Fathers in the Home: The Impact and Importance

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Hello, world, and welcome to another episode of The Kickback.

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I am your host, The Dude, and we are here to inform you and let you know about

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what's going on with the world and what's going on with men today.

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Today, we have a special topic that we're doing, and it impacts the world,

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all over of the world because today's topic is fathers in the home and the impact

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it has on the world today.

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So we are here, we're going to talk about it,

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and we're going to dive deep into a conversation about the world today and the

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impact that fathers have on the world and what it's like growing up with a father

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and what it's like growing up without a father,

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and we're going to have a great, great discussion.

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So if you're here and you can hear me, leave a comment.

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Let us know what you think about the show. And all we ask, we don't care who

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you love, what color you stand for, what particular party you stand for.

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We just ask that there is no racism.

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No racism whatsoever is tolerated here at The Kickback. Once again, I am your host, The Dude.

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So today we are talking to fathers in the home and the impact it has on the world.

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Welcome to The Kickback, my co-host, David.

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David, how are you doing today, my brother?

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I am doing spectacular, my brother. How about yourself?

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I'm doing well, man. and went today to see my orthopedic specialist,

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and he gave me some great news.

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He said I was moving in the right direction.

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How about you? What do you have going on today?

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Man, you know what I did today. What do you think I did? Play pickleball. What you said?

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Pickleball. Pickleball. That's it, man. David is a pickleball hero.

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Plays pickleball. I don't know about hero, but. In the life of retirement, man.

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You are the pickleball hero. All right, I'll leave that alone.

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But I'd love to get everybody out there, man. You'd love to get us all out there?

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Oh, yes, sir. Welcome to the room, Mr. Mark. How are you today, Mark?

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I'm doing all right, and you? I'm doing wonderful, wonderful. How's your day been? in?

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It's been, you know, trying to catch up on a lot of work that I didn't get to

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get done in the last couple of years due to injury.

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Okay. Okay. Okay. And if you don't mind, what sort of injury?

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Hip replacement. Military.

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It seems that we all got something going on except the superhero David.

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David is in perfect health, man.

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I'd love to have just a shot of whatever it is that he has, man.

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Let me hurry up and find some wood around here.

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He said let you find some weed. Wood. Wood. Not weed.

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Wood. I know, I know. It came out totally wrong. It came out totally wrong, fellas.

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Please forgive me. Please forgive me.

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That is not what I was intending on saying.

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It was wood.

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Wood. Yes, sir.

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Home with my father. being there. So, David, did you grow up with a father?

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I grew up with the anti-father. I had a stepfather that I called the anti-father

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because everything he said and did was wrong.

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It was like the flip side of reality.

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And he was a negative influence on my life, but I was blessed to be be able

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to see the negativity and not go in that direction and try to do the positive thing,

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mark what about you did you grow up with your father in the home oh i don't

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know depending on how you look at it,

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he was he was my dad was in the military so and he was a submariner meaning um,

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I know David know what it means, but he was in the submarines for 22 years. So he was going a lot.

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So when he got, but when he came home, he came home and he was in my life. I was the first son.

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I was his first son and he treated me a lot different than he treated the rest

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of my siblings. Okay. Okay.

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Understandable that. See, I'm the firstborn and life is, life was totally different

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for me being the first woman as well.

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My mother tended to lean on me a lot more than, you know, my brothers.

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She tended to lean on me a lot more than she did my brothers.

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And still to this day, she still leans on me a lot more.

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And she's married. And it is the impact of what came from it has,

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if I can say, in certain areas, it handicapped me and in certain areas, it made me stronger.

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Now, David, you grew up with the antiphather. What impact did that have on your life? Right.

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Like I said, I think God blessed me with an ability to see the proper path and

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the things that he wanted me to do.

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He was a very he was an uneducated man. He only had a sixth grade education.

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So the only thing he knew was labor. And growing up in the 60s and early 70s, he was everyday labor.

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I mean, he worked at a chicken factory. He worked at a carpentry shop.

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And because of his lack of education He was pushing brooms and doing whatever

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They told him to do, just a clean up guy And he wanted to follow that path,

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But my mother wanted Better for me and I wanted better for me And although he

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You know how when you tell your.

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Older children and your teenagers Don't do something and it makes them Want

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to do it even more So when he discouraged me from Becoming better or having,

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Aspirations to go to college that pushed me in that direction to even do it even the more.

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Okay. And so some people, some people become that person, right?

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Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean? They follow that example.

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Oh, the general labor that the father, the father is doing it.

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The child will do it as well.

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Yes. Right. That's what I mean. That some some children follow the same path

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as their parents, because as I always explain, growing up a man and a woman, i.e.

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Your parents are the first examples of adults that you have in this life. So, who else?

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I mean, some people have aunts and uncles and other relatives that are great

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people and they mimic them and they realize early on in life that their parent is not a good example.

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But more times than a few, children follow the path, the same path that their parents did.

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If a man beats a woman, then a son thinks it's OK.

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And if a woman doesn't treat a man well, then her daughter, nine times out of

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10, thinks it's OK to disrespect men.

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Mm hmm. I totally agree. Yeah, I totally agree.

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Let me clear something up. I might have got some confusion here. I'm not the first.

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Child i'm the first son my i have two older

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sisters right right and exactly what

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you experienced what you you know your your experience

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is being the elder eldest child my i've had that conversation with my eldest

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sister because my my father wasn't around because of his because of his job

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his occupation and uh my my mom leaned on my sister a lot as well and she feels she made that same

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comment that you made earlier about how she felt like she missed out on some

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things that kind of handicapped her, especially amongst her peers.

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They were out doing things and she was watching us.

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My dad was overseas and my mom was, she was raising us.

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You know, to this day, you know, she's like, hey, you know, I didn't get to

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experience a lot of things as a child that, you know, because I was placed in

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a more authoritarian, you know, type role, you know, figure,

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you know, because it was six of us.

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So she had, you know, she was making sure that we were doing things around the house.

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So my mom, you know, black family, you know, hey, I'm not going to come home

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and cook when I got here to the house.

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So one of those type atmospheres. And so, you know, we, you know,

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she felt the same way as you.

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So I do understand that situation. I don't personally understand.

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I've seen it. I can't say that I really, I haven't experienced it.

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I just lived through it. But my sister, she actually experienced it.

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So I do, I can relate to, you know, your feeling on, you know,

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how you thought you were handicapped.

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Right. I'd like to welcome to the panel, Mr. Richard Johnson.

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No, Jordan. Jordan! My bad, my bad, Mr. Jordan. Richard Jordan, how are you today, sir?

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Hello, Mr. Jordan, how are you today? Good, I'm here. I just had a call that

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came in and I just cleared it. Go ahead.

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Alrighty. My name is The Dude. I am the host of The Kickback.

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Welcome to The Kickback. This is a place for brothers to come and have open

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conversations about life, health, and whatever.

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The only contingent we ask is there is no racism of any form or fashion,

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but we'd like to welcome to the panel.

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And today's topic is fathers in the home and the impact that it has on the world.

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How was your relationship with your father?

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Well, my relationship with my father was, you know, majority of my life,

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he wasn't in the home. him.

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I saw him on weekends, that kind of situation.

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You know, he was in there a lot of times when I needed him. I needed his advice, you know.

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So that made it tough. My mom married my stepfather when I was just starting

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high school, so things were better at that point.

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Wow. Okay. Okay. And so what kind of man was your stepfather?

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He's a good man. was, you know, he had served in the Korean War.

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He worked, he was a technician in the OR, an operating room.

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He worked in the MASH unit.

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So, but he was, you know, very intelligent.

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You know, he taught me, you know, a lot of different things about life,

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and we played games together, and he was a good guy.

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Cool, cool, cool. Do you mind asking if you still have relationships with him?

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Oh, I didn't until he passed away. Oh, you did.

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I didn't until he passed away. I'm sorry. That's good. I'm sorry to hear that

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he passed away. Yeah, yeah. I appreciate it. Hey, man, nothing in this world is forever.

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We love him, but we have to let him go and let God, Let them be with our God, Lord, and Savior.

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We love them. We love them. We love them. Love them while they're here.

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Love on your kids and your family while they're here.

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David. Amen. Amen. How is the relationship you have with your children,

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son? How many kids do you have?

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I've got two sons and a daughter. Okay. And how is the relationship with them?

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A couple of stepson. son.

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Relationships with all but one are pretty strong.

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There's always that one that I would call him the pioneer, the explorer.

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He's still out there searching, trying to find what it is he thinks he's looking for.

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I don't really have much conversation with him, but the other four, we are always in touch.

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Matter of fact, I just talked to a couple of them today. I also have a strong

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connection with my grandchildren as well.

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Yeah. Well, it's definitely important. We have there's there's tons of research and I really,

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you know, with all of the research that's been going on from social science

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standpoint, we really think this this initial conversation is going to spark

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a follow up episode where we can come back with some facts and figures,

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stuff we can put on the Web site so that other listeners can go back and do some research. Mr.

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Oh, you know, as the host, I've done some research on this particular subject.

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And here's what I have for today. Just a tad bit.

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It says the presence of a father in a home can significantly impact on,

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has a significant impact on men today and various aspects of their life.

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Research shows that positive father involvement contributes to to better emotional regulations,

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higher self-esteem and better and an improvement in academics and social outcomes

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when it comes to young men.

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And it also says fathers often model behaviors and value and influence in their

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son approaching relationships, work, and personal responsibilities.

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So what do you guys think about that?

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I mean, I agree with all of that, but I know back in 2008 when newly elected

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President Obama got in on his Father's Day speech,

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he was speaking about more than half of the black children live in single parent

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households and in children that grow up without a father.

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They're five times more likely to live in poverty, commit crime.

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They're nine times more likely to drop out of school and 20 times more likely to end up in prison.

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There's a higher degree of behavioral problems lots of them run away from home

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and they also become teenage parents themselves so you know having having that

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the father is almost like the governor or the regulator you know if you have

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a good father in the home he puts out.

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Good information that we can glean from as children as teenagers you know kids

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are always going to push the limit but when they can see a good example when

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they make a mistake and then And they know that the example is doing well.

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Chances are they're going to have an easy path to self-correction.

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But when you don't have that governor in the home, just like any any vehicle,

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if it didn't have controls to prevent it from going awry.

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Then your vehicle is going to break down. I mean, when I was in the military,

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we had these things called cushionings. You used the little vehicles you drive around the base.

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And they had a governor on that. No matter how hard you press on that pedal,

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it's only doing 30 miles an hour.

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You cannot exceed 30 miles an hour. That governor keeps you from tipping that thing over.

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You take that governor off, man, you got guys killing themselves in cushioning.

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Right. So you think that having do you think that having a father in the home

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versus having a mother that's just as strong as a father?

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How do you because some people say my mother was the strongest man I've known.

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And some people say, you know, I didn't need my father. My mother was everything to me.

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Mother can be everything to you, but mama can't teach me how to be a man because

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mama doesn't know what manhood is.

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Mama can love me. My mother personally, I had a drill sergeant for a mother.

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She did not hug me. She did not kiss me. She was not a loving mother.

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She was a boot camp mother. She was a kind of bust your door open at 5.30 in

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the morning with the trash can and the baton waking you up out of bed,

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flipping your bunk over. How come I can't bounce a quarter on this bed?

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You know, she was the one that said, you know, your your education is your education.

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If you don't get it, don't come ask me nothing.

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She she was a hard motivator. I know she loved me, but based on her circumstances,

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she wasn't given the love that she needed as a woman to be able to pass that

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on to me. So what she got, I got.

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But she was she was very intelligent. She was driven. She was smart with her

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money. And that's what she taught me to be.

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But no matter how much she loved me, she doesn't know what being a man is like.

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And I don't believe a woman can teach manhood issues. A man has to get that from another man.

216
00:17:48,142 --> 00:17:53,042
Let's see me honest, being transparent and being this is a place for brothers.

217
00:17:53,462 --> 00:18:01,142
I grew up in a single parent home with my mother and being at my age in my mid 40s.

218
00:18:01,362 --> 00:18:07,622
For a long time, I struggled with being a father. I have three daughters biologically,

219
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,162
but I have five children in all.

220
00:18:09,502 --> 00:18:17,022
And growing up, being a fatherless father was very hard because there were a

221
00:18:17,022 --> 00:18:24,282
lot of lessons that my mother couldn't teach me that my father could have taught me. I'm pretty sure of.

222
00:18:24,402 --> 00:18:27,282
But I didn't know any better and I didn't know any different.

223
00:18:27,282 --> 00:18:30,542
And the two men that I had in my life were my two grandfathers,

224
00:18:30,682 --> 00:18:35,622
my mother's father and the man that my grandmother married.

225
00:18:36,162 --> 00:18:40,162
And they both wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, wonderful men.

226
00:18:40,482 --> 00:18:41,902
But they were both flawed.

227
00:18:43,035 --> 00:18:49,575
And I took both of their flaws and made it into one person and thought that

228
00:18:49,575 --> 00:18:51,895
that was the way life was supposed to be.

229
00:18:52,315 --> 00:18:57,095
You go home, you go to work, you work all day long. On Friday, you play a little bit.

230
00:18:57,235 --> 00:19:00,075
You know, you might have your little woman on the side or whatever,

231
00:19:00,335 --> 00:19:04,295
but you take care of family and you do what you're supposed to.

232
00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:05,455
You take care of them children.

233
00:19:05,575 --> 00:19:11,595
You make sure the bills are paid. And as time went on and I noticed that there

234
00:19:11,595 --> 00:19:21,035
was no satisfaction in that and I kept coming up with the same outcome in the situation,

235
00:19:21,475 --> 00:19:25,075
I noticed that something's wrong. Something's wrong.

236
00:19:26,355 --> 00:19:29,475
And still to this day, I struggle with a few things.

