And if that's what they want, I'm going to work towards giving them the tools

00:39:15.351 --> 00:39:17.151
and the resources to make that happen.

00:39:17.771 --> 00:39:23.251
Right, right. Well, I hope all is well in that, but I just, it just,

00:39:23.331 --> 00:39:27.551
to me, from, from an outsider perspective, that's not in that particular field,

00:39:27.731 --> 00:39:30.511
like that would be tremendous,

00:39:30.971 --> 00:39:36.611
tremendous experience because then you have, you have these two people that

00:39:36.611 --> 00:39:40.011
have been together, whatever amount of time they've been together.

00:39:40.211 --> 00:39:45.231
And now you have to help them figure out where they went wrong on an individual

00:39:45.231 --> 00:39:48.051
level, also together. that.

00:39:48.451 --> 00:39:55.491
But I would challenge that and say I don't because my goal is not to help you

00:39:55.491 --> 00:39:57.011
figure out what you did wrong.

00:39:57.171 --> 00:40:00.831
My goal is to help you figure out what can we do right moving forward.

00:40:01.451 --> 00:40:06.131
You see what I'm saying? So I feel like the type of approach that I use is a cognitive approach.

00:40:06.291 --> 00:40:09.551
So it's always about changing your thought process, changing your behaviors,

00:40:09.731 --> 00:40:10.791
changing your patterns.

00:40:11.051 --> 00:40:15.411
So I don't really focus on, oh, you did this wrong. You did that wrong.

00:40:15.711 --> 00:40:17.691
Okay, you may have done those things.

00:40:18.408 --> 00:40:19.988
You know what you've done wrong

00:40:19.988 --> 00:40:23.688
because I'm sure your spouse told you many times what you've done wrong.

00:40:23.788 --> 00:40:27.188
You don't need to come into my space for me to beat a dead horse.

00:40:27.768 --> 00:40:33.528
Your spouse told you 117,000 times what you've done wrong. That's the reason why you're here now.

00:40:33.868 --> 00:40:40.108
So my thing is, tell me what's going on. Tell me from your perspective, what did your spouse do?

00:40:40.288 --> 00:40:44.988
What did your spouse do? Okay, how can I show up now to help you guys collectively

00:40:44.988 --> 00:40:47.648
move forward? It's not about what somebody did previous.

00:40:47.848 --> 00:40:52.388
Not to me. It's not as my way I do therapy, but it's not about that.

00:40:52.528 --> 00:40:55.848
It's more so how can I give you the tools and the resources to be the best version

00:40:55.848 --> 00:41:01.028
of you so that you can sustain that marriage or that relationship. And that's beautiful.

00:41:01.688 --> 00:41:06.328
Thank you. Hey, you're teaching me something. But I get your perspective.

00:41:06.348 --> 00:41:08.188
And that's why I have you here, because

00:41:08.188 --> 00:41:11.968
like I said, ordinary people doing extraordinary things in their lives.

00:41:12.208 --> 00:41:16.748
You're teaching me something because I guess at my mindset, I would look at

00:41:16.748 --> 00:41:21.428
it that way. But from a clinical perspective, it sounds amazing.

00:41:21.648 --> 00:41:26.568
Instead of focusing on the wrongs, let's focus on how we can better tomorrow.

00:41:26.988 --> 00:41:28.468
Correct. That's amazing.

00:41:29.608 --> 00:41:32.428
Now, are there some clinicians that think the way that you think?

00:41:32.588 --> 00:41:36.888
I'm sure it is. But that's just not how I do my work.

00:41:37.128 --> 00:41:40.768
You know, you say extraordinary people doing extraordinary things.

00:41:40.808 --> 00:41:42.448
I'm just out here doing God's work.

00:41:42.728 --> 00:41:45.228
That's it. Amen. I'm just a vessel. Yes.

00:41:45.768 --> 00:41:48.508
I'm just a vessel. Talk that talk, Sophie. That's it. Yes. So,

00:41:48.868 --> 00:41:51.788
yeah, I don't have no place to judge anyone.