237
00:19:30,195 --> 00:19:35,115
Being a husband. Now, I don't live that same lifestyle that I used to live anymore.

238
00:19:35,115 --> 00:19:40,835
God has brought me a long way and has changed my way of thinking and has changed my mind.

239
00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:44,895
And I no longer want to live that lifestyle because to me, that lifestyle was

240
00:19:44,895 --> 00:19:48,535
tiresome and it was not fulfilling whatsoever.

241
00:19:49,635 --> 00:19:56,435
But growing up without my father was, in all words, shitty.

242
00:19:56,695 --> 00:20:02,315
It was very shitty. It was very shitty because he would pop into my life.

243
00:20:02,395 --> 00:20:05,375
Hey, he's a pair of shoes. Hey, he's a bicycle.

244
00:20:05,695 --> 00:20:10,155
Hey, how you doing? Hey, hello. What's going on?

245
00:20:10,635 --> 00:20:18,855
And I think it hindered me in certain areas because I still have some insecurities

246
00:20:18,855 --> 00:20:27,715
and I still have some things that I feel like if I would have had a father to usher me into manhood,

247
00:20:28,535 --> 00:20:33,155
I think I wouldn't have the problems that I have in life.

248
00:20:35,215 --> 00:20:41,075
That's a good point. Right. I got a question. I got a question for you there, Joe.

249
00:20:41,575 --> 00:20:47,615
Do you, you know, I'm around David's age, grew up in the, you know, in the 60s.

250
00:20:47,915 --> 00:20:53,215
I call myself, you know, I call my parents, you know, the first products of

251
00:20:53,215 --> 00:20:57,955
the Civil Rights Bill or the Civil Rights Act, being enacted,

252
00:20:58,035 --> 00:20:59,215
being signed into legislation.

253
00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:03,755
And I feel at times, this is just my personal belief,

254
00:21:03,955 --> 00:21:12,195
it was like this bondage was kind of raised and they, you know,

255
00:21:12,215 --> 00:21:15,995
it was no more, you know, white fountain, black fountain, white bathroom,

256
00:21:16,195 --> 00:21:17,775
white restroom, black bathroom.

257
00:21:17,835 --> 00:21:21,655
They were all considered, you know, integrated, you know.

258
00:21:21,915 --> 00:21:26,795
And they Seemed like it was Something.

259
00:21:27,921 --> 00:21:31,361
You know, when you're let out of something, you're free to do something that

260
00:21:31,361 --> 00:21:35,881
you weren't able to do yesterday, that you can go out and do it today and you

261
00:21:35,881 --> 00:21:37,901
just get lost in that excitement.

262
00:21:38,421 --> 00:21:42,781
Yes. And you start losing, you know, and because that's how I feel,

263
00:21:42,841 --> 00:21:46,221
you know, well, I can't really say like you feel because my dad,

264
00:21:46,341 --> 00:21:50,601
he, you know, when he did get home from service, when he retired, he was there.

265
00:21:50,601 --> 00:21:54,421
But, you know, you can still see that freedom,

266
00:21:55,001 --> 00:22:03,421
you know, that from where he had been to where he was now, you know,

267
00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:09,041
as progress for, you know, for, you know, Black people, you know, with moving forward.

268
00:22:09,841 --> 00:22:17,861
You know, I think I want to say that that could have been a in my in my from

269
00:22:17,861 --> 00:22:19,081
what I see for my parents,

270
00:22:19,241 --> 00:22:25,981
my dad, it was more like that because, you know, he was he was there and he

271
00:22:25,981 --> 00:22:28,141
treated me different from all of them.

272
00:22:28,201 --> 00:22:32,781
He would take me places and I discuss this with my siblings now.

273
00:22:32,861 --> 00:22:35,621
I'm like, yeah, you know, I went here. My dad, you know, dad took me here.

274
00:22:35,681 --> 00:22:38,561
Dad took me there, you know, and they were like, oh, I didn't know.

275
00:22:39,041 --> 00:22:43,381
He would wake me up at 2 o'clock in the morning Hey, let's go to Seattle Let's

276
00:22:43,381 --> 00:22:46,001
go to Oakland, let's go to Louisiana You know, just me and him.

277
00:22:46,862 --> 00:22:53,462
So I have a different view than my siblings because of the way my dad was treated by his dad. Right.

278
00:22:54,122 --> 00:23:00,142
So, I mean, let me give you a little more context about who my father was.

279
00:23:00,922 --> 00:23:06,342
He was a military man who his mother left him and his siblings.

280
00:23:06,562 --> 00:23:11,562
And I get what you're going to. So that's why I'm giving I'm giving this this backstory.

281
00:23:12,502 --> 00:23:16,642
He was when he was two years old, his mother left him.

282
00:23:16,862 --> 00:23:22,062
And his siblings in the house and disappeared and nobody knows whatever happened to his mom.

283
00:23:22,222 --> 00:23:26,922
His grandfather found him and his siblings in the home by themselves,

284
00:23:27,162 --> 00:23:30,062
you know, in deplorable conditions.

285
00:23:30,482 --> 00:23:35,822
Well, he got all of his grandchildren, moved them here. They were from where

286
00:23:35,822 --> 00:23:37,202
in Nashville. I'm in Nashville, Tennessee.

287
00:23:37,962 --> 00:23:44,202
My father's from Louisville, Kentucky. And my grandfather moved all all of his

288
00:23:44,202 --> 00:23:50,902
grandchildren down here to Nashville. And my father grew up with his grand grandparents.

289
00:23:51,342 --> 00:23:57,222
And then he stayed with cousins and aunts and all of those things and graduated

290
00:23:57,222 --> 00:24:01,742
from high school, him and my mom at the same time. Then he went off to the army.

291
00:24:02,062 --> 00:24:09,742
And when he went off to the army, he is the kicker. And maybe this and he's he's dead and gone now.

292
00:24:09,902 --> 00:24:16,862
But still, as a kid, I still I still to this day don't understand how or why

293
00:24:16,862 --> 00:24:18,982
in certain aspects things happen.

294
00:24:19,162 --> 00:24:27,002
But every time he came home from leave, he would make babies, not a baby, but babies.

295
00:24:27,982 --> 00:24:31,822
Like the year I was born, there's three of us.

296
00:24:32,782 --> 00:24:36,002
Three years before that, it's three of them.

297
00:24:36,702 --> 00:24:41,022
Three years behind me and my three is three of them.

298
00:24:41,822 --> 00:24:48,302
Two years behind those children, it's three of them. And then it's two and two and then one.

299
00:24:48,502 --> 00:24:52,042
So I've got about 15, 16 siblings.

300
00:24:52,622 --> 00:24:58,402
But out of those 15, 16 siblings, I am the only one by my mother.

301
00:24:58,402 --> 00:25:03,762
These other women let him skip trace and keep coming back and keep coming back

302
00:25:03,762 --> 00:25:05,642
and keep coming back and making babies.

303
00:25:06,242 --> 00:25:11,322
And so in my mind, I've put together all these theories and all these different

304
00:25:11,322 --> 00:25:14,402
things on, you know, listening to my mother.

305
00:25:14,442 --> 00:25:19,482
And she's like, well, I asked him to do simple things for you and he wasn't

306
00:25:19,482 --> 00:25:25,022
inclined to do those simple things for you. So I just basically told him that

307
00:25:25,022 --> 00:25:28,902
he could kiss your ass and kiss my ass and I didn't need anything from him.

308
00:25:29,262 --> 00:25:33,842
And that that's the reason why he didn't do certain things for me.

309
00:25:33,962 --> 00:25:39,442
Now, when my father died back in 2012, we had his funeral.

310
00:25:39,902 --> 00:25:44,822
And when I say I showed up and I was like, OK, who is that?

311
00:25:45,262 --> 00:25:48,742
And who is that? Because I only knew of three of my siblings.

312
00:25:48,982 --> 00:25:51,782
Only I only knew of three of my siblings.

313
00:25:52,782 --> 00:25:59,522
And we get there. I get to the funeral and I see the three siblings that I do know.

314
00:25:59,582 --> 00:26:01,882
And I'm like, hey, who is that?

315
00:26:01,962 --> 00:26:05,422
And she's like, that's your sister. And who is that? That's your brother.

316
00:26:05,722 --> 00:26:08,202
And who is that? Oh, that's Didi.

317
00:26:08,542 --> 00:26:11,082
Me and Didi went to middle school together.

318
00:26:12,342 --> 00:26:15,582
Oh, Didi's your sister. Are you serious? Yes.

319
00:26:16,444 --> 00:26:24,424
I never knew. I never knew that I had went to middle school with my sister and

320
00:26:24,424 --> 00:26:29,664
then went to high school with my oldest sibling, my oldest brother.

321
00:26:29,864 --> 00:26:32,344
I never knew until my father died.

322
00:26:33,484 --> 00:26:38,024
Wow. That's a story. Hey, Rick. Yeah.

323
00:26:38,644 --> 00:26:41,804
Hey, you want you want to pick up from that where he just left off?

324
00:26:44,964 --> 00:26:47,704
Well you know what the similarity i have

325
00:26:47,704 --> 00:26:50,444
is i grew up in brooklyn and i went

326
00:26:50,444 --> 00:26:57,644
to is246 walt whitman as intermediate school and i didn't find out that until

327
00:26:57,644 --> 00:27:04,024
eighth grade that i was in school those three years of my sister and when we

328
00:27:04,024 --> 00:27:09,464
graduated from is246 he took us there to dinner at downtown and,

329
00:27:10,284 --> 00:27:14,364
you know, it's just crazy.

330
00:27:14,564 --> 00:27:19,784
We wanted to graduate together, same age, same year, same school,

331
00:27:19,904 --> 00:27:21,044
didn't know until eighth grade.

332
00:27:21,304 --> 00:27:26,584
So six and seven, I mean, I could have, I don't know, I could have actually

333
00:27:26,584 --> 00:27:29,244
dated her, you know, even being that young, you know, holding hands.

334
00:27:31,504 --> 00:27:34,884
That's what happened with me and my sister. That's what happened,

335
00:27:35,024 --> 00:27:37,704
but like you said, it was just holding hands, it wasn't anything,

336
00:27:38,904 --> 00:27:43,764
More than that, but yeah, I get what you're saying with that part It is,

337
00:27:43,784 --> 00:27:48,444
it's astounding and amazing That these junks, yeah, that would have been bad.

338
00:27:51,424 --> 00:27:54,544
Right, I don't, I don't, I don't know You okay?

339
00:27:55,304 --> 00:27:58,884
Hello, can you hear me? Yeah, we got you You make sure you're okay, bro.

340
00:27:59,524 --> 00:28:05,664
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm okay, I'm alright It's amazing and astounding how life

341
00:28:05,664 --> 00:28:10,624
was for our fathers and how they lived.

342
00:28:12,222 --> 00:28:17,582
We're able to hide, hide all of that.

343
00:28:18,422 --> 00:28:24,402
Hey, Joe. Yes. So let me pick up where Rick left off, where Richard left off. OK.

344
00:28:24,722 --> 00:28:28,122
You know, I was born in Brooklyn, too, right? Yes, sir.

345
00:28:28,862 --> 00:28:35,702
Yep. And I got out of Brooklyn in 1966 and I resurfaced in 19.

346
00:28:36,702 --> 00:28:40,082
Well, I will come back in the summertime. Mainly, I will stay with my mother's

347
00:28:40,082 --> 00:28:44,562
people. But when I turned 13, I got the opportunity to meet my actual father.

348
00:28:45,162 --> 00:28:47,242
And it turns out that.

349
00:28:48,722 --> 00:28:53,502
And yeah, and the sister he's talking about, that's that's my sister.

350
00:28:53,682 --> 00:28:56,802
And we have another sister. So my sister, Vanessa, her birthday,

351
00:28:56,982 --> 00:29:00,382
we call Vanessa and I call each other the Wonder Twins.

352
00:29:00,402 --> 00:29:03,242
You remember that cartoon, the Wonder Twins, Wonder Twin Power Activate?

353
00:29:04,042 --> 00:29:09,622
Yes, yes, yes. I remember the Wonder Twins. Yeah, we're the Wonder Twins. It's a wonder we made it.

354
00:29:10,662 --> 00:29:18,302
Her mother and my mother Were bumping bellies arguing over Our father Her birthday

355
00:29:18,302 --> 00:29:22,782
is July 22nd My birthday is August 13th, same year Our sister,

356
00:29:22,962 --> 00:29:28,342
Poochie Her birthday is April 1st And then Ricky's birthday is October 1st So

357
00:29:28,342 --> 00:29:31,642
all within that time frame There's four of us Wow.

358
00:29:34,442 --> 00:29:42,682
And that's not it That ain't the end of the story I'm pretty sure that's not the end of the story.

359
00:29:43,142 --> 00:29:46,422
I'm pretty sure that's not the end of the story.

360
00:29:46,662 --> 00:29:53,562
This sums it up. My first 45 that I bought and played on my Close and Play record.

361
00:29:53,902 --> 00:29:56,722
Anybody else have a Close and Play little record? Yes.

362
00:29:57,422 --> 00:30:01,462
My first 45 was The Temptations, Papa Was a Rolling Stone.

363
00:30:02,202 --> 00:30:11,522
I was living with my single mother. It sounds like we have Simular stories Mark,

364
00:30:11,762 --> 00:30:17,222
you said you grew up Father in the house You're the oldest boy,

365
00:30:18,302 --> 00:30:26,162
Hearing stories like this What does it make you think About your upbringing? Lucky.

366
00:30:28,462 --> 00:30:33,722
Because this is not the first time I've had conversations Because I used to

367
00:30:34,142 --> 00:30:38,942
I struggle sometimes with, you know, with issues.

368
00:30:39,262 --> 00:30:42,722
And I would call one of my friends, you know, a really good friend of mine or

369
00:30:42,722 --> 00:30:44,442
a couple of good friends of mine.