00:41:52.148 --> 00:41:58.688
I tell people all the time, my motto is, my tagline is to create the safe space I always needed.

00:41:58.788 --> 00:42:01.948
So, I'm not out here to pass judgment. I'm not out here to...

00:42:03.086 --> 00:42:05.886
Talk bad about you hell i know the stuff that i still need

00:42:05.886 --> 00:42:08.986
to work on and that i am working on with my own therapist so

00:42:08.986 --> 00:42:11.786
it's like no i want to be able to we talk

00:42:11.786 --> 00:42:15.586
we started this conversation out with you know and i don't want to keep you

00:42:15.586 --> 00:42:19.546
too too long but it's like we started this conversation out with you know the

00:42:19.546 --> 00:42:25.306
stigma around black men and mental health right yeah yes i don't i want to create

00:42:25.306 --> 00:42:29.586
create a space where they feel comfortable enough to talk about the things i

00:42:29.586 --> 00:42:31.546
have grown people in my session,

00:42:31.706 --> 00:42:33.966
grown men, that cry in front of me.

00:42:34.446 --> 00:42:39.306
I don't judge them. If this is the only place you can take that S off your chest

00:42:39.306 --> 00:42:41.866
and get some of that out of you, go ahead.

00:42:42.186 --> 00:42:45.366
If you want to cry for the next 60 minutes, I don't even got to watch you.

00:42:45.466 --> 00:42:48.346
I'll turn around and do some progress notes. Have at it.

00:42:48.846 --> 00:42:52.286
How can I show up for you? And that's my biggest thing.

00:42:52.926 --> 00:42:57.686
I always want to be that space where people don't feel like I'm judging you,

00:42:57.986 --> 00:43:03.226
that you have to become so defensive, like you are, especially Black people

00:43:03.226 --> 00:43:07.866
and Black men, we're already out in this world fighting the challenges that

00:43:07.866 --> 00:43:09.386
we're fighting culturally.

00:43:10.046 --> 00:43:17.566
And even Black men, you know, gender-wise, a whole different fight than what we as Black women fight.

00:43:17.886 --> 00:43:21.546
The last thing you need to do is to come in your therapy office and then your

00:43:21.546 --> 00:43:22.846
therapist is like, well,

00:43:23.066 --> 00:43:25.626
your wife said you did this wrong and you did that wrong so let me

00:43:25.626 --> 00:43:29.206
tell you what no no you you

00:43:29.206 --> 00:43:32.966
just you just dropped a gem in my soul you

00:43:32.966 --> 00:43:40.486
know why because what i do every friday night is i host a two-hour live show

00:43:40.486 --> 00:43:46.186
where men can come in and have vulnerable and transparent conversation and what

00:43:46.186 --> 00:43:51.686
you just said hit me so hard i created a space that i always needed.

00:43:52.428 --> 00:43:57.448
You understand what I'm saying? I created a space that I always needed in my

00:43:57.448 --> 00:44:03.568
life for other men to come in and have these vulnerable and transparent conversations.

00:44:03.928 --> 00:44:09.848
But it was the space that I always needed because I never felt like I had the

00:44:09.848 --> 00:44:17.528
space or the place to be able to have some real conversations and share my emotions

00:44:17.528 --> 00:44:20.748
and share who I am as a man.

00:44:20.748 --> 00:44:24.728
And, oh, my goodness, I told you to drop the gym.

00:44:25.248 --> 00:44:28.528
Excuse me. No, listen, I get it.

00:44:28.748 --> 00:44:33.128
And that's how it is. And that's most of the people that are in helping positions,

00:44:33.128 --> 00:44:37.568
we are in these positions because we know how it is to feel not to have that

00:44:37.568 --> 00:44:39.888
space. Right, right. It makes sense.

00:44:40.368 --> 00:44:45.048
That's the reason why I do what I do is because I never had that space.

00:44:45.048 --> 00:44:49.748
I mean, the woman that I married, I thank God for her every day because God

00:44:49.748 --> 00:44:51.048
brought her into my life.

00:44:51.188 --> 00:44:54.408
I wasn't seeking her. She wasn't seeking me.