370
00:30:44,502 --> 00:30:48,202
And they would, you know, they they were easy to dismiss, you know,

371
00:30:48,202 --> 00:30:51,822
like, hey, man, you know, and I'm like, well, I said, I can't.

372
00:30:51,822 --> 00:30:54,062
I'm not just about to write somebody off like that, especially,

373
00:30:54,202 --> 00:30:57,762
you know, a brother or sister or something like that, that, you know, I'm not agreeing with.

374
00:30:57,762 --> 00:31:01,542
But then they tell me their backstory You know, how, you know,

375
00:31:01,542 --> 00:31:05,142
a parent was missing Or they were raised by someone else And,

376
00:31:05,162 --> 00:31:09,802
you know, and I see how they got there And it's just different for me You know, I'm like, uh,

377
00:31:10,953 --> 00:31:17,873
It's hard. I grew up in a neighborhood that majority homeowners,

378
00:31:18,353 --> 00:31:21,473
both parents were in the house or military.

379
00:31:21,933 --> 00:31:23,213
They were all military communities.

380
00:31:25,353 --> 00:31:33,073
So it's different. I don't see, I'm not saying that, I don't want to say this

381
00:31:33,073 --> 00:31:38,213
to sound condescending on other people's circumstances growing up.

382
00:31:38,213 --> 00:31:44,073
But I'm just glad, you know, that I, you know, that both my parents were in

383
00:31:44,073 --> 00:31:48,033
the house because you laid out those statistics at the beginning of the of your

384
00:31:48,033 --> 00:31:52,193
podcast about men being, you know, missing men,

385
00:31:52,353 --> 00:31:56,933
missing fathers in the home and the statistics behind it, you know,

386
00:31:56,933 --> 00:32:00,873
because I can't I can't see that.

387
00:32:00,873 --> 00:32:05,613
I can't see it. You know, we're educated.

388
00:32:06,013 --> 00:32:12,893
You know, I think I'm the only one that has an upper education because my dad,

389
00:32:13,033 --> 00:32:16,233
I spent more time with him, and he has upper education.

390
00:32:17,113 --> 00:32:21,133
He would take me to his classes when he was, you know, when he retired out of the military.

391
00:32:21,333 --> 00:32:25,293
I'd sit in class with him while he pursued his degree.

392
00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:31,433
And he inspired me to do mine. my only issue with that he he had a really bad

393
00:32:31,433 --> 00:32:33,953
drinking problem and he was a violent drunk,

394
00:32:35,113 --> 00:32:41,393
so that was that was what caused turmoil in our household so and you know it

395
00:32:41,393 --> 00:32:45,953
caused a lot of animosity between all of us and i didn't truly understand it

396
00:32:45,953 --> 00:32:50,053
until you know i joined the military you know because i thought that's me dad

397
00:32:50,053 --> 00:32:52,353
why you know why you drink so much you lost everything.

398
00:32:53,553 --> 00:32:58,733
He's like, this is just what I like to do, you know, but it costs you everything, you know.

399
00:32:58,913 --> 00:33:01,973
But then when I joined the military, you know, cause I did ask him,

400
00:33:01,973 --> 00:33:03,733
I was like, why don't you find something else to do?

401
00:33:03,853 --> 00:33:06,613
You know, he's like, this is legal, you know?

402
00:33:06,653 --> 00:33:10,233
And I'm like, okay, you know, but then when I joined the military,

403
00:33:10,313 --> 00:33:13,953
you know, all the things that I used to do, I had to stop and I started drinking,

404
00:33:14,033 --> 00:33:16,493
you know, cause I said I would never drink looking at him.

405
00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:20,870
But then I understood, you know, and I told him, I said, I understand.

406
00:33:21,190 --> 00:33:25,550
I don't agree, but, you know, I understand. When it becomes a problem,

407
00:33:26,330 --> 00:33:28,950
you know, you need to, you should seek help, you know.

408
00:33:30,190 --> 00:33:33,650
But we had a, he was there. I mean,

409
00:33:33,670 --> 00:33:40,270
I, this is a really, this is a really touching subject for me because,

410
00:33:40,430 --> 00:33:45,030
because of, you know, when he passed away, you know, he, when I went,

411
00:33:45,090 --> 00:33:46,430
I had orders to go to Korea.

412
00:33:46,430 --> 00:33:50,370
I'm going to give you a little back story and try not to break down.

413
00:33:51,030 --> 00:33:55,730
You know, his drinking, it was an ongoing thing.

414
00:33:56,170 --> 00:34:01,710
So I had orders to go to Korea. And he asked me, can I just stop in Seattle,

415
00:34:03,070 --> 00:34:06,690
in Tacoma, and visit him before I went to Korea?

416
00:34:06,830 --> 00:34:10,690
And I normally go to San Diego to visit my mom's side of the family.

417
00:34:11,050 --> 00:34:15,630
So I'm like, yeah, I can stop in. And so I stopped in and it was a couple of

418
00:34:15,630 --> 00:34:17,310
days before, you know, payday.

419
00:34:18,050 --> 00:34:23,450
And we had the greatest time I had ever spent with my dad, you know.

420
00:34:23,910 --> 00:34:26,970
And then on the first, you know, he kept looking out the window.

421
00:34:27,030 --> 00:34:28,130
I'm like, what is he looking for?

422
00:34:28,230 --> 00:34:31,990
And then it dawned on me he's waiting on the mailman to come so he can get his

423
00:34:31,990 --> 00:34:33,970
retirement check and he can start drinking.

424
00:34:35,050 --> 00:34:37,850
So and that's exactly what happened. So he started drinking.

425
00:34:37,930 --> 00:34:41,210
I'm like, hey, dad, you know, make sure that, you know, I got to get to the airport.

426
00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:43,690
And he's like, yeah, you know, I get you to the airport. I can't drive because

427
00:34:43,690 --> 00:34:46,570
he had hurt his hip, but his brother was going to give me a ride.

428
00:34:47,450 --> 00:34:52,890
So long story short, you know, he's drunk. My uncle's drunk and he won't let

429
00:34:52,890 --> 00:34:54,510
my uncle drive me to the airport.

430
00:34:54,710 --> 00:34:57,270
So now I'm upset because I got to get to SeaTac.

431
00:34:58,230 --> 00:35:01,250
So I ended up getting to SeaTac, but it was it was a fiasco,

432
00:35:01,350 --> 00:35:04,330
me getting there. And it all I had animosity with my dad.

433
00:35:04,890 --> 00:35:08,630
So when I got overseas, my wife called me and said, hey, Mark,

434
00:35:08,730 --> 00:35:10,570
you know, your dad called me and said that he was sorry.

435
00:35:10,570 --> 00:35:14,270
And da-da-da-da-da, and, you know, he wants you to call him so he can apologize,

436
00:35:14,410 --> 00:35:20,770
and by then, you know, 30, 40 years of this happening, I don't want to hear it, you know? So...

437
00:35:21,576 --> 00:35:25,756
I get about two or three months go by, and my wife calls me and says,

438
00:35:25,836 --> 00:35:27,576
hey, Mark, you know, your dad doesn't sound too good.

439
00:35:27,956 --> 00:35:30,196
And I'm like, well, I'll give him a call because we're getting ready to go to

440
00:35:30,196 --> 00:35:33,716
the field. And I said, I don't have time right now, but I will call him.

441
00:35:33,736 --> 00:35:36,436
No, it's not getting back from the field because I figured, you know,

442
00:35:36,476 --> 00:35:38,116
I had kind of simmered down and stuff.

443
00:35:38,696 --> 00:35:42,716
So when I got back, I got back on Friday, Saturday morning, I get up and throw

444
00:35:42,716 --> 00:35:44,736
my stuff in the washing machine and I grab my phone.

445
00:35:44,796 --> 00:35:48,616
And as I grab my phone, my sister calls me and, you know, just casual conversation.

446
00:35:48,776 --> 00:35:51,336
We're just talking and all of a sudden she said, well, dad died.

447
00:35:51,756 --> 00:35:55,756
And I'm like, what did you just say? She's like, yeah, dad died in the middle

448
00:35:55,756 --> 00:35:59,856
of just she just threw it on you in the middle of a casual conversation like

449
00:35:59,856 --> 00:36:04,496
that because she they haven't they don't understand what I understand.

450
00:36:04,676 --> 00:36:07,296
You know, they you know, they don't they don't.

451
00:36:07,536 --> 00:36:12,396
It was I had a different experience with my dad than than all of them,

452
00:36:12,416 --> 00:36:15,396
because like I said, he would pick me up and just say, hey, let's go here.

453
00:36:15,396 --> 00:36:18,256
This because that's what his dad did with

454
00:36:18,256 --> 00:36:21,196
him and he always let me know he's like my father took care

455
00:36:21,196 --> 00:36:24,436
of me i was the first his first son and you're

456
00:36:24,436 --> 00:36:27,596
my first son and whatever i go wherever i

457
00:36:27,596 --> 00:36:32,116
do i can do with you i'm what you're going to go with me and i mean he would

458
00:36:32,116 --> 00:36:36,856
just pack me up and i mean i had a totally different experience with my father

459
00:36:36,856 --> 00:36:42,136
than the rest of my siblings they they never got over the issue with him drinking

460
00:36:42,136 --> 00:36:44,576
because there was violence in the house he would beat up upon my mom.

461
00:36:44,656 --> 00:36:46,176
He was a really mean drunk.

462
00:36:46,516 --> 00:36:51,976
And I told him, I said, it bothered me. I resent you for it too,

463
00:36:52,076 --> 00:36:53,996
but you should have got help.

464
00:36:54,416 --> 00:36:59,056
You should have got help. We talked about this. But then when that transpired,

465
00:36:59,136 --> 00:37:01,596
in casual conversation, she just, hey, dad died.

466
00:37:02,036 --> 00:37:09,196
And I just, to this day, to this day, I haven't got over, I haven't truly got

467
00:37:09,196 --> 00:37:16,276
over not saying, hey dad you know what you know i i forgive you you know it is what it is you know.

468
00:37:17,516 --> 00:37:20,356
You know. Hey, Mark, man, you know what?

469
00:37:20,916 --> 00:37:24,356
I'm sending you a virtual hug because we're not in the same proximity,

470
00:37:24,516 --> 00:37:27,056
man. But I thank you for your transparency. Yes, sir.

471
00:37:27,556 --> 00:37:30,396
For showing your heart, man. Yes, sir. I appreciate that.

472
00:37:31,196 --> 00:37:37,056
Hey, we all have demons. Yes, sir. We have demons. And we don't.

473
00:37:37,856 --> 00:37:43,816
Man, listen. I recognize you. Listen. And I was just too proud to say, you know what?

474
00:37:44,076 --> 00:37:47,116
You know, he was proud enough to say he was sorry.

475
00:37:47,516 --> 00:37:50,336
He was more of a man in that hour.

476
00:37:51,156 --> 00:37:55,136
Take your time, my brother. Take your time. This is what we're here for.

477
00:37:55,336 --> 00:38:01,336
This is what the kickback is for, for us to have this moment.

478
00:38:01,476 --> 00:38:03,716
Listen, man. Listen, you talk about demons.

479
00:38:04,116 --> 00:38:07,696
This is a side note, man. This is a side note, but I get it.

480
00:38:07,716 --> 00:38:10,696
These demons, I have been home.

481
00:38:11,196 --> 00:38:14,376
I usually work, and I've been home for the last past six months.

482
00:38:14,416 --> 00:38:18,616
I had an accident, flipped a truck. man, these demons have been whooping me.

483
00:38:18,716 --> 00:38:22,556
So I understand about demons, man. They got me thinking that I ain't good enough,

484
00:38:22,676 --> 00:38:27,476
that I'm not a provider, that I'm not a husband, that I'm not a father,

485
00:38:27,596 --> 00:38:29,616
that I'm not all of these things.

486
00:38:29,756 --> 00:38:34,856
And my children love me. My children love me, man. So I get it.

487
00:38:34,856 --> 00:38:35,976
I understand these demons.

488
00:38:36,456 --> 00:38:41,356
And being a father and having a father like you had a father,

489
00:38:41,356 --> 00:38:43,216
Father, man, listen, that was a blessing.

490
00:38:43,856 --> 00:38:48,376
That's something that I woke up on days and I wished I had my brother.

491
00:38:48,796 --> 00:38:51,516
That's something I wished I had in my life.

492
00:38:52,516 --> 00:38:59,816
So I get it. I understand. Even with the way things happen, we can't control it.

493
00:39:00,536 --> 00:39:04,996
We can't control it. But here's the thing. Recognizing and understanding that

494
00:39:04,996 --> 00:39:10,036
it could have been better and it could have been different is a first step.

495
00:39:10,036 --> 00:39:13,056
Up and it ain't going to get no better, brother.

496
00:39:13,656 --> 00:39:16,536
It can only be softer, but it won't get any better.

497
00:39:16,756 --> 00:39:19,176
It's going to take some time. It's going to take some healing.

498
00:39:19,296 --> 00:39:23,496
And people think that, you know, you're supposed to put a time limit on healing.

499
00:39:24,056 --> 00:39:28,316
There's no time limit on grieving. There's no time limit on healing.

500
00:39:28,456 --> 00:39:35,916
There's no time limit on trying to figure out how to stop the bleeding, how to stop the hurt.

501
00:39:36,156 --> 00:39:38,596
It just takes time. It takes time.

502
00:39:39,356 --> 00:39:44,896
And as David said, hey, virtual hug, high five, fist bump, whatever.

503
00:39:45,576 --> 00:39:48,636
You know what I'm saying? I might stop by and give you a fist bump tomorrow

504
00:39:48,636 --> 00:39:50,796
because I'm going to be in your city tomorrow.

505
00:39:51,656 --> 00:39:57,196
Yeah, I appreciate it. I mean, I love my dad.