00:44:54.908 --> 00:44:57.988
God kind of brought us to a place to where we met.

00:44:58.248 --> 00:45:03.288
And he gave us what we needed in each other, not what we wanted in each other.

00:45:03.288 --> 00:45:09.148
And she created a safe space for me to be vulnerable and transparent with her,

00:45:09.388 --> 00:45:15.468
which in turn gave me the courage and the opportunity to create a space for

00:45:15.468 --> 00:45:19.988
other men to have these conversations and be open.

00:45:20.328 --> 00:45:24.648
Because the one thing I told her at the beginning, when we first started dating,

00:45:24.928 --> 00:45:31.688
I told her, I said, if you ever see me naked, you'll never get rid of me.

00:45:32.368 --> 00:45:35.688
And it was the emotional and mental

00:45:35.688 --> 00:45:41.968
naked it wasn't a physical naked and we when we first started dating i would

00:45:41.968 --> 00:45:46.148
come over and we just talk and talk and she just she would sit there and listen

00:45:46.148 --> 00:45:51.408
and just let me pour my heart out just for all these you know and i'd never

00:45:51.408 --> 00:45:55.488
had that before i was meeting this other woman for 10 years and she was about her.

00:45:56.335 --> 00:45:59.595
Not to say she's a bad woman. She's the mother of my children.

00:46:00.175 --> 00:46:06.015
She has her own particular set of things going on in her life.

00:46:06.995 --> 00:46:11.955
But there are two different women and God knew what I needed in this woman.

00:46:12.095 --> 00:46:13.535
And he gave me this woman.

00:46:14.395 --> 00:46:22.675
And the years that we've been together and been married have been the best years of my life.

00:46:23.615 --> 00:46:29.275
I've been more places. I've done more things. I've experienced different emotions.

00:46:29.275 --> 00:46:36.915
I've experienced a freedom that I'd never experienced in these 45 years of my life.

00:46:37.195 --> 00:46:43.475
I've experienced, and I tell her all the time, it's nothing that you've done

00:46:43.475 --> 00:46:45.775
for me, but you've done everything for me.

00:46:46.935 --> 00:46:53.495
And then the fact that she didn't actually physically or emotionally or mentally

00:46:53.495 --> 00:46:58.635
do anything, but she gave me a space to where I could be free.

00:46:59.155 --> 00:47:06.575
And once she gave me a safe place where I could be free, the rockets start going off.

00:47:07.455 --> 00:47:16.215
And, you know, the creativity came up and the oxytocin levels came up and all

00:47:16.215 --> 00:47:22.655
of these things that had been buried because I was so set in that old school mind.

00:47:22.795 --> 00:47:25.355
Just go to work, pay the bills, go to work, pay the bills.

00:47:25.875 --> 00:47:29.255
If you mad, go to work and pay the bills. If you had a fight with your wife,

00:47:29.375 --> 00:47:32.575
go to work and pay the bills. If the kid's acting up, go to work and pay the bills.

00:47:33.195 --> 00:47:39.375
If the light bill is late, go to work and pay the bills. And work was my refuge.

00:47:40.626 --> 00:47:43.686
And a place of stress. Right.

00:47:44.486 --> 00:47:48.206
But that was all I knew at that moment. Mm-hmm.

00:47:48.446 --> 00:47:54.686
Mm-hmm. Because of what I was taught as a young man is that a man goes to work. Right.

00:47:55.386 --> 00:48:00.666
Regardless. Mm-hmm. Regardless what he got going on, he goes to work. He go to work.

00:48:00.886 --> 00:48:05.726
I don't care if somebody shot your toe off. You better bandage that thing up and go to work.

00:48:06.486 --> 00:48:10.746
Exactly. Exactly. You get a cut on your arm. You better throw some dirt on it

00:48:10.746 --> 00:48:12.066
and get back in that field.

00:48:12.566 --> 00:48:17.906
And that's why a lot of men in the black culture don't feel like they have the

00:48:17.906 --> 00:48:20.966
space to be vulnerable. We don't have time.