506
00:39:57,416 --> 00:40:03,216
I mean, all of his, I don't want to say faults, all the the things that I didn't

507
00:40:03,216 --> 00:40:08,616
agree that he did in his life, I loved my dad because my dad loved me.

508
00:40:10,117 --> 00:40:15,297
And, you know, I used to love coming around the corner and seeing that big black

509
00:40:15,297 --> 00:40:19,737
1970 Lincoln Continental sitting in the driveway because I knew my dad was home

510
00:40:19,737 --> 00:40:22,997
and I would run down the street, you know, to see my dad.

511
00:40:23,137 --> 00:40:30,617
You know, I wrote him letters. I truly love my dad and he I think he truly loved me.

512
00:40:31,557 --> 00:40:37,457
I just wish it's just so hard listening to, you know, your guys stories about

513
00:40:37,457 --> 00:40:43,117
your dad's It's missed, you know, not being there for what you needed him to be there.

514
00:40:43,317 --> 00:40:47,857
You know, I'm sure it should make you feel proud, my brother.

515
00:40:48,617 --> 00:40:55,717
I am. I love my dad, man. And I miss my dad. You know, I really I miss my dad.

516
00:40:56,257 --> 00:40:59,957
I still have these conversations, you know, in the shower or,

517
00:41:00,037 --> 00:41:02,417
you know, in the room. Hey, dad, you know, I miss you, man.

518
00:41:02,537 --> 00:41:07,277
You know, I wish you was here, even, you know, because he he was a great source

519
00:41:07,277 --> 00:41:08,777
of, you know, information.

520
00:41:08,777 --> 00:41:12,797
My dad was, in my opinion, he was the smartest man I knew,

521
00:41:13,557 --> 00:41:17,197
But a lot of it was overshadowed because of his drinking You know,

522
00:41:17,237 --> 00:41:19,017
you couldn't tell if he was,

523
00:41:19,697 --> 00:41:26,577
But as I got older and got wiser And started filtering out the noise I got to

524
00:41:26,577 --> 00:41:29,197
know my dad a lot better Mark.

525
00:41:30,717 --> 00:41:34,497
Let me drop something in the conversation right quick You know,

526
00:41:34,597 --> 00:41:45,757
the one thing that That black men don't have is a straight line connection to mental health issues.

527
00:41:45,957 --> 00:41:52,877
I mean, it's out there, but we don't use it. And we we we allow life to use

528
00:41:52,877 --> 00:41:57,957
us as a punching bag and we absorb those blows and we bottle it up and we don't.

529
00:41:58,756 --> 00:42:03,776
Have that automatic go-to to say, hey, I'm full. Let me release some of this

530
00:42:03,776 --> 00:42:05,376
so I can release some of the pressure.

531
00:42:05,936 --> 00:42:11,536
I think women have their tea parties where they spill the tea and they will

532
00:42:11,536 --> 00:42:15,096
go see a primary care provider quicker than we will.

533
00:42:15,336 --> 00:42:19,956
And we, like I used the analogy in a previous episode, we're like the Marlboro man.

534
00:42:20,116 --> 00:42:25,176
We're sitting out here on a horse in December in the the middle of a in the

535
00:42:25,176 --> 00:42:29,576
middle of a blizzard in sub-zero temperature lighten up a Marlboro.

536
00:42:31,936 --> 00:42:34,876
And and a lot of times we've been socialized in

537
00:42:34,876 --> 00:42:38,916
that setting and you know I didn't have the privilege of knowing your dad but

538
00:42:38,916 --> 00:42:44,096
I can say this that this brother came up in the the 40s the 50s the 60s the

539
00:42:44,096 --> 00:42:50,356
70s that brother sacrificed he took things for us to get over he endured things

540
00:42:50,356 --> 00:42:52,856
that And we didn't necessarily have to endure.

541
00:42:53,056 --> 00:42:55,956
So he took punches for us. I agree.

542
00:42:56,416 --> 00:43:00,096
Just like just like you love your kids and would do anything for your kids.

543
00:43:00,216 --> 00:43:03,596
I'm sure your dad loved you the very same way, even with his flaws.

544
00:43:03,696 --> 00:43:10,376
My mother was was an alcoholic and I that's I left home at 17 because I couldn't

545
00:43:10,376 --> 00:43:12,076
take it no more. Her and the aunt's father.

546
00:43:12,476 --> 00:43:15,616
It was Friday night at the fights every night. I remember when I was 12,

547
00:43:15,756 --> 00:43:19,376
I came in from school one day, put the key in the lock, opened the kitchen door,

548
00:43:19,456 --> 00:43:21,836
stepped in. and there was a trail of blood leading through the house.

549
00:43:21,896 --> 00:43:24,536
I didn't know if it was his, didn't know if it was hers.

550
00:43:24,796 --> 00:43:27,736
So I said, let me put my book bag down, follow the trail of blood.

551
00:43:27,956 --> 00:43:31,956
There she is in the bathroom, naked and bloody. I roll her into the tub,

552
00:43:32,096 --> 00:43:37,316
turn the water on, wash her up, pull her out the tub, drag her and throw her

553
00:43:37,316 --> 00:43:42,236
in the bed, cover her up and let her sleep it off. And then I fix myself something to eat.

554
00:43:44,616 --> 00:43:52,376
With all of their baggage, I have to love them because they endured things that I did not see.

555
00:43:52,596 --> 00:43:57,216
And I have to tip my hat to them for being strong enough to not let it take

556
00:43:57,216 --> 00:43:59,076
them out. Nobody committed suicide.

557
00:43:59,416 --> 00:44:02,116
They stuck it out. They did the best they could with the cards they had.

558
00:44:02,276 --> 00:44:07,736
But a lot of times our parents had maybe a pair of trays and maybe a tin.

559
00:44:09,876 --> 00:44:14,936
At least I had some face cards. Right, right, right. You know what I'm saying? Yes, sir.

560
00:44:15,616 --> 00:44:19,096
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, I face cards. But here's the thing.

561
00:44:19,176 --> 00:44:26,856
You know, we all have made the best we could with what we have in in the in

562
00:44:26,856 --> 00:44:32,176
the lines of being raised without fathers or in your case, David, the antifather.

563
00:44:32,176 --> 00:44:35,476
Father, we all have made the best that we could make.

564
00:44:35,596 --> 00:44:39,716
And as I previously stated, listen, all five of my children love me.

565
00:44:39,876 --> 00:44:46,596
All five of my children love me. Let me give you some context on my two bonus

566
00:44:46,596 --> 00:44:49,336
children, two of my children.

567
00:44:49,476 --> 00:44:51,716
Let me say it like that. All that other stuff is mess.

568
00:44:52,056 --> 00:44:54,596
Let me give you context on two of my children.

569
00:44:56,101 --> 00:44:59,201
One of my children's father is still alive.

570
00:44:59,741 --> 00:45:03,801
One of my children's father died when they were three years old.

571
00:45:04,101 --> 00:45:10,341
OK, so it's a boy. He never had a father, never knew a father, never had a father.

572
00:45:10,581 --> 00:45:15,741
His father has been gone. His role models were his uncles and they were great,

573
00:45:15,821 --> 00:45:18,001
great role models for him.

574
00:45:18,121 --> 00:45:23,841
Now, my daughter, she never her father's alive and she still to this day does

575
00:45:23,841 --> 00:45:28,921
not have a relationship. We have a better relationship than her and her father has.

576
00:45:29,221 --> 00:45:33,181
And me, as her mother's husband,

577
00:45:33,541 --> 00:45:41,921
I still encourage a relationship with her father because I am not married to

578
00:45:41,921 --> 00:45:46,741
my last two children's mom.

579
00:45:46,741 --> 00:45:52,281
Mom, and she has a husband, and me and him have a wonderful,

580
00:45:52,521 --> 00:45:54,241
wonderful, wonderful relationship.

581
00:45:54,921 --> 00:45:58,501
And that's how I wanted to be with me and this child's father,

582
00:45:58,641 --> 00:46:03,121
but he, I don't know if he's not ready. I don't know if he's not there.

583
00:46:03,541 --> 00:46:09,121
I don't know what his, you know, what he has going on, but he,

584
00:46:09,221 --> 00:46:12,021
you know, I don't know what to say about it.

585
00:46:12,041 --> 00:46:14,401
What, what, I don't know.

586
00:46:14,501 --> 00:46:20,881
I don't know, No, but like I said, I encourage a relationship with them between the two of them,

587
00:46:20,921 --> 00:46:27,221
because I would hope that the man that's married to my ex-wife encourages a

588
00:46:27,221 --> 00:46:33,501
relationship with much from his perspective to my children with me.

589
00:46:34,241 --> 00:46:39,961
Exactly. Co-parenting. Once again, we need to be that village.

590
00:46:39,961 --> 00:46:45,961
We had a strong village back in the 50s and the 60s. No matter how bad the society

591
00:46:45,961 --> 00:46:51,901
was treating the community, the village itself was able to absorb some of that

592
00:46:51,901 --> 00:46:52,901
and protect the children.

593
00:46:53,041 --> 00:46:56,261
But today, that village mentality is gone.

594
00:46:56,741 --> 00:47:00,081
We're living in the same neighborhood and we're at odds against each other when

595
00:47:00,081 --> 00:47:03,961
we should be pulling together in our neighborhood to protect everybody that's

596
00:47:03,961 --> 00:47:06,701
of that neighborhood. Mm hmm. Yeah.

597
00:47:34,841 --> 00:47:39,761
Perspective? What happened to the village? I can say I answer that in my in

598
00:47:39,761 --> 00:47:42,001
my opinion, the village was was attacked.

599
00:47:42,301 --> 00:47:44,841
It was it was a strategic attack by the government.

600
00:47:45,241 --> 00:47:51,901
I would say during the Reagan era, when they started bringing illegal substances into the communities.

601
00:47:53,292 --> 00:47:57,752
And setting it up and then victimizing, demonize,

602
00:47:57,752 --> 00:48:03,392
demonizing and incarcerating when you when you incarcerate people for an ounce

603
00:48:03,392 --> 00:48:07,372
of marijuana and you're locking them up for 20 years and then you turn it into

604
00:48:07,372 --> 00:48:11,072
a privatized jail system that people can make profit on.

605
00:48:11,572 --> 00:48:16,772
That's what destroyed, in my opinion, the village that a lot of people came out of.

606
00:48:17,392 --> 00:48:23,552
When you take away the gatekeepers, anybody can come in and pillage the village.

607
00:48:23,872 --> 00:48:28,992
Yeah. When you start incarcerating dads, removing fathers from the home,

608
00:48:29,152 --> 00:48:33,712
you know, because I agree with you, Dave. I strongly agree with you.

609
00:48:34,192 --> 00:48:40,712
When you start removing fathers from the home, you systematically start removing fathers from the home.

610
00:48:40,712 --> 00:48:46,572
You have problems in the village because you know that's where you start getting

611
00:48:46,572 --> 00:48:51,932
these strong women because they have to they have to make up for what was taken

612
00:48:51,932 --> 00:48:58,112
from them so it but it comes it but it came at a high price because now you

613
00:48:58,112 --> 00:49:00,452
have these strong women that's like i don't need a man.

614
00:49:01,372 --> 00:49:08,012
Right you know uh and and now you have this chaos in in the in the black homes

615
00:49:08,012 --> 00:49:11,572
because you have That women that want to be, you know, trying to take,

616
00:49:11,612 --> 00:49:13,852
I'm an equal opportunity.

617
00:49:14,152 --> 00:49:17,132
I don't want a woman that caters to my need.

618
00:49:17,532 --> 00:49:22,472
I want a 50-50. I want her to have as much voice, as much conversation that

619
00:49:22,472 --> 00:49:26,732
I have, which doesn't go along with a lot of friends that I have.

620
00:49:26,792 --> 00:49:31,772
You know, my word's the last word, but I married my wife to be a partner,

621
00:49:31,872 --> 00:49:36,012
not to be a servant to my needs.

622
00:49:36,652 --> 00:49:41,052
I'm not going to make everything right. You know, and she's not just going to augment each other.

623
00:49:41,352 --> 00:49:44,812
Right. Everybody needs somebody to check them in every now and then.

624
00:49:45,312 --> 00:49:53,092
And the thing is, no one, no one, well, at least me, I don't know,

625
00:49:53,112 --> 00:49:56,092
some being, I don't want no slave. I don't want no slave.

626
00:49:56,612 --> 00:49:59,132
Because here's my thing. Here's my thing.

627
00:50:01,192 --> 00:50:06,812
If, and this is what I've always preached. If I fall and I've been handling

628
00:50:06,812 --> 00:50:11,292
everything and if I fall, she don't know how to pay the bills.

629
00:50:11,392 --> 00:50:12,992
She don't know how to run the household.

630
00:50:13,252 --> 00:50:16,192
She doesn't know how to take care of the business.

631
00:50:17,761 --> 00:50:18,021
Of anything.

632
00:50:20,381 --> 00:50:26,521
That's so true. Hey, Joe, let me get my brother Rich out there in San Diego,

633
00:50:26,681 --> 00:50:32,301
who's a former he's a former He's in San Diego? Yeah, he's in San Diego.

634
00:50:33,501 --> 00:50:37,221
Yeah, he's in San Diego. He's a retired San Diego police officer.

635
00:50:37,301 --> 00:50:40,141
That's why I wanted to bring him back. I wanted to bring him back in and ask

636
00:50:40,141 --> 00:50:43,541
him from all of his years of experience on the San Diego police force.

637
00:50:44,021 --> 00:50:46,981
He's probably harassing people down there that I know, man.

638
00:50:48,621 --> 00:50:56,241
I'm from San Diego I was born and raised in San Diego He said he's probably

639
00:50:56,241 --> 00:51:02,241
down there harassing some people that I know That's wrong Rick.

640
00:51:03,801 --> 00:51:09,541
My question for you is From your experiences out there in San Diego What is

641
00:51:09,541 --> 00:51:14,501
your take on Like you said, the village has been pillaged

642
00:51:14,881 --> 00:51:19,741
What did you see in your time in the uniform under the San Diego Police Department?

643
00:51:19,901 --> 00:51:24,021
What did you see as far as the impact of what was going on with the teens and

644
00:51:24,021 --> 00:51:26,901
the young men out there in San Diego, the Southern California region?

645
00:51:27,801 --> 00:51:34,641
You know, San Diego is a different kind of city. You know, I grew up in Brooklyn

646
00:51:34,641 --> 00:51:38,721
and then we moved out to Long Island, Hempstead, and it was just a different atmosphere.

647
00:51:38,721 --> 00:51:44,661
But out here, I mean, being a police officer, I find that I went into homes

648
00:51:44,661 --> 00:51:48,801
where the father was there and, you know, concerned citizens.

649
00:51:48,981 --> 00:51:55,081
And I really didn't get a take for, you know, I didn't feel a certain type of

650
00:51:55,081 --> 00:51:59,921
way about the community I was protecting and serving. You know what I mean?

651
00:52:00,241 --> 00:52:06,041
So, I mean, you know, when you talk about the village, I think we moved away

652
00:52:06,041 --> 00:52:11,481
from the village. I think when we left, like me, I joined the Navy.

653
00:52:11,501 --> 00:52:13,041
I was in Naval Intelligence for nine years.

654
00:52:13,541 --> 00:52:16,601
I left at 19, but I had to leave.

655
00:52:16,761 --> 00:52:21,921
I was going to school and I was working, but my mom resented me because I was like my father.

656
00:52:22,161 --> 00:52:26,501
You know, that's the sad part. I was told my whole life growing up that you're

657
00:52:26,501 --> 00:52:28,801
not going to be anything but just like your father, you know,

658
00:52:28,801 --> 00:52:34,521
and the resentment she had for him, she transferred over to me, you know.

659
00:52:34,521 --> 00:52:39,301
So that wasn't a good thing, but I loved my father. So it was like,

660
00:52:39,301 --> 00:52:40,541
well, I want to be like him anyway.

661
00:52:40,741 --> 00:52:43,221
I mean, because I laughed like him, somewhat looked like him.

662
00:52:43,461 --> 00:52:46,801
I had his personality, and she resented that.

663
00:52:46,961 --> 00:52:50,161
So I had to leave. I was going to school, I was going to college,

664
00:52:50,281 --> 00:52:52,741
and working full-time, and 18

665
00:52:52,741 --> 00:52:56,081
credits, and I had to leave the household because she wanted me to leave.

666
00:52:56,141 --> 00:52:59,221
She was like, oh, I left when I was 18. I was home, you have to leave.

667
00:53:00,441 --> 00:53:04,001
I had to draw my line in the sand and go forward.

668
00:53:04,401 --> 00:53:08,501
But I think there, while I was there, in Hempstead, Long Island,

669
00:53:08,601 --> 00:53:13,521
which was a black town, which was very cool, one of the best high school, Hempstead High School.

670
00:53:13,621 --> 00:53:18,221
But anyway, I think there was a village there. All the neighbors were like parents.

671
00:53:18,701 --> 00:53:24,321
So if you were messing up, that parent would see you on the block and then shake

672
00:53:24,321 --> 00:53:28,961
you by the hand and take you to your parent or scold you just like your parent

673
00:53:28,961 --> 00:53:30,781
would. And that was the village.

674
00:53:30,881 --> 00:53:34,301
It was the village of Hempstead, really. And I felt that. I felt like every

675
00:53:34,301 --> 00:53:38,741
parent in the neighborhood was my parent. You know what I mean?

676
00:53:39,881 --> 00:53:43,281
So I love that feeling, and I hate that the village has left.

677
00:53:43,701 --> 00:53:47,501
But I think we left the village. I think we moved on. I think things changed.

678
00:53:47,961 --> 00:53:52,641
You know, I mean, all the things that, Dave, you made and the dude,

679
00:53:52,821 --> 00:53:54,541
you know, you guys are on point.

680
00:53:54,701 --> 00:53:59,641
I think it's all part of that. I think it's a piece of why the village isn't

681
00:53:59,641 --> 00:54:03,041
what the village used to be. I think it's all in the play. Was it the government?

682
00:54:03,521 --> 00:54:08,001
You know, women have decided they don't need a man, you know, whatever.

683
00:54:08,401 --> 00:54:13,421
And they're self-reliant, which is good for a woman to be self-reliant, you know.

684
00:54:13,641 --> 00:54:18,981
But I think different pieces of that, we left that village, you know,

685
00:54:18,981 --> 00:54:21,241
and so there's all these different factors.

686
00:54:21,241 --> 00:54:25,281
Factor, but I find that, you know, San Diego is a tourist community,

687
00:54:25,601 --> 00:54:30,041
you know, so where I worked was on the waterfront, and, you know,

688
00:54:30,041 --> 00:54:33,321
I didn't go into a lot of homes, actually,

689
00:54:33,761 --> 00:54:38,921
in the outskirts or the suburbs, you know, I was germane down to the waterfront

690
00:54:38,921 --> 00:54:42,821
area, so the airport and hotels and that kind of thing.

691
00:54:43,061 --> 00:54:45,881
A few homes, but not... This is Valley. Not as fun.

692
00:54:47,421 --> 00:54:54,701
All right. Right. So here we have a few comments in the text, if you guys can't see it.

693
00:54:54,761 --> 00:55:03,221
But Bubba J says, but what do you expect when you let the government run your household?

694
00:55:03,941 --> 00:55:07,361
And then the other comment we have is the gentleman.

695
00:55:07,481 --> 00:55:10,561
I can't pronounce his name. He's from another country. But thank you.

696
00:55:10,621 --> 00:55:16,081
We have a listener from Russia in the house with us, and he is also he is also

697
00:55:16,081 --> 00:55:20,081
communicating with us. So shout outs to the international family.

698
00:55:20,181 --> 00:55:23,661
But he says, I think we forgot.

699
00:55:24,641 --> 00:55:30,441
Well, he's right. So I think we forgot our roots. So this is the problem with the village.

700
00:55:31,561 --> 00:55:35,781
OK, Henry, he says his name is Henry. So call him Henry. Cool.

701
00:55:36,001 --> 00:55:40,361
Thank you, Henry, for being a part of the kickback.

702
00:55:40,481 --> 00:55:46,141
I'm your host, the dude. And Bubba J also comes back and says now welfare and

703
00:55:46,141 --> 00:55:50,041
the Internet, that's what's taking over the households.

704
00:55:51,583 --> 00:55:52,783
What do you guys think about that?

705
00:55:56,743 --> 00:55:58,583
Welfare and the internet. Wow.

706
00:56:00,923 --> 00:56:06,303
That's a serious, those are two serious bookends right there. Yeah, yeah.

707
00:56:06,583 --> 00:56:10,503
I don't see the correlation, but. I do. I think I do.

708
00:56:10,643 --> 00:56:15,163
The welfare, we don't, I love my mom for this.

709
00:56:15,263 --> 00:56:18,803
My mom, you know, my dad, while he was out drinking, you know,

710
00:56:18,803 --> 00:56:20,923
he wasn't taking care of some of the financial responsibilities.

711
00:56:21,783 --> 00:56:25,663
So my mom, you know, she we were we needed we needed help, you know,

712
00:56:25,663 --> 00:56:29,583
and but she could have easily sat back and said, you know, hey,

713
00:56:29,643 --> 00:56:32,063
I'm just going to, you know, I'm just going to draw a welfare check.

714
00:56:32,623 --> 00:56:38,603
But she didn't. She she went to work and whatever they whatever they she made

715
00:56:38,603 --> 00:56:42,883
at her job, they took from her, you know, because that's how it works.

716
00:56:42,963 --> 00:56:45,583
That's why you hear a lot of people, a lot of a lot of people said,

717
00:56:45,703 --> 00:56:47,123
hey, I'd rather stay at home.

718
00:56:47,303 --> 00:56:53,303
I can make more money at home than going to work. And I do think That mentality.

719
00:56:56,303 --> 00:57:04,063
Stifled a lot of Black families We don't need to work If the government is giving

720
00:57:04,063 --> 00:57:06,183
us money I still see that today,

721
00:57:07,123 --> 00:57:16,603
That's an interesting point And the internet You have You have An expanded reach

722
00:57:16,603 --> 00:57:19,043
And not have to go anywhere,

723
00:57:19,643 --> 00:57:22,423
You know, you can sit behind your computer and do just about everything.

724
00:57:22,643 --> 00:57:27,143
Hey, that's what I say. These, these, I call, they're called smartphones,

725
00:57:27,383 --> 00:57:32,543
but I call them dumb boxes because they made us dumb as fuck.

726
00:57:32,783 --> 00:57:36,803
And it's made us lazy as hell. Oh my goodness.

727
00:57:37,023 --> 00:57:39,943
It has. It's made us dumb as fucking lazy as hell.

728
00:57:39,963 --> 00:57:45,163
And excuse my French, but that you, I get the correlation between welfare and the internet.

729
00:57:45,343 --> 00:57:50,183
Because as you said, you can set it home. We've become a society to where we

730
00:57:50,183 --> 00:57:52,363
can sit at home and order our groceries.

731
00:57:53,463 --> 00:57:56,743
When our parents, our mothers, our mothers, our grandmothers,

732
00:57:56,783 --> 00:58:00,943
they took pride in going to the store and picking out their collard greens and

733
00:58:00,943 --> 00:58:04,583
picking out their turnip greens and picking out that boil of meat and picking

734
00:58:04,583 --> 00:58:09,043
out those pork chops and those chickens that they were going to feed us.

735
00:58:10,857 --> 00:58:15,857
So now you can get someone to go to the grocery store and pick up all those things for you.

736
00:58:15,897 --> 00:58:18,737
If you need shoes, someone will deliver shoes. If you need clothes,

737
00:58:18,857 --> 00:58:19,857
someone will deliver your clothes.

738
00:58:20,477 --> 00:58:24,777
Now it's even got to the fact that you don't even have to go to a car dealership anymore.

739
00:58:25,397 --> 00:58:28,677
Bring it right to your house. Bring it right to your driveway.

740
00:58:29,337 --> 00:58:31,457
Yeah. Right to your driveway.

741
00:58:32,197 --> 00:58:39,697
So that's the coalition of welfare and Internet. Internet because even and here's

742
00:58:39,697 --> 00:58:42,757
the killer part that kills me, that kills me.

743
00:58:42,897 --> 00:58:49,637
The government is giving away Internet to poor and disenfranchised people.

744
00:58:49,857 --> 00:58:51,377
The government's giving away this.

745
00:58:51,637 --> 00:58:56,017
But you got Internet, but you ain't got no phone service.

746
00:58:56,557 --> 00:58:58,997
Somebody takes you. Oh, I'm on Wi-Fi.

747
00:58:59,557 --> 00:59:03,817
But you got Internet, but you can't afford to pay your phone service.

748
00:59:04,737 --> 00:59:09,277
Make that make sense, because you're sitting at home on a government subsidized

749
00:59:09,277 --> 00:59:15,417
program and they're giving you free Internet because you claim you don't have any Internet coming in.

750
00:59:15,557 --> 00:59:20,317
So you're getting free government Internet and you're getting welfare from the

751
00:59:20,317 --> 00:59:25,017
government subsidized home, subsidized daycare, whatever you want to call it.

752
00:59:25,017 --> 00:59:31,617
Not to say that those programs are bad, because I know for a fact in my life,

753
00:59:31,737 --> 00:59:37,197
my mother used those programs to walk us from the projects to a rental home

754
00:59:37,197 --> 00:59:38,937
to her buying her own home.

755
00:59:39,377 --> 00:59:44,917
And I don't know how this happened, but this woman that I'm married to now, she did the same thing.

756
00:59:45,537 --> 00:59:51,917
She used the program for what it was made for and what it was worth to better herself. sell.

757
00:59:52,337 --> 00:59:55,497
But see, that's the crux of the matter.

758
00:59:55,937 --> 01:00:01,637
That's the key linchpin is that it's a hand, it's supposed to be a hand up, not a hand out.

759
01:00:01,757 --> 01:00:05,077
But too many people allow themselves to become trapped in the system.

760
01:00:05,217 --> 01:00:10,137
They get comfortable with it and they start to live within the box of a new form of slavery.

761
01:00:10,657 --> 01:00:16,157
But you're meant to use it as a springboard for launching or a launching pad

762
01:00:16,157 --> 01:00:21,857
for a different destination, but many people never launch. They fail to launch. They stay right there.

763
01:00:22,057 --> 01:00:28,617
Because there's no incentive for them to do otherwise, in my opinion.

764
01:00:29,517 --> 01:00:33,077
It's called self-motivation. If you have no self-motivation,

765
01:00:33,237 --> 01:00:38,977
and that's what I loved about my mom, is that self-pride.

766
01:00:41,837 --> 01:00:45,857
My parents didn't really want a handout from the government.

767
01:00:45,857 --> 01:00:51,557
They just wanted an opportunity to get ahead Right And now it's more we want

768
01:00:51,557 --> 01:00:57,197
the government to do for us My parents wanted the government to move out the way,

769
01:00:58,443 --> 01:01:01,203
The only thing I wanted from the government back in the day was that peanut

770
01:01:01,203 --> 01:01:03,503
butter and that gum and cheese. That's all I wanted.

771
01:01:04,103 --> 01:01:09,103
Hey, man, my brother. Hey, man, that was the best cheese in the world.

772
01:01:09,103 --> 01:01:11,643
Best macaroni and cheese you could ever get.