00:48:23.206 --> 00:48:26.606
We got stuff to take care of. We got to pay the bills. We got to put a roof

00:48:26.606 --> 00:48:28.446
over our kids. We got to take care of the kids. We got to do this.

00:48:28.546 --> 00:48:30.486
We got to do that. So, yeah, we just don't.

00:48:31.986 --> 00:48:36.546
Black men just don't have that. I mean, I already know that we as black women barely have it.

00:48:36.666 --> 00:48:40.466
But black men, I feel like, really don't have it. But I know that you said that

00:48:40.466 --> 00:48:45.726
you had your live session where people, what, call in?

00:48:46.186 --> 00:48:51.026
Well, it's on a platform where you have to download an app.

00:48:51.246 --> 00:48:58.026
You download an app called Podbean. That is the hosting site that I use.

00:48:58.206 --> 00:49:02.486
It's called Podbean. Every Friday night from 730 to 930, I do a live show.

00:49:02.726 --> 00:49:07.806
You download the app, send out a link via either email or text message.

00:49:07.806 --> 00:49:12.666
You come in, you can either get on the panel or you can stay in the chat if

00:49:12.666 --> 00:49:13.866
you want to just be anonymous.

00:49:14.246 --> 00:49:18.546
You can come in and you can talk with the guys that I have on my panel or you

00:49:18.546 --> 00:49:23.526
can you can type something in the chat box. I got you. And it's all.

00:49:24.224 --> 00:49:29.424
Nothing sexist or biased, but it's called a kickback, a place for brothers where

00:49:29.424 --> 00:49:30.824
men can come and have these conversations.

00:49:31.064 --> 00:49:35.104
But I do invite women to come into the space and just hear the conversation.

00:49:35.444 --> 00:49:39.044
Hear the perspective of men who have actually let their guards down.

00:49:39.184 --> 00:49:43.544
Hear the perspective of men who knows that they are in a nonjudgmental place

00:49:43.544 --> 00:49:47.104
where they can have true, transparent conversations.

00:49:48.404 --> 00:49:52.424
Because even like I said at the beginning, being vulnerable is opening yourself

00:49:52.424 --> 00:49:57.804
up for an attack. Now, me being the host of the show and doing it for the time

00:49:57.804 --> 00:50:01.784
that I've done it, I've opened myself up for a tax a lot of times.

00:50:02.364 --> 00:50:09.224
And I feel like if I cannot be vulnerable and transparent with my audience or

00:50:09.224 --> 00:50:13.424
with the people that are on my panel, then how could I ask these men to be that?

00:50:14.704 --> 00:50:19.244
So I usually talk about what's going on with my marriage, what's going on with

00:50:19.244 --> 00:50:20.984
my children, what's going on with my life.

00:50:21.264 --> 00:50:24.024
And I don't fluff anything. Mm hmm.

00:50:24.704 --> 00:50:28.004
Yeah. So that sounds real good. And like I said, I know that we kind of limited

00:50:28.004 --> 00:50:35.244
for time today, but if it is an opportunity, like if I could be a guest, I would be honored to be.

00:50:35.384 --> 00:50:40.924
And then if those men wanted that space to be able to ask generalized questions

00:50:40.924 --> 00:50:44.044
from a therapeutic setting, I'll be more than happy to do that.

00:50:44.244 --> 00:50:46.504
You know what I'm saying? I'll be live. And that's up to you,

00:50:46.524 --> 00:50:48.424
though. It's however you want to do, but I do.

00:50:48.944 --> 00:50:53.384
We also do in-person events. Okay. We've done our inaugural.

00:50:53.744 --> 00:50:57.864
We're about to have our second in-person event. December the 6th at Hartman

00:50:57.864 --> 00:51:01.184
Park, we have partnered with Ageless Men.

00:51:01.845 --> 00:51:06.165
And we're going to do like a health summit to go out the end of the year.

00:51:06.685 --> 00:51:10.985
And we're going to have, they're going to come in and they're going to do tests

00:51:10.985 --> 00:51:13.265
for like just men things.