773
01:01:13,383 --> 01:01:18,723
That gum and cheese, though. Best grilled cheese in the world.

774
01:01:19,243 --> 01:01:23,663
Yes, sir. Best grilled cheese in the world, man. So check it out. Check it out.

775
01:01:23,823 --> 01:01:28,003
In the comment section, Bubba J again, and shout out to Bubba J.

776
01:01:28,443 --> 01:01:32,043
And Henry for staying with us during the whole show. But Bubba J says,

777
01:01:32,223 --> 01:01:36,903
remember, back in the day when your parents told you, don't get into the car

778
01:01:36,903 --> 01:01:41,143
with strangers, and now we have strangers coming to our house, picking us up.

779
01:01:41,863 --> 01:01:44,863
Bubba J, what you say? You ain't said nothing but a word right there, my brother.

780
01:01:46,323 --> 01:01:49,283
That's the truth. Yeah. Yeah.

781
01:01:51,003 --> 01:01:54,303
And that is true. It is true about the kids needing to have the Internet to

782
01:01:54,303 --> 01:01:58,443
do homework. and homework is taking on a whole nother meaning, man.

783
01:01:58,503 --> 01:02:02,623
I remember, I mean, when I was a kid, they used to load me up on Fridays with

784
01:02:02,623 --> 01:02:04,403
homework. I had homework all weekend.

785
01:02:04,663 --> 01:02:07,763
I'm working on projects all weekend to drag in on Monday morning.

786
01:02:07,883 --> 01:02:11,903
Now these kids don't even get homework on Fridays. They come home Monday through

787
01:02:11,903 --> 01:02:15,123
Thursday, they do something on the computer and then they got a three-day weekend.

788
01:02:15,843 --> 01:02:21,423
I can remember we had homework every day, every day. You see it?

789
01:02:21,943 --> 01:02:25,803
Every day you You had homework because you took that test on Friday.

790
01:02:26,043 --> 01:02:28,703
And if you didn't, if you didn't get the answers to that test right,

791
01:02:28,743 --> 01:02:33,963
then that means you had to study on the weekends to take the retest.

792
01:02:34,263 --> 01:02:36,803
You understand what I'm saying? You had to take the retest.

793
01:02:37,603 --> 01:02:41,663
You're right, Bubba J. We had books. We had books.

794
01:02:42,703 --> 01:02:47,543
And Bubba J., like I said, shouts out again. He says they wanted,

795
01:02:47,703 --> 01:02:51,303
back then they wanted a leg up, not a hand down.

796
01:02:51,303 --> 01:02:54,023
And that I think that sums it up in

797
01:02:54,023 --> 01:02:56,743
a difference we wanted the government to get out of the way

798
01:02:56,743 --> 01:03:00,083
move move get out of our business now it's you

799
01:03:00,083 --> 01:03:03,023
want a handout everybody's got their handout everybody wants something

800
01:03:03,023 --> 01:03:09,623
from the government what about getting it for yourself and on that that goes

801
01:03:09,623 --> 01:03:13,503
along with the village you know you might have been working at the post office

802
01:03:13,503 --> 01:03:18,083
and then your friend got on at the post office and then another friend got on

803
01:03:18,083 --> 01:03:21,523
the post office and And everybody will make it at the post office.

804
01:03:21,543 --> 01:03:26,343
But you did your best to get everybody you knew a job to make sure that their

805
01:03:26,343 --> 01:03:28,083
household was taken care of.

806
01:03:29,043 --> 01:03:33,923
Does that still exist anymore? Do we still help each other out like that?

807
01:03:35,218 --> 01:03:40,158
Question. I feel surprised there's crabs in the bucket. You know,

808
01:03:40,198 --> 01:03:42,038
we don't want to see each other excel.

809
01:03:42,298 --> 01:03:45,738
You know, we have this hidden animosity. Well, I don't.

810
01:03:45,878 --> 01:03:52,078
I share all the information that I have to anyone that wants it,

811
01:03:52,178 --> 01:03:57,118
you know, because I want us to succeed, you know, as a group,

812
01:03:57,258 --> 01:04:01,438
as a race, as a group of people, you know, as humanity.

813
01:04:01,658 --> 01:04:06,578
You know, I want to share what I know I've been called selfish by certain people,

814
01:04:07,238 --> 01:04:14,538
What I know Because sometimes people don't want to hear it They want the easy way,

815
01:04:16,278 --> 01:04:21,998
They don't want to have to work hard Or put the work in I don't want to say

816
01:04:21,998 --> 01:04:26,438
work hard They don't want to put the work in For what they think they deserve.

817
01:04:28,558 --> 01:04:35,198
So, yeah Hey, Henry put a comment in here He said, I was raised without a father.

818
01:04:35,338 --> 01:04:38,618
I knew him. He visited me. Maybe he was a good man.

819
01:04:39,138 --> 01:04:42,018
So thank you. Thank you for that comment, Henry.

820
01:04:42,138 --> 01:04:47,638
If this conversation has helped change your impression or open up your your

821
01:04:47,638 --> 01:04:49,958
your thoughts about your relationship.

822
01:04:50,118 --> 01:04:52,618
I thank you for being a part of the kickback.

823
01:04:53,038 --> 01:04:55,978
Hey, that's what we're here for, my man. That's what we're here for.

824
01:04:56,098 --> 01:05:01,678
And so on facts, I got a couple more facts about fathers being in the home.

825
01:05:01,678 --> 01:05:08,258
And it says on a broader scale, active fathers can contribute to a healthier

826
01:05:08,258 --> 01:05:16,398
family dynamics and more give a better idea of what gender roles are supposed to look like.

827
01:05:16,398 --> 01:05:22,618
Like when fathers are present and engaging can also help down the help,

828
01:05:22,718 --> 01:05:30,998
break down the traditional stereotypes and promote a more balanced view of both

829
01:05:30,998 --> 01:05:37,318
parents and careers and relationships when it comes to the household.

830
01:05:37,598 --> 01:05:39,158
What do you guys think about that?

831
01:05:40,457 --> 01:05:44,417
Oh, most definitely. Most definitely. Yeah. Totally agree.

832
01:05:45,437 --> 01:05:50,917
Because, I mean, like it says, it breaks. Active father contributes to a healthier

833
01:05:50,917 --> 01:05:56,317
family dynamic and and help show the gender roles.

834
01:05:56,417 --> 01:05:59,457
Because if you grow up in a single parent home with just your mom,

835
01:05:59,557 --> 01:06:06,017
then I don't think you in gender roles ain't just something that that's always got to be discussed. us.

836
01:06:06,037 --> 01:06:09,677
But in life, there are gender roles.

837
01:06:10,037 --> 01:06:19,177
And I think if you have not had had have seen gender roles, then I don't think you understand it.

838
01:06:19,337 --> 01:06:23,957
I don't think you understand it the way that you should understand it.

839
01:06:24,057 --> 01:06:30,257
And it kind of it is thrown a loop in today's society, because if you look at

840
01:06:30,257 --> 01:06:35,557
today's society and what's going on with the world and what they're trying to

841
01:06:35,557 --> 01:06:37,717
throw on us at this moment.

842
01:06:37,897 --> 01:06:40,957
And I'm just going to leave it at that. And if we're all wrong,

843
01:06:41,017 --> 01:06:46,017
we can understand and know what I'm talking about, what they're trying to throw on us.

844
01:06:46,157 --> 01:06:52,157
I feel like it's like population control because us two can't do nothing and

845
01:06:52,157 --> 01:06:55,117
them two can't do nothing to repopulate this It's worry.

846
01:06:57,297 --> 01:07:00,337
You understand what I'm saying? You know, most definitely.

847
01:07:00,377 --> 01:07:04,277
And when the thing that gets me is these young ladies out here today,

848
01:07:04,517 --> 01:07:08,737
these these these 10 to 18 year old group.

849
01:07:08,757 --> 01:07:11,977
I'm going to put them to get that eight year group right there when they don't

850
01:07:11,977 --> 01:07:15,697
have a father in the home to teach them what a real man is like.

851
01:07:16,799 --> 01:07:20,559
They go out into the world every day and they accept whatever comes their way.

852
01:07:20,799 --> 01:07:24,339
So I see a young couple walking down the street and I see the young ladies on

853
01:07:24,339 --> 01:07:27,119
the outside to the street. The young man's on the inside. And I'm like,

854
01:07:27,159 --> 01:07:27,979
because he was never taught.

855
01:07:29,099 --> 01:07:33,119
Neither one of them were never taught. I see the young ladies opening the door

856
01:07:33,119 --> 01:07:36,839
for the young men to walk through. What is he, a rapper? I mean, come on, be for real.

857
01:07:40,179 --> 01:07:40,919
What else,

858
01:07:43,159 --> 01:07:47,499
you see these young people I guess they're on a date they're sitting at the

859
01:07:47,499 --> 01:07:51,579
table across from each other but both of them is tapping away on their phone

860
01:07:51,579 --> 01:07:54,359
and they're not engaging each other in eyes they're not,

861
01:07:55,459 --> 01:07:58,339
conversating they're sitting there sending each other text messages you can

862
01:07:58,339 --> 01:08:02,839
do that from 20 miles apart you're right in this woman's face but these kids

863
01:08:02,839 --> 01:08:06,779
they don't know how to rap they don't know how to a maca woman all they know

864
01:08:06,779 --> 01:08:09,299
how to do is yeah they don't know how to court all they know how to do.

865
01:08:10,799 --> 01:08:13,559
Tap some emojis on a phone and they're sitting there

866
01:08:13,559 --> 01:08:16,539
giggling at the phone they're not even giggling in each other's

867
01:08:16,539 --> 01:08:22,159
face so society is just it's been gone to a whole nother level of stupid in

868
01:08:22,159 --> 01:08:26,419
my opinion no i get frustrated with it and i just have to throw my hands up

869
01:08:26,419 --> 01:08:30,939
and say hey you know what all i can do is teach mine now if we go back and do

870
01:08:30,939 --> 01:08:34,599
is teach mine right now if we go back through the comments, what did Bubba J say?

871
01:08:35,719 --> 01:08:41,439
Welfare and the internet, that's what's taking over the house.

872
01:08:42,779 --> 01:08:45,779
Now, in reference to what you just said, what did you just say?

873
01:08:45,939 --> 01:08:48,539
A young man and a young lady goes out on a date.

874
01:08:49,139 --> 01:08:53,439
They're setting out a table with each other, but they're not looking at each

875
01:08:53,439 --> 01:08:57,059
other in the eyes. They're not holding hands. He's not smooching her.

876
01:08:57,419 --> 01:09:01,779
She's not moogly-eyed. She's not Now she's in that, you know,

877
01:09:01,779 --> 01:09:04,959
showing that red in her face where she's blushing.

878
01:09:05,259 --> 01:09:09,159
He's not trying to throw his best Mac lines at her.

879
01:09:09,339 --> 01:09:14,559
They both got their heads down and they're in the screen and they're tapping

880
01:09:14,559 --> 01:09:18,139
and they're swiping and they're tapping and they're swiping.

881
01:09:19,329 --> 01:09:23,549
A non-emotional connection. That's an oxymoron.

882
01:09:23,949 --> 01:09:29,169
Yes. It's anti-social entertainment, you know? Anti-social.

883
01:09:29,769 --> 01:09:34,289
Entertainment. Are we trying to compare? Are we trying to compare?

884
01:09:35,149 --> 01:09:39,469
I'm going to be the devil's advocate for a second. Go ahead. I love it. I love it.

885
01:09:39,589 --> 01:09:45,209
Are we trying to compare, you know, how our generation is to,

886
01:09:45,249 --> 01:09:46,649
you know, to their generation?

887
01:09:46,649 --> 01:09:50,969
Because there's really no comparison because we only had one phone in the house,

888
01:09:51,069 --> 01:09:55,109
you know, and now everybody has a phone. This is their world.

889
01:09:55,229 --> 01:10:01,289
This is what we, I find it hard to compare, you know, I loved our generation.

890
01:10:01,329 --> 01:10:04,549
I think our generation was, you know, one of the greatest generations.

891
01:10:05,769 --> 01:10:10,289
But the new generation is not ours. They have things that we didn't have.

892
01:10:10,509 --> 01:10:13,589
You know, we were in books. I've seen the comments say we had books.

893
01:10:13,769 --> 01:10:16,569
You know, I remember, you know, doing my homework and, you know, going through books.

894
01:10:16,669 --> 01:10:21,849
I got encyclopedias, you know, but this is not, this is not their world.

895
01:10:21,929 --> 01:10:26,129
And we gave, you know, our generation is the one that gave them these tools

896
01:10:26,129 --> 01:10:30,229
and now we're mad because they're using them. Right, right, right.

897
01:10:30,449 --> 01:10:35,589
But at the same hand, you're right. I think all of us had the encyclopedia.

898
01:10:36,729 --> 01:10:40,009
It's a household issue. It's a household issue.

899
01:10:40,709 --> 01:10:46,629
You have to have some sort of boundaries and you have to have some teachings for your children.

900
01:10:46,809 --> 01:10:51,609
When you sit down at my dinner table, put that thing down. Put that down.

901
01:10:52,109 --> 01:10:56,989
Put it down. We're going to have conversation. And when you teach your kids

902
01:10:56,989 --> 01:11:01,849
that those forms of entertainment is not my children.

903
01:11:02,069 --> 01:11:05,109
Well, then let's play Uno. Then let's play the game of life.

904
01:11:05,549 --> 01:11:09,529
Let's do something Let's do something else besides look at a video.

905
01:11:09,689 --> 01:11:14,749
Let's do something else besides tap on a screen. Let's do something.

906
01:11:17,890 --> 01:11:23,830
Just dumbing ourselves down. But like I said, you know, this is what we did.

907
01:11:24,010 --> 01:11:28,690
You know, I remember having matchbox, not my, the popsicle stick races in the

908
01:11:28,690 --> 01:11:29,850
rain, you know, in the gutter.

909
01:11:29,890 --> 01:11:32,890
I put my popsicle stick in the rain, you know, just, you know, stuff like that.

910
01:11:32,950 --> 01:11:36,150
We're outside playing football, basketball on the street, you know,

911
01:11:36,170 --> 01:11:38,870
like, you know, but you can't get kids out to health because.

912
01:11:39,310 --> 01:11:42,790
I ate mud and drank from a water hose. What did I?

913
01:11:43,830 --> 01:11:50,710
I ate mud and I had the original Tonka truck set the metal ones that would give

914
01:11:50,710 --> 01:11:54,110
you that would damn near give you hepatitis if you scratch yourself with it

915
01:11:54,110 --> 01:11:56,190
because it had lead paint on it,

916
01:11:57,770 --> 01:12:03,070
well I can I take you back even further there Joe because I drank from a pump

917
01:12:03,070 --> 01:12:06,290
that you had to prime yourself and bring that well water up.

918
01:12:08,470 --> 01:12:12,510
Yeah you got me on that one my brother you got

919
01:12:12,510 --> 01:12:17,110
me on that one that was

920
01:12:17,110 --> 01:12:20,810
some cold sweet water coming up out the ground i was gonna say coming up out

921
01:12:20,810 --> 01:12:27,350
the earth yes sir yeah yes in the comments we have bubba jay he says my father

922
01:12:27,350 --> 01:12:34,910
was in the military i didn't see him much as i should and when i was a kid i had some

923
01:12:35,070 --> 01:12:38,630
animosity, but now we have a great relationship.

924
01:12:39,510 --> 01:12:43,370
Oh, that's good. That's right. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly.

925
01:12:43,850 --> 01:12:50,950
Right. Right. So do you think as men that the relationship between a child and

926
01:12:50,950 --> 01:12:55,250
a father can be rekindled and who has to make the first step?

927
01:12:56,545 --> 01:13:01,805
You know, I think yes. I like that question.

928
01:13:01,985 --> 01:13:11,445
I think yes, because I think it, from my experience, I had to understand why my dad was gone.

929
01:13:11,605 --> 01:13:15,605
You know, he's gone to make a living. You know, he's, you know,

930
01:13:15,605 --> 01:13:22,405
sometimes because I found myself in that, in that scenario as well, because my kids,

931
01:13:22,565 --> 01:13:27,325
you know, to this day, they're like that, you know, my kids love me. I'm like you there, Joe.

932
01:13:27,445 --> 01:13:31,725
My kids love me, you know, and I was worried that they didn't because,

933
01:13:31,785 --> 01:13:33,745
you know, I was going a lot.

934
01:13:34,305 --> 01:13:38,745
But, you know, I didn't, when I came back, I was so much into their life.

935
01:13:39,585 --> 01:13:44,565
But I think they need to know why you did it.

936
01:13:44,605 --> 01:13:48,645
I think at a certain age, you need to start explaining to your kids why some

937
01:13:48,645 --> 01:13:49,825
of these decisions were made.

938
01:13:51,345 --> 01:13:54,705
If they didn't agree with them, then, you know, hey, this is the best information

939
01:13:54,705 --> 01:13:58,785
I have. These are the conversations I had with dad. I really didn't understand that.

940
01:13:59,305 --> 01:14:03,285
And I explained to him. Because I think at a certain age that they do deserve

941
01:14:03,285 --> 01:14:06,005
an explanation why these decisions were made.

942
01:14:06,005 --> 01:14:10,145
You know, because a lot of times they think, they don't see it as you're,

943
01:14:10,145 --> 01:14:14,725
they see it as you're hurting them versus you're doing what you think is best for them.

944
01:14:15,045 --> 01:14:17,165
Most of the time they think you've abandoned them.

945
01:14:18,790 --> 01:14:21,170
You know, but, you know, hey, I had to go out there, you know,

946
01:14:21,230 --> 01:14:25,390
I'm in the field for 45 days or, you know, I'm on deployment for six months or a year,

947
01:14:25,470 --> 01:14:29,870
you know, and, you know, you know, this is this is so we can we can eat,

948
01:14:29,950 --> 01:14:36,990
you know, we can I can provide because we as men, we have this provider mindset.

949
01:14:37,330 --> 01:14:42,810
You know, we don't really know how to show love or our love is shown by I put

950
01:14:42,810 --> 01:14:47,510
a roof over your head, food in your stomach, you know, and sometimes they need more than that.

951
01:14:47,510 --> 01:14:52,610
You know, and you have to Sometimes I think you need to acknowledge that And

952
01:14:52,610 --> 01:14:55,630
explain to them, you know Hey, you know, and let them understand,

953
01:14:56,330 --> 01:15:01,310
Because a lot of these things that we Know as adults They will know when they

954
01:15:01,310 --> 01:15:05,530
go through the same Thing, but at that moment You know, they're only looking

955
01:15:05,530 --> 01:15:07,470
out for What they feel that they're missing out on.

956
01:15:08,710 --> 01:15:11,670
Very true And we all tend to,

957
01:15:12,630 --> 01:15:17,630
Compartmentalize certain emotions And feelings And if this is how you made me

958
01:15:17,630 --> 01:15:25,930
feel in this moment and I hold on to those feelings, then that's that's who you are.

959
01:15:26,070 --> 01:15:30,070
And that's my feelings towards you. And that's always going to be my feelings

960
01:15:30,070 --> 01:15:32,070
towards you. But things change.

961
01:15:32,350 --> 01:15:34,130
Situations change. People change.

962
01:15:34,510 --> 01:15:43,070
But one thing I always say about people is we are so bad at holding people in

963
01:15:43,070 --> 01:15:45,930
the moment where they hurt us. Mm hmm.

964
01:15:46,310 --> 01:15:50,670
We hold people in the moments where they hurt us.

965
01:15:50,750 --> 01:15:56,030
If you was drinking and you hurt somebody, all they know is you're an alcoholic

966
01:15:56,030 --> 01:15:57,710
and you're going to hurt me.

967
01:15:58,230 --> 01:16:04,890
If you're whatever in your life, liar, a cheater, a thief, whatever you were

968
01:16:04,890 --> 01:16:11,350
in that moment where you hurt someone, then they're always going to remember you in that place.

969
01:16:11,350 --> 01:16:17,850
And it's hard for people to distinguish the difference between your growth and where you were.

970
01:16:19,024 --> 01:16:26,304
So it's hard. But with work, time and God, all of that can change.

971
01:16:26,324 --> 01:16:32,324
But you, the person that hurt that person, can't change the way they see you.

972
01:16:32,424 --> 01:16:35,584
You can only show them different and better.

973
01:16:36,744 --> 01:16:42,404
And they have to make the decision that, hey, maybe that was just a moment in time.

974
01:16:42,404 --> 01:16:48,084
Maybe that was what they were going through in their lives in order to get to

975
01:16:48,084 --> 01:16:55,184
the place where they are right now, because God, the word testimony is at the beginning. It's test.

976
01:16:56,104 --> 01:17:02,284
So we all have to go through some sort of test in order to have a testimony.

977
01:17:32,184 --> 01:17:39,904
Mm hmm. Up to date intel. And we'll pull a trigger or launch an emotional bomb based on improper data.

978
01:17:40,284 --> 01:17:43,764
And that just hurts the situation even more. And the reason I say that is because.

979
01:17:44,804 --> 01:17:49,564
After meeting my father as a as an early teenager and I started going back to

980
01:17:49,564 --> 01:17:53,264
the city each summer, spending less time with my mother's people and more time

981
01:17:53,264 --> 01:17:56,424
with him and learning my other side of the family.

982
01:17:58,024 --> 01:18:06,604
About 12 years ago, 12 to 14 years ago by and he was pressing me on an issue

983
01:18:06,604 --> 01:18:11,944
and the issue was out of all of out of most of his kids, most of his kids had the same last name.

984
01:18:12,644 --> 01:18:16,304
I was one of the ones that did not have the Jordan last name.

985
01:18:17,836 --> 01:18:23,856
He was pressing me as to why I wasn't more forward in changing my name to be Jordan.

986
01:18:24,696 --> 01:18:28,036
And so I kind of, you know, I asked him, you know, leave that situation alone

987
01:18:28,036 --> 01:18:29,156
and he wouldn't leave it alone.

988
01:18:29,676 --> 01:18:34,516
And we had some harsh words about that issue, but it made me realize,

989
01:18:34,656 --> 01:18:39,856
you know, some years after that, it made me realize that I had to see him for

990
01:18:39,856 --> 01:18:46,076
who he was from where he came And what he was taught by his oldest sister,

991
01:18:46,216 --> 01:18:49,716
by his oldest brothers and by the people in the neighborhood,

992
01:18:49,816 --> 01:18:53,216
people on the block in the generation in which he grew up with. Right.

993
01:18:53,436 --> 01:18:55,796
The people that was in front of him, that was his.

994
01:18:56,196 --> 01:18:59,096
I was I had judged him.

995
01:18:59,196 --> 01:19:05,416
I had judged him based on my level of intelligence and not on the intel that he was working with.

996
01:19:05,836 --> 01:19:10,256
And we was as far apart as night and day. And so years later,

997
01:19:10,456 --> 01:19:16,396
I had to come back and apologize to him for that situation because I should

998
01:19:16,396 --> 01:19:20,156
have engaged him in conversation instead of judging him.

999
01:19:20,676 --> 01:19:27,696
True, but that's human nature. Rich, what is your thoughts on the question that I asked?

1000
01:19:28,956 --> 01:19:32,516
I was just right now was ruminating on what David was saying,

1001
01:19:32,556 --> 01:19:40,176
my brother, you know, his aspect of that. You know, I think you can rekindle that relationship.

1002
01:19:40,396 --> 01:19:44,096
I think once you clear the air, just like Davis, we went back to him,

1003
01:19:44,096 --> 01:19:47,656
apologize for the way he acted towards our father.

1004
01:19:48,536 --> 01:19:52,476
You know, our father would tell me when he was with me saying,

1005
01:19:52,576 --> 01:19:54,776
you know, I don't know why Dave resents him so much.

1006
01:19:54,996 --> 01:19:58,116
You know, I love him. He's my son. Just like I love you.

1007
01:19:59,868 --> 01:20:03,788
But he resents me. There's no getting around that. That was a struggle for him.

1008
01:20:03,888 --> 01:20:07,288
He struggled with that. You know what I mean? Rick, I never knew that.

1009
01:20:07,848 --> 01:20:12,488
You didn't? I had no idea. I never knew that. I'm just hearing this now for the first time.

1010
01:20:13,148 --> 01:20:16,028
Yeah. He struggled with it. Wow. Three threes.

1011
01:20:16,768 --> 01:20:22,628
He knew he had to love. Like, I love my father. And I will say he was flawed.

1012
01:20:23,008 --> 01:20:29,548
But he was a good man to me that went to work every day, the same job for decades. You know what I mean?

1013
01:20:30,148 --> 01:20:35,548
There's a certain responsibility on the mother in a situation like that,

1014
01:20:35,628 --> 01:20:39,728
when you have a situation like Dave and me, and we have other siblings all around

1015
01:20:39,728 --> 01:20:44,668
the same age, you know, there's the mothers can poison the well.

1016
01:20:46,148 --> 01:20:47,368
Amen, yes sir.

1017
01:20:49,108 --> 01:20:56,408
If the well is poisoned, and it's constantly that toxic attitude is out there,

1018
01:20:56,408 --> 01:20:58,288
it affects everybody involved,

1019
01:20:59,188 --> 01:21:04,968
but Dave like I said he loved you and he he couldn't understand why you resented

1020
01:21:04,968 --> 01:21:09,748
him so much because you know we called him daddy but you didn't call him daddy you called him Richard,

1021
01:21:11,268 --> 01:21:17,128
because that's how you felt you know there was a disconnect but I think as you

1022
01:21:17,128 --> 01:21:21,508
matured you understood him somewhat a little bit better that he wasn't educated

1023
01:21:21,508 --> 01:21:24,728
well or had the right stimulus to

1024
01:21:24,808 --> 01:21:29,068
become that father that you kind of wanted him to be or needed him to be, you know?

1025
01:21:29,288 --> 01:21:33,688
And I realized that I had that kid's love for my father, our father.

1026
01:21:34,148 --> 01:21:39,188
And then, you know, as I got older, I realized I saw his flaws more, more, you know?

1027
01:21:39,488 --> 01:21:43,268
And, but you know, he's still my father, you know, I never disrespected him.

1028
01:21:43,748 --> 01:21:46,848
Did he, did he do all the right things? No, but, but,

1029
01:21:47,390 --> 01:21:51,110
He showed up for me when I needed him sometimes. Like when I graduated high

1030
01:21:51,110 --> 01:21:54,290
school, he made the effort, left Brooklyn, came all out to Long Island,

1031
01:21:54,370 --> 01:21:56,350
and made it to my graduation that day.

1032
01:21:56,410 --> 01:21:59,450
So I had my stepfather, my father, and my mother at my graduation.

1033
01:21:59,850 --> 01:22:03,190
But he came through for me for that day. A lot of times he wasn't there.

1034
01:22:03,350 --> 01:22:05,910
He didn't come through. That particular thing stays in my mind,

1035
01:22:05,910 --> 01:22:07,010
that he made it to my graduation.

1036
01:22:08,670 --> 01:22:12,270
So, listen, I just got off the track. Well, I'm just saying,

1037
01:22:12,390 --> 01:22:14,810
I think you can, through communication,

1038
01:22:15,510 --> 01:22:19,770
rekindle those relationships between sons and fathers you know,

1039
01:22:19,790 --> 01:22:22,730
kids and fathers, that can't happen, you just have to,

1040
01:22:23,410 --> 01:22:27,870
have honest communication and be humble about it, you know what I mean cut the

1041
01:22:27,870 --> 01:22:32,550
attitudes, let bygones be bygones and then you can start at a certain,

1042
01:22:32,650 --> 01:22:37,430
a basic level and go from there if you allow yourself to do that.