00:51:13.905 --> 00:51:18.125
Talk to men about better health because we are losing a lot of brothers to prostate cancer.

00:51:18.425 --> 00:51:21.805
Right. We're losing a lot of brothers to prostate cancer.

00:51:22.005 --> 00:51:26.885
So me being the host and having this platform, I not only want to just talk

00:51:26.885 --> 00:51:30.685
about the world, because most of the time I don't talk about the world unless

00:51:30.685 --> 00:51:34.245
there's a topic that's relevant to the conversation.

00:51:34.845 --> 00:51:38.805
But I usually want to talk about men's health, mental health,

00:51:38.925 --> 00:51:40.245
well-being, all those things.

00:51:40.365 --> 00:51:44.205
So that's why we're doing the Healthcare Summit on December the 6th at Hartman

00:51:44.205 --> 00:51:46.645
Park. I'll send you a flyer.

00:51:47.025 --> 00:51:49.645
Please. Do what you may.

00:51:50.465 --> 00:51:56.145
But Nisha, it was wonderful having this conversation with you. Absolutely.

00:51:56.545 --> 00:52:00.285
And what I do at the end of my show is I ask three questions. Absolutely.

00:52:01.085 --> 00:52:04.685
All righty. What is Nisha's go-to snack?

00:52:05.985 --> 00:52:11.145
Well, Nisha is a fatty patty and Nisha likes to eat. So I don't know if it's just one.

00:52:12.725 --> 00:52:15.605
That's a good question. I had to think, what do I, what is my go-to?

00:52:15.605 --> 00:52:18.365
Probably some, um, I eat.

00:52:19.859 --> 00:52:23.579
Anything your hands reach, honestly, some chips, some ice cream,

00:52:23.779 --> 00:52:26.959
some chocolate chip cookies. I really don't have just one.

00:52:27.219 --> 00:52:29.179
It just really is whatever is within reach.

00:52:29.979 --> 00:52:36.439
Okay. Okay. So if you could describe your perfect boo, spouse,

00:52:36.859 --> 00:52:43.519
if you could describe your perfect spouse, what would you, how would you describe? Sent from God.

00:52:44.419 --> 00:52:47.639
Okay. We roll with that. Sent from God.

00:52:48.079 --> 00:52:52.499
All right. Because God, God know what I, like you say, God sent you not what

00:52:52.499 --> 00:52:55.379
you wanted, but what you needed. Yes. Yes, I totally.

00:52:55.919 --> 00:52:59.539
I need mine to come from God. I tried to do it my way and with my list before

00:52:59.539 --> 00:53:02.779
and it didn't work. So, no, God whooped me.

00:53:03.199 --> 00:53:06.839
He whooped me a couple of times. He sent me this one. He sent me.

00:53:06.959 --> 00:53:09.959
I know she sent from God. He'll send you what you want. That don't necessarily

00:53:09.959 --> 00:53:11.139
mean that's what you need, though.

00:53:11.599 --> 00:53:14.219
But he's, but on the other hand, he'll send you what you need,

00:53:14.339 --> 00:53:18.579
not what you want. And here's the thing I've had to learn along the way of this relationship.

00:53:18.839 --> 00:53:23.799
Getting what you need comes with a lot of adversities that you never knew.

00:53:24.099 --> 00:53:28.739
And it's like looking in the mirror because getting what you need shows you

00:53:28.739 --> 00:53:30.419
everything you need to work on.

00:53:30.899 --> 00:53:36.179
Absolutely. It shows you all your imperfections and all your flaws because the

00:53:36.179 --> 00:53:43.139
person that God gives to you is going to help you and strengthen those areas that you're weak in.

00:53:44.102 --> 00:53:48.862
I think also on the flip side, though, him sending you what you want is the

00:53:48.862 --> 00:53:51.362
same way because you think you want some stuff.

00:53:51.442 --> 00:53:53.862
It's been plenty of times I be like, oh, I want, I want, I want.

00:53:53.922 --> 00:53:58.502
And then God say, oh, here you go. And I'm like, no, I changed my mind. Come get him.

00:53:58.742 --> 00:54:02.802
But see, the thing is, when he sends you what you need, it's different because

00:54:02.802 --> 00:54:04.222
he sends you what you need.

00:54:04.442 --> 00:54:07.062
And I get what you're saying. He sends you what you want. You're like,

00:54:07.142 --> 00:54:09.202
oh, no, no, no. This really ain't working.

00:54:09.362 --> 00:54:11.782
I thought this is what I wanted, but it's not what I wanted.

00:54:11.842 --> 00:54:12.562
I thought this is what I wanted.

00:54:12.722 --> 00:54:18.402
Mm-hmm. But when you get what you need, then it's like, wait, is that really how I act?

00:54:18.722 --> 00:54:22.022
And it makes you focus and look more at yourself in the mirror.

00:54:22.902 --> 00:54:26.762
And one thing about me being on this mental health career journey,

00:54:26.982 --> 00:54:29.642
you don't have a choice but to work on you.

00:54:29.962 --> 00:54:35.042
I can't. I had no choice but to work on me on this journey because how do I

00:54:35.042 --> 00:54:39.902
learn all these different things mental health wise? And then I just continue

00:54:39.902 --> 00:54:43.122
to be the unhealed version of me.

00:54:43.322 --> 00:54:49.522
On the flip side of that, on the flip side of that, you take in all of these things for people.

00:54:50.062 --> 00:54:56.402
What is the thing that you do for yourself after hearing people tell you these

00:54:56.402 --> 00:54:58.402
stories, tell you their problems, all of that?

00:54:58.862 --> 00:55:05.282
How do you rejuvenate, refresh, release all those things?

00:55:05.922 --> 00:55:09.642
It's interesting that you asked me this question because I literally was asked

00:55:09.642 --> 00:55:13.442
this question today on my panel interview for my doctoral program.

00:55:13.642 --> 00:55:15.262
And that was one of the questions that they asked.

00:55:15.502 --> 00:55:19.462
And one thing that I will honestly say is I consult my own therapist.

00:55:19.682 --> 00:55:21.982
I tell people all the time, if your therapist don't have a therapist,

00:55:22.042 --> 00:55:23.082
you need to find a new therapist.

00:55:23.766 --> 00:55:27.586
Because we all have issues. We all have my issue. I tell my clients all the

00:55:27.586 --> 00:55:33.346
time, I may not have the issues that you have, but it don't mean that I don't have no issues.

00:55:33.466 --> 00:55:37.106
And just because I'm sitting on this side of the sofa don't mean that I get all my stuff together.

00:55:37.426 --> 00:55:40.806
No, I'm a work in progress. I'm just a little bit further along on my journey

00:55:40.806 --> 00:55:42.066
than where you are on your journey.

00:55:42.586 --> 00:55:45.846
I'm a little bit more educated on my journey because I went to school for it.

00:55:45.966 --> 00:55:49.926
But no, definitely I consult with my therapist quite frequently.

00:55:50.326 --> 00:55:54.806
But being in a therapeutic setting It's very therapeutic for me in itself.

00:55:55.086 --> 00:55:58.326
So what people may find like, oh, you're carrying everybody's baggage.

00:55:58.746 --> 00:56:03.086
It's not, that's not what it is for me. To me, that's where I find my solace.

00:56:03.306 --> 00:56:06.826
I find my peace sitting in a therapy setting with my clients.

00:56:07.106 --> 00:56:12.546
I find all my issues go out the door. That's my temporary escape from my own

00:56:12.546 --> 00:56:14.246
problems. I can come in and help somebody else.

00:56:14.506 --> 00:56:17.926
And it's like, I don't even think about all the stuff that I'm dealing with

00:56:17.926 --> 00:56:20.826
or going through. So I have a lot of friends that say, oh, well,

00:56:20.926 --> 00:56:23.546
you know, I really want to reach out.

00:56:23.666 --> 00:56:25.746
But, you know, I know you deal with this and you deal with that.

00:56:25.826 --> 00:56:26.886
And I just didn't want you.