1043
01:22:37,630 --> 01:22:43,690
Yeah, most definitely Great information, that is That is that's wonderful.

1044
01:22:43,850 --> 01:22:49,070
And I don't think a lot of men understand that their relationships with their

1045
01:22:49,070 --> 01:22:54,330
children can be rekindled or they're like you said, like what was said.

1046
01:22:54,450 --> 01:23:00,530
There are a lot of women out here that are poisoning their children's minds

1047
01:23:00,530 --> 01:23:03,850
because they're bitter, because

1048
01:23:03,850 --> 01:23:08,610
whatever relationship that the mother and the father had went sour.

1049
01:23:08,610 --> 01:23:13,690
And so, being that women, being emotional beings.

1050
01:23:14,230 --> 01:23:21,890
They try to turn their children sour or against the father, not knowing that

1051
01:23:21,890 --> 01:23:26,310
that child needs that love, that attention,

1052
01:23:26,710 --> 01:23:30,090
that emotional being that the father is.

1053
01:23:30,370 --> 01:23:35,830
And it just hurts the child in the long run.

1054
01:23:36,090 --> 01:23:42,870
But hopefully that father can come back and try to rekindle at some point.

1055
01:23:43,250 --> 01:23:50,850
It's a lot, fellas. And just hearing the stories and knowing that I'm not alone

1056
01:23:50,850 --> 01:23:56,390
and that I'm not the only one that dealt with those thoughts and those emotions

1057
01:23:56,390 --> 01:23:58,570
and those feelings is wonderful.

1058
01:23:58,810 --> 01:24:08,370
The kickback, today's conversation is the reason why I'm doing this because I have issues.

1059
01:24:08,590 --> 01:24:14,330
I have problems and I need some brothers, some men that have some issues and

1060
01:24:14,330 --> 01:24:20,810
some problems to come together and have conversations like this and be able

1061
01:24:20,810 --> 01:24:23,530
to try to find some common ground.

1062
01:24:23,730 --> 01:24:29,150
And on the other side of that, if we can help one young brother that's going

1063
01:24:29,150 --> 01:24:33,590
through something see a different light, it would be amazing.

1064
01:24:34,230 --> 01:24:39,710
I don't know what everybody's religious belief is, and it really doesn't matter

1065
01:24:39,710 --> 01:24:43,810
what you believe in, but the ultimate goal is to save souls.

1066
01:24:45,311 --> 01:24:48,991
That's the ultimate goal is to save souls, whether it's to save them from drinking,

1067
01:24:49,191 --> 01:24:53,771
alcohol, a life of crime, save them from themselves.

1068
01:24:55,311 --> 01:24:58,551
However you look at it, you're saving a soul. You're saving a soul.

1069
01:24:58,851 --> 01:25:06,991
And if one comment or one kind gesture can help somebody, then you've done a lot.

1070
01:25:07,791 --> 01:25:10,851
And here's the thing. I appreciate everybody.

1071
01:25:11,351 --> 01:25:17,671
I love everybody. If I could, I'd give everybody a fist bump and a hug because

1072
01:25:17,671 --> 01:25:19,911
we all need some fist bumps and a hug.

1073
01:25:20,231 --> 01:25:23,631
And maybe if you drank a bit, drink you a bit.

1074
01:25:24,331 --> 01:25:28,351
Because today was a wonderful day. If you drank sweet tea, drink your tea.

1075
01:25:28,431 --> 01:25:31,731
If you're drinking some water, drink some water. But turn up something.

1076
01:25:32,131 --> 01:25:38,871
Turn up something and pat yourself on the back for being open and honest.

1077
01:25:38,871 --> 01:25:45,151
Because there are not a lot of places in this world where brothers can be open

1078
01:25:45,151 --> 01:25:51,591
and honest and have real conversations about what's hurting them and not be judged.

1079
01:25:53,191 --> 01:26:01,771
Because this world society has said that a man has to be certain things.

1080
01:26:02,511 --> 01:26:06,251
But let me give you all an interesting fact that nobody really cares about.

1081
01:26:06,251 --> 01:26:11,031
I'm an O positive so everybody that's listening to my voice I can give you blood

1082
01:26:11,031 --> 01:26:15,651
I don't care what color you are I don't care where you at in the world I don't

1083
01:26:15,651 --> 01:26:20,131
care what you got going on We all bleed the same Amen,

1084
01:26:21,151 --> 01:26:29,271
We all bleed the same blood We all bleed the same blood And if you tell me you

1085
01:26:29,271 --> 01:26:33,191
don't bleed the same blood Then take me to your planet and let me see what the

1086
01:26:33,191 --> 01:26:35,251
women look like What you said?

1087
01:26:38,291 --> 01:26:42,251
Because if you don't bleed the same blood as I do, take me to your planet and

1088
01:26:42,251 --> 01:26:44,251
let me see what the women look like.

1089
01:26:44,711 --> 01:26:48,331
All right. Now, you're not just getting international. You get interplanetary.

1090
01:26:49,611 --> 01:26:56,331
Interplanetary, baby. OK, so here's we're about to end the show. We're at the end of it.

1091
01:26:56,591 --> 01:27:03,251
And I just have one more great fact to spew out at the end of the show. It says here we go.

1092
01:27:03,311 --> 01:27:10,991
Overall, the presence of a father can foster a more supportive environment that

1093
01:27:10,991 --> 01:27:18,651
benefits men as they never navigate through personal and professional affairs,

1094
01:27:19,111 --> 01:27:20,391
life relationships.

1095
01:27:22,176 --> 01:27:31,196
Having a father fosters more of a supported environment that benefits men as

1096
01:27:31,196 --> 01:27:36,796
they navigate through professional and personal relationships.

1097
01:27:37,516 --> 01:27:42,176
I most definitely agree with that 100%. If you see a young brother out here

1098
01:27:42,176 --> 01:27:44,536
that need a little guidance, go get that brother and say, hey,

1099
01:27:44,556 --> 01:27:47,176
what you need, my brother? How can I help you?

1100
01:27:47,956 --> 01:27:49,516
Because he needs some guidance.

1101
01:27:50,476 --> 01:27:53,436
And hopefully that he'll be open to accepting some guidance

1102
01:27:53,436 --> 01:27:56,376
a lot of times you you might want to reach out but you know

1103
01:27:56,376 --> 01:27:59,196
for whatever reason they might not you know

1104
01:27:59,196 --> 01:28:02,256
they might think they don't need your help but you know

1105
01:28:02,256 --> 01:28:04,916
you just gotta throw it out there and if they take it great you making a

1106
01:28:04,916 --> 01:28:08,056
new friend you might have influenced somebody and if they don't hey you just

1107
01:28:08,056 --> 01:28:12,076
gotta shake you shake the dust off your sandals and keep it moving keep it moving

1108
01:28:12,076 --> 01:28:16,436
because there's another one down the street waiting for you amen there's another

1109
01:28:16,436 --> 01:28:23,236
one down the street waiting that That one may not be ready to accept whatever it is you're offering,

1110
01:28:23,376 --> 01:28:28,576
but there's one down the street waiting for you. Right. Exactly.

1111
01:28:29,256 --> 01:28:34,916
My brothers, this has been amazing. When I say amazing, this has been amazing.

1112
01:28:35,796 --> 01:28:40,496
And I love all y'all. I love everybody. And I appreciate.

1113
01:28:41,496 --> 01:28:44,496
Thank you, David. Thank you. I appreciate you all coming on the show.

1114
01:28:44,496 --> 01:28:51,156
And I would like to extend an invitation for you all to come back on another show,

1115
01:28:51,256 --> 01:28:58,796
because this has got to be a place where we can bring in brothers and have these

1116
01:28:58,796 --> 01:29:01,776
open conversations about what's going on with them.

1117
01:29:01,876 --> 01:29:05,496
Because if we don't know what's going on with you, we don't know how to help you.

1118
01:29:06,856 --> 01:29:12,156
Or support. There you go. Or support. David, you've lived a different life than

1119
01:29:12,156 --> 01:29:14,796
I have. Mark, you've lived a different life than I have.

1120
01:29:15,116 --> 01:29:20,616
Rich, you've lived a different life than I have. And you brothers may have something that will help me.

1121
01:29:21,316 --> 01:29:23,796
All right. Well, thank you for inviting me. I appreciate it.

1122
01:29:24,936 --> 01:29:31,256
You're welcome, sir. Mark, you know you're my man. I appreciate that.

1123
01:29:33,456 --> 01:29:37,636
Much love. Much love. David, what you got to say to the people?

1124
01:29:38,676 --> 01:29:44,296
Peace of hair. Yeah No I'm not going to do that one this week.

1125
01:29:48,769 --> 01:29:53,369
I just say, you know, if we could have a similar mindset, if we we got so much

1126
01:29:53,369 --> 01:29:55,749
going on in the world today that's so divisive.

1127
01:29:55,909 --> 01:29:59,749
And I know Mark can really get with this statement.

1128
01:29:59,969 --> 01:30:03,209
For me, I put it like this. When I was on the ship underway,

1129
01:30:03,509 --> 01:30:09,429
I was stationed with a guy that was a Confederate flag toting, char chewing,

1130
01:30:10,009 --> 01:30:16,389
Marlboro smoking, Republican to the bone, opposite of everything that I was

1131
01:30:16,389 --> 01:30:19,729
trying to be. and I had to birth with this guy.

1132
01:30:19,769 --> 01:30:22,409
This guy slept underneath me and he did not like to wash.

1133
01:30:22,789 --> 01:30:26,189
And he was the cook. He was the ship's cook, the main cook. Man,

1134
01:30:26,389 --> 01:30:29,969
this dude. Oh man, I wouldn't eat his food. But that's another story.

1135
01:30:30,369 --> 01:30:35,529
But I know he hated my guts and I didn't care too much for him,

1136
01:30:35,969 --> 01:30:39,389
especially when we was docked at the dock side and when we was on land.

1137
01:30:39,589 --> 01:30:41,949
Man, we could throw blows on each other. But I tell you what,

1138
01:30:41,989 --> 01:30:42,809
when that ship gets underway.

1139
01:30:43,709 --> 01:30:48,849
There's a whole new perspective Because now if you hit something below the waterline

1140
01:30:48,849 --> 01:30:53,149
and your ship's taking on water, everybody's every sailor is pulling to with

1141
01:30:53,149 --> 01:30:54,629
the plugging and patching team.

1142
01:30:55,089 --> 01:30:58,109
Hey, we're making this thing happen because we got to keep the ship afloat.

1143
01:30:58,289 --> 01:31:03,829
Mark was was down, downrange out in the sandbox over there in the Middle East.

1144
01:31:03,949 --> 01:31:05,989
And the brother's got his own testimony.

1145
01:31:06,129 --> 01:31:09,229
I'm not trying to share it, but I know he's seen some things and experienced

1146
01:31:09,229 --> 01:31:10,769
some things. And you know what?

1147
01:31:10,849 --> 01:31:15,209
You might be blue and I might be red. But when we're in the thick of things

1148
01:31:15,209 --> 01:31:20,989
and you're seeing body parts, all of that facade gets torn down because now

1149
01:31:20,989 --> 01:31:24,089
we see what is truly real. We got to survive.

1150
01:31:25,840 --> 01:31:30,780
Captain Survive. That's it. But here's the thing. Here's the thing.

1151
01:31:30,800 --> 01:31:32,540
Another note before we leave.

1152
01:31:32,600 --> 01:31:37,920
I want to say that, you know, I have like four born as children that are actually

1153
01:31:37,920 --> 01:31:40,400
adults down there in their own home or whatever.

1154
01:31:40,620 --> 01:31:45,380
But I mean, as the gentleman here, the brothers here that actually have kids,

1155
01:31:45,600 --> 01:31:52,080
when the kids bring their friends over and you know that that friend does not

1156
01:31:52,080 --> 01:31:54,940
have a father in the home, try and reach out to him.

1157
01:31:54,940 --> 01:32:01,360
I take every child under my wing I take every child under my wing But I'm saying

1158
01:32:01,360 --> 01:32:04,680
If you reach out to them You may be a source of advice,

1159
01:32:05,320 --> 01:32:09,640
That could possibly help them Make them feel comfortable coming to you Because

1160
01:32:09,640 --> 01:32:14,680
you know Your children bring their friends over So they know they got a father

1161
01:32:14,680 --> 01:32:17,200
That that friend has a father that's a resource,

1162
01:32:17,720 --> 01:32:22,620
That could be helpful Give them good advice That could go a wrong way Man that

1163
01:32:22,620 --> 01:32:25,180
could save somebody's life It could Exactly.

1164
01:32:25,700 --> 01:32:27,720
That's a tool. Yes, sir.

1165
01:32:28,800 --> 01:32:31,660
Again, like I said, this has been a wonderful show.

1166
01:32:31,840 --> 01:32:37,940
This is the dude, a.k.a. Mr. Joe. This is the kickback.

1167
01:32:38,140 --> 01:32:40,440
And I'd like to thank all of our listeners

1168
01:32:40,440 --> 01:32:45,120
and everyone that's been in the comments. Henry, Samuel, Bubba J.

1169
01:32:45,460 --> 01:32:49,080
Hey, I'd love to thank you all for coming along with the ride for us.

1170
01:32:49,260 --> 01:32:55,060
This is another episode of the kickback. We'll see you guys next week On the

1171
01:32:55,060 --> 01:32:59,620
next episode of the kickback Thanks everyone for being here We're out Have a

1172
01:32:59,620 --> 01:33:01,360
blessed evening Alright, peace.