00:56:27.026 --> 00:56:31.826
You do not understand how even if and when I am going through something,

00:56:32.186 --> 00:56:37.626
people asking me, allowing me to show up and be present for them helps me in my own journey.

00:56:37.946 --> 00:56:41.846
Yes. So that is that is my own solace. That's how I know that what I'm doing

00:56:41.846 --> 00:56:45.006
is purposeful. It's in alignment with my assignment.

00:56:45.446 --> 00:56:49.646
Right. Right, and we're about to go out the door, but you, listen.

00:56:50.421 --> 00:56:55.701
I love your energy. Appreciate you. I love who you are.

00:56:55.981 --> 00:57:02.061
I may not have the education, but everything you just said, I so feel.

00:57:02.521 --> 00:57:07.621
I know I was complaining about helping people or whatever and doing all those

00:57:07.621 --> 00:57:09.701
things, but that's where I most find solace.

00:57:11.001 --> 00:57:15.421
It's a double-edged sword because I most find my solace helping people.

00:57:15.661 --> 00:57:20.161
But then sometimes, you know, we're human. so the human side of you like I'm

00:57:20.161 --> 00:57:25.041
tired I'm tired I'm tired but then I help somebody else again then I do it all

00:57:25.041 --> 00:57:28.601
over again so I totally get what you're saying with that,

00:57:29.181 --> 00:57:30.841
thank you for being here.

00:57:32.120 --> 00:57:40.480
Can we say, if I need to connect somebody, would you be willing to work with us?

00:57:40.840 --> 00:57:43.660
Absolutely. Without a doubt. Not even a thought about it. Absolutely.

00:57:44.200 --> 00:57:48.180
I appreciate that. I do want to challenge you. I do want to leave you with this,

00:57:48.220 --> 00:57:50.220
though. I'm going to challenge you on something that you stated.

00:57:50.660 --> 00:57:53.760
You said, I may not have the education that you have. You are absolutely right.

00:57:53.760 --> 00:57:58.520
You may not have the textbook education that I have, but you still have life

00:57:58.520 --> 00:58:02.640
experience. So don't let just because you don't have the textbook experience

00:58:02.640 --> 00:58:06.180
or the textbook knowledge make you feel like you less than or not.

00:58:06.380 --> 00:58:09.880
No, you you're in the field that you're doing. You're doing what you're doing

00:58:09.880 --> 00:58:11.500
because that's where you're supposed to be.

00:58:12.340 --> 00:58:17.020
So don't let me say that because I have the education to be where I am.

00:58:17.360 --> 00:58:21.780
My education allows me to be where I am. Just like people have the education

00:58:21.780 --> 00:58:23.180
to be work with children.

00:58:23.340 --> 00:58:25.440
I don't have the education. I don't want the education.

00:58:25.960 --> 00:58:29.080
So my education just looks different. Right. Yes.

00:58:29.260 --> 00:58:31.900
But yes, I'm going to challenge you in that thought. And that's kind of like

00:58:31.900 --> 00:58:36.720
how I leave my clients is always challenge them in a way that they are left

00:58:36.720 --> 00:58:39.140
with thinking about it from a different perspective.

00:58:39.660 --> 00:58:42.960
Your glass doesn't always have to be half empty. Sometimes it can be half full.

00:58:43.500 --> 00:58:47.860
Thank you. I appreciate that. Absolutely. Thank you for being here on the kickback.

00:58:48.440 --> 00:58:51.380
We appreciate you. We'll do this again.

00:58:51.820 --> 00:58:56.640
We'll do this again. We're going to do another check in to see how your journey

00:58:56.640 --> 00:59:00.000
is going later on down the line. I would love that. I would love that.

00:59:00.120 --> 00:59:00.780
Lisa Speaks, everybody.

00:59:01.140 --> 00:59:03.740
Thank you for being here, man. Thank you so much. Thank you for having me.

00:59:04.020 --> 00:59:05.560
You're welcome. Have a great night.

00:59:06.020 --> 00:59:08.300
You as well. All right. Bye-bye. Bye.